Rising Phoenix
by Nicoletta Paris
Summary: A story without monsters and magic.One where someone deserving of Jacob stumbles into his life.Just when it appears his inner torment over Bella has faded completely,she decides she needs him.Will his heart remain with her or stand in defense of its self?
1. Departure

I dreamt of Caleb that night, as I had every night since he'd left. Remembered the way he turned to me, his hazel eyes alive, sparkling on the side of mischief as he gripped my hand in his. Heard the roar of the ocean, screaming above the blare of the radio. Felt the wind whipping my hair across my face, wild and free. I remembered the way he sultrily whispered, "I love you" barely audible over the chaos of sounds washing over me as he pressed his lips lightly to the back of my hand, his eyes locked on mine.

I jumped forward as my alarm clock blared, both welcomed and despised. I was grateful that it had woken me just before the tragedy that I knew all too well would follow those words and was furious that it had taken Caleb from me-stolen the only time I had with him. My dreams were the only thing that reminded me that he was real, the only thing that kept me from believing that the three years we'd spent together weren't a figment of my imagination.

I slapped the snooze button with one hand as I drug the other through my hair. I exhaled deeply and pressed my face into both of my hands, my eyes still fighting to stay closed. I sat in silence a moment, trying vigorously to hold onto the image of Caleb that lingered from my dream, but it became smoky, barely identifiable behind my lids. I reluctantly raised my head, opening my eyes as I accepted the fact that it would leave me again. I glanced slowly around my room, processing each inch of it as realized this would be the last morning I would awaken here.

Tomorrow I would open my eyes to a completely foreign guest bedroom, a room that held no significance, no memories. I was on my way to starting over, completely out of my element in a place totally different then the only home I knew. I involuntarily smiled eager to have a clean slate. I needed that, I couldn't stay here anymore, didn't have the strength, needed to begin a new life.

I threw the covers from me and swung my feet towards the floor, excited to get started. I slipped into my comfy cotton shorts and threw on my teal zip up as I slid on my trusty black flip flops. I crossed towards my mirror, pausing before it to run a comb through my hair. I brushed my hair in long, even strokes, taking my time as I studied my reflection.

The image I saw was not the same girl who sat in the passenger seat of her boyfriend's vintage hotrod on the night that I dreamed of constantly. My hair was darker now, a rich and deep mahogany, no longer a bleached out version of its natural hue. It had grown out some as well; it fell down over my chest, completely covering my breasts. Its new length allowed it to have a springier wave to it then it did when it fell to my collarbone.

My complexion was noticeably lighter, didn't have the same vibrant bronzing it did from spending ever waking movement in the sunlight back then. Yet my tan was still dark enough to make my cobalt blue eyes blaze against the deep olive of my skin tone.

My figure was slimmer as well, I had become more conscience of my eating habits when Caleb left me, knew there was no longer the excuse of 'I have a boyfriend, why should I be obsessive about my weight, he loves me as is.' Yet it was definitely plumper then it had been in the several months following his leaving, which was largely in part due to the fact that I had begun eating again. I had healthy and attractive curves back, yet without all the jiggle and dimples that I had acquired out of comfort.

The woman who stood before me, her expression willful and strong was a far cry from the dependent and naïve child who snuck out to go for a midnight ride on the Pacific Highway. I emanated a sense of confidence that I had lost sight of for quite some time; it had taken me nearly a year and a half of time on my own to regain it. My eyes were alive again, were no longer coated with a layer of haze and blankness, it was obvious that somewhere deep inside of me my fire had sparked again. I had become a very weak and defenseless version of myself when he left, felt no real desire to continue without him but that too had passed. I had learned to live for others, including myself, had found my spunk again.

Yet, all these changes I seen in myself still went unnoticed by those who had known me when I was Caleb's girlfriend. They all still had this nagging habit of tip toeing around me, watching and waiting for me to slip right back into the depression I had lived following his departure. They believed I was merely faking, that I secretly still contemplated suicide and that I would surely be breaking down here shortly and would add another devastating chapter to the epic novel that was my pitiful life. Which was why I was on my way out of this town, I needed to be allowed to continue my life, to start my life as Paige Monroe, no longer linked in every content to a man who I was no longer with.

I grabbed my large black sunglasses, slipping them on as I lowered to pick up my duffle bag, my eyes still locked on my image. I studied myself for a several more moments before finally turning away from it and starting towards my door. My exhale staggered, a little hesitant when my hand reached the door knob and as I pulled it open I turned looking over my shoulder one last time at the room I had grown in before closing the door on it completely.

I walked quickly, practically running down the stairs towards the kitchen, with my back turned on every memory I had created here. My mother sat just outside the French doors on the far end of the kitchen, in her favorite chair, trailing the brim of her oversized coffee cup with her finger, holding a cigarette in her other hand as she gazed out at the ocean. I pushed my sunglasses into my hair, pulling it out of my face as I lowered my bag to the floor before crossing towards her. I slipped out quietly and sat across the table from her as she drew her eyes slowly from the water towards us, dragging at her cigarette.

"Morning Mama," I said quietly as her sullen eyes studied my face. "Morning Baby," she said pulling another drag from her cigarette before extinguishing it in the ashtray. She picked up her coffee cup and turned her eyes back to the water, unable to look at me and unwilling to say much more. I assume she figured if she could just sit in silence a while I'd be forced to join her and as a result, stay with her longer.

I regretted having to do this to her, but I knew she'd be okay without me, she had so much fight in her it was inconceivable to imagine her sulking for long. "So Mama, I am all packed and ready to go, just wanted to say bye before I did," I said very softly hoping that my tone would help ease the blow of the statement. She drew a staggered breath and spoke without looking at me, "I can't believe you are leaving…it seemed like just yesterday you were telling me you'd never leave… 'All I need is you Mommy'…" She paused turning her teary eyes towards me, "God where does the time go Baby?"

I felt chocked up and I swallowed coarsely against it, "Mama…I have to go." I said my voice weak.

"I know baby…I just wish things were different you know?" she said as she put her coffee cup down and drew her hands quickly under her eyes to wipe the tears away.

"Trust me Mama I do too," I said very softly.

She stared at me a moment, her lips pulled down and her brow contoured as she struggled against her sorrow and just when I thought she would snap she threw her both her hands up shaking them frantically and said, "Oh I need to stop it… look at me crying like a damn fool…you are nearly twenty years old, you don't need your Mom keeping you from doing what you have to… you've always made such good choices Paige I need to trust you on this, need to let you go even if I don't want to."

I smiled in a sort of grateful yet heartbroken way as she reached for my hands and held them in hers as she spoke, "I just need you to let me say a few motherly things before I let you go…one you are an amazingly beautiful and intelligent young woman Paige don't you forget that. Two you can do absolutely anything you set your mind to, don't doubt your strength. Three be safe, don't go doing anything I would have to kill you for and four be true to yourself no matter what anyone else says…okay?"

"Okay," I said as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I had always been so close to my mother, ever since my Dad left us when I was little, she'd been my rock. She'd always found a way to make things work, always been there for everything that I went through. She'd always been so patient with me, even though I know at time she probably wanted to strangle me. And no matter what choice I made, she stood behind me even if she didn't agree with it. She was the strongest and most amazing person I had ever met, not only my mother but also my very best friend and I couldn't imagine my daily life without her in it. But I also knew I needed to learn to live my life less dependent on other people, needed to make my life for me and I couldn't do that under her wing. It was just my time to leave and she accepted that, she may not like it but she was accepting.

"Oh and I almost forgot the most very important thing of all," she said her eyes wide, "do not forget to call your damn mother and let her know you are okay every single day. She still wants all the juicy details, you hear me?"

I laughed and nodded my head. She smiled through the tears that were seeping from her eyes as well, "Okay, good. Now lets get on with this before I make an even bigger ass of myself," she said squeezing my hands before releasing them and rising to go inside. I followed her in, drying my eyes before pulling my sunglasses down. I didn't want her to see me so distraught, knew it wouldn't make things any easier. She practically floated across the kitchen with her long silk bathrobe streaming out behind her, her movements were soft and very deceiving of her dismay as she lightly kissing Casey on his lips and swept around him.

He smiled at me as he sipped from his travel mug in his elegantly cut business suit, "Well are you ready Paige?"

"Yeah I am," I said smiling back as I nodded.

"Well good, don't let her ridiculous motherly behavior scare you," he said as he threw his thumb towards my mother who delivered a swift flick to his the back of his ear. He laughed, pulling away from her as he spoke, "Hey! I was just gonna say that she it ready and it's a Mom thing. My mom did the same thing."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought," she said smiling as she continued to make another travel mug of coffee.

I smiled at the two of them, so playful and in love with each other it made me confident that she'd make it through this. He turned back to me, making a mimicking face at my mother's response before winking.

My mother turned carrying the completed mug and crossed towards my duffle bag, picking it up in her other hand. As she approached me she spoke very calmly, "Now listen, I put some money in the ashtray just in case…" "Mom" I started before I she cut me off. "Don't Mom me, it can get really expensive driving up the coast and there is a present for you in your car, kind of a very helpful parting gift from me and Casey. Do you remember where to stop for the night?" "Comfort Inn in Salem." "Yes, the room is already booked and they are expecting you at tenish. Is your cell charged?" "Yes Mom, full battery." "Good. Don't hesitate to call if you get lost, scared or just want to talk. But not while you're driving! Pull off or something. And if you get a couple miles away and decide you want to come back, don't fight it, just turn around and come home to your Mama." I smiled and shook my head lightly from side to side.

"She's not going to Bridget," Casey said in a laugh. My mom spun her face to him, "Well she might! And if that happens I want her to know she doesn't have to go through with this." We both laughed but quickly ceased and pressed our lips firmly as she glowered at the both of us.

She held my gaze a moment before speaking, "I mean it Paige if you change your mind it's alright. That doesn't mean you failed."

"Okay Mama," I said tilting my head and smiling.

"Okay," she said as she extended each hand offering the items in them, "now get the hell on the road before I start crying again." I took both things and pulled her into a tight hug, "I love you Mama."

"And I you butterfly," she said her voice chocked up as she stroked my hair momentarily before releasing me to dry her eyes. She leaned in and kissed my forehead before allowing me to embrace Casey, who now stood behind her.

As I hugged him he spoke very softly, "Knock 'em dead beautiful."

I nodded lightly against his shoulder, not wanting to speak because I wasn't sure if I'd start crying if I did. When he released me I started out of the kitchen, my mom and Casey close behind. They followed me as far as the front porch, paused there holding on to each other as I threw my duffle bag in the front seat of my packed Chevy Cobalt SS. I walked around the car, opened the door and turned to look back at my mother. She waved me on, "Go before I change my mind and chain you up in the basement." Casey and I laughed in sync as I climbed in. I started the engine and noticed the new GPS that was stuck to my windshield; I smiled as it flashed on, and instantly displayed my Uncle Jackson's address.

I rolled all four windows down, put the car is drive and headed down the driveway. I stuck my hand out the window, waving goodbye as I yelled, "Thank You! Goodbye! I love you!" I glanced in the rearview mirror, saw the way my mom clung to Casey, her hand over her face as she cried into his chest. I couldn't stand the sight of it, felt it tug at my heart so I looked away, locking my eyes on the road ahead as I turned out of the drive.

I rolled slowly down the main strip of our community, watching daily life continuing despite me. Saw Mrs. Meyers sitting on her porch sipping her coffee and waved as Mr. Conklin jogged by with his dog on his heels. It was a normal Monday afternoon in Seascape; everyone was collecting their daily paper, enjoying their caffeine or departing for work, just as they did every other day. It was both comforting and depressing to accept that all of this would run its course without me. Made me slightly sad to leave, to finally come to terms with the fact that this was no longer my home but I had always known this day would come, just didn't think I'd be alone.

As I approached Donovan, the gatekeeper, I pulled my sunglass up on to my head. I smiled at him and rolled to a stop at his booth. "Today's the day huh?" he asked his sandy hair blowing lightly in the breeze as he leaned out to have our final conversation.

"Yep it would seem that way," I said resting my arm on the window sill and tilting my face towards him.

"Well best of luck Paige. It's not going to be the same around here without you," he responded his brown eyes showing signs of sorrow. Donovan had had a thing for me for two summers, had tried relentlessly to catch my attention every chance he'd gotten. But I had never seen him as more than a friend, could imagine our relationship as anything else.

"I'll miss you too Van," I said reaching out to touch his hand squeezing it softly. He motioned with his head towards the main road, "Get the hell outta here will ya?" I smiled at him, pulled my hand back in and brought it to my sunglasses, where it paused momentarily as I responded, "I'm already gone." I threw him a wink, pulled my glasses down and pulled out onto Main Street.

As I traveled towards the freeway, I glanced down at my gas gauge to decide whether I should fill up now or later, and realized that my tank was full. I thought of Casey and smiled, he had a knack for being completely fatherly without being over the top and I couldn't help but love him for it. He had no children of his own, had actually never wanted children, but he took me in as if I were his blood. As far as I was concerned he was my Dad, my father on the other hand was simply a sperm donor. A complete waste of air that sent me the occasional birthday card, usually with the wrong age and always without filling it out. Yep he was stellar.

I merged onto the freeway and once I was cruising in fifth gear in the fast lane I reached for the knob and finally cranked up the music because I was free. No more goodbye, no more California, just me on the open road, very distant from the life I was leaving behind as the wind ripping through my hair causing to flow sporadically across my face, my car humming at eighty-five, my music loud and nothing holding me back. Goodbye Aptos, Hello Forks.


	2. A Friendly Face

"You stupid piece of shit," I yelled viciously at my GPS as a bright red question mark flashed on the screen.

"Acquiring satellite signal," the monotone female voice echoed again. "You've been acquiring the god damn signal for twenty minutes!" I yelled, sounding slightly insane as I slammed my hand into the off switch. I had spent a total of nearly seventeen hours on the road in the past two days and as I neared today's consecutive sixth hour I was a touch on edge.

I was lost, driving down a windy road lined completely with tall moss covered trees in the pouring rain, barely able to see in pavement. Nothing looked familiar, which was probably in part because there was nothing but forest around me and I knew I couldn't possibly be going in the right direction. I needed to find somewhere to pull off; I would buy a map or ask for directions, I just needed some sort of establishment or even a random person who looked like they knew where the hell they were. At this point I was not shy about pulling behind a jogger to pin point my location. But I wouldn't be so lucky, what insane person would jog in a storm like this?

My heart jumped as the trees thinned and welcome sign became visible in the distance. I slowed as I passed it so I could attempt to read it, 'The Quileute Tribe Welcomes You to La Push.' "Thank God! Alright now give me people!" I said eager for help. I drove nearly three more miles before I came to a small roadside souvenir shop. It was rustic, clearly hand built from the forest, its red paint chipping away from years of natural forces. It had a small covered porch on the front of it with two hand crafted rocking chairs on it and a hand carved wooden sign hanging from the overhang just above the stairs that read, "The Quileute Sampler." I pulled in next to the only other car in the lot, a faded blue '69 Chevy C-10, turned my car off and pulled my hood up over my head in preparation. I jumped out and sprinted towards the porch as water beat frantically on my back.

My worn out jeans were soaked half way up my calf, my black zip up wet nearly straight through to my pink t-shirt and my flip flops squeaked relentlessly as I finally made it to the porch. I slowed my pace, so as to not charge into the quaint shop, as I walked through the open door and pulled my hood off my head. A young man, probably only a year or two younger than myself stood behind the counter, flipping through a magazine with his cheek rested on his fist. He didn't raise his eyes to me as I entered, only recited his greeting in an unenthusiastic tone, "Hach tochoktiya. Feel free to look around, let me know if you need any help."

I crossed towards him, placing both hands on the counter as I spoke, "Actually, I really could use some help."

He reluctantly closed the magazine and sighed before drawing his eyes up to me finally. They went wide, he stared at me momentarily and brushed his hair out of his face and stammered his response, "Uh…yea sure what can I do for you?" He was very young looking, his features very soft and his shoulder length ebony hair was a nice contrast against his russet skin. I smiled at his nervousness, slightly self-conscience that my being so noticeably out of place made him uncomfortable.

"I could really use some directions, I am totally lost and my GPS has been searching for a signal for like the past forty miles." I said as I slipped my hands into the back pockets and biting my bottom lip.

"Good luck getting a signal out here, its practically impossible. Where you supposed to be?" he said attempting to keep his tone even as he flashed a friendly smile and rocking back on his heels.

"Forks, am I anywhere close?" I said chuckling and drawing my shoulders up as I squinted softly in embarrassment.

He nodded and his smile more calm this time as he spoke, "Yeah you're not really that far off. You are gonna wanna make a left out of here and follow it for about thirteen miles. You'll see a sign for 101 S, get on that and it's only another like three miles."

"Thank you so much…" I paused looking for a name badge or something, "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name." He smiled, his face a little flushed, "No problem…and it's Embry." "I'm Paige," I said extending my hand for a shake, eager for some human interaction after miles and hours of loneliness.

He took my hand very gently, smiling as he shook it, "It is nice to meet you Paige." "Likewise," I said pulling my hand back push my wet bangs off my forehead as I spoke.

"So um where you from?" he asked shyly, attempting to strike up a conversation, he was clearly out of practice but the way he studied me with intrigue made me feel very good about my decision to leave. He didn't gawk waiting to see if I was going to snap, he didn't know a thing about me, hadn't the faintest idea of all the dark things I had experienced. I felt refreshed and totally enthused at this.

"Aptos, California" I said smiling sweetly. "Ah a Cali Girl, that explains it," he said his expression excited and his eyes dancing as a wide smile spread across his face. "I know I must seem totally absurd here…for Christ's sake I'm in flip flops." I said laughing as I peered down at the tips of my toes that peeked out from under my drenched jeans. He leaned over the counter and followed my gaze, he laughed lightly as he pulled his eyes back up to me, "Oh yeah those are gonna have to go."

I laughed, completely relaxed with him. "Don't hate on these okay? All this rain is gonna take some getting use to," I said pointing at him. He nodded, "Fair enough. So, I assume that means you are planning on staying around awhile." "Yeah I'm Forks, Washington's news transplant, what'da think?" I said extending my arms out to the side and twisting lightly from side to side as if I was modeling myself as a laugh broke through my lips.

He cupped his chin in his fingers, tilting his head and examining me as if he deciding if he were interested in the shiny new car for a moment before pulling his hand away and pointing at me, "I think you are exactly what we need around here."

"Well thank you Embry," I said smiling and throwing him a wink. He blushed an almost painful shade of red this time and I couldn't help but adore him for it. He on the other hand looked completely frustrated by his involuntary response. "I better get going I am sure my mother has called my uncle several time for an arrival update. It was nice meeting you and thanks again." I said as I started to turn away from him. "Yeah…no problem. Nice meeting you too Paige," he said as smiled sweetly raised his hand for a single wave. I started back towards the door and pulled my hood back onto my head.

"Paige!" he yelled after me just as I reached the doorway. I paused and I turned looking over my shoulder, "Yeah?" "Well I just uh…" he said looking down sheepishly as he nervously racked his fingers through his hair, "was wondering…I mean seeing as your new around here and all I was thinking that maybe…um…you know maybe you'd like to come back out here one day, well not here exactly but to La Push, and you know maybe hang out or something, meet my friends so you at least know some people, but I mean only if you want to you don't have to or anything?"

I smiled very genuinely at him, pleased that he was making such a sweet gesture, "I'd love to. You guys can show me around, let me in on what there is to do out here." His eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face as he spoke, "Yeah exactly."

"Give me your number and we'll set a date," I said turning fully to face him. He ripped frantically through the counter, searching for something to jot it down on. He found a notebook and ripped a single page out and quickly scribbled across it. When he was done he came out from behind the desk and approached me at a spry jog, his hand extended.

I took it from him and slipped it into my back pocket as I smiled before turning from him again. "See you later then," I called over my shoulder as I stepped out into the rain and ran towards my car. I jumped in and quickly started it, put the car in reverse and backed out onto the road before starting back the way I had come, honking as I pulled away. I couldn't help but smile, I was very pleased that I had managed to make a potential friend, my new life was truly underway and I couldn't be happier.


	3. Fitting In

I rolled into the lot of to The Quileute Sampler and parked in the same spot, next to Embry's Chevy pickup, but this time he leaned on the front fender, his arms crossed at his chest. He smiled ecstatically at me while killed the engine and got out.

"Hey Embry," I called over the roof of my car as I pulled my sunglasses up into my hair, smiling sweetly. He smiled, his expression enthusiastic yet slightly intimidated. I was positive my presence made him nervous, yet I didn't really understand why. I was nothing extraordinary back home, just a pretty face among many other prettier faces. I couldn't get over the way he looked at me, like I was this Greek goddess, cloaked in sheer robe, adorned with jewels and radiating beauty, it was both invigorating and a tad intimidating. I was just waiting for him to find my flaws, pin point my imperfections and begin to look at me the same way people in Aptos had, like 'Poor Paige, so frail and fucked up. I feel so sorry for her.'-that was the last thing I wanted.

"Hey," he said sort of sheepishly, as I crossed towards him, locking my car with it's remote over my shoulder.

"So what do you have planned for me today?" I asked as I stood in front of him and slide my hands into my back pockets, partially intimidated.

"Some of my friends are having a small party up on the cliffs today, so I figured I'd show you around a little bit on the way over there and if you want we can swing by, you know introduce to some people," he said struggling to seem confident.

I smiled enthusiastically, "Let's go, I'm stoked." He laughed lightly and sounded relieved by my excitement, "Alright, good! Hop in."

I crossed around the front of his truck and climbed into the passenger's seat as I slid my glasses back over my eyes. He got in, started the engine and backed onto the main road, facing in the opposite direction from which I'd come. We rolled slowly down the road, the windows open allowing the wind to tousle my hair slightly as we entered the modest town of La Push.

"There really isn't much to this place; it's really just an old fishing town. We have the essentials for living, you know the diner, the gas station and repair shop and the general store but for the most part we're completely self-sufficient. Kinda keep to ourselves. If you're looking for anything more modern like theatres and attractions you're probably in the wrong place," he said a little nervous that I'd be disappointed.

"I like it, it's a refreshing change," I said sweeping the hair out of my face as I studied the small, hand constructed establishments that we passed, each one just as rustic and earthy as the sampler. I found its quaint energy and humility revitalizing. Its extreme contrast to the hustle and impersonal atmosphere of California was the difference I was in need of now- it held tons of possibility for healing, which I strongly desired.

"I'm glad," he said relieved, "I figured someone like you would find it lame, seeing as it's no Cali."

I drew in the scent of the wind deeply, closing my eyes as I digested its rich woodsy aroma before speaking very softly, "That's what I've been looking for."

He was quiet a moment, seemed to struggle to find the proper wording as he watched me experience his world, perplexed by my enjoyment of it. "Feel free to tell me to go to hell if I'm being rude but I've been wonder why you'd trade this for Cali."

I didn't answer at first, just twisted my lip as I chewed on the inside of it, struggling to formulate a response that wouldn't give me away as I watched the trees thicken on either side of us.

"Seriously you don't have to answer that if you don't wanna, it's really none of my business," he said nervously, fearful that he was prying, overstepped a boundary that because of our short acquaintance he had no business crossing.

"No," I said quickly to reassure him he hadn't, "It's a very valid question. My choice seems very odd to those outside the bubble, this much I know. I mean how does a girl who spent everyday out in the sun move to a place where it's overcast ninety nine percent of the time on her own free will?… It's really just that I needed a drastic change, something that mirrored the changes in myself. I'm not the same person I've always been, things change and I didn't really belong in Cali anymore. So, I'm just looking for someplace to belong."

"I can respect that," he said acceptingly, "and I hope you find that here, I'd love to have you stick around a while."

I smiled softly to myself and turned to him as I spoke, "Thank you, Embry." I found it very comforting to be wanted, accepted by someone so easily. His gentle and kind spirit radiated from him, made him very easy to trust, something I didn't care much for doing. I wasn't placing any faith in him completely though, I didn't need another let down.

"Ah no problem," he said as he pulled onto a turn around on the side of the road and parked next to a line of three cars, all vintage yet well maintained. It was nice to see that the people around here had a respect for the classics and didn't feel the need to buy new and flashy-I was beginning to like it here more and more.

"I hope you don't mind hiking from here, it's kinda the only ways up to the cliffs and for a California native looking for change a hike through the woods should be right up your alley," he said smiling sweetly.

I threw open the door, jumped out and pulled my glasses back into my hair as I smiled through the cab at him, "You coming?"

He nodded excited by my easy going and eager response before jumping out and meeting me in front of his truck. I slid my hands into the pockets of my jacket as we started towards the woods side by side. I was oddly comfortable around him, despite the fact that I knew nothing about him. I felt strongly at ease with him, the connection we had was undemanding and extremely platonic. It made me believe we were on the way to becoming good friends. "So," I said breaking the slightly awkward silence, "what's your story." "Well not really much of a story honestly. Born and raised on here, what you see is pretty much it. I spend the majority of my time either working at my Dad's shop or hanging out with the guys we're meeting up there. There really isn't a whole lot to do around here but we always seem to have a good time," he said self conscious that he didn't have some epic life story to tell me about. I didn't care much about that, I dug their simplicity; it was very alluring to a girl who had a lot of complex shit in her life.

"I like that you guys are comfortable with just hanging out, my friends back home always had to be doing something or going somewhere. I on the other hand find a lot of enjoyment in keeping it simple," I said tilting my head towards him and smiling as I spoke, holding his gaze.

He did a nervous mixture of laughing and sighing when I responded, "Good, you'll definitely find that with us. So, your turn…"

"Well, I was born and raised in California, no real specific place, me and my Mom moved around a lot. We were kinda like drifters when I was a kid, floating from one sunny beach town to the next. But when she met Casey when I was like eleven we settled down in Aptos for good and it's been pretty basic from there," I said skipping any real details from Aptos, I was neither ready to talk about it nor eager for him to know. I didn't need him feeling sorry for me, couldn't really deal with that, it would ruin everything. He nodded lightly, accepting my response but just to make sure he didn't delve any deeper I quickly shifted the conversation away from myself, "So, what's the down-low on your friends? You know just a little prep before I meet 'em .""Well," he said sliding his hand into the pockets of his jeans and drawing his shoulder up momentarily, "There's Quil and Jacob, the three of us have been best friends since we were little and our families go way back, so I guess I kinda consider them more of brothers than friends. We do just about everything together and you'll rarely see one of us without at least one other. We are very laid back, always joking around and laughing, usually at each other's expenses but it's all in good fun. We are far from stuffy, to put it nicely. And there's Jared, he's the biggest joker of all and just a little bit crazy. He's always formulating some idea that's totally out in left field, so he keeps us on our toes, which I thoroughly enjoy…most of the time. And then there's Sam and Paul. They are the oldest and kinda like the bigger brothers I never had. They are always looking out for us younger guys and they sorta took us all under their wings. Sam is the mellow one, kinda reserved, calm and usually the voice of reason-which gets a little annoying sometimes. His best friend Paul is like his polar opposite, he's real stubborn and hotheaded; the first one to throw a punch if he thinks someone is trying to get over on us. Most people don't really get him, think he's some big asshole but he's really a very genuinely good person. We're all just pretty much thick as thieves despite everyone's personal quirks."

I digested the wealth of information her just given me, tried to picture faces to each persona. They all sounded fun to me, I felt I could honestly enjoy each one and I liked the idea of all that testosterone, it meant less drama. I didn't have the time or the energy for that, so I was thoroughly enthused to meet each one of them. I smiled, nodding in approval as I spoke, "Yep, sounds like my kind of people."

He laughed as he reached out to grasp a low hanging branch and lifted it so I could cross underneath it, "Oh I think you'll fit in just fine."

The sunlight became more concentrated as the trees thinned slightly and the sound of roughhousing boys rang in my ears. I could hear music faintly in the distance, masked almost completely by the sounds of slight taunting and booming laughter, all carrying with them a sense of lighthearted fun. "Well we will find out soon won't we?" I said as we came close to the tree line. He reached forward and bent the final limb out of the way to allow us to pass as he spoke, " You've got nothing to worry about, you're here with me." I paused to smile and wink at him before stepping out into the sun light. Embry was at my side quickly and drew his arm around my shoulder, sensing my slight discomfort as they all turned towards the sound of our arrival. My eyes drifted from face to face as I attempted to place a name to each of them; based on the description I had been given. Despite Embry's comforting gesture, I felt a little awkward standing before them as their activities and conversations ceased and they stared at me some which expressions of disbelief.

A tall and muscular man, who I assumed was Sam based on his composed and gentle energy, crossed towards us smiling in a welcoming manner, his hand linked with a devastatingly beautiful women. He looked to be about two years my senior, his black hair shorter than Embry's hanging only slightly over his ears and his features were very subtle nothing too spectacular, but his eyes held a tenderness that was enough to make even me swoon slightly. His girlfriend had high cheekbones, deep nearly black eyes that matched her waist length silk hair and full lips that glistened with gloss as she stretched them into a smile. "Embry," he said as shook Embry's hand firmly before turning those sweet eyes to me. "And you must be Paige, I'm Sam and this is Emily," he said introducing himself and raising their linked hands as he introduced her. "It's very nice to meet you," I said softly making eye connection with each of them. "Oh the pleasure is all ours," Emily said honestly enthusiastic, "It's always nice to have another girl around here." I laughed lightly, as I scanned the people behind her realizing that there was only herself and one other girl. The other girl had mousy brown, shoulder length wavy hair and rich brown eyes that were offset by the nearly translucent ivory of her skin tone. The purity of her complexion made her stand out amongst the deep bronze of the other and she was modestly pretty, although quite plain next to Emily's radiance. I assumed the same could be said about me, Emily was abnormally pretty, the kind of girl you secretly hated because she made you feel unsightly in her presence.

Sam turned towards the others who were also approaching me to introduce themselves. The next one to speak was nearly as tall as Sam but his build more like Embry's, slightly lanky and lean his dark hair was tousled and wavy. He had a very young and innocent face, clearly still very much a baby. "I'm Quil," he said as he flashed a coy smile and slid his hand into his pockets. I reciprocated his smile before turning my gaze towards the beefier guy to his right.

He had no shirt on, his muscle definition slightly intimidating and his eyes dangerous as he smiled in a devious manner. He looked at me from under his thick brow and licked his lips before speaking in a husky tone, "Paul." I smiled, nodded lightly and held his eye contact as I assessed his body language, which was both masculine and erotic, before turning towards the next voice that came.

His energy was fun and free spirited and he had a wide grin that covered most of his face coupled with light brown eyes that were dancing with a mischievous light as he nodded towards me, "Hey. Jared." I couldn't help but smile very genuinely; I could sense he and I would have a lot of crazy and fun times together.

The next voice came from my far right: it was the ivory toned girl, her stance was awkward and slightly sloppy as she stood on the outsides on her feet and pulled her arms across her chest, "I'm Bella." He smile was nervous and as uneasy as her posture, she seem very self conscious and withdrawn. I couldn't stand tension, so I would have to take time to work on getting to know her so the apprehension she radiated towards me could dissipate.

The last voice came from behind Bella and as I drew my eyes up to him I felt a breath hitch slightly in my throat. He was very handsome, his bone structure was strong and squared, and his lips were full and parted over a dazzlingly white smile that created two adorable dimples in his cheeks. The smile reached his deep brown eyes, which sparkled in a sweet yet playful way against his bronzed complexion. He kept his hair shorter than the rest of the guys but it had a bit of sexy un-kept length on top. He stood probably about 6' 4", his shoulders were broad and his build was the most defined of group. He was without a doubt the best looking of all his friends, yet his composure was only moderately cocky no where near as conceded as Paul's. He held my gaze, his eyes burning on mine as he spoke, "Jacob."

"Hi," I said as I brushed my bangs behind my ear and blushed involuntarily. He raised one eyebrow and smiled in an impish way as we held each other's gaze. I spoke holding his eyes as I did, "It's very nice to meet you all." His eyes danced lightly as I racked my teeth lightly over my bottom lip unintentional. I felt pulled towards him, couldn't bring myself to break free from his eyes and he didn't seem quick to disrupt the steady connection either.

I heard Embry say my name, although it seemed rather distant, and I turned towards his voice reluctantly breaking my link with Jacob, "Yeah."

He smiled, rather pleased with himself, as he spoke, "Told ya there was nothing to worry about. Just stick with me and you'll be alright."

I smiled back and ran my fingers through my bangs pulling them behind my ear again as I nodded and replied, "Yeah." He rubbed my shoulder momentarily before letting his hand fall to my lower back as he lead me towards the gathering spot. Everyone was starting to disperse, returning to their previous activities except for Emily she was walking at my side smiling wildly at me. I pulled my eyes to hers and she linked our arms, pulling me away from Embry. "Embry I'm gonna steal your friend for girl talk," she said not really asking for permission as she stole me away. I laughed, locking my eyes with Embry's and mouthing 'Sorry' when I saw disappointment saturate them.

I was slightly relieved, his hand placement had felt teetering on the brink of romantic and I didn't share those feelings. Emily led me to the far corner of the cliff, just beside the ledge to a log that was separate from the ones that circled the fire pit where everyone else sat. She pulled me down to sit next to her, keeping our arms linked as she spoke, "So Paige tell me about yourself, Embry says your from California, is that right?"

I nodded and spoke, "Yeah, California." She smiled excitedly, "I've always wanted to visit California, it's so beautiful there. Always sunny, nice and warm and so exciting. Sam says we'll go one day but I don't know, we don't really have the resources for it, you know? What bring you to Washington?" "Change," I said smiling. "Change is always good. Well we are so glad to have you here! Hope you stay, I could really use a good girlfriend around here." I laughed softly and nodded lightly, it was so strange to me that everyone was so friendly and accepting but I found immense satisfaction in her enthusiasm.

I drew my eyes from hers and realized the others were talking, each one look momentarily in my direction. It made me a tad uncomfortable and I couldn't shake the feeling that they were talking about me. I turned to Emily and said in a joking manner, "It might sound conceited but something tells me they are talking about me." She laughed and squeezed my arm with hers, "That's because they most certainly are." I had to laugh at her bluntness, it was refreshing and completely unexpected, "Emily! You are supposed to say, 'Wow Paige you are totally conceited why would they be talking about you?'" She laughed shaking her head from side to side, "No way, I don't lie! And why the hell wouldn't they be talking about you? You're gorgeous! You can't blame them they are only men, it's not everyday they see someone a pretty as yourself." My felt the heat rise to my cheeks as they grew red in embarrassment, "Shut up, they hang out with you and you're a knock out." She laughed and made a face as though my statement was absurd, "I honestly love you for saying that but I am nothing special around here… you on the other hand with your light eyes and dark hair I hate you."

"Well come to California and you'll be the one all the boys huddle up to drool over," I said shaking my head from side to side in disbelief that she would even compare me to herself. We laughed almost giggly towards each other, before I drew my eyes up again to see that Jacob was studying me over his shoulder. We held each other's gaze again a heat traveling between us, before he broke the gaze to address Bella who said something before throwing me a sort of threatened look my way.

"So," Emily said breaking my concentration, "A pretty girl like you must have a boyfriend back home." I turned my eyes to hers, held them a moment before looking towards the outstretch of sky beyond the ledge. I shook my head, without speaking as I fought against the emotion that snipped at my heart, threatening to expose itself.

"Oh Paige I'm sorry…did the son of a bitch break your heart?" she said reading the pain on my face that I was struggling against.

"Yeah," I said letting out a staggered breath. She wrapped her arms around me, drawing me into a hug, pulling me in close as she stroked my hair. "You don't have to say anything at all Paige, I don't need details, I know how painful they can be." Oddly, I didn't feel uncomfortable in an embrace with someone I barely knew, the compassion and sympathy that radiated from her felt soothing. She held me there awhile, allowing me to press my face into her as I let her to comfort me. When I released her she cupped my face in her hands as she locked her eyes on mine, "You are too beautiful a person to let something hold you back. I see a lot of beautiful things in your eyes. I see that you are a good person and good things happen to good people…it may not seem that way now but you will have your good…trust me. I had plenty of bad before I found mine…your's is out there somewhere too."

I studied her eyes and nodded, allowing the sorrow of Caleb's abandonment to slip away. I had been getting better at not allowing it to consume me, as it had when he first left. I searched her expression for pity, the same emotion that coated the faces of people back home, but I'd didn't find any, I only saw benevolence. She contorted her face, making it appear as she was thinking really hard, "I think this calls for…beverages." I looked her way with a kind of confusion, "Beverages?" She smiled wickedly at me as she spoke, "Oh yea beverages with a girlfriend are always good to celebrate change, especially when it's for the better!" She jumped up off the log and ran towards the radio passed the group around the fire pit who are working on getting it started, throwing Sam a wink and a kiss as she passed him. She reached into the cooler that was next to the radio and pulled out two longneck bottles and turned up the volume on the radio before dancing back towards me with a wide smile on her face.

I had to laugh, she was exactly the type of friend I needed, wild, crazy and ridiculously sisterly. She started laughing as she sat down beside me and cracked open one of the Smirnoff's and handed it to me. I put up my hand in denial, "I can't I'm driving although I really wish I could." She pouted and spun her face towards Embry, "Embry! You didn't pick her up? You made the poor girl drive when you knew it was possible I might actually like her and want to have a few drinks with her?"

He stuttered, unsure of what to say, "I uh…well I don't know…her car is at the Sampler…I uh…" She cut him off by raising her hand and turning her face away from him, to look back at me, "Paige…you are more than welcome to enjoy yourself Sam and I have a house within walking distance…you can always crash there and we'll get you a ride back to your car in the morning. "

I contorted my face, running through my head my plans for tomorrow. I couldn't think of a damn thing I had to do that couldn't wait until the afternoon and my Uncle Jackson didn't hover, he gave me full rein to make my own decisions, said he trusted my judgment. As I pulled my gaze back to hers, she fluttered her long lashes over her dark cat shaped eyes that practically begging me to let loose with her and pouted her lips. I couldn't find a single reason to deny her, but I pretended that I just might, didn't want to seem so eager to get a little sloppy.

"Well," I said drawing out the word and tapping my lips with my finger, "I guess I could possibly swing that, if you guys don't mind having me."

She shrieked in pleasure and forced the bottle into my hand, "Of course we don't! I wouldn't offer if we did." I held the bottle to my lips, pausing mid tip to tilt my head around so I could see Sam, "Sam?" He smiled, shaking his head from side to side as he looked at me. "It would be a pleasure to open our home to you, as long as you don't have anything against a pullout couch." I threw him a wink and took a long swig of the malt beverage, while Emily howled in encouragement.


	4. Cliffside Exchange

Emily and I sat on the edge of the cliff, with just our feet dangling off and our arms linked laughing wildly as we finished our sixth drinks simultaneously. "Oh nooo," she said peering through the glass bottle, "I'm out." Her speech was a little slurred and he face contorted into the pout she had used to start this whole escapade.

I held mine up towards the moonlight, closing one eye so I could better focus on the contents of the bottle, "Me too!" I said drawing out each syllable. I turned my face quickly to her, causing my focus to fuzz momentarily as my brain struggled to keep up, "What are we gonna do?"

She shook her head from side to side, a look of horror on her face, "I dunno… we only brought a twelve pack!" My mouth fell open at her response, "Well Em that's so not cool!" She threw both her hands up, letting her bottle drop and roll over the edge. It shattered as it hit the landing about ten feet down, the sound startled us, we both looked at each other and then turned slowly simultaneously to see who was watching. We studied the boys a moment before realizing they were too busy debating something with wild hand gestures to be monitoring the two of us. We drew our eyes back to each other and Emily pulled her finger to her lips, "Shhhhhh…don't tell Sam." I laughed at her sincerity, causing a high pitched snort, which in turn made her join my laughter. She pointed at me, laughing so hard she had tears coming from her eyes. "Stop laughing at me!" I demanded between chuckles.

She fanned her face, taking in deep breaths in an attempt to cease the behavior. She was struggling, a light giggle would escape now and then between breaths, but she was trying. I stuck out my tongue and leaned back on my hands, looking over my shoulder to see if anyone had heard me. No one was looking in our general direction, so I assumed I was in the clear as Emily finally got her giggle fit under control.

She turned her body towards mine, throwing her legs up over my thighs as she talked, "So, the mission is finding you a man!" I shook my head from side to side as I turned my face to hers. Her jaw dropped, "What? Why not? I thought we decided like a million minutes ago that you were too beautiful to pine…remember? Moving upward!" She threw a light slap onto my arm as a punishment for reneging on our previous decision. "Fiiine," I said in a whine. She clapped lightly and turned her face towards the boys who sat around the blazing fire, "So what about one of them, if you had to pick one which one would it be?"

I turned and studied them, my choice was very clear and it practically fell out of my mouth without my brain completely thinking it out, "Jacob he's totally the type I didn't know I liked." She turned to me smiling, her mouth practically open as she rolled her tongue, "Good choice! And giiirl he's everyone's type." We both laughed, crinkling our noses and leaning into each other.

"He's totally hot and a sweet kid really, you should totally go for it," she said hitting my arm again.

I shook my head, "Uh uh, he wouldn't go for me, no way!" She threw another backhand to my arm, this one slightly harder, "What did I tell you about that! Stop it you are totally hot and he's a dick if he doesn't jump on you!"

I wrinkled my face in disbelief and turned back over my shoulder to look at him again, "But what about that girl Becca?" "Bella?" Emily questioned, her expression slightly confused. "Yea that girl," I said pointing at her. "Pshh, don't worry bout her…Jake is totally obsessed with her…but she's like definitely messing with him…I mean I like her she's a nice girl and all but she comes and goes…she'll come up here and spend a whole day with him and then go home to her boyfriend, who's a total douche bag, and leave Jake here all torn up and missing her…it's kinda shitty if you ask me…if you could break that cycle you'd be my most favoritest person evvvver! Jake deserves better," she said throwing hand gestures at me.

I turned to look back over my shoulder at him again, "But you said he's obsessed, that pretty intense to go trying to deter…I can't handle the let down." She put her hand on either side of my face and drew my eyes back to hers, "Paige if anyone could fix this mind game they got going on it's you." "I dunnno," I said twisting my face and looking up. She redirected my gaze back to hers, "Go for it. Trust me." I held her eyes for a moment before she spoke again, "Most favoritest ever." "Alllllright, I'll think about it," I said giving in to her yet again. I found I trusted her judgment more than my own at that moment, she had a point I was sick of being lonely and I guess it couldn't hurt.

She smiled before her eye lit up and went wide, "Captain! We have some chilling in the cooler with the sodas! That's our next beverage!" She swung her legs back over and climbed up to go retrieve it, "Wait here I'll be back." I nodded in encouragement as I smiled, I was thoroughly enjoying the relaxed vibe I had right now.

She sprinted away. I watched her stumble lightly as she neared the pit and saw Sam steady her before wrapping his arms around her and crushing his lips into hers. I glanced away and my eyes met Jacob's, he held my gaze as he ran his tongue lightly over the his bottom lip. I brushed the hair out of my face and smiled, letting him know that I was open for conversation. He raised his eyebrow in intrigue and as I tilted my head and nodded in a come thither manner. But, just when I thought I'd made some subtle progress Embry plopped down next to me breaking my connection with Jacob. I turned my eyes to him, he had a silly smile on his face as he studied me. "What?" I asked slightly self conscious that I was making eyes at Jacob with some totally ridiculous malfunction. "Nothing…you and Em are making fast friends huh?" he asked leaning back on his hand but keeping his eyes on mine. "Yea she's great I love her," I said as I glance quickly in her direction. She was making our drinks in red party cups as Sam assisted the process. She turned to him, laughing and pressing her lips lightly to his before turning back to preparing our drinks.

"Yea she's great," he said moving his face momentarily into my line of vision, forcing me to focus on him. I smiled, trying to give him my undivided attention, but I caught a glimpse of Jacob in the background behind Embry, he was crossing towards Emily with an empty cup in his hand and gave it to her. She smiled wildly at him before turning to prepare him a 'beverage' as well.

"I'm really glad you came," Embry said leaning back again forcing my attention back to him.

"Yeah me too. Thanks a lot Embry," I said lightly brushing his arm. He smiled shyly, his eyes following my touch as he spoke, "Anytime."

I leaned towards him, trying to crane my head in a manner that would give me a better view of what Jacob was doing. Embry turned his face towards mine, brought them drastically closer than they'd ever been and before I knew exactly he was doing, his lips were dangerously close to gracing mine. I pulled back, almost violently and shook my head quickly from side to side, "Oh Embry no, I am really sorry if I gave you that impression, but I'm not looking for that kinda thing right now."

He pulled away, straightening his posture very rigidly, "I uh…no…I'm the one that's sorry…I shouldn't have read your signals like that…I'm no good at it… I just thought that maybe you were you know…I don't know why…I just uh… I gotta go." He jumped up and practically sprinted away from me as I called after him. "Fuck!" I said slamming my face into my hands. I didn't even realize I was leading him on like that, I felt totally awful. I had to find someway to rectify this, but I couldn't think, needed to wait until all my pistons were firing in their proper manner again. I could probably do a little recovery work tonight in my current state, but I was in no shape to go chasing after him in the dark to set things straight. It would have to wait until tomorrow.

I felt a presence beside me and doubting Embry had the courage to come back so quickly I assumed it was Emily with my drink, which I was in total need of at this very moment. "Holy shit Em have the totally best timing ever! You're never gonna bel-" I stopped mid sentence as I drew my eyes up to my companion. The red party cup was present but it was not Emily holding it out to me. I gawked a moment before retreating an inch or two. He smiled, his eyes dancing with laughter as he spoke, "Well the timing part I will agree with…and I probably wont believe whatever it is you are going to tell me but you are definitely the first to shorten my name to Em."

I was mortified, I could feel the heat burning under my cheeks as I smiled at him shaking my head, "You know it's rude to sneak up on people."

"But I come baring gifts," he said as he took a swig from his cup still offering mine.

"Allllright, I'll let it slid this time, but only because you brought the Captain with you," I said taking the cup and taping it lightly to his before taking my first sip.

He laughed and shook his head as he contemplated my response, "Fair enough."

I nodded, talking almost into my cup as I held it to my mouth for another swig, "Just don't let it happen again, I will not be so forgiving next time."

He extended both hands towards me in a submissive manner as a smile spread across his lips, "Duly noted."

I nodded in approval as he chuckled very lightly to himself and watched me from under his brow before settling himself to address me again. "So what is it I wont believe?" he asked as he composed his face with sincerity and took another sip.

I leaned drastically close to him, patting my chest as I spoke, "I am an awful, evil person."

He didn't lean away from me, instead he leaned even closer and concentrated deeply on my eyes searching for this evil I spoke of. He shook his head from side to side lightly as he spoke, "Nope I don't believe that."

I leaned back, gasping in shock my eyes wide, "No I am really! Ask Embry I'm awful!" I drew the last word out, placing emphasis on it.

He contorted his face in confusion and leaned towards me, "Embry thinks you're awful? He told you that?"

I leaned back, shook my head viciously, waving my free hand in dispute before leaning very close to him again, "Nooooo he didn't come out and say it but he should have. I have been really awful to him tonight!" He leaned back slightly and nodded his head as he made an expression of disbelief, "Oh yea whatchya do that was so awful?"

I drew back, pressed my index to my lips, squinted my eyes and contemplated how to say it without completely screwing the whole story up. When I had come to the right words, I drew my finger from my lips and used it to motion him towards me. He leaned towards me slightly and I used my whole hand to motion him even closer. He leaned a little closer and I closed the space, putting my lips almost to his ear and shielding my mouth from the others. "He tried to kiss me," I whispered.

He turned his face to mine and leaned away enough that we weren't nose to nose, "So? How does that make you a bad person?" "Evil and awful!" I corrected, in dismay that he wasn't getting the point. "Okay…how does him trying to kis-" I shushed him, pressing my hand to my lips rapidly, before doing the same to his. I held them there and kept my eyes on his as I shook my head and spoke in a whisper, "Don't say that…it's our dirty little secret." He smiled underneath my fingers and raised both his hands in a compliant manner before speaking. "Okay I won't say it, it's our dirty secret." His breath was hot and moist on my flesh and the way he exaggerated dirty made me think very sensual thoughts about him. I fought against and withdrew my hand and pulled it into my chest as I nodded.

He leaned a little closer and whispered as he held contact with my eyes, "I still don't see how that makes you evil and awful." I leaned towards him, so that our noses were nearly touching, "Because I had to have given him some fraction of hope for him to do that." He was the first to withdraw after several moments of intense eye contact, he was struggling against laughing and shook his head very softly as he spoke, "You didn't."

"No, yes I did. I must have, I mean you just don't assume things like that, I must have," I said in disbelief while I shook my head, looking in sporadic places between us as I swept my hair behind my ear.

When I pulled my eyes back up he was still shaking his head and watching me rack my brain for the moments when I must have given some signal and not noticed it. "Jacob I must have I mean why else-." He cut me off by taking my free hand in his and ceasing it's movement, "Paige…all you did was walk into The Sampler and acknowledge him, trust me."

I looked at him confused by his statement, I studied his eyes searching for the meaning of his response but found nothing. I couldn't comprehend how that would lead to an awkward attempted kiss, so I sat in silence running the words through my head for meanings while he watched me, waiting for me to put it together. When I didn't speak after several more beats he sensed my confused and elaborated, "Embry has never been good with this stuff, he is rather awkward at it. Because girls on the res don't talk to him, they don't ask for his number and they sure don't go out to the cliffs with him, so he has no clue what signals are, he just assumes friendliness is interest."

With his words everything made sense, I closed my eyes, squinting at my stupidity and pulled my hand free from his to cover my face, "Oh my God I had no idea." "Hey," he said softly as I beat myself up for something completely out of my control. He pulled my hand from my face and dipped his head, bringing his eyes to mine as he spoke, "Don't do that…that's not fair. You had no idea, you were just being friendly, how were you supposed to know he'd take that as I come on?" "I should ha-" "You couldn't have…I didn't tell you that to make you feel worse, I thought it would help. It proves that you're not an awful, evil person. I means that you are an outgoing and amiable person, which is exactly what your eyes says and those tend not to lie."

I stared back at him, holding my gaze on his for several beats before speaking in a very muted tone, "Are you sure?"

He smiled sweetly and nodded. "I'm positive," he paused a moment making sure I believed him. When he was certain I did he withdrew to take a sip of his drink before speaking again, "And now I'm kick his ass for making you misjudge your character." His tone was clearly joking but I spoke quickly anyways, "Oh no, no, no don't do that! Our secret remember!" A wide smile spread across his lips as he took another sip and studied me a moment, "Fine, but only if you promise not to bring this misunderstanding up again."

I nodded frantically, "Deal!" He tipped his cup towards me, as his smiled sparkled all the way up into his mysterious eyes, "Tap on it?" I tapped his cup and drank a large swig in sync with him.

"Good now that that's over we can move on to things that are more validated. I'm sure you're sick of repeating yourself so I am not gonna ask you where you are from or why you came here and I've never been a person so ask twenty-one about your personality and hobbies. The where isn't really relevant, because you're here now, you'll tell me why when you are ready to and personality is something I'd really like formulate my own opinions on that if you don't mind," he said sipping his drink and studying my reaction to his realness. I sighed in relief, it was refreshing to talk to someone who was on the same wave-length as me, his honesty and blunt composure was something I was in need of. I took another sip and smiled as I pressed my cheek to my shoulder and looked at him from under my lashes, "So, then what will you ask me?"

"Do you like where you are right now Paige?" he asked with his gaze locked on me.

I nodded softly, as I realized that honestly at that very moment I was completely content and comfortable with where my life had taken me. "Yeah, oddly I am. I mean there are plenty of things I've seen that I don't like but you take the good with the bad right?" I said as I shrugged.

He nodded gently to communicate his agreement before speaking, "What don't' you like?"

I sighed drawing my eyes from his to peer into the night sky in front of me, as I ran my free hand several times over my thigh and contemplated his question. I took a sip before speaking and resting drawing the cup to my chest, "I could really do without all this rain, but I guess I signed up for it and I wish the sun were out more, I've become very accustom to the way it feels. But most of all I miss the beach… I used to spend everyday on the beach back home."

He allowed silence to settle between us for several moments before he spoke, "Well the sun and rain I can't control, but we have beaches here."

I whipped my head towards him, causing slight dizziness, "What! You have what?"

He smiled at the excitement in my tone, "Beaches. We have beaches." "Really?" I shrieked as I spun my body towards him and sat cross legged at his side facing him. "Yeah, I'll take you someday if you want," he said as he rotated partially onto his hip so his body was angled towards mine as he leaned back onto his forearm and took a sip of from his red cup.

"Would you really?" I said leaning my face towards his as a elated smile adorned my face.

"Sure," he said as he smiled back at me and put his cup down on the stone floor next to his stomach.

"Thank you sooooo much!" I said leaning in and kissing him lightly on his forehead in response to his adorable gesture. He had no idea how in debt to him I would be if he followed through with this. I withdrew slowly but kept posture hunched towards him as I smiled, still enthused by the idea of seeing the ocean again.

He brushed my bangs out of my eyes very lightly, tucking them behind my ear and drawing the back of his hand across my cheek softly as he spoke, "Anything you like?" His touch was electric, the sensation it created on my flesh left it warm and tingling. I involuntarily leaned my cheek into his caress, hungry to keep his skin on mine as long as possible. I was so drawn to him it scared me, I shouldn't want to feel him, shouldn't be imagining the way his hands would feel on different parts of me. I shouldn't want to taste him, shouldn't want to draw his breath into my lungs but my whole being yearned for him. Despite myself I felt something inside of me gravitate towards him, pulling me into him even though another part of me was screaming to keep my distance.

"Mm hmm," I said as he completed his stroke before pulling his hand away from me.

"Oh?" he said softly as he took a quick sip and replaced his cup.

"There are definitely things I can see myself becoming very attached to," I said keeping my eye contact with him strong as I tilted my head and softly trailed my fingers over the same spot he'd just touched.

"I am very glad to hear that," he said in almost a whisper as he trailed his finger tips up my calf.

As I opened my mouth to respond Emily came running towards us with a slight wobble to her step as she called out, "Jacob!" "Yea?" he yelled back, not turning to face her, instead he continued following the curves of my legs up onto my thigh with his fingers, first the inside and back around the outside. I knew I shouldn't be allowing this but I also knew I enjoyed his touch too much to demand he stop. He let his hand rest on the meat of outside of my thigh as Emily squatted at our heads and spoke in a quick slurred tone, "Sam says it's my bed time and if I don't stop soon I'm going to hurt tomorrow," she said rolling her eyes. "So, we're leaving…Paul and Jared are out too, something about going someplace in the morning I don't know, but anyways it's just you two…unless you wanna come with us Paige." I glanced at Jacob and he held my eyes, while slightly raising one eyebrow and raked his nails lightly against my jeans. "Na I think I'll stay a bit longer, if that's okay," I said turning my face back to hers as I smiled. She turned completely towards me raised her eyebrows quickly twice, her eyes alive with 'I told you so' as she spoke, "Yea that's fine Jacob will walk you back to our place and I'll leave everything on the couch for you." "Thanks Em," I said smiling at her enthusiasm and generosity. "No problem Paige. Oh and Jacob," she said turning to him, "Just check the fire before you leave 'kay?" "Yeah sure no problem," he said as she kissed his cheek lightly and popped up. She started off towards Sam, pausing only momentarily to turn around to throw me a wink and a thumbs up.

I chuckled lightly to myself as I shook my head, finished my drink and put the cup down beside me. Jacob looked at me slightly amused, as if somehow he knew exactly what Emily was doing behind his back. That made me kind of paranoid, like he somehow knew that she had encouraged me to break his vicious cycle with Bella. I felt sort of bad for initiating a connection with him behind Bella's back, even though Emily had assured me that they were nothing concrete. But I didn't know her, it wasn't like she was my friend or something, she hadn't made a single attempt at even being remotely friendly with me so I couldn't possibly be betraying her. If she had some sort of claim stacked of him I was completely unaware of it and therefore could not be held at fault for anything that occurred between me and Jacob, not saying anything would but if it did I was not really in the wrong. Plus, Em said she was toying with him and that was totally uncouth, no one deserved to have their feelings played with, especially one as powerful as love, it was unfair and cruel. So, if she was engaging in misleading behavior and making him believe he had some shot with her when he really didn't then I was actually doing him a favor and seeing as I didn't owe her a god damn thing I shouldn't feel bad about it. Right?

I had to believe that, I didn't want to think differently because that meant I would be forced to demand an end to this moment with him and I was rather fond of the way his dark eyes were glimmering against his bronzed skin. My gaze must have gone quite intense and yet distant as I struggled with my conscious because he drew his hand from it's place on my thigh and brought it to my face, brushing the back of his fingers across my cheek down to my chin in a gently sweeping motion to gain my attention as he softly spoke, "We'll go whenever you are ready."

I smiled as his hand left my flesh, "I'm not yet…" He reciprocated my smile as he ran his tongue over his lips and looked down momentarily before looking up as he leaned in and swept my hair behind my shoulder so he could whisper in my ear, "Me either." His breath hung hot on my ear and I turned my face to his so our eyes met before I swept my lips lightly over his. He kept very still, watching me for a moment to see if the contact was intentional or a fortunate mishap. I didn't withdraw instead I leaned just a little bit closer, encouraging him to advance. He pressed his lips very tenderly to mine, keeping our kiss very sensual and slow.

I pressed my body close to his as he brought his hand to my face, cupping it in his blazingly warm skin. The sensation of his flesh on mine as I tasted him sent shivers down my spine. I could only think of him, only wanted more. So I pivoted my weight drawing myself over him as he lay on his back underneath me. Our shift knocked over his cup, sending the contents of it spilling across the stone, soaking my jeans from the knee down-I didn't care, barely even notice, just continued kissing him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled my body harder into his and I obliged. I couldn't get close enough to him, wanted every inch of my skin on his, needed to feel that. He slid his hands down my back and slid his fingers from my spine outward on the strip of exposed flesh on my lower back, before gripping my hips in a way that was all too familiar.

I pulled back instantly, thinking only of Caleb at that moment. I felt insanely guilty as I drug my hands through my hair and jumped to my feet. Jacob studied me in confusion as I stammered, "Oh God I am so sorry…I just can't… I mean I want to but I just can't." He rose to his feet and lowered his face to mine as he studied my eyes, "Hey…no don't be sorry…it's fine, I shouldn't have-" I cut him off, "Oh no it wasn't you, you were doing everything just right, it's me…I have issues…and I just can't do this right now…it just can't happen… and I don't know if it can ever happen, maybe like one day or something but I'm just not ready for this right now." I was speaking quickly as I drug my hands over my face and through my hair in a nervous and on edge manner. I didn't want him to think he'd done anything wrong, this had nothing to do with him, he was perfect- I on the other hand was all fucked up. This was my flaw coming to the surface, my devotion to Caleb hindering the moment.

"Paige," he said as he lowered his face back to mine, keeping our eye contact flowing steadily as he put his hands on either side of my face, "Don't be sorry…I am in no rush." I nodded harshly and half smiled as I spoke very quickly, "Okay." "Alright," he said as he studied my eyes a moment longer before drawing his arm around my shoulder and starting to lead me towards the woods, "Come on, I'll take you to Sam and Emily's." "I am really sorr-" I started before he cut in, "Hey, I said stop that remember? You have nothing to be sorry about." I wanted to believe him, wanted to trust that I hadn't caused him any dismay, wanted to hold faith in that this wouldn't complete fuck everything up. But part of me knew I had just caused a riff that I would have to mend, both between me and Jacob and within myself. I was still holding on very vigorously to Caleb, even after over a year, despite what I wanted to tell myself. I needed to look very closely at that, couldn't go on this way, because if things didn't change soon, I would spend the rest of my existence very lonely, pining after someone so was not an option anymore.


	5. The Morning After

I awoke turning viciously from the light that streamed through the window. My head was pounding, I could feel my heart beat throbbing viciously behind my temples. My mouth was dry, almost annoyingly so, I couldn't even muster enough saliva to attempt to swallow. And my stomach had a sickening ache in it from the immense amount of sugar I had ingested last night. I hated hangovers, they were the worst.

I rolled back over, shielding my eyes while holding my head. I needed to get up and get a drink, something to eat and a handful of pain killers, needed to start the morning after remedy. I groaned in agony, completely pissed at myself for creating this as I sat up and cupped my face in my hands. I lifted my head slowly, squinting my eyes so they were only open a sliver as I peered around the living room.

The décor was very earthy and woodsy, everything was slightly worn yet very well maintained. The walls were a mahogany hue and were adorned with picture frame after picture frame full of smiling faces, it made me moderately nauseous, I was not in the mood for smiling.

As I worked my way back around the room, my eyes crossed over the bare back of someone who was sleeping to my left. I jumped back several inches and brought my hands to my head in response to the sharp pain that radiated from my temples because of my quick jolt. I squinted against the pain, trying hard to focus on my bed mate.

I couldn't make out who it was because they were turned away from me, pressed very closely to the edge, I saw only the defined muscle that formed their bare shoulders. I leaned closer, attempting to peer over at his face, so I could react accordingly. I was slightly worried, couldn't remember what exactly had happened last night, could only remember bits and pieces. I didn't even have the slightest idea who I could have allowed to share a bed with me, so I was determined to figure out who this was. I leaned over them, straining to see his face but it was turned almost completely into the pillow and I could only see their tousled choppy ebony hair. I withdrew slowly, attempting to keep my cool as I studied this person.

I shoved his shoulder and he groaned in response to my jolt. I twisted my lips and threw my hand into him again, this time with a little more force. His groan was a little more fierce this time, obviously not pleased that I was attempting to wake him. He pulled further out of my reach, pressing himself even closer to the edge. I was a little frustrated, needed to know exactly what I had done the night before. So I threw my hand into him one last time, with more force then I had either of the other times. I must have applied a tad too much vigor for someone so close to the edge of the bed because he went toppling from it and slammed into the floor with a thud.

"What the fuck!" I heard instantly placing the voice and feeling incredibly regretful for causing him harm. "Sooooorrrrrry," I nearly whispered as I crawled towards his edge of the bed. "I didn't mean to push you off, I was trying to wake you up," I said at a slightly higher pitch, still soft though because I didn't want to wake Sam and Emily.

Jacob lay on his back on the hardwood floor, with both of his hands over his face in nothing but his boxers, groaning lightly to himself. I felt a twinge of panic, why was he half naked? Oh my God what the hell had I done? "If that's the wake up calls I get when I'm nice to you, Ima start being a dick," he said pulling his hands from his face and opening his eyes to look at me as I peered over the edge at him.

I laughed lightly and offered him my hand, "I'm sorry, here let me help you. It's the least I can do after kicking you off the bed."

He extended his hand in front of him in a declining manner, "Na…If I move to quick I think I might hurl." "You too huh?" I said as I withdrew my hand and brought myself to a cross legged sitting position as I watched him. "Yeeaaa, you don't remember?" he said slightly confused. I shook my head lightly from side to side, "Uh uh, we didn't…you know, right?" He chuckled and rose slowly into a sitting position before rising to his feet and turning from me to retrieve his pants. "Hey, I mean it did we?" I said as he slipped into his jeans, zipped and buttoned them. He turned to face me as he did he belt, "No we didn't."

I sighed in relief, "Okay…I just wasn't sure." I racked my hands through my hair and tried to piece together why exactly he was practically naked in bed with me if we hadn't been intimate as I looked down. He read the confusion on my face and spoke to break the silence, "Do you remember any of it?" I turned my eyes back to him, twisting my lips as I tried to remember, "I uh… well I remember the party out on the cliff. Embry did try to kiss me right?" He nodded and smiled, "Yes he did and you were rather convinced that you were some awful person because of it." "Yea, and you kept telling me it wasn't my fault." "Because it wasn't," he said while he laughed as he pulled his t-shirt on. "Yea, you were adamant about that, which reminds me I have to call him and apologize." I said blowing the air out quickly before starting again, "Em and Sam left not to long after that and then…we had a moment."

He chuckled lightly as he crossed towards me and sat down on the bed next to me, "More like several very nice moments." I turned my eyes to his as I spoke, "Yea…they were kinda nice huh?…but I uh stopped them." "And I said I didn't mind taking it slower," he said studying my face making sure that I recalled that and making it known again. "Yea, you did…," I said studying his face, I found myself fixated on his full lips, I couldn't help but want them on mine again. But I knew that wouldn't help the situation any so I pulled my eyes quickly up to his and spoke, "And yea, after that I have no clue."

He nodded before he spoke, "Well… I walked you back here, you tried to break you face open on several occasions, but I saw to it that you arrived in the same condition you were given to me in, although it proved to be rather difficult." I laughed slightly embarrassed and when I opened my mouth to apologize he raised his hand to stop me and smiled, "Don't apologize, I didn't mind. So, when we got back here Em had some pajama pants on the pull out bed for you and you got ready and I stayed to make sure you made it to bed okay. When you were done, I said 'Bye' and you asked me not to go. You said you didn't want to be alone. Made sure that I understood that this didn't mean we would be 'spending the night together' as you said but rather you just needed company. I said it probably wasn't a good idea, because of what happened on the cliff, I didn't want anything to fuck up us being friends but you said you promised nothing would happen, that you were sick of being alone all the time, that you just wanted someone to stay with you. Said you couldn't dream tonight, you didn't have it in you. So I agreed, that's all that happened."

I contorted my face in embarrassment, "You must think I'm a nut job." "No," he said fixing his eyes steadily on mine, "I think you have demons, which I told you I don't intend to ask about. We all have demons, but I think yours are a little more volatile and that's fine. We'll get to them when we get to them, no pressure. I wouldn't have stayed if I thought you were certifiable, those girls tend to kill you in your sleep and when I'm out it would take a freight train running through the house to get me up. I'd be a sitting duck."

I laughed, a really deep belly laugh, I adored his sense of humor. He had a way of breaking up the tension with comedic relief and I was indebted to him for that. "Well," I said when I had regained some portion of my restrain back, "you better watch yourself then because I did already attack you." He smiled, "This is very true. I think our sleepovers will have to me more heavily monitored from this point further."

I nodded, laughing a little to myself again as I spoke, "Especially when I've been drinking the night before. I am not a nice person in the morning, add a hangover and I can be very violent." "I will have to remember that," he said his smile stretching from ear to ear. "Find me black coffee though and I won't beat you…this time." I said throwing him a wink.

He stood and extended his hand for me to take, "Come with me." I placed my hand in his and rose to my feet, "Gladly." He lead me down the hallway into the giant open kitchen and dining area. There were two large, glass windows just above the sink that allowed plenty of sunlight to stream in. On any other day when the circumstances were different I would have thought it was lovely but today the streams of light sent sharp pain radiating through my head, behind my eyes. I squinted harshly, groaning involuntarily and drew hands to my head. My right hand was still linked with Jacob's, so I held the back of his hand to my right temple, in place of my palm.

He stepped in front of me, blocking the light as he released my hand and rotated it so his palm rested on my temple while sliding his other hand under mine so he could gently cradle my face. "Coffee and Motrin," he said softly as he rubbed my temples lightly with his thumbs. "Mmm," I sighed in almost a whimper. I felt like a dog leaning into a scratch behind the ear. His touch was ridiculously soothing, as he kept his circular movements slow and gently.

I groaned lightly as his stroke continued and he spoke in a very muted tone that showed evidence of a smile, "You're not so scary the day after." "If that didn't feel so good and it wouldn't hurt me more than you, I'd hit you right about now," I said without opening my eyes and bringing one of my hands from over his to his chest to press softly against it. I didn't press to hard, unwilling to force him away from me. I didn't want him to cease his movements because it felt amazing. He laughed very quietly at my response and continued his caress of my temples for several more moments before he pulled his hands from my skin.

I groaning in protest extremely distraught that he would no longer be soothing my migraine. He leaned very close and place a gently kiss on each temple before leaving me. I released another light groan before slowly opening my eyes, I could see his form on the other side of the kitchen retrieving something from the counter and crossing back towards me.

He gently slid my glasses over my eyes, relieving the throb of my heartbeat behind them by limiting the amount of light I was exposed to. "There that should make it a little easier to be in here," he said very softly. "Thank you," I said in a groggy tone. His caring gestures struck me as odd, he had no reason to care if I was in pain or not. Yet he did and he did everything he could think of to keep my self inflicted pain at a minimum. His generosity and compassion radiated in his actions and I found myself more drawn to him then I had ever been to another person. The pull I felt towards him even rivaled what I had felt towards Caleb, but it was a different kind of draw completely. I felt secure and safe with him, yet I knew nothing about him and it was natural. I wasn't quite sure how to handle it so I pushed it deep into the back of my mind, focusing on the slow dripping sound the coffee pot created and pulled the scent of it's grounds deep into my lungs as I sat at the counter and rested my head on my arm. He turned, leaning against the counter next to the coffee maker and folded his arms across his chest as he smiled, "You look beat."

"Well thanks Jacob, why don't you just come out and say 'Wow Paige you look like complete dog shit'. I think that's more along the lines of your real thoughts," I said laughing slightly as I responded. His smile intensified and he shook his head lightly, "Nope that's not what I'm thinking because you would actually have to be disgustingly unattractive at this moment for me to say that and seeing as how that is not the case I will have to disagree with you response." I rolled my eyes as I smiled, never picking my head up, "You are insane if you think this hot mess is attractive, even in the most remote sense." He laughed and turned towards the beep of the coffee maker, pulling a cup from the cabinet and pouring coffee into before turning and crossing the kitchen towards me. He place the cup in front of me and turned back around to retrieve Motrin from another cabinet. He placed that next to my mug and came around the counter to sit to my left, so my face was turned towards him.

He still had a slightly goofy smile adorning his mouth as he brushed my bangs from my face and spoke, "I don't know what you are talking about. I find the crazy hair, pale and faintly green tint to your skin and the smudged make-up as a mere illusion. The beautiful parts of you can't be hidden behind the Captain's side effects, they come from different places." I couldn't help but smile at his response I slowly raised my head, reached for the painkillers and took 1000 milligrams with a sip of strong black coffee.

I could only stand that bitterness when I had a hangover to kick. Once I swallowed the medicine, confident that in due time it would begin to relieve some of the ass kicking I was enduring I turned back to him, gripping the mug in both hands and smiled. "I could get used to those sort of statements…but don't spoil me too much, I'll start to expect them quite frequently if you make that mistake."

He smiled that adorable smile again, creating two large dimples in his russet skin, "As you should. Every girl should hear things like that when she needs too, but I don't know about an everyday thing." "Ugh, no way! I hate that ridiculously mushy shit, like in all those romance movies. That's not realistic, it would drive me insane! But the occasional properly place compliment or lovey comment is always appreciated," I said taking another sip of coffee. "Well in that case you should stick with me, that is my feeling on it as well," he said smiling and winking in coy way. "Perhaps if you are lucky I will consider it," I said smiling and sipping again. And honestly I was, despite myself, contemplating allowing myself to become attached to him.

"Well then it's a good thing I am a rather fortunate individual huh?" he said smiling and sticking his tongue out at me momentarily. "We'll see about that," I said playfully as I heard the shuffle of slippers against the wood floor behind me.

"Ugggghh, fuck my life," Emily said in a raspy tone from the doorway, "Who's brilliant idea was it to have so many damn windows in this house without curtains?" Jacob and I laughed in sync at her reaction to the sunlight.

"Hello Emily," Jacob said smiling, "Feeling that sugary alcohol this beautiful morning?" She flipped him off shielding her eyes before responding, "If you didn't make coffee I would kick you out." We both laughed again as she moved sluggishly towards the cabinet that housed the medication. "You've got to be kidding me how do we not have Motrin?" she said frantically searched through the bottles. I picked up the economized Ibuprofen that still sat before me and shook it once, "Beat ya to it," I said smiling.

"Ugggh that's a beautiful sound even if it feels like nails racking across my eardrum," she said turning to retrieve the medication from my outstretched hand. "These and black coffee are my best friend the morning after," I said taking another sip from my mug, "It's already started to ease my torment. All I need now is a hot shower and clean clothes." "Amen sister, that where I'm heading here shortly. I'll wake Sam up after one cup and have him bring you to your car," she said pouring herself a large mug of the onyx caffeine.

"You don't have to Em," Jacob said before turning to me, "If you don't mind like a five minute walk to my place I'll get my car and bring you now if you want. I gotta get going anyways my Dad will be freaking if I don't come home soon." I took a large gulp of my coffee finishing it and rising to place the cup into the sink as I spoke, "I would really appreciate that, I really need to wash all this hangover off." He rose to his feet and smiled as he slid his hands into his pocket while jerking his head towards the door, "Come on let's you get you that shower then." "I love you Jacob, you are absolutely one of my favorite people, just let me just get my clothes," I said crossing the kitchen back towards the living room.

I slipped off Emily's pajama pants, put mine back on and slid on my sneakers before going to the bathroom to clean myself up a little bit just in case I had to be introduced to Jacob's father. I removed the smudged makeup and ran my fingers through my hair, drawing it into a high ponytail. There wasn't much else I could do make myself presentable at the state I was in. So I slipped my glasses back on, grabbed Emily's folded pants and started back towards the kitchen.

When I entered Emily and Jacob were joking with each other, each one had a large genuine smile spread across their face. She poked his chest as she passed him on her way towards a chair, "I knew you would." "Well Em, I can't deny your instinct this time, you were dead on. Ready Paige?" Jacob said as I crossed towards them. "Yep. Thank for everything Em, I really appreciate it," I said as I drew her into a hug. She kissed my cheek lightly after responding, "No problem honey. Feel free to crash here anytime." I smiled at her and started towards Jacob. When I reached his side she spoke again, "I'm sorry I'm such an awful hostess with a hangover but we should really get together again. I enjoyed you and I don't like many girls. Jacob make sure to program my number in her phone so we can have girl's time again soon."

Jacob saluted her, as though receiving ordered from a superior, "Will do Em." "Thank you, see you soon Paige," she said taking a large sip of her coffee. "Bye Em," I called over my shoulder as I turned from her and started towards the door.

We walked out into the sunlight and Jacob clicked the door closed behind us. We started across their dirt driveway side by side. I looked up at him and drew in my breath, I knew I had to address that happenings of last night even if he was content with the conversation on the cliffs. "Can we talk about what happened last night between us, because I just want to make sure you understand completely my stance on our kiss?" I said while watching his face for an expression that would defy his words. "You don't owe me any other explanations Paige," he said his expression reflecting his response.

"Alright, I get that you are don't think I do but I feel like I do… I mean I initiated the kiss and then I jumped away from you and said it was too soon," I said confused that he was so content with my response.

He shrugged and responded in calm and confident tone, "Well it did get a little intense there for a moment, I mean you may have been ready for something small, not something serious and I get that you were drawing a line. I respect that and like I said I have time that's no problem."

"I have a lot of issues Jacob, I mean like a lot and I don't know if that something you want to get yourself into," I said feeling defeated, knowing it was highly possible that he would back off.

"Yeah you told me that, your exact words were actually 'I'm fucked up'… and I told you I know you have demons…we all do, some have really big ones and I understand your's are way bigger than mine but I wanna make the decision about what I get myself into," he said looking at me momentarily before turning his eyes back to the road before us.

"I don't want to hurt you Jacob, you're too good of a person for me to go fucking you up," I said looking up him. My heart broke partially as I watched him process my response. Selfishly I wanted him to take a chance on me, to give me an opportunity to get my shit together for him, but I also wanted him to run from me screaming because mentally it would be healthier for him.

"That's a chance you take with any person, anytime you give someone permission to hold a part of you there is the possibility that they will hurt you. Even those people who aren't 'fucked up' as you say, can total fuck your whole world up. So, the only way to be completely certain that you'll never feel pain is to never give yourself completely to anyone, ever. What's the point in that then? Why even live if you're not open to love? There is none, you just have to be selective on who you want to take a chance on and when you find someone who you feel is worth that gamble you just have to go in completely without fear and with faith that your gut instinct on that person is correct-that they won't take advantage of that trust, that they will give themselves as completely as you do and that it will work out for the best so that you don't have to search for another person to bet on," he said holding eye contact with me for the majority of his response.

He amazed me, he was an absolutely incredible individual with an amazing spirit and an insightful perception on the world. He was so confident and determined that it made me to hopeful just listening to him. His words were so genuine and passionate that it became very clear to me why I was so draw to him, how could I not be. I was supposed to meet him, meant to know him and fated to allow him into my life. I still wasn't sure on what level yet but he and I were destined to intertwine our lives, this much I knew for certain and with great conviction.

I smiled up at him as my our future together, whether friendly or intimate, became very evident to me. "So do you bet on me?" I asked as threw my shoulder into him in a playful manner and smiled, my mouth partially open with my tongue pressed to the bottom of my teeth. He laughed one time in breathy manner, "I don't know yet. You might be someone I'd wager on, maybe." "Ditto," I said as I linked my arm with his and pulled his towards me slightly.

He laughed in a more committed manner before speaking, "Well now that we might be on the same page can we change the subject to something more concrete?" "Sure, what would you like to talk about?" I said throwing my free hand up in a questioning manner. He pressed his finger to his lips as though he were deeply contemplating, before pulling it away and snapping and pointing at me in a 'I got it manner', "If I do recall correctly, and I am almost positive I do, you were rather excited with the idea of going to the beach."

I pulled my shoulders to my ears and smiled very enthusiastically at him as I spoke, "Memory serves you very well! I am ecstatic!" "Well now that's the response I like! What are you doing this afternoon? It would be foolish to waste such a sunny day inside when we could be at the beach." he said as he turned to the right to lead me down a gravel driveway towards a small red house.

"I would have to agree. After I go home and clean myself up I might be able to fit you in. You know I am a very busy girl these days, my time is really not my own. I have so many people to see and so little time," I said in a playful manner as I gestured in a theatrical manner. He laughed very lightly to himself in response to my comment and raised his free hand in a 'well then' manner as he spoke, "Well should you find time for me later today, I might be able to make good on my promise. We don't get many days like today in this part of Washington, it must be successfully planned. Just saying, no pressure."

I looked up as if trying hard to remember my hectic schedule for a opening as we reached the front porch. I released his arm so I could retrieve my phone from my back pocket as I spoke, "I am not making any promises, but if you give me your number I will call you and give you a definite answer once I've reviewed my date book." He took my phone, entered his information and handed it back to me, "Hope you can pencil me in." "Oh I will try but like I said busy, busy, busy." I said as I slid my phone back into it's spot in my pocket.

He laughed very softly as he reached for the knob and entered his house. I pushed my hands into my pockets as I stood on the porch, not wanting to just follow suit. He took several steps before realizing I wasn't behind him, he paused and turned to look over his shoulder as he spoke, "Aren't you coming? I just gotta tell my Dad I am home and grab my car keys." "I didn't wanna just invite myself in-" I started as I nervously fidgeted my hands in my pockets. "You're gonna have to be a little tougher than that for my bet," he said as he watched me fidget. I shot him a playful smirk as I flipped him off, "Eat it." "Now that's more like it. Get in here already, if you're not intimidated by me my Dad is no threat," he replied grinning from ear to ear at my spunk. I made haste through the door, closing it softly behind me and pushed my glasses up into my hair as I crossed towards him, "Well if he doesn't like me cause I am smelly and a damn hot mess that's on you. I prefer showering before I meet people's parents."

He released a small laugh as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "Ah come on you don't smell that bad." "Ha ha, very funny," I said as we started towards the kitchen. "Jacob?" a rugged, clearly Native American male voice called. "Yea Dad it's me," Jacob called back as we neared the doorway for the kitchen. "Well very nice of you to call your ol' man and let him know you were still breathing. You know some parents tend to get a little nervous when they wake up and their child isn't in their bed," he said as we entered the kitchen. He was very broad and stout man, with long ebony hued hair that cascaded over his large shoulders. He turned his wheelchair towards us, spinning to face his son and the expression on his face was priceless, both shocked and slightly awed.

"Sorry Dad didn't mean to make you worry," Jacob said as we stopped just before his father as he let his arm slide off my shoulders and his hand found the small of my back, pressing me slightly forward, "Dad this is Paige. Paige this is my Dad, Billy." I smiled very sweetly, extremely embarrassed that I was so poorly put together, "It's very nice to meet you, sir." I extended my hand in a polite manner, he took it in his and lightly kissed the top of it, "The pleasure is all mine." He released my hand and nodded in approval at his son, "You are forgiven but only because she is awfully cute." I smiled nervously and released a slightly embarrassed giggle as Jacob looked up, sucking his teeth in utter humiliation, "Yeah thanks Dad. Really, thanks." "What I am just keeping it real son, she knows she's cute, right honey?" I laughed, seeing very quickly where Jacob got his spark from, "Some days, today not so much but thank you for saying so." Jacob shook his head as he spoke, "Yeah Dad, thanks again." I smiled at Jacob, very amused at how uncomfortable his father's blunt comments were making him.

"And modest, nice work son. Bout time you gave up chasing Bella. Don't get me wrong she's a sweet girl and all but this one is much more adorable," Billy said as he folded his hands in his lap. I laughed as Jacob did a spin, turning completely away from his father to grab his keys as he spoke, "Christ Dad! We are leaving now. Paige I am sorry I subjected you to this, I will bring you home now and Dad just stop talking please." "It was very nice to meet you sir," I said as I waved while Jacob linked my hand in his and pulled me from the kitchen. "Don't be a stranger Paige, feel free to come back anytime," he called after us. "Yea Dad I'm sure she's just itching to come back, since you were so subtle and all," Jacob called behind us. I heard Billy laugh in the kitchen, as Jacob practically drug me towards the door and I had to join in chuckling lightly to myself as we broke into the sunlight. I found Billy refreshing-his blunt and lighthearted demeanor were a pleasant change from the effort that most parent's put into seeming semi-interested in their children's lives. I couldn't help but find how horrified Jacob was of his father's response, I found it comforting that he cared so much about how I perceived his family, I knew it meant he gave a damn. However, I also felt a twinge of sympathy because I could only imagine what my mother's response would be when meeting him, it would surely be humiliating.

Jacob closed the door behind us and kept our pace swift across the gravel drive as lead me towards washed out red Volkswagen Rabbit. "I am really sorry I put you through that, I should have known better," he said horror still cloaking his face. I smiled up at him enthusiastically as I squeezed his hand, "I'm not, I really enjoyed him. I know you found that completely excruciating but I honestly find him hysterical. I love how blunt he is." "You just find humor in my pain, which is kinda messed up," he said as he released my hand and opened the car door for me.

I giggled, which came off slightly sadistic in that moment as I watched him loop around the front of the car before slipping into the driver's seat. As he started the engine, which ran quite smoothly for the age of the car, I leaned over and lightly slapped his arm, "Maybe in part yes but only because you were so utterly horrified by his honesty. But mainly I find you extremely adorable when you are embarrassed. That shade of red is cute on you." He laughed, finally smiling again, breaking the tension in his eyes. "Plus my mom is way worse, she'd probably pinch your ass or something," I said raising my eyebrows several times and throwing him a wink before sliding my glasses down.

He laughed, a deep booming laugh as my comment caught him off guard. He shook his head lightly as he extended his arm around the back of my seat and looked over his shoulder while reversed out his parking spot, "Well I guess I know where you get your spunk from." "Yep, I definitely get that from my Mama," I said as I laughed and manually rolled down my window. When we were on the road, he turned his eyes back to me as he slid his arm off the neck of my seat, a smile blazing from ear to ear, his dimples creased deep into his cheeks. His eyes were sparkling as he lightly slapped my thigh, "Thank her for me will ya?"


	6. A Brief Remembrance

I paced the living room in my apartment above my Uncle Jackson's garage, holding my cell phone in my hand, running through my head all the ways I could start my conversation with Jacob. I was completely out of practice with this whole situation, I hadn't done this since my freshman year of high school and things were completely different now. You didn't spend hours talking about algebra homework and the next football game, it was more of a science in your adult life and I was completely failing at it. I had managed to play coy and cute when he had suggested we get together again but I wasn't sure how exactly to take the next step.

I flopped onto the couch, sighing in defeat as I threw my phone to the far end of the cushions. I leaned forward, raking my hands through my hair and cursing myself for being so ridiculous. I lifted my head, my fingers locked behind my neck, still intertwined in my hair as I stared down the couch at my phone. I watched it momentarily, steadying myself as I chewed the inside of my lip.

After several moments, I stared at phone where it lay arms length away from me, willing myself to grow a set and call him. You are totally comfortable with him when he's around, what the hell is the big deal? I asked myself as I slowly drew my hands away from my head, one moved slowly towards my Blackberry and the other swept my loose waves behind my ear.

Just as my hand closed around my phone is started vibrating, startling me, causing me to drop it. I sighed at my stupidity and picked it up without even looking at it's display, turned it on and prepared to talk to my Mom.

"Hello?" I said slumping back and pushing my hair out of my face and up over my shoulder as I tilted my head. "Hey," a masculine voice said, catching me completely off guard. It was most definitely not my Mother. I shot forward, brought my hand to my mouth and was silent a moment, trying to collect myself.

"Paige?" Jacob asked in response to my lack of reply. "Yea sorry, I was just uh," I said as I jumped to my feet and started to pace, "yea never mind what's up?" I said throwing my hand into my forehead as I squinted.

I heard him laugh slightly, "Um, yea I know you said you'd call me but yea…it's really nice out today and I didn't wanna head down there without you if you wanted to come." I smiled to myself and bit the tip of my finger before responding, "No yeah sorry it took me so long, I just got finished getting ready to come back. I was just gonna call you."

I could hear the smile in his voice as he replied, obviously pleased that I was just as eager to see him as he was to see me, "Oh great. So do you want me to come get you or you can come here if you feel comfortable with that? I mean it's up to you." "Well, I kinda have a better idea where you are so why don't I just swing by your house?" I said as I fidgeted with my ring. "That's fine, cause we can walk from here. So, I'll be waiting for you…I mean not like waiting but yea…you know I'll be here because I live here… " "Smooth Jake," I heard Billy say faintly in the background noise. "Shut up Dad… but yeah I'll see you soon then," he said directing the tail end of his response to me. I smiled, laughing softly as I responded, "Tell Billy I said 'Hi' and yeah… see you soon then."

I hung the phone up, smiling as I softly bit my bottom lip and pressed the phone to my chin. I was enamored with him and I kind of liked it. I liked the butterflies and the tension, it was a change of pace that was highly appreciated. I never pictured being so gitty about anyone ever again, but I can't say I minded it. Actually, I didn't mind it at all. Which I found baffling but completely exhilarating. I hadn't come to Forks to find love, but I had managed to find someone who I could picture myself falling for, even though it was way too early to be thinking of serious matters. I didn't mind the idea of being with him, something about him made me feel less lonely and much more alive.

I started jetting around the room, scooping up the odd and end items I'd need for the beach, smiling all the while. I paused in front of the full length mirror by my door, doing one last once over before heading out. After nearly and hour of trying things on and ripping them off I had settled for dark blue denim jeans that looked rather tattered and abused, with strategically placed rips in the fabric to show off certain areas of my thighs, my black zip up hoodie that had 'Roxy' written across the breast in teal and my teal and white Hurly halter top bikini. I had even gone as far as to change my belly button ring to my silver ring with the teal stone. I turned sideways and ran my hands over my toned stomach making sure I didn't look frumpy before turning back to a full fontal view and zipping the sweater up just enough so that that cleavage barely showed.

I nodded in approval at myself as I grabbed my beach bag from by my feet and slipped my sunglasses down over my eyes. I pulled my hair down over my shoulder so it covered my chest, grabbed my keys from their hook on the wall and stepped out into the hallway locking the door behind me. I practically sprinted down the stairs, my flip flops slapping hard against my heels as I cruised down each step. When I reached the bottom, I turned left and moved quickly towards the door.

As I broke out into the sunlight, clicking the door closed behind me, I saw my Uncle Jackson washing his car in the driveway. He was a tall man, about six foot three inches and had short blonde hair that blew lightly in the wind. He had a rugged bone structure, his shoulders were strong and square and he had very solid thick boxy curves to his face. His appearance was a drastic contrast to my mother's delicate and petite silhouette, yet we all had the same small, round nose that we had gotten from my 'G'. He looked very stern, almost scary all the time, which was an advantage for a High School principal, but he was one of the most lighthearted and comical people I had ever met. He was definitely my favorite uncle, even before he agreed to allow me to stay with him rent free until I found a good job and a nice apartment of my own.

He turned towards the sound of me approaching and smiled, ceasing his actions to have a conversation with me. "Morning Paige, I didn't even hear you come in last night," he said as he readjusted his aviators and dropped his soapy sponge in the bucket at his feet. I smiled, "Morning Uncle Jackson…oh it's cause I didn't," I said almost sheepishly. He smiled, pleased that I was constructing a life here in Forks, "I'm glad to hear that you are making friends, which is where I assume you were last night right, because it would be a very bloody and painful day for us both if I had to call your mother and tell her you stayed in a sleazy motel last night, while under my care."

I laughed throwing my head back slightly as I spoke, "Well Christ I didn't say we had to tell her." He laughed and pulled his glasses down to peer over them at me, a smile from ear to ear, "She'd kill us both if I lied to her…and much more painfully then if I ratted you out." I giggled, knowing full and well he was right, before sighing deeply and drawing my glasses off to give him a defeated look, "Then I guess we have no choice but to tell her the truth: that I spent the night out with some new friends I've made and that I made the responsible decision to stay put rather than drive home in an inebriated state." He shook his head and gave me a look of disappointment, "Well that is just unacceptable young lady, I have the mind to go out there and rip up those hooligans who allowed you to make such a poor judgment call- I want names Paige and I want 'em now!"

I played along, allowed him to pry in a comedic way, "Well I didn't really get last names but it a whole group from out in La Push. I doubt you'll know them." "You are most likely incorrect I know several fokes from out there- names Paige!" he said narrowing his eyes at he leaned towards me. "Alright, alright," I said throwing my hands up in a submissive manner, "There's Sam and his girlfriend Emily, Jared, Paul, Embry, Quil and Jacob. Oh yea and Jacob's Dad Billy. That's it I swear!" He was actually brought aback a step at the end of the list, his steel gray eyes showed a hint of recognition, "What Billy Black and his boy Jacob?"

I shook my head honestly as I spoke, "I have no idea, I didn't catch last names."

He fell out of his role as he pushed his glasses up onto his head, "Is Jacob a young boy bout your age, rather tall and solid- built sorta like a shit brick house?" I leaned towards him slightly as a smiled spread across my face in response to his description and nodded as I spoke through a little fit of giggles that was brought on by his sincerity, "Yea kinda."

"And he gets it from his Dad, Billy- he's a mountain of a man, real stocky and rugged, would be one scary beast if he hadn't ended up in that wheelchair?" he asked using a lot of hand movement while expressing his description. "Yeah," I said slightly in shock that he knew who I was talking about.

"Well shit! You're talking bout the Black's and all Jacob's friends. They're good people. I met Billy out on a fishing trip with my buddy Charlie, the one who is the police chief. Him and Billy go way back, Billy's got a heart of gold-he'd give the shirt right off his back if he felt you needed it more- and alotta spunk. It's a real pity what happened to them, but from what Charlie's said Billy did one hell of a job with Jacob, says he turned out pretty well. Kids are resilient," he said crossing his arms again as he spoke.

I studied him in confusion, "What do you mean? What happened?" "He didn't tell you?" he asked slightly shocked. I shook my head slowly, "Tell me what?" "Well, yeah I guess it's not really an ice breaker. I don't really think it's my place to go telling people's stories for them though, maybe you should ask him bout his Mom. He might really be able to help you with your stuff Paige. I mean you meet people for a reason," he said withdrawing slightly, unwilling to explain what he meant. This frustrated me, I wanted to know, needed to understand what he meant about Jacob being able to help me.

"Uncle Jackson you gotta tell me, you can't just go beating around the bush like that and not expect me to question it. And besides if it's no ice breaker and a real pity I don't think it's something I should be prying at him about. Lord knows I hate when people go poking around into the dark parts of my life." "Well, I guess you have a point…" he paused momentarily and waged war within himself as he tried to decide if he should tell me. Just as I opened my mouth to speak he held up his hand to silence me. I immediately shut my mouth and studied him as he spoke very slowly, "Alright I'll tell you what I know, but you gotta remember I didn't know Billy back then so I only know a short version. So, don't hold me to it." I nodded in agreement, still remaining silent, unwilling to break his flow. I didn't want him to change his decision to tell me. He sighed and kept his tone even and his words measured, "I guess it was probably 'round ten years or so ago, Jacob was about ten at the time. The five of 'em, Billy, Jacob, Rebecca, Rachel and I believe her name was…Samantha? No that's not right…Sarah?….Yeah I think it was Sarah, Billy doesn't talk about her much so I might be wrong but I think that was it. Well anyways, they all went out to dinner for Jacob's birthday and she had Jacob in the car and was pulling it around because Billy had just been put in the wheelchair due to his diabetes and something went horribly wrong. I am not really sure on the details, but she either died on scene or shortly there after. Billy was completely distraught, Sarah was his life, they'd been together since their teens but he kept it together for kids. Poor things were unfortunately old enough to remember her and the accident. They saw everything, lived ever moment of it and have to deal with it all. Like I said, there's reasons you meet people Paige, maybe Jacob and Billy are supposed to help you cope."

I stood there in silence a moment, just studying my uncle, as small fragments of the crash snuck in between feelings of sympathy and mourning for Jacob and Billy. I smelt the smoke of a blazing engine, heard the tires screamed as they attempted to grip the pavement, felt the shattered glass rain upon my flesh ripping at it as the car spun through the air and saw the terrorized look in Caleb's eyes before he threw himself over me, shielding it from the forces that would soon be colliding with my body. My memory flickered, went slightly fuzzy and my gaze feel upon my mother, she had taken Caleb's place behind the wheel and I was a child and the panic in her eyes was far more intense. She was driven to protect her young, her only child.

"Paige," my uncle's voice said breaking my flashes. He was inches away from me, had both his hands on my arms and his eyes were full of pain. I cleared my throat as a single tear slipped down over my cheekbone and cascaded towards my chin. I swept my hand quickly across my cheek, drying the path of my solitary tear as I spoke, "Sorry I was just-" "You were just remembering. Don't be sorry, I'm the one who shoulda kept my mouth shut, I had no business dragging your pain to the surface like that. Not when you are doing so well," he said his tone soft and calm as he drug me into him and kissed my cheek lightly.

"No, I'm fine honestly… I'm crying for them not me, I don't know what I'd do if something happened to my Mom," I said swallowing the acid that ate at the top of my throat simply at the thought of her being gone. My uncle was very quiet, didn't speak for several breaths, just kept his cheek pressed to mine and winced against it. "When he's ready to tell you and you're ready to tell him, I really think you both will get a lot of comfort out of each other," he said as he squeezed me lightly once more before releasing me.

I nodded very slowly, in agreement as I spoke, "Yeah, one day…" We were silent for a moment and an awkward tension built between us. I was the first to speak, had to put space between me and this conversation, I cleared my throat again and pulled my sunglasses back over my eyes, "So, yeah I better get going Jacob's waiting for me. We're gonna go down to the beach today and I don't wanna keep him waiting too long you know?" He nodded, leaned in, kissed my cheek again and spoke as he reached into the bucket for the sponge, "Have fun Paige, tell Billy I said 'Hi'."

"I will," I said as practically ran towards my car. I jumped in, started the engine and threw it in reverse. I shot back into the main road and slammed it into first as I turned the radio on full volume to drown out my thoughts.


	7. Shoreline

I slowed drastically as I entered the small town of La Push and for the first time on the ride I turned down my radio, I felt rude disrupting the quite establishment for the sole purpose of making myself feel better. It was probably for the best anyway, I had to concentrate so as to make sure I didn't pass his house. As I rounded the bend, I saw someone walking very slowly on the opposite side of the road. He had his head hung, his hair swaying the breeze as it covered the side of his face, so I couldn't make out who it was but something told me I knew him. I slowed way down, tinkering around fifteen miles an hour as I crept passed the pedestrian, craning to see his face. It was Embry. I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach, a sickening mass of guilt that sent acid spewing into my mouth. I knew I had to stop and talk to him, if he didn't want to hear me out then I would have to deal with that but I had to at least try. I pulled off onto the shoulder, shifted the car into neutral and pulled the emergency brake before hitting the hazards and killing the engine. I reached for the door handle and caught a glimpse of Embry, he was staring down at his feet, kicking the rocks on the side of the road as he shuffled forward. He glanced up, noticed the parked car with it's flashers on and his face went practically white as realized I was there.

He hadn't seen my face, but how many black Cobalt SS's were there in La Push with hot pink accents? I hoped my car stood out, seeing as I had spent a lot of time on making in unique. In the first two years I had it I put every dollar I made into it, moding out it's engine and customizing it's exterior. It was the first thing I truly owned by myself and I spent six days a week busting my ass at Joe's Crab Shack to afford it.

I threw the door open and jumped out waving at him as I called out his name. He went three shades of red, mortified, and simply waved once before turning his face back to the ground, slowing his pace to keep distance between us. My heart sank, I felt even more awful than I had last night on the cliffs and I didn't think I'd ever feel worse than I had then. I looked quickly both ways to make sure the road was clear before jogging across it towards him, seeing as it was painfully clear he wouldn't be approaching me. I skidded to a halt just before him and smiled as I spoke again, "Hey…what are you up to?" He sighed, raked his finger through his hair and replied in a shaky and sullen tone, " Hi…just walking…trying to clear my head. What are you doing out here?" He drew his gaze up finally at the very end of his response, his eyes slightly curious.

"Nothing, just coming to hang out for the day," I quickly changed the subject so I didn't have to elaborate, "So, um I know you must hate me and all but can I have a chance to explain last night? You know now that I am of sound mind." He drew his brow together tightly and squared his shoulders, "You don't have to explain anything…I don't hate you and you did nothing wrong, I just totally misread your vibes is all." I squinted in anguish and quickly reconstructed my expression so as to not make him feel worse then he already did, "That's just the thing, I totally didn't even realize I was giving out those kind of signals. Listen, I have some major intimacy phobias, it actually has nothing to do with you at all-" "It's not you it's me. Yeah I get it. Listen Paige I really don't want to get into that. If you don't mind, I'd really like to keep at least some of my dignity. So please spare me the classic rejection lines," he said his tone both snide and defensive. I understood his hostility though and I knew it was not ill placed, so I kept my tone calm and even, "That's really not what I was getting at, what I was trying to say is let's start over, let's pretend that almost kiss never happened and let's go back to square one it'll save us a ton of awkward silence and angry tension when we hang out."

His eyes went from confused, to intrigued and then finally to bright, "You mean you still wanna hang out with me?" "Of course," I said as I slapped his arm lightly, "Why wouldn't I? So, whatya say?" He smiled, a surprised, yet sweetly enthusiastic smile, "Okay, square one." I smiled back widely and drew my shoulders to my ears in excitement, "Good! And seeing as the first square was you saving my life by giving me stellar directions, do you think you could assist me again?"

"Sure," he said grinning from ear to ear, "Where you heading?" As soon as he asked, I regretting opening my mouth at all, I didn't want to thrash the mends we had just made by informing him I was spending the day with Jacob. He made a spit it out gesture with his hand as he drew his eyebrows high and studied my face. I'm sure I looked awful dumb, standing there with my mouth pressed close and my eyes blank. He cleared his throat to precipitate a response and I obliged, though reluctantly, "Two drives down from the auto-body shop is Jacob's house is it not?"

His eyes lost most of their light as he studied my face, "Yea…on your right." His tone was wounded and I felt the knot reform in my stomach. "What are you two doing?" he asked his eyes a tad hot with anger. "Uh, not much he said something about there is a beach around here and he was gonna show me how to get there is all," I said nervously sliding my hands into my back pockets. "I didn't know you wanted to go to the beach, you should have told me. I would have taken you to the beach, we could have gone yesterday instead of going up to the stupid cliff party. Why didn't you say something?" he asked his words running together as he threw his hands up. I could hear a hint of both jealousy and panic in his tone, which is exactly why I had stared at him for several breaths when I had realized what I had done.

"I uh, didn't know the beach was so close, it's not like I asked him or anything. He asked me last night what I thought of Forks and I said I missed the beaches back home and he said 'oh we have beaches here' and I was like 'oh my god where?' and he said 'real close I can take you one day if you like' and I was like 'we totally have to go' and then I woke up today and it was really nice and he asked if I wanted to go and I was like 'sure' and yea well here we are going to the beach, nothing personal." My words ran together almost as much as his had as I tried to keep him from thinking me and Jacob had secretly planned to have a lovers rendezvous at the beach behind his back after I had told him I was not interested in a relationship.

He swept his hair behind his ear quickly and looked at me with an offended expression, "Why didn't you guys call me? I would have totally come with you." I felt the need to defend myself, which was totally absurd, yet I continued anyway, "Like I said it was totally last minute. You know like on a whim kinda deal. Just two friends heading to the beach for the day."

"Well why don't I come with you? You know seeing as I'm here and I know and I don't have much else to do," he asked raising his hand in a questioning manner. I felt instantly trapped, what the hell was I supposed to say? If I denied him then he'd think me and Jacob were going on a date but if I invited him then he would totally kill the chemistry we both so clearly had with one another. Not to mention he would most definitely see that connection and be jealous and feel betrayed. I couldn't be the one to do either of those things, so I selfishly pushed it onto Jacob, which made me feel completely awful, "I don't see why not I mean I'll ask Jacob, don't wanna just change the plans on him but yeah I'll have him call you."

"I don't see why it'd be a big deal, I mean like you said it's just two friends going to the beach and three is better than two right? Plus, you don't want him getting the wrong idea, so why don't I just ride with you over there and we'll ask him. That way I know for sure you got there and I'll know right away what the deal is," he suggested. "I uh, yeah that's fine come on," I stammered as I turned from him and headed back towards my car. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I screamed at myself, why did I have to be such a bleeding god damn heart all the time? Had to go fucking up a good thing, way to go Paige! Stellar, just fabulous, I thought as I smiled nervously at him while we climbed in.

"A girl who drives stick, nice," he said smiling as I started the car and dropped the e-brake before pulling out onto the road. I smiled and laughed nervously at his attempt to flirt. It made me uncomfortable but I was unsure of how to address it without sounding bitchy. So, I just smiled and turned the radio up as we cruised a little quicker than I had driven before towards Jacob's house.

I stared straight ahead, not meeting his gaze as he yelled over the radio, "It really is the perfect day for the beach." "Uh huh that's why we decided to head out there," I said in response as I drew a deep breath, turned my face from him and winced while biting my bottom lip. Thankfully, I could see Jacob's drive a few hundred feet up on the right, so this tension I felt was soon to subside, or so I hoped.

"The next one on the right with the wh-" he stared to yell before I cut him off. "The white mailbox, yeah I got it." I shot him a smile, realizing how catty I sounded but he just beamed back at me, took my bitchiness on the nose and yelled, "Just making sure."

I released a forced triple laugh and pulled into the drive, the rocks crunched under my tired and caused dust to cloud behind my car. Jacob came outside in response to the sound of my approaching car in white, black and red swim trunks, a tight form fitting black t-shirt and black Nike sneakers. He was beaming, smiling a bright white smile from ear to ear and stopped just before he reached my car. "Hey be-" he started as I parked the car and killed the engine before Embry jumped out of the passenger's seat and killed his flow. "Bestie," he quickly covering his tracks as I stepped out. "Hey Jacob, look who I found," I said straining to smile, my tension evident in my whole body language as I slammed the door closed and scratched the back of my head. "Embry, what's up?" Jacob asked smiling politely, playing his shock off very well.

"Not too much man, Paige saw me walking, got out to talk to me and said you all were going to the beach. She invited me to come," he said digging at Jacob slightly as he came around to stand next to me and drew his arm around my shoulder. "Did she now?" Jacob asked flashing a more evidently forced smile. I laughed nervously at the strain that hung among us before speaking, "No I didn't," I said patting Embry's hand lightly before pulling it off my shoulder, "I told you what I was up to and you asked if you could come and I said we'd have to run it by Jacob, seeing as we already had plans and it's rude to up and change them randomly." I tried to keep my tone light and friendly but I was slightly irritated that he was twisting the story to make himself a spot on this day trip.

"Oh yeah duh, that's how it went," Embry said as he slid his hand into his pockets and glowered at Jacob's smug appearance. "Don't you have work this afternoon?" Jacob asked Embry, tilting his head to the side and smiling, "I mean I don't wanna get down there and have to come back after like an hour so you can go to work, that's a bummer for Paige seeing as how we're both off today."

Embry licked his lip and sucked his teeth lightly, "Yeah I do, but if you all have room for one more I'd gladly call out to spend the day with my two 'besties'." Jacob drew his brow slightly in confusion and turned Embry's dig back around onto him, "Quil isn't coming though." I had to turn my face from them to hide the smile that was fighting to break across my face, the two of them were ridiculous yet completely amusing. Embry cleared his throat and snuffed in a breath before speaking, his eyes hot on Jacob, "So, what's the word Jacob she said it's up to you…am I invited or not?" Jacob shrugged, kept his composure, his face stone cold as he spoke, "I don't see why not if you can get the day off. I mean I don't want you to piss your Dad off and lose a day's pay, I know you need this job, man. Don't want to screw you for a day at the beach, there's always another time."

I felt my back stiffen involuntarily to his response, his cold and composed reply caught me completely off guard, I guess I'd been hoping he'd tell him flat out 'no'. But, I knew he couldn't do that to his friend, despite our chemistry and I respected him for his loyalty. Embry smiled sort of sadistically as he reached for his phone in his front pocket. His expression went panic-stricken as his hand came up empty. Jacob raised his eyebrow at him and half smiled, "What wrong Embry?" He expression indicated that he some how knew Embry wouldn't have his phone on him, his stance calm and unchanged.

"I uh, don't have my phone, I just need to borrow one, Paige?" he said glowering momentarily at Jacob before turning his face to me, he expression much softer now. I began to shift my weight to turn so I could retrieve my cell but Jacob spoke, ceasing my movements, "She gets crappy service out here let me get the house phone for you."

I contorted my brow momentarily in confusion but relaxed my face as Embry turned towards me, "Yeah I do, fucking 3G worldwide service my ass." He nodded in acceptance before turning back to Jacob, "Yeah I'd appreciate that man." "No problem," Jacob said as he turned back to the house, pausing momentarily to throw a wink and a smile over his shoulder at me, "Be right back." I automatically smiled, not intending to, his confidence put me at rest and his show of affection was a pleasant surprise. Embry did not share my feelings, he huffed a quick hard breath and sucked his teeth.

I composed myself as I turned to face Embry, didn't want him to see my response to Jacob, "So do you think your Dad will give you the day?" He nodded and smiled at my question, eating up the message I was intending to send, I really didn't want him to come, hoped his Dad would be the one to tell him no but I didn't want to stand in several tense minutes with him and make it completely obvious.

"Yeah, I don't see why not," Embry said still smiling. "Good," I said shifting my weight nervously, "I'm itching to get down there already. I love the beach." "Oh it's beautiful down there, I mean it's no California but it's still beautiful-you'll love it," he said smiling as he rubbed my arm. I tensed slightly, but not enough to give myself away and smiled despite the awkwardness of situation. I didn't feel anything like that for Embry, all I had for him was a friendly bond but he was treading on that by trying to force intimacy. No matter how badly he wanted it, he couldn't force it and create something that was simply not there on my end.

"Yeah I bet I will," I said as I chewed nervously on my lip. Where the hell was Jacob, the tension may be sickening when the two are facing off but at least I wasn't left to undergo this awkwardness alone. At least when they were going blow for blow, Jacob offered some comic relief for me. Plus, Jacob's whole demeanor made me more at ease, his presence alone calmed me immensely. I needed that now, needed him to come back out here and make me smile again so I didn't chew a god damn hole through my lip as Embry slid closer and closer.

Just when I was about to break and tell him to get the hell out of my personal space, Jacob appeared in the doorway holding the cordless landline phone in his hand. "Here ya go Embry, sorry bout the wait I couldn't find it, Dad never hangs in up, that's why the battery is kinda low so you gotta be quick." He stood just far enough away so that Embry had to take three step away from me to retrieve the phone- I was very thankful for this. "Yeah no problem," Embry said as he shot his a dirt look and swiped the phone from Jacob's hand. He dialed and pressed the phone to his ear, clearing his throat as he listened to the ring.

Jacob's face was stoic, which lead me to believe he had something up his sleeve, but perhaps that was just me imagining an outcome that was in my favor. I glanced towards Embry when he spoke as his Dad picked up the phone, "Hey it's me Embry, listen seeing as we're usually pretty slow on Saturdays do you think I'd be able to have the night off because some of my friends are heading down to the beach today, kinda last minute, and I'd really like to go." I bit harshly on my bottom lip as he spoke but had to quickly release my bite when Embry turned to me at the end of the statement and smiled. Fuck my life, his Dad was going to let him go. Jacob's confidence had been completely misleading, I knew I was reading him wrong.

I felt a twinge of relief when Embry's eyes went dim as he searched the space between us as though he was looking for the logic in his father's response. His voice was low, almost inaudible when he spoke again as he turned away from us, "So, what are you saying?"

My eyes quickly shot towards Jacob, his eyebrows raised high as he looked at me as though he were surprised by Embry's last retort, yet a smile was sneaking through his pressed lips. I narrowed my eyes, making it clear that I suspected mutiny as Embry took several paces away from us keeping his words rather muted. Jacob kept his eyes on mine and I mouthed, 'What did you do?' a smile forcing it's way onto my lips. He rose his finger to his smiling lips to silence me as he winked. Embry turned to face us only moments after Jacob dropped his hand from his mouth and mellowed his expression. Embry's eyes were sullen and his expression miserable as he slapped the phone into Jacob's extended hand. "What's the word?" Jacob asked as he looked rather concerned.

"He needs to leave early, something about plans with some friends, so he needs me to come in…" he said his tone furious. "Awe Embry that's really shitty," I said trying to sound upset. "Yeah man, that's rough-" Jacob started before Embry cut him off. "Don't worry, I don't have to go in till two and it's only noon, I can tag along for a little bit of time in before work," he said tilting his head in a fuck you too manner. Jacob forced a smile, "Ah, nice. So, let's get going so you can get maximum beach time in." "Yay, three friends just going to the beach," I said sounding slightly sarcastic despite myself.

Jacob chuckled to himself as he caught the disdain in my tone caused by my anxiety. "Let's go," he said patting my shoulder as he stepped to my other side. I sighed to myself as I strolled between the two of them, each striding happily at my side. Embry smiled enthusiastically at me as he moved almost shoulder to shoulder with me and I smiled back, not wanting to hurt his feelings as I hiked my beach bag higher onto my shoulder to keep some distance between us. He beamed and exhaled in a staggered manner before speaking, "So Paige are you excited?"

"Most definitely, I could use a little wave time. Back home I spent all my free time down at the water, surfing, swimming, wake boarding, you name it and I've done it. I feel really free down there," I said sort of rambling as Jacob slyly slipped his hand into mine, locking our fingers out of Embry's sight. It was very clear to me that he was determined to keep things moving, despite Embry's protest but he was not about to rub it in his face. I knew we were walking a very fine line and I didn't intend on sabotaging whatever was cooking up between us however I wanted to do it as softly as possible for Embry. He had been my very first friend in Washington, had without hesitation accepted me into his life, introduced me to his clique and extended a hand of kindness to me. I appreciated that and felt deeply indebted to him, seeing as I would be still very lonely without him, but I also didn't intend on sacrificing my shot at happiness either. I would have to go about this in the proper way so as to ensure I didn't burn too many bridges in my quest for bliss and companionship.

He nodded in agreement, "There is something about the beach, it seems to put everything into perspective."

I shrugged in partial disagreement, "Sometimes…but I think mostly it…I don't know… it…" I struggled to find the appropriate words but they just wouldn't come out. "It's like a reset button or a cleanse. You get there and everything is made new, it draws all the tainted energy out and replaces it with clean. Purifies everything," Jacob said, expressing my exact thought. "Yes," I said as I looked up at him as the thicket thinned, slamming the scent of the water into my lungs, "That's exactly it. It is never sedentary, it's always moving, you're never surrounded by the same water twice, it's always being shifted, always being replaced by new."

Jacob smiled and his eyes drifted down to mine, holding them as we continued forward. It felt like electricity was coursing between us, hot and pure, arching passionately. You would have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not feel our energy colliding, the sensation was overpowering. All of my senses were flooded with him, I heard only his steady breathing and strong rhythmic heart beat. Could feel only his warmth and the way his calloused hands locked around mine, out fingers fitting each other perfectly. Drew in only his scent, the rustic, earthy and masculine aroma that was unique to him mixed with cologne that smelt of sandalwood, espresso and nutmeg. And my eyes took in only him, the virility of his physic, the strength of bone structure and the spark that smoldered in his deep brown eyes. I was completely unaware of what was going on outside of us, the world could be on fire, burning to ash around me and I would be totally unchanged, all that mattered was him. For the first time in nearly two years, I was completely content, at peace with myself as our hearts spoke to one another.

My serenity was ripped from me violently by the sound of Embry's voice, "Hopefully you are in need of a reset." I pulled my gaze from Jacob and spun my face towards the intruding noise, my forehead drawn in bewilderment, "Huh?"

He nodded in front of us, his eyes glittering as he smiled, "We're here, Paige." I rotated my face slowly forward, my eyes taking in the scenery as they swept over it. The shore was rocky, much more coarse than the beaches back home and was a slate grey in hue, a fair cry from the white sand I was used to. The water was more of a murky shade of blue then farther down the coast, but the movement of it was exactly the same. I gasped in astonishment, released Jacob's hand and drew my palms to my mouth as my eyes grew wider at the majestic tranquility of this spot. "Oh wow guys, it's gorgeous," I said softly as I closed my eyes and let the ocean's sounds flood into my head. I drew the salty fragrance deep into the corners of my lungs, allowing it to tingle every cell in my body.

"Told you you'd like it," Embry said his tone full of pride. I opened my eyes, turned to face him and smiled against my hands as I spoke, "I'm totally in love." He flashed a bright white smile as he as watched the enthusiasm dance in my eyes, "I'm glad." I held his eyes for a moment longer before turning to Jacob as I let my hands fall from my face and whispered "Thank you." His eyes gleamed as he brought his hand to my lower back and he leaned in to press his lips lightly to my forehead. "You're welcome," he breathed so softly it was as if it were only an exhale. I smiled as his kiss grazed my skin, sending a shiver down my spine.

I heard Embry hiss to my right in response to my preference to closeness with Jacob, obviously irritated that I allowed the gesture. Out of guilt I reluctantly pulled away from Jacob, my eyes showing my sorrow as I held his gaze to reassure him that our contact had not been uninvited. He smiled softly as he received my message but made no movements away from me, instead he stood his ground, kept his body angled towards mine. It was becoming very obvious that he didn't plan on being subtle about the energy that coursed between us. I wasn't sure how this would go, but as long as I didn't have to grate the intense bond we were creating in Embry's face I didn't see why it would blow up too violently.

I pulled my eyes back to the water, watching it roll up onto the shore before us. None of us moved, we all just stood there is silence, gazing out into vast Pacific Ocean. The silence was mildly tense, like each person was waiting for the other to move first, but it never happened. I stood there for several more breathes waiting for either of them to do something and when they didn't I took it upon myself to initiate our beach day.

I dropped my bag at my side and kept my eyes locked on the water as I slowly started to unzip my hoodie, exposing my bathing suit top and bare stomach as I kicked my flip flops out in front of me. I could see that they were watching me, Jacob doing so in a less obvious manner then Embry, as I dropped my sweater on top of my flip flops before I began the task of removing my jeans. I should have been embarrassed that two guys were watching my disrobe, but back home walking around in a two piece was a way of life. I practically lived in bikini for as long as I could remember, plus judging by the way Jacob's eyes followed the curves of my frame he was pleased with what he saw. I slipped my jeans off and added them to my pile before glancing over my left shoulder, waiting for Jacob's gaze to travel slowly back up to mine. When our eyes met, I winked as I pulled the knotted strings that created the sides of bottoms lightly up onto my hips.

He smiled sweetly as he licked his lips, holding my gaze as I stepped over my clothes and started towards the water. I smiled seductively before turning my face back to the ocean as my toes met the surf. The water was about ten degrees colder than I was used to but I was so excited to get in that I didn't give a damn. I waded in and called over my shoulder, "Coming?"

I heard Embry huff in anger as I reached thigh deep water, "We forgot to stop by my house so I don't have trunks." Jacob responded with a hint of sarcasm burning in his tone, "Bummer man." I smiled softly to myself, shaking my head lightly as I dove under the next on coming wave. I sliced through the water, completely confident in as it coursed around me, dragging fiercely against me. I pressed forward, fighting my way against the current until I reached a place where the waves were created. The movements were calmer here and I could come up without fear of a being crushed by a massive wave.

I broke through the surface, taking in a deep breath as the sun beamed onto my face. I stood, the water breaking on my chest, as I pivoted back towards the beach while I ran my hands through my hair. I could see Embry sulking on the shore, his expression hot was anger as he watched me. I couldn't see Jacob though, I scanned the water, looking for any sign of him. There was nothing, no indication that he was anywhere close.

Just as I was beginning to get slightly worried I felt a tug on my leg. I lost my footing, slipped almost completely under the water as he surface inches from me. I giggled a startled laugh as he grinned mischievously at me, brought his hands to my hips to steady me and drew me into a standing position with my body pressed against his.

I pressed my hand into his chest, pushing him lightly away from me as I playfully sneered at him, a hint of laughter still in my tone, "Dick." He smiled in a menacing manner, grabbed my hips again and drug my body back into his, pulling us down into the water as he spoke, "Now that's not very nice." I arched my eyebrows in surprise as I stared laughing while I wrapped my arms around his neck. I pressed my body harder against him while his hands drifted up my back and came to rest just below the knot in my bathing suit top as we floated in the ocean together. "I never said I play nice," I said in a sultry manner, as I brought my lips to the point of almost grazing his before I leaned harder into him, sending us toppling backwards back under water. I released him and began to swim away, knowing I'd just waged war, but I was extremely excited to see where he'd take it.

As I surfaced, I gained my footing for a mere moment before his hands were on my waist again and he raised me up out of the water. I let out a thrilled and surprised giggle as he spun me lightly through the air before dragging me back under. The spin brought me back on top while we were submerged and pressed against his chest with both of my hands, using his body as a surface to kick off of and gain enough speed to propel myself backwards, out of his reach as he was forced closer to the ocean floor.

I spun away from him and kept my strokes fast and strong to put as much distance between us as possible. I rose to the surface, took a deep breath before I glanced over my shoulder and saw Jacob resurfacing. He raked his fingers through his short choppy ebony hair and laughed in an almost sadistic manner as he grinned from ear to ear and started after me. I giggled in excitement as he chased me and let out a shrill squeal when I felt his grab hold of my leg and drag me back towards him.

I laughed, throwing my head back as he drug me into a bear hug and pivoted his weight to spin me again. He stood holding me tightly against his chest and smiled, "Are you done?" I nodded and spoke between giggles, "You win, you win!" He smiled in a triumphant manner as he slowly loosened his grip and lowered me back to my feet. He left his hands resting lightly on my hips as I stood, running my hands over my face and back into my hair. I swung my arm and sent water splashing into his face, "Jerk."

His hands left my hips as he raised his them to shield his face, laughing at my spunk before mimicking my movement. I turned quickly from him, having read his movement adequately and let the water rain down my back as I released one loud laugh in victory. "You are sooo predictable," I yelled over my shoulder unwilling to turn around, unsure if he'd splash me again. "Predictable huh?" he asked his voice riddled with laughter. "Yes totally predict-" I started before he grabbed me by arm and spun me to face him ceasing my words by slamming his lips hard into mine. I obliged, kissed him back, let him slip his tongue between my lips as I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my body against his. I intensified our kiss, making it more hot and passionate as I let the energy that surging between us direct my actions. My one hand found his hair, entangled itself in it pulling it back softly to open him up so our kiss could deepen. He didn't object, instead he tightened his arms around me, drawing our skin so close I could feel his heart pounding in his chest through my breasts, could feel the way his abdomen muscles contracted against my soft skin.

He ended the kiss by slowing it way down, before pulling away, only to lean back in and kiss me very softly. "Bet you didn't see that one coming," he whispered and smile spread wide across his lip as my hand feel from his hair came to rest on his shoulder. I leaned back and smiled very sweetly as I looked at him from under my lashes, "No…I can't say I did." He softly chuckled before he spoke, his arms still locked around my lower back, "It's good to know I can still be slightly impulsive." I smiled and tilted my head to the side as I brought my other hand to rest on his shoulder as well. "So can I," I said sultrily as I pressed as hard as I could down on his shoulders, using all of my body weight to force him back under.

His arms slipped from around me as he became submerged momentarily before shooting back up as I waded back in towards the shore. "Hey we called a truce!" he said as he shook his head and laughed. "We did, I was just finishing it on my terms, it's sorta my thing gotta have the last word," I said as I peered over my shoulder and winked as the I walked into where the waves capped.

I was slightly startled when I turned my eyes back to the beach and saw Embry laying on his back looking up at the sky. I had completely forgotten he was here. Shit I hope he didn't see that! That would be just awesome, 'Oh yeah Embry I'm not looking for intimacy, excuse me while I make out with your friend.' Stellar Paige, just fucking fabulous.

The water slammed hard into the back of my legs now, knocking me slightly off balance as I worked my way back on the rocky sand, running through my head all the things I could say if he had seen us. I would have to be honest with him, would have to tell him that I was truly not looking for a relationship, that the chemistry between Jacob and I had caught me out of the blue. That it wasn't something planned or schemed about, it just sort of happened. I knew he would be pissed but more than anything else he'd be hurt; damaged because it wasn't with him and sadly there was absolutely nothing I could do about that. I couldn't make something out of nothing, I could force myself to have feelings for Embry and I couldn't make myself not have feelings for Jacob. Everything at this point was completely out of my hands.

I adjusted my bottoms, pulling them back up onto my hips and then ran my hands over my hair as I crossed the jagged stones towards him. I reached for my bag, pulled my towel out from it and dried my face as I stood next to him, "Hey Embry, I'm real sorry bout the whole no trunks thing. But it's okay, I'll sit with you out here until it's time for you to go." He didn't shift his eyes towards me, barely even acknowledged that I was standing next to him, just softly said "Um hum."

I wrapped the towel around chest, tucking one side in to keep it secure and lowered myself to the sand so that I sat cross-legged next to him. I leaned back on my hands and looked up at the sky in the same direction that he did; watched the seagulls swooping among the clouds. "It's a really beautiful day isn't it?" I asked making small talk as we watched the clouds together. "Um hum," he replied again not moving his eye from where he held them. I got a little worried, thought he must have seen us kiss and it broke my heart to think of how it must be making him feel. I sat up, pivoted my weight towards him and looked down at him as Jacob waded through the water towards us.

I figured I'd better just nip this in the ass before the two of them made things worse. So, I drew a deep breath and prepared to grovel. "Embry listen I know you-" I started before he cut me off. "Paige, please no more long winded explanation okay? I don't have the stomach to hear them right now. Just please don't say anything," he said his tone somber and his expression wounded. "Okay," I whispered as I began to turn away from him. But before I completed my rotation, he shot forward up onto his hands and turned his face towards me, his eyes burning through me and creating that knot in my stomach again. "Actually you know what I would like to know one thing, just one thing and you can go back to not talking," he said his tone slightly anger yet more so depressive.

I nodded not saying anything at all as his eyes searched my face, "Why is it different for him?" I contoured my brow, drawing it tight in confusion as I studied him. "What do you mean different?" I asked confused as to what exactly it was he wanted to know. "Why does he get to be all flirty and slick with you but I can't be? Why does he get to be close to you but I'm not allowed?" he asked his tone gaining a bit more bite. "Jacob and I are just friends too Embry-" "Please he was practically dry humping you out there and that's cool but I get a little too close and it's 'Oh Embry I have intimacy issues'. I saw some serious intimacy issues out there in the water that's for sure," he said his eyes more hot now and his tone brutal.

I couldn't deny him his anger though, I understood where he was coming from with this, I realized how bad this must all seem to him. "We were just wrestling Emb-" I started before he cut me off again. "Yeah just frolicking in the fucking water is what you were doing. Do you need a god damn cold shower now Paige?" he said, his words venomous. I withdrew from him and pulled my brow tight. Anger I could take but flat out disrespect I would not tolerate, "Embry! That was uncalled for, you're mad I get that. I can take mad but you will not out right trash me do you hear me? You wanna call me a bitch and scream go right the fuck ahead I can deal with that but-" He cut back in, "Just fucking admit it Paige and we can both move on from this!" I pulled back harder my eyes more potent as I sized him up, "Admit what exactly?" "That you want a relationship, just not with me. You just flat out want nothing to do with me, you rather be with him. Just fucking say it so I can accept it, no more pussy footing around it. It's easy just say 'Embry I am not into you. I'd much rather be with your friend Jake.' I can handle it Paige I'm not a child," he shot out his words ripping at me like daggers and his eyes hot with anger.

I withdrew completely this time, rising to my feet as I studied him, "Fuck you it's not fucking like that Embry! I didn't come out here looking for shit okay? I have way too much other bullshit in my life to be worried about everyone else's shit too. I don't need to have a fucking boyfriend so I can deal with his issues, I have enough of my fucking own okay? And furthermore, I am so sick, so sick to death and fucking tired of people thinking they know what the fuck is going on in my head when it is blatantly obvious that none of you mother-fuckers have the slightest idea. So psycho analyze this Embry FUCK YOU!" I screamed, my whole body was shaking and my face was burning as I let into him. I didn't need this shit didn't have the time or the energy for it which is exactly I didn't want a man in my life.

"Whoa!" Jacob yelled as he came onto us, stepping in front of me and putting his hands up in a calming manner, "Did I miss something?" "Embry's a fucking prick!" I lashed out over Jacob's shoulder. Jacob shot a look in his direction before turning his gaze back to me, "What the hell happened here?" His expression was bewildered as he searched my face for an answer his statement. "I've had a fucking fabulous day at the God damn beach and I'd like to go home now," I said as I scooped my bag and belongings up and slipped my flip flops on.

"Don't let me shit on your day," Embry shot as he jumped to his feet, "I'm leaving." "Every-fucking-body, slow the hell down! Someone tell me what the fuck happened?" "She just can't be fucking honest with herself! She thinks she's fooling me," he spewed over Jacob's shoulder at me. "Fuck you! I am not trying to fool anyone! I didn't plan on liking anyone! I didn't want to come out here and want to be with anyone! It's not like I was like, 'Oh, Ima go up to Forks and find me a nice man to date because right now what I need to worry about is someone else's insecurities. Hey and while I am at it why don't a find a decent guy who I can fuck with, ya know lead him on and then ditch him for his hot friend. Yeah that sounds good!' If you really think that is how it is then you can go to fucking hell for all I care!" I shouted pointing over Jacob at Embry.

"What the fuck ever! Why can't you just say it would it fucking kill you?" he said closing the gap between us, coming close behind Jacob.

"I'm sorry Embry that I don't see you like that, I am sorry that I don't have this burning desire to jump your bones! But that does not mean that I am in any way stable enough to have a fucking relationship with anyone else either! Just because what I feel for you is purely platonic doesn't mean I'm looking to bed someone else! All it means is that I don't feel the same way about you as you do about me! Do I feel a different draw to him? Yes. But does that convert into lets drag him into all of my shit? No!" I shouted before turning my eyes to Jacob, "Tell him that you and I aren't dating! Tell him how I told you I have too many fucking issue for that shit, how I said I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now, that I didn't know if I'd ever be! Tell him!" Jacob drew a deep breath and put both of his hands on my shoulders as he studied my face. "You don't owe him that," he said softly, keeping his tone even and calm as he held my gaze, his eyes very gentle.

"Fuck you man!" Embry yelled. Jacob spun around to face him, his tone a lot more harsh as he addressed Embry, "She doesn't owe any of us anything. Her issues are hers, what gives us the right to demand she explain herself?" Embry glowered, his eyes furious and his tone cut throat, "That's real easy for you to say, she all over you! I saw her first and you just came strolling up and stole her way, what happened to the guy code Jacob? How long have we been friends?"

Jacob opened his mouth to respond, all of his muscles tensing defensively before I cut in, "What the fuck am I, a slab of meat? or is it more like dogs marking a god damn tree?" I was furious, 'I saw her first' what the hell was that? And the man code was that supposed to mean I was some hoe? Jacob spoke before Embry could turn his frustrations towards me, his tone was hot yet surprisingly composed, "It isn't like that." "Oh yeah?" Embry asked as he stepped forward, bringing himself just arms length away from Jacob, "That's exactly what it's like! You have no loyalty Jacob, none! Before Paige came you were all hung up on Bella, you spent every single day trying to get her to pay attention to you and when she didn't in the way you wanted all you did was complain about how she was so caught up on her boyfriend and then 'BAM' I bring a beautiful girl around and you jump on her like Bella never existed. You didn't even waste any time, look here it is day two and your all fucking cuddly and shit. And in the process you've forgotten real quick who your boys are, is that because it stands in the way of getting your rocks off?" Embry spewed.

Jacob took one long stride forward and stood toe to toe with Embry his chest puffed and shoulders square and spoke in a tone that was stern yet very controlled, "Go home Embry, before this gets any uglier." Embry sucked his teeth and scowled at Jacob, his eyebrows drawn tight, "What are you gonna do? Fight me over some fucking chick? Is that what fifteen years of friendship means to you?" Jacob shook his head, "You are obviously irrational right now so I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that and our fifteen years of friendship is the only thing keeping me from hitting you in the mouth." "Didn't stop you from taking what's mine from me though did it?" he said his eyes blazing as he pointed in Jacob's face.

"Go home Embry, now," Jacob said without flinching. They held each other's glare for several tense moments, sizing each other up, waiting for the other to react, before Embry finally backed down. "Whatever man, don't come crying to me when she decides she's too fucked up for you too," he said before he turned his back on us and started towards the woods.

My mouth hung slightly open in shock as I watched him stock off, my eyes shooting daggers into his back. I couldn't believe he had reacted that way, he threw every low blow he could think of and for what? Pride? I hope he's real proud that he just made himself look like a giant asshole. This whole interaction completely changed my opinion on him and not for the better.

"What a fucking douche nozzle!" I spit out as I watched him disappear into the wood line. Jacob exhaled slowly, balling and releasing his fists at his side without saying anything. I watched him, waited for his to speak but he didn't say a word, just bore his eyes into the exact spot where Embry had stomped off through the trees.

"Jacob," I said quietly, my tone much more tender then it was before. His muscles tensed under my touch as I place my hands on his bare shoulders. "I am really sorry," I said feeling completely awful that I had caused them to fight. "Don't be," he said exhaling deeply before he turned to face me, his demeanor much more calm and his eyes soft again, "You didn't do anything wrong." "Yeah but you two wouldn't be at each other's throats if it weren't for me," I said glumly as I looked down in guilt. He put his finger under my chin and gentle angled my face towards his so that our eyes locked as he spoke, "And we wouldn't have gotten into it if I didn't think you were worth fighting for, so it falls on me too."

I felt my stomach flop as we held each other eyes. His words sent ever nerve in my body firing at once, causing me to almost quiver. I wanted to jump him, right there on that rocky shore, wanted to throw him to the ground and show him just how worth it I could be but, several things Embry said ate at me. I had almost forgotten about Bella, I knew he couldn't possibly be as over her as he seemed, and I knew he was right, I was fucked up and it would be unfair to take it to the next level so quickly when I still had so much to work through. I knew I wanted to, ever fiber of my being screamed that I wanted him, but I was still so unsure how it had come to this so quickly when I had so much baggage.

So, I settled for a gentle kiss, grazed his lips lightly with mine, pressed my body softly against his as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He drew me in tenderly, knowing that that's what I needed now. I leaned back slightly and met his eyes, studying him as I whispered, "Why are you so good to me? You don't even know me." "Because this is how it's meant to be," he said in a soft breath as he brushed his lips delicately against mine. Part of me knew he was right.


	8. Dinner and a Movie

I sat at the kitchen table across from Billy as Jacob served up the steak. Billy had insisted that I stay for dinner and I obliged in complete defiance of Jacob's wishes. Jacob was certain his Dad would say something he'd be utterly mortified about, but I figured he'd just have to get over it because if he and I stayed on out current course, I'd be extended family in no time.

"So Paige, when did you get to Forks?" Billy asked as Jacob dropped a hunk of meat onto his Dad's plate. "About two weeks ago," I said as he I began sawing at my helping of London broil. "Two weeks and this is the first I'm meeting you?" Billy said throwing a look of disapproval at Jacob, who lowered himself into his seat to my left. "Well Jacob and I just met yesterday; I met Embry when I first came into town and he introduced me to Jake about oh…"I said narrowing my eyes as I peered at the clock behind Billy, "thirty hours ago. So, don't worry he hasn't been keeping me a secret for long." Billy laughed, impressed by my comedic twist on the truth, "I like her Jacob, she's got some spunk in her."

"She sure does," Jacob said as he smiled and began to carve up his steak. "Well Paige, I am very glad that you and Jake have taken a liking to one another, he's been quite gloomy lately. Really, starting to depress me actually, so if you could improve that I'd be much obliged," Billy said before popping a large chunk of meat into his mouth. "Seriously Dad?" Jacob said as he brought his hand to his forehead. I laughed as Billy drew his shoulders up in confusion, "What son? I'm just stating a fact, you've been really down here for a while and a pretty young girl like herself might be able to perk your mood up some."

"Dad!" Jacob said as he dropped his knife, "Really? That was appropriate." I chuckled and Billy drifted his eyes between me and his son, "What? I'm just saying-" Jacob cut him off, raising his hand as he closed his eyes, his tone very measured, "Just please stop just saying." "Am I embarrassing you?" Billy asked looking at us both. "Ya think?" Jacob said as he turned back to his food and I shook my head in objection, "I am not embarrassed in the least." Billy motioned at me with his knife as he looked at Jacob, "See, nothing to be all uptight about son she's fine with it."

Jacob drew a deep breath and turned his eyes to me, "Couldn't you have lied? For my sake." I laughed softly as I cut another chunk of my meat off, "I'm sorry I'll know better for next time." "Thank you," Jacob said before turning back to his meal. Billy and I held each other's eyes, laughing softly to ourselves as we found a degree of enjoyment in his frustration. Jacob raised his eyes slowly and we both stared back at him with straight faces, hiding out inner amusement, until he turned his face back down so we could silently laughed along with each other.

There was a knock at the door, that interrupted our moment and Billy called out, his laughter displaying itself in his tone, "Who is it?" "It's just me Billy is Jacob home?" I heard a female voice call out before the door clicked closed behind it. Jacob and Billy exchanged looks of both confusion and fear. I knew the voice but really couldn't place it and as she rounded the corner into the kitchen it all fell into place, Bella.

Jacob cleared his throat and rose, wiping his face with the napkin before he embraced her in a friendly hug, "Hey Bella." She looked at me over his shoulder her face saturated with uncertainty as she rubbed Jacobs back, "Hey Jacob."

Jacob pulled out of the hug and sat back down motioning to the seat at my right, "Wanna sit?" "Um no," she said drawing her eyed from me to Jacob as she replied. "What's up?" he asked as he started to eat again. "Nothing," Bella said bringing her gaze back to me as she sized me up. I smiled sweetly in a slightly bitchy manner. I couldn't help it, I hated when people gawked. "I'm sorry I forgot your name," she said as she smiled back at me in the same manner. "Paige," I said in a pleasant manner, trying not to let on that I had received her jealous vibe from the moment she laid eye on me. "Ah yeah, that's right, Paige. Hi how are you?" she asked as she brushed her hair behind her ear and crossed her arms at her chest.

"I am well," I said before taking another bite.

"Good" she said before Billy cut in to break the catty tension in the room. "So, Bella what brings you out here today?" "Um not much, I was just coming to see what Jacob was up to, I didn't realize you had company," she said glancing from Billy to Jacob as she spoke. "Yeah, Jake showed Paige the beach today and when they got back I couldn't send her off with an empty stomach. So, I invited her to join us for dinner," Billy said as he started eating again. "Oh you guys went to the beach?" Bella said tilting her head and smiling at Jake in a forced manner, "That's nice. You should have called me I've been so bored all day."

Jacob swallowed the bite of food he had in his mouth in a slightly hoarse manner before speaking, "Yeah, sorry it was kinda last minute. Paige caught up with Embry on her way over and he joined us for a bit, nothing too crazy. Why you been so bored? Is Edward still out camping with Jasper and Emmett?" "Yeah they aren't due back until later tonight. So um, what are your plans for the next couple of hours wanna hang out?" Jacob glanced quickly at me, before fixing his eyes back on her and just when he was about to speak Billy cut in, "Aren't you kids supposed to be seeing that movie tonight?" I kept my face unchanged as I smiled at Billy before speaking, "Yeah well we were just going to rent one. It's no biggie Jacob we can rain check it." Jacob turned his face towards me his expression completely lost and I smiled sweetly as I touched his arm that rest in his lap, "We'll have a movie night at my place another night."

Bella cut in, "Oh no if you guys already have plans it's okay Jake and I can get together another night." Jacob reconstructed his expression before turning it back to Bella, "I'm sorry." She smiled, but her eyes flashed with a bit of anger as she glanced quickly down to my hand that still rested in Jacob's lap, "No it's fine, I'll call you later Jacob okay?" He nodded and smiled before she waved at Billy and started back out of the kitchen. She paused in the doorway, "Bye Jake." "Bye" he said as he smiled over his shoulder at her before turning his head down to his plate again. He kept his eyes locked on his food until we heard her truck start up outside.

He pulled his eyes up and glanced in between me and Billy his expression bewildered, "What the hell was that?" Billy shrugged, "Just a little taste of her own medicine. Don't get me wrong she's a real swet girl and I have nothing against her but she has been kind of rough on you kid. You can't always be so available Jacob, every time her boyfriend is out of town she comes running to you like her backup and that's not fair." "So you used Paige as a weapon in your personal vendetta? And you played along?" he said directing each question to the appropriate person. "Well, I don't know, Emily told me some stuff and I kinda thought she deserved it," I said pulling my hand off of him and bringing it to my body, unsure if he was pissed at me for what I'd just done.

"Plus," Billy added before Jacob could reply, "I wasn't using her if you kids actually go hang out tonight. I was also trying to help you out son." Jacob laughed as he brought his eyes back to his father, "Thanks Dad, but I doubt you just set up the night for me, seeing as she was on the vendetta side of your reasoning." "You can come back to my place with me, we can really rent a movie and watch it together…I don't have anything else planned for tonight," I said as I pushed the remainder of my potato salad around on my plate. Jacob slowly turned his face back to mine, "Yeah?"

"Sure why not?" I said as I slowly moved my hand back to his lap and patted his leg, "I could use the company." Billy beamed with pride as he finished the last of his dinner. Jacob smiled sweetly at me and brought his hand to rest on mine as he spoke, "I'd like that." I smiled and tilted my head as we held each other's gaze for a moment before Billy interrupted, "Ha! Now that's what I'm talking about!"

I laughed and turned my gaze to him smiling from ear to ear, "Me too." Jacob cracked a smile, finally lightening up about his father's blunt remarks. He turned my hand, interlocked our fingers and kept them in his lap as he turned back to the last bit of dinner left on his plate.

I was full, so I rested my cheek on my free hand and smiled sweetly at Billy, who sat with his hands folded in his lap, "Oh I almost forgot, my Uncle Jackson wanted me to say 'Hello' for him, says he knows you through Charlie." Billy tilted his head and smiled, "Jackson Hepburn is your uncle?" I nodded smiling again, "Yep, I'm staying in the apartment he has right now, until I can afford a place of my own." "What a small world," Billy said looking presently surprised. "Isn't it though?" I said in agreement. "I've known him going on eight years or so, he's a good man. What's he been up to? Haven't seen him in probably about a year and a half." "Oh not much really, he works an awful lot, seeing as he made principal last fall," I said keeping our small talk flowing. "Did he now? Well congratulate him for me will ya? And tell him we are over due a fishing trip," Billy said smiling. "Of course," I said as I nodded.

Billy made one soft nod before his eyes lit up with recognition and he pointed at me as he spoke, "Wait a second are you the niece he was always talking about?" I looked at him slightly confused and pulled my shoulders up, "I guess, I mean I am his only niece so I guess I'd have to be. I wasn't aware he ever talked about me though." "Oh yeah," he said smiling before he folded his hands back into his lap, "Whatever happened Corvette you were working on?"

I swallowed coarsely and stiffened my posture slightly as I lifted my head from my hand and I struggled to keep my eyes unchanged. "The uh, '69 C3 Corvette Stingray?" I asked tilting my head, "My uncle told you about that?" "Oh yeah, he was real proud that his niece was into that kind of stuff. Did you ever get her up and running?" he asked completely unaware that the project car he spoke of was tied to my deepest issues. "Yeah," I said in a tone that was almost inaudible.

"Wait, you mean you actually like working on cars?" Jacob asked his eyes bright with excitement as he flashed a pleased smile. "Um hum…well I mean I used to, I haven't been under a hood in almost two years or so though," I said lightening my tone so I could steer the conversation away from Caleb's Stingray. "No way! That's wicked, I had no idea you were into that kinda stuff," he said his tone ecstatic as he studied my face. "You seem surprised; what never met girl who could change her own oil?" I asked adding a playful atmosphere to the conversation. "Are you kidding me?" he asked as he flashed a bright smile and dropped his fork onto his plate, "The girls I've met couldn't even pop their own hood, let alone change the oil."

"Well now you know a girl who can not only pop her own hood and change her oil, but can also build her own carburetor," I said winking. His eyes practically danced as he smiled from ear to ear and squeezed my hand lightly in his lap, "You'll have to show me some time." "Sure, I could probably show you a thing or two," I said in an insinuative tone as I smiled back at him.

His smiled brightened as he shook his head lightly, "I dunno, I spend five days a week working on cars down the road at the auto shop. So, I think I might be just a tad more in practice." "Yes," I said flashing my own playful smile, "But fixing and maintaining a car is a whole different ball game then modifying and rebuilding, and I've done all of the above." Jacob beamed, obviously very pleased that I was so confident in my abilities, "You might be able to show me something about moding, but I've been restoring, fixing and maintaining cars and bikes since I could walk. Tell her Dad."

Billy nodded in agreement, a proud smile stretched across his lips as he watched our interaction, "He has been. I have to say he's rather mechanically inclined. He's kept all our fuel powered engines running long past their life expectancy." I nodded in acceptance, lightly puffing my lips, "Alright then we'll have to see about that, not that I don't trust your judgment Billy but you've never seen me dismantle an engine block, customize it and put it all back together. I am quite impressive if I do so say so myself." They laughed in unison, holding eye contact before turning their gazes back to me. "I'll have to see that to believe it," Jacob said as he studied me with a joker's grin on his face, "Not that I doubt you or anything."

I smiled in a confident and slightly cocky manner, "I'd love to make you a believer." He raised his eyebrows and licked his lips before bringing his grin back, "I wouldn't mind that one bit." "Good, but you better be ready to put to shame," I said throwing him a wink as I released his hand and rose to my feet to collect the plates from the table. He laughed and stood up as he started to help me clear the table, "I am man enough to accept it if you are better than me." "That's a good thing," I said looking over my shoulder as I scrapped the food off the plates, "Because I hate whiny boys who can't handle when a girl shows them up. I would be very disappointed if you let this cause tension between us."

He came up behind me and whispered as he brushed against me on his way to the fridge, "It would cause the good kind of tension." I couldn't help but smile to myself as I put the plates into the sink before I turned towards him and held his eyes as he leaned against the counter his arms folded at his chest and a smile adorning his lips. "Why don't you kids go rent that movie now?" Billy said as he pushed away from the table and headed towards the doorway, "I'll take care of the dishes after my show." I smiled sweetly at Billy before I drew my eyes back to Jacob to gauge his reaction. His expression was a little surprised yet rather pleased as he spoke, "Yeah Dad?" "Sure why not? I'm not going to be much company once my show comes on plus I'm sure you two can find better ways to occupy your time then washing dishes," he said as he looked over his shoulder from the doorway a smile spread wide across his face. "Alright," Jacob said as he stepped away from the counter, "Wanna go Paige?" I nodded and smiled, "Sure. Thanks for dinner Billy, I really appreciate it." "No problem dear. Come back real soon okay?" he said as I reached him. I smiled sweetly and drew him into a gently hug as I replied, "Couldn't keep me away."

Jacob ran his hand across my lower back as he passed by us and headed towards the door his keys in hand. "Bye Dad, I'll be home later." "Well don't come rushing back anytime soon son, enjoy yourself some," Billy said as he pushed himself toward the couch in the living room. "Oh I'll make sure he does," I said smiling over my shoulder at Billy as I reached the door. Billy smiled and hoisted himself onto the couch from his chair as Jacob opened the door and walked outside.

"Paige," Billy called out to me just as I started to leave. I turned towards him and smiled, "Yeah." "Thank you," he said as he held the remote out to turn on the television. I contorted my brow as I smiled in confusion, "For what?" "For coming out here and making time for Jake," he said as the TV blazed on and he smiled sweetly at me. I felt a smile break through my lips as I brushed my hair behind my ear, "The pleasure is all mine. You have a wonderful son Billy." He turned his face towards me with a soft smile, "Yeah, he's a really good kid… he might not know it yet but you are the healthiest thing that's happened to him in a very long time. I can tell by the way you two look at each other that the feelings here are mutual. The way you respond to one another is something I've been hoping he'd find. I've been waiting for you for a very long time now. So again, thank you."

"No, thank you. He's something I've been needing for a long time too," I said softly, realizing that my response wasn't just words, it was the truth. My uncle was right, there was a reason we meet each other, a reason why I was so unbelievably drawn to him, he was supposed to help me through the moving on part of grieving-something I had refused to believe would ever happen. "You have no idea how happy that makes me," Billy said softly, his eyes looking a little weepy as he studied me before he quickly turned them back to his show, "You kids have a good time."

I crossed the room and lightly kissed his cheek, "We will." He smiled but kept his eyes locked on the TV as he spoke, "Get going before it gets too late." I smiled and crossed the room, pausing momentarily in the doorway to look at Billy, "Bye Billy." "See you real soon Paige," Billy said smiling over his shoulder quickly before turning back around. I walked out onto the porch, clicked the door closed behind me and saw Jacob leaning against his car his arms folded at his chest.

"What did you guys talk about?" he asked looking a little worried. "Nothing, he just wanted to thank me for staying for dinner," I lied knowing there was a reason Billy addressed me when Jacob was not around. "Oh gotcha," Jacob said as he stepped away from his car and smiled, "So I'll follow you?"

"Do you work tomorrow?" I asked when I was several inches in front of him, our bodies almost touching as I studied his face. He shook his head lightly and swept my hair behind my one ear as he spoke very softly, "No."

I held his eyes as I spoke in a sultry tone, "Stay with me tonight." He ran the back of his fingers down my cheek very tenderly as he replied, "Is that what you want?" I leaned into his touch and smiled as I whispered, "Yes."

He withdrew his hand slowly at the very end of its stroked and studied me eyes, "Are you sure?" I nodded and brought myself up onto my tip toes so I could bring my lips to his as I spoke, "Yes." He softly kissed my lip once and leaned back holding my gaze and whispered, "Then I will." I smiled and gently kissed his lips again before I lowered myself back to the flats of my feet and grabbed his hand. I lead him towards my car as I smiled at him over my shoulder, "Then we'll just take mine and I'll bring you back tomorrow."


	9. Bedroom Scene

We sat on my plush couch, under a blanket, in front of the Vizio television that was mounted on the wall watching a government conspiracy, biological warfare movie that left a small town in the south infected with a zombie like disease. Jacob's arm was stretched across the top of the couch behind my head, not quite around my shoulder as we leaned slightly towards each other; it was the classic movie date scenario. I guess certain things never changed with age, some portions of the dating game remained familiar. One of the sick citizens jumped out from the darkness to the right of the movie's hero, grabbing a hold of him and drawing her teeth insanely close to his throat, threatening to rip it out and infect him.

I jumped involuntarily, grabbed Jacob and turned my face into his chest as my breath hitched. I laughed in embarrassment as I turned my eyes up to his, "I'm sorry. I'm an easy scare." His eyes were bright as he grinned down at me, "You're not sorry, you just wanted to grab me. It's cool, I don't mind." I hit his chest and dropped my mouth open as studied him, pulling back away from him, "Na-uh! If I wanted to grab you I would just do it. I wouldn't pull the teenage girl move and be like 'Oh look at that disease infested half human thing jumping out of nowhere, let me pretend flinch so I can feel up my date.' I don't roll like that."

He laughed and drew his arm around my shoulder dragging me closer to him, "Yeah sure you don't."

My mouth fell open again, my eyes blazing with laughter, "Fuck you, I don't!" He absorbed another light blow to his chest as I struck him again and smiled in a playful manner, "Sure, whatever you say." I pulled away from him and studied him in disbelief as I lightly laughed. "You don't know me that well huh? Cause this is how I feel up my dates," I said as I threw the covers from myself and pivoted my weight, throwing my leg over him and lowering myself on top of him in a straddle as I slammed my hands into his chest, cupping his pecks, "How you doing?"

He laughed as he brought his hands to my hips and tilted his head, "Now if I molested you in this way you'd be offended." I threw my head back as I laughed, "Na-uh! I like it like this!" "Oh yea?" he said as he ran his hands up my sides and worked them around to the front to cup my chest, "How you doing?" I arched my back towards him, encouraging his touch as I winked in a seductive manner and puckered my lips to send him a kiss. "Yeah?" he said laughing as he squeezed my breast in playful manner. I laughed and brought my hands to his, held them hard against me and arched my hips towards him, "Oh yeah."

He laughed, obviously finding enjoyment in my spunk. I gripped his hands in mine and pulled them from my chest and brought them around to my bottom, slamming them hard into the muscles there and making him cup them as I leaned in so that our lips were almost touching and smiled, "Have a feel of those, still not offended." He smiled against my lips as my hands left his and came to rest on the cushion on either side of his head. "How bout now?" he asked as ran his hands up towards my back, slipping his hands under my tank top, running his strong hands over my bare skin before pulling me against him so our lips pressed against each other. I shook my head 'no', lightly running my lips back and forth over his before speaking in a sultry whisper, "It takes an awful lot to offend me."

He smiled, receiving my message as he pivoted his weight, held my body close to his while he lowered my back to the couch and pulled himself on top of me. He pulled his hands out from under my shirt, leaving my stomach exposed by the lifted fabric and held my bare waist as he lowered his lips to my chest, "How bout now?" I shook my head as he trailed kisses across my exposed skin, his breath hot against me, "Nope."

I felt his smile against my skin as we continued, working his way up the side of my neck to my jaw line and then up to my ear. He spoke in a breath, his words hot and moist on my earlobe, "And now?" I smiled as I ran my nails softly down his back, before finding the rim of his shirt and tugged on it; I wanted it to be gone, "Nope." He lifted himself off of me, so he was kneeling over me, helped me remove his shirt and tossed it to the floor as I ran my hand over his stomach. His muscle structure was phenomenal, like nothing I have ever seen before, so cut and lean it practically made my mouth water to follow the lines of it. I felt each muscle twitch in response to my touch as I worked my way slowly down. "How about you?" I asked as I followed the deep cut of his v-muscle down to the brim of his boxers, my eyes locked on his.

He licked his lips, his eyes smoldering on mine as he shook his head no and slowly raised my tank top up the rest of the way. "Not one bit," he said in a whisper as he dropped my shirt to the floor before following the curves of my body with his rough hands. His touch felt so invigorating on my flesh, if I were standing my knees would most definitely be buckling out from under me. His skin was so warm on mine, left trails of fire on my skin as he explored my torso with his hands, his touch gentle.

He began to lower himself back onto me, brought his lips just about to mine as he supported his weight on his hands that pressed into the couch parallel to my head when the ringing of a phone interrupted us. The ring tone was nothing I was used to so I knew it must be his and judging by the way he exhaled roughly and rolled his eyes he knew it was. "It's okay, answer it," I said softly as kissed him, "I'm not going anywhere." He pulled it from it's holster on his belt, ceased the ringing before pressing it to his ear without looking at it and never pulling completely back. "Hello," he said his tone slightly irritated as he looked around. "Watching 'Infected'…no it's fine, you don't have to call back in a little bit, what's up?" he said his tone lightening a bit. I smiled up at him and lightly ran my hands down his stomach again as he talked. He drew his eyes back to me and smiled as whoever he was talking to rambled, "I don't know, I'll probably be working on the bike some tomorrow because it's been acting a little weird, but other than that I have no idea."

I worked my way down to his pants and slowly undid his belt as I watched him. He smiled and raised his eyebrows as he listened to the person again before responding, "Well I don't know, Paige do you have plans for tomorrow?" I leaned up towards him and ran the tip of my tongue up his throat and over his Adam's apple very gently before speaking against his skin in a whisper, "Would you like me not to?"

He exhaled lightly in response to my reply, before he swallowed hard and cleared his throat, "She'll probably be around for awhile tomorrow." I smiled as I fell back against the sofa and winked at him as I ran my hand along the top of his pants before hooking my finger on the fabric and pulling his hips towards me. I brought my lips back to his throat, kissing and sucking it lightly as I arched my body towards him. Shamelessly despite myself I wanted him and for some reason I had no objections to displaying this. I was slightly confused by it but it felt so right I didn't fight it.

"I don't care… I mean I don't really know…." he said as he fought to keep the pleasure out of his voice. "No, I'm listening to you, it's just it's getting to the good part over here, you know in the movie and all," he said as I raked my teeth lightly at his flesh.

I laughed very softly before I withdrew from him, took my hands completely off of him and behaved myself. He turned his eyes to me quickly, his expression slightly confused. "I'm distracting you," I whispered as I smiled at him. He turned the mouth piece away from him and mouthed 'So' his expression full of both shock and honesty. "So talk to whoever you are talking to," I whispered softly. "That's fine," he said into the phone before pulling it back again and mouthing, 'I can do both.' I shook my head and laughed quietly to myself before answering him, "I'm not going anywhere remember? We will finish this when you're done."

He threw his head back in disappointment and sat back on his knees again. He brought his freehand to the cushion, his fist balled and supporting some of his weight as his expression went slightly annoyed. I thought it might have been directed towards me until he answered the person the phone, "Uh-huh, I know, I said that was fine, I'll be there all day… I understand that but I already said it was okay… Well I'm trying to finish this movie… I know I said I could talk-… I'm sorry I'm not trying to be… yes we can talk about it tomorrow when you stop by… no call me tomorrow… because I don't know how long it is… Bella, we'll talk tomorrow okay?… I didn't mean it like that… It's fine just let me let you go… okay bye." "Sorry," he said putting his phone on the coffee table before turning back to me, "no more phone calls I promise." I studied him as he grinned at me, his eyes flickered and went confused as he read my face, "What wrong?"

I swallowed hard and studied his face some more as I replied, "I kinda feel dirty." "What?" he asked laughing lightly in bewilderment. "I feel like the mistress, like you just answered your wife's call while we were fooling around," I said pushing myself up into a sitting position. He looked at me in shock, studying my face for explanation before he spoke, "Bella and I aren't like that." "I know…it's just that not too long ago you were hoping you guys could be and now-" he cut me off. "But now I don't want that. That was before I met you…I don't see it like that anymore," he said his eyes holding mine as he talked. "But how can you just not see it in that way anymore?" I asked not understanding. "Because it is impossible for me to want anything more than I want you. You've changed the way I perceive things, my focus is on you now because something tells me that this, right here, this is where I am supposed to be not with her. If I had never met you and she called me like that I would have gone to her, no matter who I was with or what I was doing I would have run to her to play back up until her boyfriend got home, because that's how much I thought I wanted that. But I am still here with you, why? Because I don't want to leave you, for any reason or anybody, not even her. I don't really know what it is, or why it is this way, but like I said on the beach something inside of me tells me that is how it's meant to be. That you and I were meant to end up like this, together, that everything that I've thought for years is wrong, that you are right."

I studied his face, looking for some layer of bullshit, looking for some deception, but I found none. His eyes were steady and honest, they showed nothing ill placed, nothing to decipher. He was speaking from his heart and there was no lies there. I leaned forward and cupped his face in my hands, rubbing his cheeks as I held his eyes, my own staggering on the edge of tears as I pressed my lips into his, with a tenderness that was insanely passionate. I pulled him into me, pulled him back on top of me, drew his body into mine as I brought my back to the couch again. He pulled back slightly leaning up on his hands, my hands still holding his face and held my eyes as he brushed the hair out of my face, "I bet on you."

I studied his eyes and stroked his cheek again with my thumb as I spoke in a soft tone, "I see your bet and raise it." He held my eyes momentarily before he smiled and lowered his lips back to mine and brushed them lightly together. I drew my arms around his neck, pulling him harder against me, hungry to feel his flesh hot and hard on mine. I slipped my tongue through his lips, intensifying our kiss as I pushed my fingers into his hair, pulling it lightly. His lips left mine, started to work their way down my neck and ceased when my phone started blaring "Don't Forget to Remember Me" and vibrating on the coffee table.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I said slapping my hand into the cushion. "I take it you have to answer that," Jacob said as he placed one last kiss on my neck before pulling back. "It's my Mom, she'll call none stop until I do," I said raking my hands through my hair. He chuckled lightly and raised back up onto his knees, reached for my phone and handed it to me. "Hey Mama," I said my tone holding a bit of bite in it as I ran my hand through my hair again. "Hey Butterfly whatcha doing?" she asked her tone enthusiastic having not picked up on my irritation. "Not too much Mama, just hanging out with a friend of mine watching a movie, what are you doing?" "Oh not much, just sitting on the back porch…you didn't call me last night, got kinda worried, seeing as how you were heading out with some boy you didn't even really know…how'd that go? Is he the one your with now?" I smiled and rolled my eyes as Jacob looked at me slightly confused. I trailed my finger over his stomach as I replied, "Nope, not even close."

She gasped, "Paige Monroe! You hussy!" I laughed, "Mama! You said you wanted juicy, I'm just giving you juicy." Jacob laughed as my finger hooked the brim of his jeans and pulled him closer. "Oh babe he sounds cute, is he cute? I'll bet he's really frickin' cute isn't he?" "Delicious Mama so why don't you let me go," I said as he smiled knowing that we were talking about him. "Delicious huh," he whispered in my ear before he brought his lips to my neck.

I laughed softly as my mom ranted, "Oh Paige that's great I am real happy for you! It's about time you found yourself a nice young stud to experiment with, you know do stupid stuff and have a lot of fun with but I swear to God Paige if you go and get yourself knocked up I will-" "MOM!" I yelled, startling Jacob to the point that he raised his lips from my skin and stared at me in dismay. "You let me finish… I will drive all the way up there… and kick your ass…well after you have the baby of course, because I can't beat up a pregnant woman, it's just not right. But after I kick your ass and castrate him, Ima drag the two of you back down here and force you to live with me forever and I know how awful that sounds to you so keep them legs closed girlfriend." I started hysterically laughing and Jacob looked at me like I was insane, shaking his head lightly from side to side. "Goodnight Mama," I said between fits of laughter.

"I mean it Paige, I am too young to be a grandmother and you are too young to be chained up in my basement with some hottie you can't touch while I'm raising my grandbaby." "I love you Mama," I said still laughing, to the point my eyes started to tear. "I love you too you slut." I let another burst of laughter before hanging the phone up and dropping it to the floor as Jacob watched me.

"Oh my god," I said wiping the tears from my eyes as I fought to control the laughter. "What?" he asked laughing lightly at my manic fit. "She said, I don't know, something about cutting off your balls and chaining us up in the basement. I don't know my Mom is fucking nuts," I said pausing randomly to laugh. His eyes went wide and a broad grind flashed across his face, "Should I be worried?" I laughed hard again, slapped my hand into his chest before replying, "Only if you plan on knocking me up." He contorted his face as though he were seriously contemplating it before relaxing his brow and shaking his head, "Nope… that's not the plan right now." I gasped and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him down into me, "Well then I guess you aint got nothing to worry about."

He pulled away squinting as he studied my face, "I don't know, I gotta admit I'm a little scared now." I smiled at him lightly shaking my head, before I drew him back down and spoke against his lips in a whisper, "Don't worry I'll protect you." "Promise? Cause I kinda like my balls where they are," he asked smiling. I laughed and nodded, "Yes I promise." He smiled momentarily before pressing his lips to mine, soft and slow at first and then a little bit harder and with more passion.

I leaned forwards, pushed myself into a sitting position as we continued to kiss. I grabbed his face in both of my hands, cradling it and pulled back momentarily. Our eyes met and I kissed him, very softly dragging my lips up over his before I spoke against them in a whisper, "Follow me." He kissed me lightly again as I grabbed his hand and started to rise off the couch. I smiled before I raised completely to my feet and started leading him towards my bedroom, glancing momentarily over my shoulder as we walked. I opened the door and lead him in pausing once we were inside to draw him into me. He released my hand and wrapped his arms around me, spinning me and slamming me into the wall as he kissed me. The pictures that hung on the wall rattled from the contact but it didn't phase me as his mouth moved hot and moist with mine.

He drew both of my hands up over my head, holding them there as he moved on to my neck, kissing the supple flesh there. I moaned very softly as raked his teeth across my skin before sucking it into his mouth. He grabbed the brim of my shorts, forcing them down over my hips as his mouth moved sensually on my skin. I arched my back towards him and my shorts fell to the floor. I stepped out of them and kicked them to the side as he released my wrists and his mouth left me. I pushed him off of me lightly biting my lip as I forced him towards the bed.

He smiled playfully at me as he walked backwards and leaned in to kiss me roughly before I gave him one good push to send him falling to the bed. I ran my hand up through my hair as I took a step towards him and slowly undid his button, before pulling his jeans from him. I dropped them to the floor and crawled seductively on top of him, straddling his hips as I held his eyes. I leaned in and lightly ran the very tip of my tongue up his stomach, through the valley created by his muscles, over his chest and up his neck before finally reaching his lips. I licked them very lightly before kissing them with passion, biting his lower lip and then sucking the swollen flesh into my mouth.

He moaned very softly as I pulled away from him, rose onto my knees to kneel over him and pulled my hair to one side, sweeping in into the front so I could reach behind my back and unclasp my bra. I unhooked it and pulled the straps over my shoulders before tossing it away. He studied my breasts a moment, his eyebrow rising slightly as he smiled sweetly. He brought his hands to my face, running them up over my cheeks in pushing his fingers into my hair, grabbing fistfuls and pulling it back softly as he brought his lips to my bare chest that was arched towards him.

At first he kissed them very softly, covering every inch of them with his gentle lips but then he got hungrier and he sucked my skin into his mouth. I felt his tongue flicker against my nipple, just hard enough to give me a pleasant dose of pain before he gently bite it and then moved onto the other. He could do amazing things with that beautiful mouth of his, had me closing my eyes and arching into him as I softly moaned. He mimicked his motions on the other side, seeing to it that it got the same amount of attention.

His mouth left me and I was eager to see what else it was capable of as he released my hair and flipped me onto my back, before putting it back to work. He took his time, his mouth still very eager but less rushed as he worked his way from my lips down to my hips. He cover every inch of my skin with his soft, full mouth, leaving none of my torso with out the attention it craved. He was rather methodical in the way he worked his way down, his hands resting on my sides and slipping lower as he moved. I watched him, amazed with his attention to each part of me, lightly biting my lip as he worked. When his mouth finally reached my hips, he looked up at me, holding my eyes as he moved horizontally along the brim of my panties, brushing his lips lightly on my skin in a sweeping movement and sent chills down my spine.

He began to work his way back, but stopped midway directly under my belly button, his eyes still smoldering on mine when he gripped my hips and lifted them from the bed as he took my the fabric in his teeth and began slipping them slowly down. He lowered my hips back down slowly when my panties where about mid thigh, so his hands were free to slide over my thighs and down my calves just behind my panties as I raised my legs just enough to help him. When they finally slipped over my feet, he pulled them from his teeth and dropped them to the floor, a naughty Cheshire cat grin stretched across his mouth as he held my eyes and lowered his lips back to my flesh.

He worked his way up this time, starting as the tops of my feet and moving back up to my hips. He worked on one leg at a time, lifting it up and bending my knee so he could adequately coat the entire surface with soft, moist kisses. Once he reached the middle of my thigh, he switched to the other side, starting back at the bottom and working his way back up. When he came to the same mid thigh position he again, brought my leg up and over his shoulder and worked his way up and in on the supple flesh on my inner thigh. He teased me, got dangerously close to the most sensitive part of my body before he pulled back to work on the other side.

He was not only kissing the skin here, but also sucking on it and gently biting it. The sensation was incredible, had my breath hitching and light moans escaping my lips. I could hardly stand it, every nerve in my body was screaming, wanted more, needed a lot more. I thoroughly enjoyed his foreplay, loved the way his mouth felt on my skin, was in absolute rapture in the way his hot breath hung on my flesh. But, I desired all of him, despite everything that I had been through, all the mixed emotions I had felt when he and I had started this escapade, I honestly couldn't get enough of him.

He held my eyes as he placed my knees on his shoulders and brushed his lips in between my legs. My breath hitched violently and my body jerked involuntarily when his tongue finally slipped inside of me after tons of teasing. Yet, regardless of my twitch, my hands found his hair as my hips arched towards him encouraging him to continue his work. He did not disappoint, rather he committed himself quite persistently to pleasing me as he spread my legs wider and moved deeper into me. I encouraged him further as I grabbed handfuls of his hair and pushed that magical mouth of his harder into me. His mouth was doing so much at once, creating several amazing sensations. He alternated between sucking, twirling and numerous other amazing tasks; he never faltering and he varied his pace.

Just when I thought I would lose it, he slowed drastically and moved slightly up, concentrating his mouth on my clit as his fingers slipped into the place of his tongue. I moaned at the unexpected change, had never felt this combination of sensations. At first, his hand moved soft and slow, his mouth keeping it's pace, but as my breaths got heavier and my moans less faint, his pace quickened and his thrust deepened.

My mind was going slightly fuzzy, I couldn't really distinguish his actions any longer. My nervous system was buzzing, felt as though it were on the brink of a meltdown, every nerve close to overload. My vision blurred and my blood pounded hard and fierce against my eardrums, drowning everything else out. My grip on his hair tightened and my muscles started to tense around him as I arched harder towards him. I felt my breath hitch hard in my throat as my eyes rolled and a wave of heat surged through me as my muscles started twitching. It felt like several minutes before I started breathing again, several erotic and tantalizing minutes of sheer pleasure, before I pushed the last of the air from my lungs in one breathy moan before my breathing became heavy and quick and my grip loosened in his hair. My hands fell to his shoulders as he stopped to lightly kiss me once more before lifting his head. He lowered my hips as he smiled at me and watched me from under his brow.

I fought to regain my control, my nerves still feeling fried as I watched him lick his lips and throw me a wink. I had to recollect myself enough to return the favor; it was the least I could do. I took one deep, shaky breath and pushed myself up onto my hands, my arms slightly wobbly under my weight before I grabbed his ebony hair in my hands and drug his mouth hard into mine. I pulled us back onto the bed, his body pressed hard against mine. I could taste myself on his eager lips and marveled in how un-phased they seemed by the amazing service they had just preformed for me as they moved passionately on mine.

I forced my tongue deep into his mouth, entwining it in his as I mustered all my strength to pivot myself back on top of him. His hands were pushed deep into the sides of my hair as our mouths moved hot against one another. We allowed the exchange to continue for several more moments as I pushed up against him and pivoted my weight so he was forced to give me the dominate on top position. Once I was in control, I pulled back, took his bottom lip in my teeth and gently pulled on it. Once I released it from my teeth, I softly kissed it in a soothing manner, before I pulled my body weight off of him.

His hands feel from my hair as he watched my movements while I slowly slide my body down his, my hands running over his perfect physique as I brought my face closer to his swollen member. He had an eager grin on his face as I ran my tongue up from the top of his boxers to the bottom of his belly button. My hands gripped the cotton, ripped it from him and tossed it behind me in one fluid motion as I raised my eyebrow at him and his piece exposed itself to me. He was ready for me, obviously excited by pleasure he was able to bestow upon me.

As a reward for all of his hard work, I ran my tongue from the base to the tip of him, circling his head lightly before sliding him into my mouth. I kept eye contact with him as I made several short shallow movement, teasing him as he had me. I took a moderately firm grip at the base as I hover just over the tip and made several more small circular movements around it with my tongue before sucking it back into my mouth. I took him deeper this time, my strokes longer and quicker as I kept our eye contact steady and released my grip on him.

He swept all of my hair up out of my face, grabbing it in one loose grip and pulled it to one side as he tilted his head so he could watch me work on him. Every several movements, I brought more of him into my mouth, twirling my tongue as I sucked. His mouth fell open slightly and his breath caught as he slid into my throat and I closed the muscles around him. I broke our eye contact as I slid him completely into my mouth, keeping my throat muscles contracting and releasing as my movements quickened and my tongue slide forward and backwards on his shaft. I rotated my neck side to side as I brought my lips half way up before sliding them all the way back down again, my throat muscles never remaining sedentary. I kept my flow, hard, fast and strong as his grip tightened on my hair.

I never slowed, pulled air in only through my nose when he left my throat long enough for me to do so. I was determined to repay him, at all costs. I heard him begin to moan lightly, knew this mean he would soon be done, so I quickened my pace, put all my effort into his treat, kept all my movements. I felt his muscles tighten, his body went slightly rigid beneath me and hear his moans increase in volume all in response to me. A groan escaped his lips that was purely animalistic and his muscles jerked violently. His shaft throbbed and a salty, yet sweet mixture poured into my mouth and down my throat. I drastically slowed my strokes, moving at a fraction of my pace as I allowed him to finish, wanted to be sure he had a complete release. When I was sure he was finished, I made one final sweep back up, following my mouth with my hand so that I could get a grip on it as my lips grazed his head. I circled the tip one last time, causing his muscles to twitch again before I finished in the same way that he had, a light kiss, as his hands fell from me.

I fell beside him, crushed my lips hard into his and then rested my cheek on his heaving chest. I threw my leg over his stomach, wrapping myself around him as his arm came across my shoulder and drug me hard against him. He kissed my forehead lightly and pulled me in closer as he fought to catch his breath. I smiled against his hot skin as we lay there, both of us completely drained. He rubbed his cheek against my forehead very softly and placed one finally kiss on it before he exhaled deeply and spoke, "Are you as beat as me?"

"Mmmmm um-hum," I replied without even opening my mouth. He laughed very softly and brushed his lips to my brow again, "Bedtime?" "Um-hum," I said, my eyes already closed against his chest. I felt him smile against my forehead before as he spoke, "Well, we'll have to move to get under the covers." I groaned in protest and he laughed in response, "Yes, we'll make it quick though. I promise." I groaned again and opened my eyes as I reluctantly picked my head up off his chest so we could get into the bed. We worked together to make the transition as fast as possible and once it was complete, we returned to the same position we'd been in before he made us move.

He drew the covers tight against us and kissed my brow lightly as he spoke, "Goodnight Paige." My eyes were closed, too heavy to hold open for long periods of time when I responded before lightly pressing my lips to his chest, "'Night Jake." He drew me in closer, rested his cheek on my forehead and inhaled lightly against my bangs. 'Was he smelling my hair? I'll have to remember to bust on him for that in the morning,' I thought as I started to let sleep take me.


	10. Getting Used to This

I let out a soft exhale that carried with it a light 'hum' as I slowly opened my eyes and rubbed my cheek against the plush pillow. I could hear Jacob quietly snoring against my hair, his arm draped over me as he cuddled me from behind, still very much asleep. I smiled to myself, surprisingly pleased to wake up wrapped in his arms. It felt very natural to be surrounded by him, to feel his hot body formed perfectly to mine. I could get used to this feeling, could see myself becoming very attached to it. This struck me as odd though, seeing as I never pictured myself feeling so content naked with anyone other than Caleb.

It hit me then, I hadn't dreamt of the crash the past two nights. I had thought that perhaps it had been a deep, drunken slumber the night before that had hindered my dreaming, but I was completely sober when I fell asleep last night. Could this mean that my dark torture could be coming to an end? Was I really moving on, detaching myself from that pain for good? I wasn't sure, but I did know that I was oddly pleased and felt immensely relieved to be rid of those images for the time being. The idea of not having to see Caleb every night, seemed insanely appealing.

I felt a sickening wave of guilt for feeling this way. It wasn't that had forgotten him, that could never happen, but just that I was tired of suffering for him night after night. Was that awful? Was I a horrible person for yearning to be free of the weight he placed on my shoulder by leaving? I shook my head softly to protest my thoughts, causing Jacob to withdraw slightly as he groaned before relaxing back in his place pressed closely to my back.

I needed to get up, have a cup coffee and make breakfast, needed to start my day in the life I was left with, the one I was creating here. I couldn't dwell in the past anymore right now, needed to move forward. I pressed my lips lightly to Jacob's arm before pulling slowly out from under him as I watched him over my shoulder. His brow contorted in his sleep as my body left his, he appeared to be confused by my departure. I smiled at him as I slipped completely out of bed and pulled the covers back up, smoothing them out. I watched as his brow relaxed and he rubbed his face into my pillow before exhaling lightly and going completely still again.

I turned from him and grabbed my silk, thigh length robe from the door of my armoire, wrapped it around myself and lightly knotted it. I ran my fingers through my hair, glancing back at him to assure I wasn't disturbing him as I tip toed across my room to the door. I stepped through it, into the living room and turned to face him. I watched him for a moment, took in his serenity and adorableness as he slept. He was obscenely precious, I thought as I smiled to myself. How did I get so lucky? I shook my head in bewilderment and lightly closed the door to keep from waking him as I started my morning.

The DVD was still playing on the television, looping the main menu because we had been too busy to shut it off the night before. I crossed towards it, pressed the button on the side of the frame and the screen went black as I bent over and turned off the DVD player. I walked towards the kitchen, lightly tightening the tie around my waist before grabbing the coffee grinds. I set up the coffee maker and hit the power switch on the radio that was mounted under my cabinet. Music started flowing from it's speakers, a popular pop song sung by a young girl with a stellar voice, and I carefully turned it down, making it a soft background noise to keep my company while I worked.

I went to the fridge and opened it, peering in as I contemplated what I could make. I tilted my head and examined it's contents, trying to think of something safe to ensure he'd be pleased. I reached in and grabbed the eggs and bacon from the top shelf, deciding bacon and French toast would be suitable. I put those items on the counter and reached for the milk before closing the door and retrieving the bread it's the box on top of the fridge. I put them down next to the other ingredients and went to fetch the vanilla extract and cinnamon. Once I had located them, I bent to get my large mixing bowl and frying pans from their appropriate locations. I prepared the mixture and started to coat the bread as the bacon sizzled in it's pan.

As I started to cook the first batch, one of my favorite songs started to stream from the radio. I couldn't help myself, I started twisting my hips and singing along with the artist as I cooked. I got a little carried away, started battling her as I flipped the French toast and pushed the bacon around in it's pan. I threw in a little hair toss, as I belted out the chorus twisted downward slowly.

When I was working my way back up, I was startled by feeling of strong hands on my waist. I jumped slightly, not expecting the contact as Jacob pressed himself against me and rose with me. I laughed lightly in embarrassment and ceased my dance and rendition, as he pressed his face against my neck. "Don't let me interrupt your performance," he said smiling against my hair. "How long have you been watching?" I asked laughing as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Only since the last verse," he said softly. I laughed again, thoroughly embarrassed that he had witnessed my stupidity. "You creeper," I said giggling as I went back to cooking, his arms still locked around me. "Hey now," he said with evidence of a smile in his tone, "I smelt your cooking, woke up, got very hungry, decided to come check it out and you were already so much into it I thought it rude to interrupt. I find it quite attractive that you sing and dance when you are cooking, kinda makes it breakfast and a show." I laughed and reached around to poke him in the side, "Hey! I have a hot spatula that I am not afraid to use it." He squeezed me lightly before backing off, his hands raised in a defensive manner as I pointed my weapon at him and smirked, "Whoa. I was going to add, a very sexy show but this violence killed it."

I smiled at him and shook my head before returning to my cooking, removing the first batch of toast and putting it on his place with some bacon and preparing the next batch to go in for myself. When the next set was on, I turned to him and offered him a plate. He took it very enthusiastically, a smile wide on his face as he lowered himself into the stool at the island.

"Don't smirk at me, just cause I am feeding you doesn't mean I like you and plan on keeping you around," I said throwing a smile over my shoulder as I poured us both coffee. He raised his eyebrows at me as I crossed towards him, his cup in one hand and the sugar in the other. I placed it in front of him and turned to retrieve the creamer from the fridge as he spoke, "Sure it doesn't, I'm sure you make this for all your enemies who you plan on smiting." I laughed, grabbed the container and crossed back towards him, leaned over the counter as I placed it down next to the sugar and brought my lips dangerously close to his, "Only the cute ones." He held my eyes, his sparkling as he grinned before I brushed his lips lightly with mine and pulled away to focus my breakfast.

I heard him chuckling lightly to himself as I flipped my toast and turned back around to get my coffee. I picked it up and crossed back towards him to make it to my taste. When I finished pouring the creamer and sugar in, he caught my hand, lead me around the counter and stood as he drew me into his chest, "So you think I'm cute huh?" I smiled up at him and rose up onto my tip toes as I drew my arms around his neck, my lips touching his as I spoke against them, "You're not too bad." He smiled and pressed his mouth softly to mine. I pulled back, leaving his embrace and turning from him. I worked my way back towards the stove, glancing over my shoulder as I spoke, "Doesn't change the smiting though."

He laughed and fell back into his seat as he continued his meal and watched me serve up mine. I clicked the stove off, grabbed my plate and scooped my cup up on my way to the seat next to him, winking at him as I passed. We sat eating our breakfast, side by side, glancing momentarily at each other to smile. I felt extremely at ease next to him, no jittery or awkward tension that usually came with the morning after. We kept the conversation light, just the basic friendly exchange to keep the space filled with comfort. Laughing in the appropriate spots and touching each other lightly whenever we felt the moment called for it. It was nice, very fluid and relaxing. He finished first, picked up his plate, put it in the sink and returned to his stool to keep our togetherness. I marveled in his lighthearted composure and this knack to put me at rest the entire time.

I finished my last bite, picked up my coffee cup as I swallowed and looked at him from over its brim before speaking, "You know I could get used to this." He raised his eyebrows at me in pleasant surprise, "No smiting today?" I took another sip and smiled at him sweetly, "Ehh, not today. I'm not really in the mood for it. Plus, you're not so horrible to spend time on." He laughed softly and wiped his brow dramatically in relief, "Whew, I was getting tired of the terrifying tension of wondering what random heavy object was going to come crashing into my skull, rendering me unconscious….I can rest slightly easier now." I laughed, put my coffee cup down and picking my plate up as I rose to put it in the sink while I spoke, "That smartass sense of humor is what makes you worth the wasting of time."

He smiled laughing lightly to himself as I dropped my plate into the sink on top of his, "And my Dad said it would cause me nothing but trouble…funny how things work out huh?" I laughed, tossed my head lightly from side to side as I turned the sink on to rinse off the plates. I could get used to having him around, he was quite the buffer for the dull and disheartening existence that I had become so accustomed to in the past several years. I was rather fond of this sort of morning, this easy and light atmosphere, our remarkable existence together as a unit. I was rather enamored by him, without any effort on my part, just by standing in his pull of gravity. I could feel it pulling at my heart, forcing it's way up and over my walls, not wasting time trying to knock them down and to be honest with myself, I wasn't putting up much of a fight. I rather enjoyed his conquest of me, wanted to sit back and watch him dominate.

"Paige," he said breaking my chain of thought as stared blankly into the running water smiling to myself. "Yeah," I said snapping to, quickly disengaging the water and spun around to face him. He was behind me and I twirl into him, our chest pressed into each other as he caught me. He smiled softly, his eyes glimmering as he studied my face and slipped his one hand under my hair, pressing it lightly to my cheek as his other hand rest delicately on the scoop of my lower back, holding me against his bare chest. "You're an amazingly beautiful waste of time as well," he said in a whisper as I looked up him. He leaned in as I smiled, reciprocating my enthusiasm as he swept his lips softly to mine, holding my eye contact momentarily before truly kissing me as his eyes closed. I leaned into him, pressing myself against him to indicate that I was entirely committed to our exchange of heat as I wrapped my arms around his neck and increased the intensity of our kiss.

I couldn't get enough of the way he tasted, his kiss was addictive. I found myself wanting more, drawing more from him with every movement, demanding more with each exchange. I loved the way his lips worked, the way they did so many amazing things at once, so attentive and rewarding as the moved against mine, just as hunger as my own. I felt myself going hazy, getting completely lost in his energy, feeding from it and wanting every bit of it within me. I fought against it, knew there would be a time and place for it and that it was not here and now. I slowed down our kiss and withdrew my pressure from him, indicating to him that our exchange was over.

He didn't fight it, instead respected it and pulled back as well. He loosened his grip around my waist and kissed me very sensually and slow before withdrawing completely. We held each other's eyes as we brushed our lips together, sweeping them over each other as we smiled at one another. I pressed mine lightly to his one last time before withdrawing completely from him, stepping around him as I watched him over my shoulder, "Let me get myself ready so we can back to wasting our time on one another."

He smiled, slipped his hands into his pockets and watched me walk away.

I could feel his eyes on me as I sauntered towards the bathroom, knew he was watching the way my body moved. So, I added a bit more sway to my movements, made my hips swing more as I walked. Gave him a better curves and angles to observe as I worked my way slowly across the room. When I finally reached the open bathroom door, I paused in the doorway, glancing over my shoulder at him as I flipped on the lights. I let my smile smolder in my eyes, didn't even arch my lips as I studied him, letting him know that I knew he was watching me and that I was okay with it before I closed the door behind me with a light click and prepared to ready myself for my day with Jacob.


	11. The Mechanics of it All

"You can still back out you know," Jacob said smiling at me as he gripped the handles of the double doors that lead into his garage. I threw my hands onto my hips, sizing him up as I smirked in a confident and cocky manner, "No chance. Bring it." He laughed and lightly shook his head as he began leaning back slowly to open the doors. "Alright, you asked for it. But I will not take 'You didn't warn me' as an acceptable response when you've been put to shame," he said jokingly as he used an over dramatic female voice to construct my desired reaction in the midst of his own.

"Duly noted, but there is several slight issues to that statement. One, I do not sound that way and two, I will not need a retort because you my darling will be the one who bring dishonor to himself today," I said as he threw the doors open wide and smiled at me. "We will see," he said releasing the handles as the motioned me in.

I swept my eyes over his workshop as I entered. It was very clean, his tools were properly maintained and some were displayed on hooks hanging on the far end of the workspace above the work bench. On the wall to my right he had two large tool chests. One was an older, faded red one that appeared to be heavily used but still very much cared for. I assumed they were either his very first set or a hand me down from his father's younger years. It stood next to a much newer black chest that was adorned with the brand name of 'Snap-On', obviously a much more recent investment that he took much pride in.

On the adjacent wall, there were several cabinets that I was sure housed larger still essential tools of the trade, such as drop cloths and things of that nature and all the odd and end bottles that accompanied this hobby. I saw a set of ramps and various jacks that varied in age, yet all held the appearance of high quality and durability. And in the far corner was a shop vacuum and broom. It was very easy to see that he took a lot of pride in his passion and that he did so with care and respect. He was slightly backwoods but yet very dedicated as well, a very rare combination. I could feel his pride emanating from every inch of his work area and I was greatly pleased to be witnessing this side of him.

I nodded in approval as I worked my way around the shop, my hands still on my hips, "Not bad." He came to my side, following my eyes with his own as he spoke, "Yeah it's not the greatest, but anything you could possible think you would need is in here somewhere. I can guarantee you that." I nodded in acceptance as I brought my gaze back around to him, "You take pride, it's very easy to see that. So, I do not doubt you on that." He smiled in gratitude as we held each others eyes for a moment before I pulled mine from his and brought them to the bike in the middle of the shop. It was older, yet like everything else within these walls, very well maintained and appreciated. It appeared to have been rebuilt, the parts carefully cleaned and replaced over an extensive amount of time. I enjoyed his gravitation towards the older models, I shared this fondness with him.

"So is she the one who needs a looking at?" I said nodding towards it as I pushed the sleeves of my black thermal shirt up before running my fingers through my loose hair and tying it up and out of my face in a high ponytail. "Yeah, it's a 1985 Harley Spirit. I've broken it down and completely rebuilt it. It's running a bit sluggish, I assumed it's a carburetor issue. So, I worked the carbs and by that I mean the float bowls, floats, needles, jets, diaphragms and every other little piece got removed until it was down to just the carb bodies, butterfly valves, and linkage between them," he started to explain as I examined the bike.

"Then, I soaked it in a gallon of carb cleaner overnight and the next morning, I clean it all with a lighter spray carb cleaner before I used part washer next. Once I was done with that I then blow it out with compressed air and gave the jets the same treatment. Trust me, everything is completely clean. So, I reassembled everything, put it back in and took for a ride. Same problem, all that work improved it a bit but still barely did a damn thing," he said as I twisted my lips and kneeled next to it.

"How sluggish are we talking?" I asked as I tilted my head to the side and examined the workings visible to me from this angle, everything looked clean. "Well," he said as he came to my side, slipping his hands into his pockets as he spoke, "I open the throttle wide and after a slow buildup it feels like she's running at half throttle . It's really frustrating."

"Um hum," I said nodding as I stood and turned my face to his my hands still on my hips, "How long has she been sitting?" He contorted his brow slightly as he studied me in mild amazement, "I don't know like five months or so, winter into spring mostly cause of the riding conditions. How could you tell?" I smiled and pointed to his back tire, "Slight flat spots on the tires, nothing that wont go away if you get a good ride on her." He followed my finger and swept his eyes over the rubber, "You noticed spots that light?" I smiled and chuckled lightly, "I told you I know what the hell is going on." He nodded in acceptance before he drew his eyes back to mine and smiled, "You weren't kidding."

I smiled a slightly cocky smile, "I know." We held each other's gaze for several breaths just studying each other before I spoke, "So, what's your next idea?" "Well," he said scratching the back of his head, "I'm thinking it may be a fuel issue. I'm gonna try and drain her and replace it with new. I got some Chevron with Techron that I'm gonna use and I'll give her a nice dose of BG 44K-you know that insane seafoam- and hopefully that will do that trick."

I nodded, seeing his logic before I added my two cents, "Well, I have an idea but, we'll try yours and if it doesn't work then we'll try mine." He narrowed his eyes as he studied me, "Well what's your idea?" I shook my head and smiled, "Nope not till we try yours." He drew his lips tight, his eyes still narrow, "Not even a hint?" "Nope," I said smirking. "Fine, so let's try mine," he said releasing the constriction on his eyes before holding them on me for several moments and then turning away from me.

He started working on his bike, started the process of getting to the carburetor. I was pleased to see that he didn't plan on just letting the bike run till it stalled, he intended on doing it the proper way. He was very entertaining to watch as he worked, his eyes were concentrated and his hands strategic. I could practically see his thought process in his body language and it was very obvious that he knew what he was doing.

Aside from his mechanical marvel, his body was not half bad to watch work either. I could see his muscles contracting and relaxing under the thin black material of his t-shirt. It provided quite the masculine display, highlighting the different muscle groups in his broad and defined back. I had never really been a muscle girl, hadn't really found much pleasure in the toned body builder physique. But he wasn't the classic gym rat, his muscles were formed by hard labor and constant use. I rather liked that, never really pegged myself as a girl who went for the built guys, but he was rather appetizing to me. I found his raw strength captivating.

"Can you grab that small gas pan over there?" he said motioning to his right as he unhooked the fuel line from the carburetor. "Yeah," I said snapping back in to mechanical mode as I went to retrieve the desired catch pan. I grabbed it from the work bench, scooped up the small stool from the corner and placed it next to him, the pan resting on top of it so he could feed the fuel line into it and let it drain. Once he had done that, he turned the petcock on and allowed the tank to empty into the pan.

He watched the gas flow into the pan, a rich golden liquid that carried with it a scent I had grown to love. He cocked his head towards me and smiled, I reciprocated his gesture and just when he opened his mouth to speak, I heard a light knock on the wooden door behind us. We both turned towards it and my eyes fell on Jared, someone I had not expected to see here. I smiled sweetly at him as Jacob rose to greet him, "Hey man what's up?" They exchanged a quick handshake as Jared replied, "Not too much. Embry stopped by to see me today…" He trailed off, looked in between me and Jacob, his expression hard to read. I wasn't sure exactly why he'd come, didn't know him at all so I couldn't read him. Jacob's posture stiffened defensively, causing me to feel ill at ease about this visit. His shoulders squared and his tone was fiercely defensive as he spoke, "Did he? Is there something you wanna say to me?"

"I didn't come here to start something if that's what you mean," Jared said his posture unchanged as he spoke, holding Jacob's eyes before he pulled his gaze over Jake's shoulder to fix it on me. "She didn't do anything wrong, Embry was the one out of line, that's why I said something. You know I wouldn't have crossed lines without cause," Jacob said as he moved into Jared's line of vision blocking me. "I know man, he's just real tore up about it. Guess he caught some intense feelings for her and he feels betrayed. I'm just trying to sort out everything, get both sides," he said as he studied Jacob.

"He got attached on a level Paige was not interested in, they spoke on it and he accepted her feelings. Then we all went down to the beach, guess he could sense that me and her have chemistry; he got real territorial and lashed out at her. She didn't take to that very kindly and they went at each other something intense. I tried to break it up and he turned on me, saying I had no loyalty and was just out to steal her away from him and I told him to leave because he was getting kind of cut throat and he wouldn't. He just kept digging himself a hole, talking all sorts of craziness," Jacob said his shoulders still tight and defensive.

Jared shook his head softly from side to side, "This shit is nuts…I hope it all blows over." Jacob shrugged, "His response was uncalled for, he had no right to go there with her. If he doesn't like what I have to say about it, he can be pissed for as long as he likes, no one is gonna talk to her like she's some street walker." Jared looked slightly confused as he held Jacob's eyes for a moment, read his sincerity and then shifted his weight so he could look around him towards me, "Talk about getting attached." I shifted my weight feeling slightly uncomfortable about the way they talked about me like I wasn't right there; so, I spoke to reestablish my presence and break the tension. "I guess I have that kind of effect on you res boys. Must be my charming personality and tender composure," I said as I made a exaggerated smile and brought my one hand to my hip and the other to the back of my head as I popped my hip and struck a pin up pose.

Jared chuckled as he studied me, "Something like that I assume." Jake turned towards me and took in my pose so, I narrowed my eyes and puckered my lips, causing him to laugh. I preferred him relaxed and smiling and I was not above making an ass of myself to achieve it.

Jake motioned towards me with one hand as he spoke to Jared, "How could you not protect something that cute?" I laughed as Jared nodded in agreement. The energy in the room went much more fun and considerably less anxious. "I can see that causing trouble," Jared said shaking his head, a smile wide across his face as I stuck my tongue out at him. "Clearly trouble," Jake said as he watched me relax my pose, put both hands on my hips, draw my shoulders forward and glance up angelically.

"I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression Paige, I don't want you to think I'm some big asshole. I'm really just here to make sure things are okay. I know Embry has a tendency to get a little dramatic so I wanted Jake's side, he tends to be more rational," Jared said smiling crookedly as he made steady eye contact with me around Jacob. I moved towards him, pausing just behind Jacob as I spoke, my smile light and sweet as I shook my head softly, "Of course not. It's fine, I've been expecting some level of hostility for this whole mess from you guys so don't even worry about it.

"I don't intend on creating any hostility for you and I can bet you no one else will either. I don't really know you but Embry is oddly obsessed with you and Jake seems to be rather attached to you so my guess is you are someone worth knowing. So, how bout we take it as that and we work from there? I'm Jared, kinda crazy but always fun and your Paige an obviously amazing girl who has two of my best friends drooling all over her. You and I could potentially have a lot of very enjoyable moments together if you don't let this little drama with Embry get in the way, so what do you say? Crazy times or awkward tension and dirty glares?" I had to laugh, it was very obvious he and I would get along just fine. I spoke as I reached around Jacob and grabbed his extended hand for a truce shake, "Alright, but only because it takes far too much energy to always be bitchy. But I can do it very well so mind yourself." Jared laughed as he reciprocated the shake. Jacob kept his face serious as he spoke, "She really does. I saw it first hand and it makes me very thankful that for some reason she finds pleasure in my presence. But when that changes, I don't want to be around."

"Hey," I said defensively, "I never claimed to be sane." They both laughed in my lack of denial at his statement. "That's fine neither did I," Jared said as he smiled. "Good, crazy people get along good. So, you and I should be just fine," I said smiling again as Jacob shook his head softly. There was a moment before Jared's expression went more serious as he slipped his hands into his pocket while I brought mine to Jacob, "You've made it very plain how you feel about the stuff with Embry, but you're still going to come next Friday right?" I looked up at Jacob, unaware of what Friday was and trying to gauge his reaction to Jared's question. His face went slightly confused as he spoke, "Yeah, why wouldn't I?" Jared shrugged as he responded, "I don't know, because he'll be there and I don't know maybe you didn't want to hang with him." "Nah, I'll be there. I didn't plan on making things weird cause he is being stupid. If he wants to continue this then, we'll address that but I'm not going to change plans we've had just because he got cut throat yesterday." "Alright, maybe he'll get over it by then." "Maybe, but regardless, we'll be there. He'll either man up and get over it, or he'll storm off again."

"Oh good Paige is coming too?" Jared said smiling at me. I exchanged his smile and nodded, even though I was completely unaware of what I was agreeing to. It didn't really matter what the plans were, as long as Jacob wanted me there I would be. "Cool, alright so I'll see you guys then," Jared said as he backed up and started his exit. "Bye," I said sweetly before pressing my cheek against Jacob's shoulder. "Later Jared," Jacob said as he nodded towards him and Jared disappeared around the garage.

We were silent a moment before I spoke in a soft tone, "So, where exactly am I going next Friday?" "It's a barbeque at Sam and Emily's. I was going to invite you later this week, but I guess I should ask you now," he said as he turned to face me. He scooped my hands into his and smiled down at me as intertwined our fingers and swing them softly, "Paige would you be my date for the barbeque?"

I smiled up at him sweetly, studying his gentle chocolate eyes as I replied, "I would love to." He reciprocated my warm smile before leaning in to press his lips softly to my brow. We held each other's eyes for a moment before I smiled and motioned with my head towards the bike, "Betchya it's done." He drew his brow in a confused manner as he studied my face searching for the meaning of my statement. "The bike, it's probably done draining," I said answering his questioning eyes. He looked slightly shocked, like he had completely forgotten the task we had started less than an hour ago, "Oh yeah." He turned from me, letting out fingers slip apart as he started towards the motorcycle.

Sure enough a little over a gallon of gas sat sedentary in the pan, the flow from the hose having ceased. He crouched down, scooping the pan up and walked very slowly towards the work bench, where he set the pan down and reached for a small jug and a funnel. I strode to his side and looked at the fuel that rippled in the pan, "It smells alright, isn't really discolored." "I know," he said shaking his head in discouragement as he set the funnel into the jug and lifted the pan to pour the discarded fuel into it's new container. I steadied the funnel to make sure nothing spilled as the golden liquid flowed over the corner of the pan and into the jug.

"Maybe we're missing it," I said as he emptied the rest of the fuel from the pan. "Maybe," he said putting the pan down as I pulled the funnel out so he could screw the cap on. "But maybe it means you will get a chance to present your theory," he said as he tightened the cap and raised his eyebrows. I smiled, "Perhaps. But there is only one way to be sure." I held up the container of BG 44K and shook it as I winked at him. He smiled and bent over to scooped up the small gas can of his Chevron and motioned towards the bike with his free hand, "Shall we?" I smiled and tilted my head sweetly before I turned and started towards the bike, "We shall."

He put the gas can down, turned the petcock back and re-hooked the fuel line. He started to reassemble the everything, his hands working quicker than they had when he had dismantled it. He worked very efficiently at his current speed, his eyes concentrated as he hands moved from one thing to the next. I tilted my head so I could watch his hands move. I couldn't get over how they maneuvered with such ease through the inner workings of his bike. It was very apparent that he was extremely familiar with it, knew it's layout perfectly. I was fairly certain he could do this all in his sleep and I rather liked that.

I smiled very softly to myself as my eyes drifted towards his arms. His shirt had rather short sleeves that left a lot of muscle to observe and I was happy to oblige. Each movement with his hand created some sort of definition in his arms and the muscle groups here were developed and toned to a degree that was seriously intriguing. I found myself lightly biting my lip as I watched him work, my one eyebrow arched in fascination as I watched his muscles create cuts in his bronzed skin.

I watched his muscles defining themselves as he worked, observed his fluid and confident movement as he reassembled everything and couldn't help but detach myself from the work at hand. My mind wandered away from mechanics and drifted into a deeper place. A place in my mind that was occupied by him. I ran my eyes over him as I tilted my head and smiled while I recalled the effortlessness of our conversations. My tongue slipped across my lips as I saw the sparkle of his eyes as they danced over my face, showing nothing but intoxication from what they observed. I swallowed coarsely as my taste buds tingled at the remembrance of his taste. I bit my lip harder as I ran my free hand down my neck as I remembered the way his hot and strong hands felt on my skin. My skin went chilled as goose bumps ran rampant over it at the thought of how he had made every cell in my body vibrate in a sensual overload. All of my senses ran wild, hungered to be driven by him again.

I found myself imagining a very dirty escapade that we could have here in his workspace. I thought of sauntering towards him and forcing him to face me. I would pull him face to mine, draw our lips together and the passion that flowed between us would be hot and electric. Our mouths would move hard and fast against on another, a synchronized tango of teeth, tongue and lips. Our hands would be searching for the ends of cloth, pulling at it viciously as we attempted to free the each other from it as we moved towards the workbench. There would be the thunderous sound of raining metal as we cleared the space, making plenty of room for what would soon be taking place. And when it happened, hard, fast and hot; it would be exactly what we both needed, something wild and animalistic. There would be no room for tender touches and soft kisses, just a primal exhibition of raw desire

"Are you ready?" he asked, his erotic voice sending a shiver up my spine as my world refocused. I most have had a rather lost expression on my face because his eyes went bright as he smiled at me. "I'm sorry, what?" I said shaking my head lightly as I attempted to close of that dark place in my mind again. "For a test ride, you coming?" he asked his tone showing signs of amusement. I was a tad panicked that my fantasy was written all over my face. I felt like a guilty child who was just caught day dreaming about activities they'd much rather be partaking in during an algebra class by their over enthusiastic teacher. "Oh, um me? Yeah sure," I stammered. 'Honest Sir I was totally lost in your explanation of a over b equals c.' He smiled to himself as he laughed softly and cleared the area around the bike. "Grab my helmet off the shelf then," he said as he threw his head in the appropriate direction and mounted the bike. He released the kick stand and started to back the bike out as I did as I was told. He kicked the engine over and waited for me in the driveway as I sauntered towards him, untying my hair as I walked. He watched me remove the hair band and shake my hair loose, so I did it as seductively as possible, as smile wide on his face the whole time. I slipped my sleeves back down and slid the helmet on, tightening the chinstrap to my taste as I reached him. He slid forward, leaving the back of the bike clear for me to get on. Now, I had never done this before, but I had seen girls back home do it all the time and at the bike shows they always did it with I high and seductive leg raise, making it erotic. So, I took my time and kept my movements slow as I got on in that fashion. When I had positioned myself properly, he slid back so our bodies were pressed closely and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

I spoke over the hum of the engine, "You know my mother would kill me if she knew what I was up to, she made me promise I'd never jump on the back of a bike." "Well it's probably a good thing it's mine huh? Hold on, I promise if she opens up nice I'll take it easy on you," he said as he looked over his shoulder at me. "I trust you, Jake and plus my Mom isn't here now is she?" I said in as sexy of a tone as my high pitch would allow. "You asked for it," he said in that classic bad boy tone as smiled sadistically and revved the engine. We crept slowly threw the gravel passed our cars, he was careful to not spray up too many stones up around them and I appreciated that.

As we made it to the paved road, he increased speed, giving the engine more gas and she purred in appreciation. We were headed in a different direction then I was used to, out towards a heavily wooded area. There were large trees on either side of the road and the air was thick with their sweet aroma. I inhaled deeply as he picked up speed on the long straight stretch of road, his decision on this route becoming very clear to me. I could feel the bike fighting against itself, it wanted very badly to run open throttle and rip down the pavement yet something was still prohibiting that. I felt his chest heave in disappointment and it was easy to deduce that this resistance was the one he had spoke about.

We followed the road as it arched in sharp turns and I mimicked his body movements exactly to keep the bike balanced. We swayed together either way as we snaked through the terrain. It was completely secluded out here, nothing but us, our machine and the wilderness. It was very freeing emotion, one I had never felt before to be out on the road with a bike between my legs. Had I been slightly more at ease I probably would have done a Titanic move and spread my arms as I proclaimed my rule over the world. But I refrained from that and instead just enjoyed the serenity of the ride. I liked my spot on the back, my hair blowing wildly behind us, my arms locked around him and my heart beating strong against his back. There was something so erotic about the edge and freedom to it that I was very heartbroken when the road looped around and his house came back into view.

I felt a twinge deep in my chest as we pulled into his drive, our speed slowed and a familiar red truck came into view, it's bumper a bit too close to mine. I recognized it, but I did not know who exactly it belonged to. I could feel a soft rumble in his chest as he acknowledged it but I wasn't sure what faint response it was generated by. As we crept closer to the vehicle, the door flung wide and Bella hopped out of the cabin. She briefly lost her footing, stumbling towards us slightly before she regained control of herself. I couldn't help but find her clumsiness slightly frustrating. She slammed her heavy steel door and slid her hands into the pockets of her jackets as she eyed me. I saw a burning layer of jealousy as she studied me, but it melted quickly away before she pulled her gaze to Jacob. She smiled at him, obviously pleased to see him despite her frustration to seeing me.

If I recalled correctly, and I was pretty sure I did, he'd told her I would be here, so why exactly was I getting the 'fuck you bitch' glare? And wasn't she the one who didn't want to be with Jacob? So, why did it bother her that I didn't mind spending my afternoon with him? I would never understand girls and honestly I didn't really care to try. "Hey Jake!" she said in an overly enthusiastic tone as we crept to a halt next to her truck. My hands slid to rest on his thighs naturally and I smiled at her in the most polite way possible as Jacob replied, "Hey Bells." "I thought you said the bike wasn't running?" she said not even reciprocating my smile or acknowledging me for that matter. Fuck you, raced through my mind but my face remained sweet and collected as they spoke. "She runs but not like she should," Jake said as he switched off the engine.

"Oh really? That's awful but you'll fix it because your Jake, that's what you do," she said smiling as she slid her hand over his on the handlebar. My eyebrows arched slightly at her contact with him and a million jealous thoughts streamed through my head. I wanted to reach around him and rip her hand away as I smiled at her in a catty way, but I kept my face composed as I held my smile. I refused to make a big show, they were friends long before we were and I had no place saying anything. Jake and I were not a couple, sure we had been intimate but that didn't mean I had some stake claimed in him. He was still his own person and if he wants to hold hands with her than I had no room to say anything.

He looked down at her hand and then held his eyes there for several breaths before speaking, "Actually I'm completely out of ideas. Paige is about to bounce her idea off me now." I couldn't help but flash a more genuine smile as his words flowed smoothly and he slowly worked his hand out from under hers to bring it to his lap to pat mine. I am definitely not to ashamed to admit that I also found a slight stab of bitchy pleasure at the shocked look burning in her eyes as she pulled her hand slowly back to her pocket and spoke in a slightly winded tone, raspy as though the air had been knocked from her lungs, "Oh really? She's in to that sort of stuff?"

"Well not so much bikes, but the working mechanics of it are pretty similar. So, if I've wrapped my mind around this properly, we just might have her running wide open shortly. I'm due a real ride, so I am hoping my simple diag is spot on," I said answering her even though she'd directed her question towards to Jake. I kept my smile bright and held her eyes as she processed my response before I squeezed Jake's hand and swung my leg back over the bike to dismount.

"So, let's hear it," Jake said as I unlocked the chinstrap of his helmet before I slipped it off and shook my hair out. I smiled at him and dangled the helmet at my side by the strap as I brought my hand to my hip and started to speak in a even tone, "Okay, so my Mom has this Mustang that she absolutely loves. It has a 2007 Mustang Shelby GT-H convertible, bright blue pant with dual white over body strips. It's beautiful, it's a special edition modeled after the 66 Shelby GT350H. It has a stock 320 HP 4.6 liter GT V8 engine, 90 mm cold air intake kit, an X-pipe, performance suspension, 5-speed automatic transmission and a whole lotta other shit. But really that's not the point of my speech, the car is really just want triggered my thought process. So, yeah anyways she started running wicked rough and my Mom was bugging cause the car really wasn't that old. So, me and my Dad did everything you can imagine to this thing to try and get it to run right. I mean we pulled the MAF and cleaned it, we replaced plugs and checked coil packs. We dismantled the whole head, completely cleaned it and replaced all the O-Rings and that's not even the half of it. She got the full work over and she ran better but not right." Jake was studying my face, keeping up with me and running with my thought process as I used my hands for emphasis.

"Then one night I was just laying in bed, completely floored by this whole thing and something hit me like a ton of bricks. Why couldn't it be simple?" I said throwing my hands up. Jake studied me his eyes slightly narrowed as I held his gaze and waited for his reply. "Because life's a bitch?" he said shrugging his shoulder, slightly confused as to what I was getting at. I laughed and shook my head lightly, "No Jake, it can be simple but simple is never where we look as mechanics. Because, I don't know, we like working our fingers to the bone, like getting in the nitty-gritty of it, like ripping things apart in hundreds of tiny little pieces and putting it all back together better than the factory. That's just what we do, so the simple problem always turns into a mystery. So, we just have to think simple. Simply you have a blockage that is restricting airflow, making your motor fight itself but where? Seeing as she's on the older side, I would think it is safe to say she doesn't have a cat so it's not the cat, but what about the exhaust? Why couldn't she have a carbon build up in the exhaust? She's been sitting for a little while and she's a two stroke she most certainly could couldn't she?" I said throwing my hands up.

I watched as the concept leaked into Jacob's brain. Hqis eyes went astonishingly bright as it clicked, his jaw loosening as he struggled to speak. "Holy fucking shit of course!" he said his tone shocked as he brought his hand to his forehead in disappointment in himself for not seeing what I saw. "My Mom had a clogged cat, and my Dad made the same face you are when I suggested it. So, if history is repeating itself, and I really hope it is because I want to feel her full throttle, then all you need brake cleaner and a lot of diligence and she'll be running like a champ in no time," I said a smile creeping onto my lips as I spoke. "Why didn't I think of this?" Jake said staring slightly past me as he thought out loud, his tone frustrated. "'Cause baby, life is a total fucking malicious bitch so sometimes it takes one to beat one," I said smiling wildly as I winked despite the disgusted huff that echoed behind Jake from a frustrated Bella, who I had almost forgotten was there.


	12. Needing You

"So um Jake," Bella chimed in from behind us as Jake gave the exhaust one final shake. "Yeah?" Jake directed over his shoulder as he kept working, never really giving her his full attention. "I uh, didn't want to talk about this with other people around but uh, seeing as it doesn't seem like that's gonna happen anytime soon, can I vent?" she said her tone slightly bitchy and her snide remark directed straight into my back. Ugh, I wanted to hurl something at her head, wanted to knock her the fuck out so she'd keep her fucking negative inferences to her bitchy self. But, I held my composure, pretending I didn't hear the malicious undertone in the comment and just continued to help Jake, acting like she wasn't blubbering several feet from me.

"Yeah, sure go to town," Jake said as he quietly gave me several directions, still not giving her the attention she was trying so hard to demand without seeming needy. Despite what she believed, needy was written all over her but, hell I'm a girl so of course I get it. Guys on the other hand are completely oblivious and don't pick up on the same subtle hits that we do so Jake probably feed right into her shit. "So, yeah Edward came back from camping with Jasper and Emmett yesterday like around dinner time and we saw each other for like literally fifteen minutes before he completely blew me off to watch the game at Emmett's," she paused giving Jake his cue to respond. Based on the way she stammered when he 'uh-huhed' her and continued what we were doing I gathered he normally threw in a response that started with an disapproving lip smack and followed somewhere along the lines of "What a dick." "But, uh yeah… I mean it's kinda like what the hell you just spent all weekend holding hands in the woods with him why can't I get a moment of your time? And I told him that, didn't hold back, let him know just how I felt. And you know what response I got?" she said again hinting at his cue.

"What?" Jake said absent mindedly as he started to lightly tap the exterior with a rubber mallet. "He said, 'But Babe the Angels are playing!'" She threw her arms up in disgust and I couldn't help but laugh softly; typical male response. "Really?" Jake said not even turning towards her, no real emotion in his response as we uncorked one end and drained the exhaust.

"Really!," she exclaimed as she threw her hands up again and started to pace. "I guess I mean I just don't get it, why the hell is that more important then seeing me? So a stupid team that never wins is going to throw a stupid ball right over the base to a much better team so it can get creamed over the wall. And when it does, we all sit around and talk bad about the other team because God forbid we just accept that our team sucks at life and needs to retire!" Her tone was hostile and it was very clear that she was ridiculously heated. Jake didn't even respond in her pause, just examined the inside of the exhaust to see if there was any residual build up.

So, I spoke simply because I didn't feel the need to be viciously rude to her despite her perpetual disregard to me, "So why didn't you just entertain him, you know go with him and watch the game with the boys if he was really set on it?"

She shot me a look of utter disgust as she slammed her hands onto her hips, "And let him have his cake and eat it too after he made it clear the game was more important than me? I don't think so! That was not even an option!" She projected her anger towards me like I was the one who blew her off and that pissed me off, but instead of giving her the few choice words I had come up with I smiled in a 'I get your point' kind of way and shook my head before turning back to the exhaust.

"Well Bells, he wasn't really getting at that I'm sure. I kinda have to agree with Paige I like her idea," he said flashing me a pleased smile in response to my approval of hanging with the boys. Bella huffed something awful towards us, it spat out like a hiss as she resituated her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. I could see that Jake normally played the hungry suitor who was just looking for a spot to slip in and be the supportive bleeding heart. You know the one who lets you cry on his shoulder while you trash your man because he hopes you'll realize that he über sensitive and would never do that to you; which will lead to your magical kiss and an massive explosion of heat and passion. At which point you'll realize you should be with him and ditch you loser boyfriend so you can run away with him and have 2.5 beautiful kids, a dog and white picket fence. Yet, to her utter shock and horror, he didn't play that and she was not having it.

"Jesus Jake are you even listening to me? Do you even care that he like totally made me feel like crap?" she half yelled. "Of course I care Bella," Jake shot at her as he spun to face her for the first time in their whole conversation. "How can you even say I don't?" he said highly offended, his tone slightly harsh. "Because you're making it kinda of apparent that you don't! You're not even really reacting! You are normally, much more supportive and sweet. But this time noooo you totally agree with him and that's so not like you! What is going on with you Jake? You are like totally changed and I don't much care for it!" she shot back her tone more snide then his. She was making it very clear that she knew his lack of enthusiasm was due to me and I didn't give a damn that it pissed her off. Was I supposed to feel sorry for her because her back up boyfriend had decided he was more interested at putting his efforts towards someone who actually had interest in something more then constant blue balls and dashed hopes? Sorry sweetheart, no sympathy here. "I'm not saying he's right I'm just saying relationships are about compromise. Sometimes you gotta give a little even if it pisses you off," he said his tone low but harsh.

"Whatever Jake it's obvious you aren't even trying to help me with this, you clearly could care less about being the Jacob who made everything okay when I was a total wreck. It's okay I get it," she said throwing her hand up in a offended manner as she turned her face from him. Jacob's muscles tensed and I could see he was about to blurt out something he'd regret so I cut in strategically and attempted to save face for him by projecting her anger onto me, "She's got a point Jake you do have a way of making a girl feel completely enrapture when you put all your energy into her."

Bella's eyes darted hatefully towards me, as she bore through me and sucked her teeth clearly registering the innuendo I so bluntly spoke in company while running my finger down the back of his arm. "Christ," she spat out towards me as she huffed and rolled her eyes in disgust. Jacob turned towards we slowly his eyes bright and wide as a smiled crept across his lips in a slightly dirty way. The hint was not lost on him either, that was just a plus for the bullet I had just bitten for him. "What?" I said forcing myself to sound shocked as I contracted my brow and floated my eyes between them both, " I was just agreeing with you Bella."

"Yeah sure that's exactly what you were doing Paige," Bella shot her eyes hot as she glowered at me and crossed her arms tight at her chest. "I was honest, I wouldn't be as comfortable in Forks or life for that matter if Jake didn't help me open back up to human contact again. I was a hot mess when he met me but he really has put his energy into making me feel normal and whole again. I drew a lot of power from his patience with me which makes me feel completely enraptured," I said hold her eyes only in the beginning and end of my 'cover-up' explanation. I made sure to keep my eyes locked on his for the majority of my statement so that he knew I meant these words as much as I had meant the originals.

"Well I guess his kindheartedness can sometime be a burden," she lashed out her tone cold and calculated as she turned her back to us and glared at the wall. Jake's eyes went vicious and he opened his mouth to spit venom as he attempted to spin back to face her but I caught him and shook my head in protest. I kept my eyes level and pleading as I mouthed, 'Please don't.' He studied me in a confused manner as I continued to beg him with my eyes, my hands locked on his arms. I didn't make myself look like a giant bitchy slut from hell to save him face that he was going to destroy now. I could tell he didn't understand but he closed his eyes and took three deep and slow breaths as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. I had plenty I could have spewed at her but this was neither the time nor the place for it and I wouldn't let him trash years of friendship over emotions that were running to hot on all ends.

When he opened his eyes back up they appeared calmer and he spoke in a flat and even tone, "Let's just finish the bike." I nodded in acceptance and let my hands fall from his arms as he scooped the exhaust back up and turned back to reattach it. "Thank you," I said in a faint whisper as I ruffled his hair and squatted next to him to help speed up the process. Bella stood staring at the spot she was boring in the wall for the extent of the reassembly in silence. The only noise in the garage was the click of tools and the low issuing of instruction between the two of us. I was certain that she had expected the lash out, it was clear that Jacob had a temper that ran just as hot as mine and when that didn't happen she didn't know what to say.

She had wanted a knock down drag out screaming match where hurtful things would be said so he would feel horrible and apologize, maybe even embrace her as he pleaded with her to not hate him. But I squashed that, there would be none of that. Not today or any other day when I had a say about it. That was all part of the vicious cycle they had, part of how her hold on him worked and I was not letting it repeat itself.

She finally turned when Jake and I finished reassembling everything, in half the time that he had taken to dismantle that portion of the bike (it's kind of amazing what an extra set of hands and work being done at a pace to burn of anger can do). "Alright, she's done. We just gotta fire her up and hope she purrs much nicer now," he said a smile never breaking onto his lips as he wiped his brow and studied the bike, not even looking up at me. It was apparent he was still heated beyond belief and I accepted his frustration. "You should get a pretty rough idea by a couple nice revs but a nice long straight way is the real test," I said looking down at the bike as well before pulling my eyes up to Bella. Her face was not as angry anymore, it was more confused and hurt. I felt a small smidgen of pity, I knew that that mixture of emotions was a lethal one but when my eyes drifted back to Jake's and I saw that his normally sparkling ones were replaced by a dull and offended pair that smidgen was wiped out and I felt anger burning in it's place.

No one, would make him lose his spark, not even for a moment if I could help it. I felt strongly protective of him and it made me furious that someone had really hurt him and that anger burned close behind my eyes as I shot Bella a 'watch your fucking self bitch' glare when Jake bent to clear the area around the bike so we could take it out. She seemed to be taken aback by it, her thought running along her face as she held my eyes. She hadn't expected my ties to Jake to be so deep this early in on our relationship, and I couldn't blame her it took me a little off guard as well. She was threatened by this and slightly hurt, she had thought she would be the only one he'd find emotions for. She wasn't quite sure how deep they ran because he hadn't went to bat for me when she set him up to. Unbeknownst to her I had been the only reason he hadn't. So, how deep were they really if I could make him cage his protective instincts? Amazingly deep, that was very apparent.

I glanced down at him and found a brand new appreciate for that and understood it's depth a little bit more. He had the most amazing soul of anyone I had ever allowed close to me. That thought scared me slightly; I never thought I'd be more fond of a person than I had been of Caleb. Yet here I was thinking all these ridiculously heartfelt things about another man. A man who didn't rush or force me to be whole, which actually let me find that strength again. I guess my Mom was right, Caleb had passed for a reason, the reason being I was meant to find Jake. Someone I never would have met had Caleb still been in my life. What a simple life I would have led with out his spark. What a cold existence I would have been accustomed to without feeling his warmth on my flesh. Not saying my life with Caleb would have been bad, I would have been painfully happy but I wouldn't have known true life without having felt the it surge back into me when I had taken myself for dead. Jacob had rescued me from all of that, thanks to Caleb.

"You coming?" he said as he started pushing the bike out onto the gravel drive. "Wouldn't miss a moment of it," I said in a tone that went loving and nostalgic as my thoughts became evident in it. Bella opened her mouth to speak and I turned from her to follow Jake, making it apparent I had no intent of having a conversation. There was a moment of silence in which she processed the situation before she called after us in a faint voice, "I'll uh wait right here."

"Or you could just not be here when we get back," Jacob said in a harsh and grumbling tone under his breath that sounded like a growl to even me and I was walking side by side with him. I fought against my deepest desire to smile at the lack of sympathy he was taking with her, I had to admit that I was rather pleased with it. She was being so melodramatic that it was making me slightly nauseated. But, I kept myself as composed as possible as I snapped the chinstrap and watched him jump on before he slapped the back of seat to signify that it belonged to me. I slipped into my spot, this time taking less care to be seductive because he was not really in the mood for erotic behavior. His temper was flaring viciously and he wanted to be in control because I'd taken it from him by asking him to not defend my honor-something he felt very complied to do(which I found very sexy). I submitted and gave him the reins, completely content with allowing him to dominate at that moment.

As I snuggled safely to his back, holding on with less vigor than I had the first time, he fired up the engine, revving in twice in masculine manner. I felt the vibrations rumbling beneath us, as the engine roared in a much deeper and more throaty manner than it had the first time. It sounded better which lead me to believe that I was spot on, as we rumbled slightly more aggressively down the drive than we had before. He was still very careful to not cause any up spray of rocks as we cruised between the cars but his frustration was evident in his new driving style.

When we reached the road he turned towards the direction we had headed last time in a quicker pace then we had before. I was pleased to feel no fight from the engine, she cruised happily at each speed without any lag and with no resistance. When we came to the familiar straight stretch of road he turned his face towards me, slowing to drop the pitch of the emissions and yelled above the engine, "Hold on Babe, this is gonna be that ride you asked for." I hunkered down, drawing my body close to his, my arms locked tightly around him as I heeded his word. Babe? I could become rather fond of that name for myself, I rather enjoyed that I was his babe.

Just as these thoughts began to swirl magically through my mind, he opened the throttle wide and gave his machine a good testing. I knew he'd ride a little rougher since he had steam to blow off, but it felt like we were traveling ridiculously fast. I felt, for the first time ever with him, the sharp stab of fear burning like venom through my veins. I instinctive clung to him for protection and wrapped myself around him as I squeezed him to the degree that I'm sure forced the air from his lungs. I buried my face into his neck to block my vision and shield my face from the wind that was stinging my face. I couldn't comprehend how his face wasn't shredding up on the front of the bike where he was taking the brunt of the air's vicious assault.

I drug my nails into the fabric that was stretched tight against his flesh, clinging to it as I squeezed my eyes shut. In any other moment I would have been severely turned on by the way it could feel every muscle in his body through the thin materials; each one contracting in an appropriate pattern as he demanded more of the bike, but with my heart pounding in the back of my throat my hormones were far from raging. My breath was quick and hard and hung thickly in between my lips and the back of his neck creating a dew.

Had I been more of a veteran at this I would not be responding this way and I would probably be loving every bit of the adrenaline that was coursing through me. I would be drinking up the high it created and would hold on just enough to keep myself in the seat as every cell in me tingled with excitement. But, today was not that day.

Jacob must have cooled off just enough to realize that my death grip on him was not one of excitement but one of fear. Perhaps it was the way every muscle in my body tensed in ridiculously rigid manner, or perhaps it was the assault my nails were conducting on his stomach. Whatever it was, I was completely relieved when he closed the throttle partially and slowed the bike down to a reasonable speed. I loosened my grip around him slowly and allowed me nails to unhook from his t-shirt, but I didn't removed my face from his neck. I drew back slightly, so it was no longer buried, but I kept it close because his scent was soothing to me.

I hadn't noticed it the whole time we were on the bike, but his scent was intensified and slightly altered today. I could smell his natural essence beneath everything else, that same earthy and clean scent that was unique to him. It was mixed with his familiar cologne, spicy yet subtly sweet. There was also the hint of sweat and brute masculinity from the work he had put in the bike and it was highlighted by the smells of the cleaner and fuel we played with. Lastly, I caught the hint of coconut, flowing down sporadically from his hair, mixing in with all of his other magnificent smells to create a masculine and unique scent that encapsulated his essence. I was lost in it, inhaling it deeply so that it filled my lungs and consumed me. It was intoxicating and revitalizing. It was my Jacob, all wrapped up neatly in one elaborate package for me to enjoy and I was thoroughly indulging in it.

I felt him bring the bike to a cruising speed and place his hand over my arms that were locked around his waist. He rubbed up my arm in a soothing manner to apologize for frightening me unintentionally. He locked our fingers and drew my hand from it's spot and brought it to his lips. He pressed them lightly against my skin before rubbing it lightly to his cheek, further driving home the fact that scaring me was not his intention. I knew this and it wasn't really that I feared for my life, he was never not in control of his machine, I could feel it in his muscles and body language, it was just that I was not yet comfortable with his bike especially at an elevated speed.

He kept my hand in his, had the throttle at a comfortable level and pulled my our hands to his chest. He placed them over his heart and I could feel his breathing slow and steady. He was showing me that he was in control and that there was no reason for me to be fearful. I pressed my ear lightly to his back and listened to his respiration as I continue to take in his scent and feel his breathing. He was attempting to relax me so I could actually enjoy this time together on the bike and it was working. My breathing slowed and within minutes, it matched his perfectly. My muscles loosened and my heart rate lowered back to a calm pace. I became comfortable again as my body relaxed in everyway possible and I found my posture straightening. I sat back, returning to my riders stance and he slowly lower my hands back to his waist.

He increased our speed, but very slightly and at a measured pace. I inhaled slowly taking in our surroundings as the sun warmed my face and the wind whipped softly against it. I smiled to myself as he eased the bike through the gears, holding it steady as we cruised at around forty-five miles per hour. He was making up for startling me before and I was actually fully enjoying it. I felt completely content perched behind him, our bodies pressed close as we swayed together on the twisting road. We took our time, winding our way thought the century old woods, the aroma of pine tingling my airways as it mixed with Jake's scent that the wind carried in smooth lines over my face.

As we came to the last bend before another long stretch of straight lines, I slowly slid my hands outward on his stomach, dragging them in a methodical manner to assure him that his current speed was just fine. I held my hands suspended in the air, testing out how it felt to ride without holding on. It was a completely freeing and a slight rush, yet my breathing didn't even hitch. I felt completely confident in his control, knew there was no reason to worry simply by the way his body felt like an extension of the machine pressed against me. Every fiber of him commanded each mechanism of the bike, totally at ease with every piece of its workings.

So, I extended my arms outward and brought them parallel to the pavement, holding them up as took a steady breath. I smiled to myself when I realized how calm and steady I was as my arms glided through the wind. I rotated my wrists slowly back and forth so I could feel the way the air flowed over them from many different angles as I turned my face towards the warmth of the sun that shone down onto us and closed my eyes. I was at absolute peace, completely free as I soared against the wind. I couldn't help but open my eyes when my serenity was interrupted by Jacob's laugh that vibrated through his back and into my chest, which pressed softly against him. I smiled, pleased that he was at his own peace again, anger no longer radiating from him as he found enjoyment in my ecstasy. I lowered my hands slowly to his thighs, dragging them up towards his stomach as I draped my body back over his and placed as soft kiss on his neck. He tilted his head towards me briefly and smiled as he nuzzled me with his cheek before turning his gaze back to the road.

As a bend became visible on the horizon he reached around and gave my thigh a quick and gentle slap as he opened the throttle slightly. I tightened my lackadaisical hold on him, understanding that that was my warning that it was time to really hold on. He gradually increased our speed, taking his time so he could judge when he was going too fast by my grip. But I didn't increase it, I was over the fear factor and was ready for any amount of speed he felt was warranted by the terrain. I felt completely secure as we dipped into this first turn, not even phased by the fact that were going faster now than we had before. He kept this new speed constant, swayed us more quickly through the turns as I held on just enough to stay put, my cheek pressed lightly to his back.

As the turns got tighter and tighter, I found that my grip didn't get anymore severe but that our bodies formed to each others in a more perfect manner. My body responded perfectly in sync with his, they communicated beautifully never having even a moment of hesitation or misunderstanding. Our breathing matched just as perfectly as our muscle movements did; we were completely synchronized and totally in tune with one another. It was an amazing feeling, I didn't have a care in the world because he and I were one being gliding effortlessly along the winding path cut through the trees.

We rode like this for what seemed like hours, but I wasn't complaining, I was in no rush to be anywhere else. I would be completely content with spending the rest of the afternoon completely consumed with him, lost in his scent, sharing his breaths and wrapping myself around him. Hell, I was completely content with feeling this way for the rest of my life. I had never been more harmonized with another human being in my life and I didn't want it to end.

But as all good things do, our ride came to an end just as the sun was beginning to sink low on the horizon. We pulled slowly into the driveway and I resisted my urge to let out a slight whimper. I was so elated to be carefree and cozy with him on the bike that the thought of getting off and being without the connection deeply saddened me. He pulled the bike up in front of the garage and killed the engine, kicking it's stand down as he started to pull away from me. I straightened up, not wanting to seem clingy by prolonging the contact he was ending and allowed him to climb off. He turned to face me his lips stretched over a wide grin and extended his hand to me as I unhooked the helmet. I slipped the helmet off and hung it from the handle bar as I took his hand and got off while running my other one through the length of my hair.

As soon as my feet were flat on the ground he pulled me hard against him and reestablished the close contact. He slid his hand up over my cheeks, cupping my face and pushing the tips of his fingers into my hair as he beamed down at me, his eyes alive with infatuation. He must have felt the same things I had, must have known how in sync we were on the bike, how perfectly we worked together. He kissed me passionately, slammed his mouth hard and hot onto mine. He kissed with me with such vigor that my heart started to race hard against my ribs and my skin got flushed with passion. And just when I thought I might go completely black, he pulled his lips from mine and smiled again as he spoke in a husky tone, "You are amazing, you did it." He crushed his lips into mine fiercely again and I engaged him for several moments before I pulled away to speak, "No we did."

His eyes danced at my response and his smile intensifying as he held my face for a moment longer just taking me in with his eyes sparkled. A soft growl rumbled from his chest as he pulled his hand from my face quickly. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me clear off the ground into a bear hug as he spun me in a complete circle. I threw my head back and laughed at both his enthusiasm and the rush I got from it as he spun me through the air with complete ease, his lips lightly brushing my throat about mid swing. He lowered me to the ground and brought his hands back to my face, brushing the hair from it as his smile blazed. "We did it and we are amazing together," he said his tone so sultry that got a shiver down my spine and a smile engulfed my face.

I couldn't help myself, I was totally enthralled by that statement that I struggling to find an answer to it as my heart raced and we held each other gaze. "Yes we are," I said in a whisper as I angled my lips towards his, brushing them together lightly. We both smiled at one another, enthused by the other's response and we allowed our bodies speak as we stood in silence. I arched mine hard against his, pressing the length of myself against his frame. He placed his one hand on my lower back and the other on the back of my neck under my hair, drawing me closer and encouraging me. I ran my hand down his back dragging my nails lightly against it and nudged his lips softly with mine between smiles. His eyes showed excitement and a high from me that was intense and I told him I was lost in him with mine. And just as our bodies agreed that there was nothing more perfect than this moment, I heard someone clear their throat in an annoyed and offended manner behind me.

Jacob released me and I spun to face the person my cheeks hot with embarrassment. I stumbled backwards against Jacob's chest and drew my arms around my own as I too cleared my throat. Bella stood in the doorway of the garage, her lips pressed tightly together as she stared at us. I had assumed she would have left seeing as we were gone for well over an hour but, there she stood, her eyes blank as she processed the interaction she'd just witnessed between us. It was clear she was hurt and in disbelief as she ran her eyes over us in a shaky manner. They were rimmed slightly with tears as she spoke quickly, "I have to go. My um Dad called me, yeah and I just have to leave right now he said it's something important." She stood completely still for a moment and Jacob heaved a harsh breath against my back, he had not intended for her to see that and was clearly feeling rather low of himself for inflicting pain upon her.

She hurried across the drive, stumbling as she passed us and shoved Jacob's hand away when he offered it to steady her, "No Jake I'm fine don't." "Bella I am really so-" he started as he withdrew his hand and brought it to back of his head before she threw her hand up behind her. Her voice was shaky but very stern, "Don't do that. Just don't okay." He made a faint sound as if he were going to speak but the words wouldn't formulate so they just hung on his lips as he watched her clumsily climb into the cab of her truck. She made it in but hardly, having slipped several times because she was shaking, either from pain or anger, I wasn't completely sure but I figured it was a mixture of the two. And just as she went to slam the door Jacob found his voice, "Bella are you okay?"

He took three steps towards her before she slammed the door to stop him in his tracks. She took two slow, shaky breaths and started the engine before looking at him with despair and at me with disgust. I felt awful, I didn't necessarily care for her but I wasn't a cruel person either. I couldn't ignore the tear that slipped down her cheek as she glowered at me before turning to look over her shoulder, mashed the gas and reversed out of Jacob's driveway in a cloud of dust.

I watched her leave, my stomach aching in guilty as I heard her grind second gear viciously. She was obviously taking this much more violently than I had expected. I figured she'd be pissed that Jacob and I were getting so close, not heartbroken. She had boyfriend for Christ's sake why was she so emotional about our kiss? I chewed on my lip as I contemplated many possibilities for her behavior. One: She could simply just be an unstable person who gets emotional easily. Two: She could be hurt that Jacob is showing a sort of favoritism to me that she is offended by. Three: She could be saddened because she knows that I'll end this whole Bella and Jacob mind fucking saga. Or Four:…..I struggled with four. But, it was definite possibility, not one I wanted to admit or have to deal with for that matter but a possibility all the same. Maybe she is realizing she wants him just as bad as he's been wanting her for all these years.

I swallowed hoarsely and got a sudden wave of fear, what if he wanted her more than me? What was I going to do? I couldn't deal with that now, it would just be too much for me to deal with… and I wasn't going to make myself sick over it because I wasn't even sure it was the true reason. So, why would I get myself all worked up if it's just a insecure passing thought? Right? Yeah, right.

I shook the idea from my head and cleared my mind completely as I turned towards Jacob. He was staring at the ground about two feet in front of him, his eyes practically unblinking and his stance stiff. I wanted to reach for him so I could comfort him but I wasn't sure if that would do him better or worse at this particular moment. So I remained silent, knowing that he was trying to deal with the fact that he had made her feel so upset. I turned to face the other direction gazed out at the sunset as we stood there together, yet completely distant from one another.

I swallowed the acid that burned at my throat from the horror I felt by this space between us and spoke in what I hoped was a steady tone, "I should probably go. You know, let you have a little time and plus, I have to get in bed early for work tomorrow." He didn't say anything or rustle a rock with movement, he stayed totally rigid and the space between us remained completely unchanged. So, I swallowed it back again and started to walk away, giving him the distance he so clearly needed to deal with this situation.

When I was several steps from him he spoke in a broken tone and weakly grabbed my shoulder to stop me, "Please don't." I turned slowly to face him after a moments pause to collect myself. His eyes were even more shattered than his voice had been and I struggled not to display the pain I felt on my face as I studied them. "You don't want me to go?" I asked in a whisper.

He shook his head softly 'no' and his eyes watched me in a wounded and somber way. I closed the gap between us slowly and exhaled deeply as I looked up at him, my tone soft, "I don't know if it's what you need right now though, Jake. I don't want to go but I think you need to be alone tonight so you can think things through. I am sure you have tons of things you aren't too sure about that need dealing with and that's fine I can give you the space you want."

He didn't hesitate to respond, his voice was full of conviction yet surprisingly gentle, "What happened here doesn't change anything. I still feel the same exact way as I did before it. So, I don't have anything to think through. What I want and what I need are the same thing. I need to be with you tonight. I need to wrap my arms around you and fall asleep breathing you in. I need the first thing I lay my eyes on when I wake up to be you. I want you, Paige." He held my eyes for a moment before wrapping his arms securely around me and lifting me up on to my toes gently as he buried his face into my hair and whispered in my ear, "I need you."

I wrapped my arms around him and held us tightly together as I whispered my reply back, "Then I am all yours- tonight and for as long as you need me." He drew his arms tighter around me, nuzzled his face deeper and kissed my neck softly as he let his head rest on my shoulder. I brought my hand to the back of his neck and held him there. If he was sure that all he needed was me, then he could spend as long as he wanted in my arms.


	13. Baby It's You

My feet were throbbing from spending nine hours on them running from one end of restaurant to the other. Retrieving for lunch specials for table 11, condiments for 9, bourbon for 7, returning an unsatisfactory steak to the kitchen for 5; back and forth, left and right, lift and lower. Yet, I held a wide grin on my face all day long, to the point that my cheeks throbbed, even though half of the customers were being harsh.

They brought the agony of their cheating wives to the only place with a full bar that was open at noon time. They sat with co-workers at lunch time to talk trash on their boss who was mandating overtime even though they were worked to the bone. The had brunch with their fellow housewives to talk about their children, their bills and their husband's nasty mother who wanted to control her grown son's life.

But then there was always the customers who made it worth it, they smiled and flattered you. Told you that your service was the best they've ever had. They tipped well and didn't leave a hot mess on the table. They asked you questions, said what you were thinking about the mean customers and made pleasant conversations. They made your smile more genuine, made you less edgy and more equipped to deal with the bad ones.

I had been there just under six months and I had collected a hefty amount of regular customers. They would come in and ask to be sat in my section, whether it be to make my day better or make my skin crawl. I had asked Jess, our hostess, to deny several of them (you know the ones who like to try and cop a feel)but she just smiled brightly and showed them to a table in my section anyways. Every time I had the deep urge to punch her right in the throat, but I didn't. I would just smiled pleasantly at her and thanked her for being so stellar. She'd look at me like she was totally lost and tilt her head to the side like a pup as struggled against saying a string of nasty words to her.

Today had been a long day, I had pulled an hour of overtime to make up for my relief, Tanya, who was running late because she had a boyfriend who liked to drink a little too much in the afternoons. I didn't really mind staying late, seeing as I was making extra money, but I was reaching the end of my limits for the day. Just as I was giving 13 their bill, Tanya came running through the door, her long red hair blowing behind her like a trail of flames. She looked flustered, her uniform was bunched slightly, her makeup a little rushed and almost she ran over a customer while she was struggling to tie her hair back as she held her apron in her teeth..

She made eye contact with me as I was making my way around to the last of my tables to make sure they were coming along alright. Her bright green eyes were panicked, as thought she'd expected me to be pissed, as she mouthed she was sorry. I smiled and nodded my head to let her know it was okay and crossed the room towards her, stopping at 7 briefly on the way. When we met over by the clock, I gave her a report on the customers who were left and reassured her that everything was fine, even though she was set on the idea that I was pissed about it. She apologized at least three more times before Jess finally sat another person down in her section and she made a b-line towards 9 to welcome them.

Once Tanya was finally started, I made my rounds saying bye to all the other employees I was friendly with and just before I made it to the exit door, one of my regulars stepped in front of me. I fought to not let my expression go annoyed as he struck up a conversation. He was a very nice guy and he came in about five times a week for lunch. He always got a turkey club on rye, lightly toasted with no mayo and sweet potato fries. He always made pleasant conversation and tipped me very well. He was probably about my age, maybe a year or two older and was actually very handsome. He reminded me of a Calvin Klein model, with his broad shoulders, square jaw and bulky build. He had dark hair that he wore slightly shaggy and piercing blue eyes. He smiled his Hollywood smile as he stuck his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels, "Hey Paige." "Hey Justin," I said as I flashed my waitress smile and untied my apron, trying subtly give him the hint that I was off the clock and wanted to leave. He didn't take it the way I wanted him to, "Oh good, your heading out. Listen, I was thinking maybe you and I could go out tonight, catch a movie or something and maybe get a bite to eat."

I tried to look slightly devastated as I replied, "Oh that is super sweet of you but I'm sorry I have something I have to do tonight." I didn't want to tell him to get lost, that he didn't have a shot in hell because let's face it you are nice to the ones who tip you fifteen on a twenty-five dollar tab. He shrugged it off as a mere schedule complication and smiled sweetly, "Oh no problem. How bout tomorrow?" "Sorry, busy tomorrow too. I only have two days off a week so it makes my schedule a little hectic," I said as I pulled my phone out of it holster in my purse to see if there were any missed calls, hoping there might be something I could play up so I could get out of here without being a bitch. I had three text messages: one from my Mom-which I could play up if need be, one from Emily-which an upset girlfriend was always a good excuse and one from Jake-which I could play nice about or drop him dead in his tracks with.

"Oh yeah I get that, it's definitely hard trying to squeeze everything that doesn't get done during the week into the weekends," he said as he ran his hand through his hair before slipping it back into his pocket. "Oh it can be brutal," I said smiling up at him momentarily before turning my attention back to my phone which vibrated in my hand. It was a message from Jake, he had the best timing. "It's especially hard when you have everyone pulling you all these different ways and demanding you immediate attention. That's like my buddy Donner-" he started before I tuned him out and tried to process Jake's message- "I see you beautiful :o)." I drew my eyes up and subtly scanned the area behind Justin as I smiled and threw in the occasional "Right. Yeah. Um hum."

I kept my eye movements slow, so he wouldn't notice I wasn't even half paying attention to his rant. I didn't see him, so I smiled at Justin and nodded as he continued to talk, about God knows what before sending Jake a quick response, "Where are you?" "So, anyways the vet said he thought he needed acupuncture and I said 'Acupuncture? Are you kidding me?'-" I tried to appear like a gave a damn, holding his eyes while he was making eye contact and then shifting them back around the room when he wasn't. I was extremely relieved when my phone vibrated again, "About ten feet behind the guy who is boring you to death with the story about his dog with arthritis lol." I smiled softly to myself and sent him a reply, "Well then -SOS- get your ass over here and save me."

When I pulled my eyes up Justin had just wrapped up his story and I threw in a "wow" because I figured that covered all the bases. "But anyways so why don't we just exchange numbers and we'll set up a date for a night out?" Just as that question slipped off his lips and his cell phone was in hand, Jacob became visible behind him his ears having perked at the word date. "Paige there you are," Jacob said his voice pressing as he pushed past Justin. "Jake what's wrong?" I asked playing along by acting as though I was concerned. "Didn't you get my message?" he said looking at me like he was horrified. "No? What's the matter?" "This whole teething thing is going down hill, her fever is up and she won't stop crying. I think she needs her Mama," Jacob said quickly as though it he didn't even have to think about it. "Where is she?" I said instinctively despite how taken off guard I was. Justin's jaw dropped and his eyes bugged in surprise as he heard about my 'baby' for the first time, I could sympathize because I felt the way he looked. "She's at my Dad, but I don't think G-Papa is gonna make it much longer without losing his mind," he said as he reached for me. Our baby huh, I like that idea. The thought almost brought a smile to my face but I turned it into a drawn brow and worried eyes, "Okay I'm coming. Justin I'm really sorry about this-" He put his hand up and shooed me, "Oh it's no problem at all Paige, honest we'll do this some other time. Go home to your daughter." He sounded calm and collected, but he looked scared as hell of the idea of a screaming infant being attached to me. "Thank you for being so sweet, I really appreciate it," I said as Jake lead me out the door.

We hurried across the parking lot together to keep up the act, just in case Justin happened to wander out behind us. "You're Dad's?" I asked my voice slightly panicked like we were talking about our sick baby. "Yeah, I'll follow," Jake said his tone matching mine as he played along. Within minutes we reached our cars, they were parked right next to each other in the back of the lot. "You better keep up I have a sick baby at home who needs me," I said trying ridiculously hard not to smile as I climbed in, slammed the door and pulled out, making it appear as if I were in a rush.

Sure enough, Justin was walking out across the parking lot when I whipped around in a hurried manner towards the exit. This made it apparent he wasn't here for dinner, that he'd made a special trip out here just to take me out. I felt bad, it's not that he wasn't a nice guy or anything it was just that I already had myself a nice guy. I wasn't really sure where my nice guy and I stood, but I liked where we were going. I couldn't even think about trying to be with someone else, not with Jake in my life.

I glanced in my rear view to see if Jacob was behind me and I saw Justin shoot the rabbit a pissed off look as it sped past him. Jacob just smiled and nodded in a cocky and arrogant manner. I had to laugh; boys are just plan hysterical with each other, especially when it comes to girls.

I sped out, chirping some tire and shifting quickly through the gears so my worry was believable. I kept that driving style until I was about a mile away from the restaurant, at which point I knew it was safe to go back to reality. Jake came up over the hill behind me and I flashed my breaks three times to signify the end of our little charade before slowing down drastically.

Jacob followed closely behind me, never more than a car's length away the whole ride back to his house. And the whole way home I couldn't help but smile, loving the way he responded to my SOS. He went very dramatic, the baby was brilliant-only an asshole could be a jerk if you were blowing them off because your child needed you. He'd definitely done me a giant favor, I would be sure to repay him. It was normally very tricky to be appreciative at his house though because there was always his Dad sleeping on the other side of the wall; which is why we spent the night at my house much more often then his. We hadn't been gone all the way yet, we had decided we shouldn't rush it; we both had a lot of time to spend on making sure everything was just perfect between us. I had been thinking recently that we were ready for that step, at least I was on my end. We'd been unofficially official since the night several months ago when he'd asked me to stay and we spent the entire night lying in his full sized bed, me draped over him, talking. Three and a half hours of him playing with my hair while I laid on his chest, his heart beating strong against my ear, his scent wrapping around me and his skin hot on mine. It was simply amazing.

We talked about everything, the good stuff and the bad. We laughed, a lot, and there were a few somber and serious talks. We told stories about what it was like being carefree and young, remembered all the stupid things we did, thought were important or got mad about. We talked about the night we met, he made fun of the way Emily and I had danced together in our drunken state and I recalled how stiff he was for turning us down on our offer to join. We talked about things we wanted from life, what we wanted to do, where we wanted to go and who we wanted to do it with.

We laid there like that, completely surrounding each other until the wee hours of the morning. Speaking in hushed tones to keep from waking Billy while the moonlight streaming through the window as our only source of light. I don't know what time is was when we finally fell asleep, I just remember being so tired that I couldn't find the strength to formulate words. So, I lay there just listening to him speak in a very slow and quiet tone, his voice lulling me into sleep. I knew he was getting close to passing out as well, because his words became more and more spread out and the pauses between strokes in my hair became longer. The last thing I remember him saying was, "I kept thinking you were drop dead gorgeous and that you'd never go for a guy like me. Ha…..look at us now." I used the last bit of my strength to press my lips lightly to his bare chest before I let sleep take me. I could fall asleep listening to his voice everyday for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it.

From then on, we were inseparable. We did just about everything together and spent damn near every night in each other's arms. I was the main reason for that, I found it strangely difficult to get a good night's rest without him. I would toss and turn, mash my pillow thousands of different ways, my eyes refusing to shut for hours on end. I knew largely it was to do with the fact that my night terrors returned when he wasn't pressed against me. I had been scared to tell him at first, had suffered through many nights of screaming and sweating until finally, about a month into out relationship I confided in him about my dilemma. He'd been extremely supportive, hadn't asked what I dreamed about without him, just took it as was and made sure that without major catastrophe we were together each night. I'd been dream free for a little over five months now thanks to my Jake and I would be indebted to him for a lifetime for it.

Everyone I knew saw us as a couple, yet we hadn't made it an official thing, it was more like an understanding. We had an unofficial union, even though technically we were still single. I liked our situation, it was so unrushed and yet still very concrete. Our little agreement infatuated me and was very thankful that I had found someone who didn't force a label onto what we had. It was the most uncomplicated existence I had ever known. Plus, it gave Embry the room he needed to accept what really happened with me. He was coming to understand that I had been truthful that I wasn't ready for the story book love story he'd been so sure I had just not wanted with him. He and Jake were talking again, although they were no where near as close as they had been and he was always very nice to me when we attended functions together; which was helpful because we shared the same group of friends.

Even Bella had started to deal with everything. She made peace with Jake a few days after their whole ordeal and although they didn't see each other as regularly, they talked on the phone quite often. She really did make an effort with me as well, which Jacob truly appreciated. She had actually come to my house one night about three months ago and attempted to make amends, apologizing for the way she had acted and swore it would never happen again. I accepted her apology because I respected her gesture but, I still had my guard very much up around her. Although I wanted to for Jake's sake, I couldn't bring myself to fully trust her; it's a girl thing. But, none the less I accepted her few invitations to hang out, which Jacob was very pleased about. He really liked that I was friendly with his childhood friend, although I personally didn't consider her a friend of mine; she was more like my acquaintance.

But none the less, everything was starting to fall into place and I couldn't be more happy about it. I loved the simplicity of our life, the effortlessness of what we had and the existence I was creating here in Forks. I was completely sure now that this was where I was meant to go and he was why I was meant to be here. He gave me the normalcy I so strongly craved.

My Mom couldn't be more happy (unless of course I had found all this in California, right down the road from her-but you can't win them all) and she was begging me to bring Jacob back home so she could meet him. Which I was actually planning on doing very shortly. I hadn't asked him yet but, that would be the topic of our pillow talk tonight.

I shut off my lights as I came to a stop in my spot in Jacob's driveway and he pulled his car into the garage. I pulled my e-brake and turned the engine off as I grabbed my purse from the passenger side floor. As I climbed out, Jacob was crossing the driveway towards me. He had a wide grin on his face as he approached and his tone was sultry, "There's my MILF ." I laughed softly to myself and started towards him, "Hey Papa Bear." He let out a deep throated laugh as we reached each other and embraced before exchanging a big 'Welcome Home' sort of kiss. I placed a soft peck on his lips after and leaned back as I eyed him, "We shouldn't spend too long out here, we have a screaming baby in there with what was it? Oh yes G-Papa." He smiled, his dimples cutting deep into his beautiful russet skin as his eyes danced, "I think the whole thing is a rather nice idea if you ask me, not the right now part but the rest sounds okay. A beautiful baby girl who looks just like you. You have to admit we'd have some good looking babies together."

I arched my eyebrow in slight surprise, we had discussed children the other night, how many we wanted, when we wanted them and what we hoped it would be like so I accredited it to that. "Oh no doubt they'd be beautiful but the teething part, not so much," I said smiling back at him. He nodded in agreement as he held my eyes, "I'm going to have to agree with you on that. But we'd make it through it." I pulled out of our embrace and linked our hands together as I headed towards the house, "We would and then one day we'd be wishing they'd stayed that small forever. Be those crazy parents who cry when they try to be adults and move away. I think it's part of getting old, you know the being crazily forgetful thing." He laughed and shook his head, "Yep and it's coming, we'll start repressing things any day now." I sighed, "Well, seeing as we haven't got arthritis yet and our sciatic nerves are working just fine on this wonderful Friday night, why don't we do the incredibly un-senior thing and go get sloshed on the beach around the fire pit with our crazy friends?"

He constructed his face as though he had to seriously contemplate it as we got to the porch before looking down at me and smiling, "I think that sounds like a incredible idea." I nodded once and pushed the front door open, "Then let's do it before I change my mind a decide we should stay home and watch M*A*S*H reruns all night." He let out a booming laugh as we entered the living room and closed the door behind us. "I suggest you hurry because I will be forced to take my dentures out soon and then we'll really be housebound because you forgot to get Fixodent at the supermarket yesterday and you know I don't go unless it's 'Seniority Day' . That five percent is worth every bit of inconvenience," he said as he released my hand and gave me a light slap on the butt to move me forward. "Don't you go getting too frisky now buddy, you know we haven't had time to get to the pharmacy for your prescription and if you go getting me all work up and can't perform again I'll hide your walker real good this time. Good luck getting anywhere with your osteoporosis without it," I said glancing over my shoulder as we headed towards his room.

He laughed, gripping his chest like he was in pain as he replied, "You can be a real heartless bitch you know that? You really know what low blows to take." I smiled in a vindictive manner as I hit the light switch in the hallway, "Making sure you know your place darling. I don't want you to forget that this ol' biddy rules the roost. It's my social security check that pays the rent." "Yes dear," he said pulling himself into a submissive pose as he nodded his head and look down at the ground as if he knew that if he were to make eye contact with me it would result in a whipping. I threw my hand into his chest as I laughed wildly, "You're such an jerk." He winked and smiled as we crossed through the doorway into his room, "You like it." I shook my head as I switched on the light on the night stand and crossed to the dresser that he had gifted me two drawers in.

He flopped down on his new full sized bed that he'd invested in when he started accommodating my night terrors and watched me dig through the dresser for something to wear. I settled for a my v-neck pink thermal long-sleeved shirt and my dark denim low rise wide legged jeans that would be none constricting on the beach. I grabbed my stretchy lace boy short underwear and my sexy bra out our mixed top drawer and created a pile to bring with me to the bathroom. I closed all the drawers and turned, my pile in hand and started to make my way to a much needed shower, "I'll be back I gotta wash the stench of grease, French fries and sweat off me before we go." He nodded as he folded his hands behind his head and watched me, "Hurry up I can smell you from here."

I flipped him the finger and smiled as I started out of the room towards the bathroom, my step kind of hurried so I could keep my word and get there at eight like I told Emily I would. We'd set up this little get together so it would be rude to be late. We hadn't seen each other in two weeks and that was totally unlike us and I had a lot of drunk dancing to do with my bestie.


	14. The Next Step

We made it to the beach at a little before eight and everyone was just getting there. Sam immediately enlisted Jake to help him go get the fire started and Emily ran across the beach to jump on me. "What the hell have you been up to Ms. Lady?" she asked her pitch high and excited as we embraced. "Work, work and more work. What have you been doing?" I asked as we released each other after an intense hug. She rolled her eyes and blew her bangs off her face, "Same exact thing. We need this night, we need to relax and have a few beverages. Don't cha think?" "I say bring on the liquor," I said smiling wildly as we started towards the pit.

Jared came running up from behind me, slammed into me and wrapped his arms around me as he spun me through the air in a massive bear hug, "Paige!" I squealed like a school girl as I spun in two complete circle. Jared and I had developed a rather close sibling like relationship in the last couple months and he was always rough housing with me. "Are you ready to do this?" he said as he dropped me to my feet as I laughed. "You know I am Jared! What a silly question to ask me!" I said throwing my shoulder into as we walked. "Forgive me, Jake keeps you locked up all for himself lately so I'm beginning to forget how ridiculously chill you are," he said nudging me back.

"I heard that," Jake said as he turned towards us, the fire beginning to burn at his back. "Back me up on this Em doesn't he hog her?" Jared said calling for reinforcements. "Slightly," Em said looking up angelically to convey her lightheartedness as she gave Jared the collaboration he was hoping for. "Thankkkk you," Jared said pumping his fists slightly as he looked up, a smile wide on his lips. Jake shook his head as he rolled his eyes and grinned, "Yeah Yeah Yeah I don't see you guys fighting me for her time." "Oh you want a fight for her? Alright Black, bring it. Don't worry Paige I'll win and we can spend the whole night catching up," he said as bounced back and forth, his fists up like a boxer. "Hey! No fair me and Paige set up this as a girls night. So if you two wanna arm wrestle or have a flex off competition then go right ahead but Paige is all mine tonight," Emily said as she locked her arm in mine.

"I believe she just shut you both down," I said smiling at each of them individually before I threw a wink at Jake. "I can't win that war," Jacob said raising his hand in a defeated manner as Jared huffed at my side. "No way Em, you gotta share," Jared said making a childish face at her as he linked my other arm. "I most certainly do not," she said tugging me lightly towards her. I laughed and rolled my eyes as they played tug of war with me for several moments, throwing silly remarks back and forth as we worked our way very slowly up to the pit. Just when I thought I was going to get motion sickness, Paul came from my right and scooped me up onto his shoulder as I screamed in laughter, "You are all wrong she's mine!" Paul was another brother I had collected while I was in Washington, he wasn't as crude as he had appeared the first night. He was definitely rough around the edges but he was secretly a big softy. He could be the sweetest person ever or the biggest dick around, depending on how he felt about you. He spun around to face the people he'd just stole me from, me still slung over his shoulder as I laughed, "And neither of you are going to do anything about it." He flexed his free bicep and took a proud and defensive stance. "Oh yeah?" Emily said accepting his threat. "Yep," he said nodding. "I think Jared and I might have to tag to team you for her," she said quickly. "No way you said you wouldn't share," Jared said in a kindergarten like manner. "You help me take Paul out and we'll share. Deal?" Emily said as she attempted to gain backup, knowing it would take more than just her to get me back. "Okay deal," Jared said after a moment's pause and I could hear a quick hand slap to seal the deal.

Jake struggled to speak between laughs, "Hey! Why doesn't Paige get a say; it's her you're all fighting over?" "Yeah! Paige you pick!" Emily shouted with conviction in her voice that indicated she believed she was my first choice. "How bout everyone just shares me. I'll spend time with everyone except Jake," I said as I picked my head up, my hair hanging down over my face. Everyone laughed and I heard Jacob yell in protest over the roar, "No fair!" "No it's totally fair dude you see her every day we get tonight!" Embry said. I was completely unaware of his presence and I spoke over everyone's shouts of agreements as soon as I heard his voice, "Embry! Hi Embry! Paul a little help here." He rotated so I was facing him and I waved smiling through the hair that hung over my face. He smiled back waving viciously, "Hey Paige." I gave Paul a quick slap on the back as I let my head fall back down, "Alright Paul I'm getting a head rush! This is no way to start a night of drinking I'll be smashed with one drink." He laughed and flipped me onto my feet in front of him. "Good call," he said smiling. I fixed my hair and readjusted my clothes before smiling at all my friends, "Drink time?" I got a howl of agreements and Emily ran towards the cooler to get a drink for all of us as Jared flipped the boom box on. We all took are spots around the fire and started the talking. We spent nearly two hours huddled around the fire laughing wildly and poking fun at one another. It was extremely free spirited and playful. At one point Jared tackled Quil off his log and they wrestled for several moments, throwing sand into the air to coat us all while we all took bets on who would wake up hurting the most. There was never a dull moment and by the time Emily gripped my arm and demanded a potty break I was both pretty buzzed and in slight pain from laughing as much as I had. I linked her arm and stood up, stumbling slightly as we attempted to make our way to the woods.

We supported each other as we trudged through the sand, almost ending up face down several times before we finally made it into the tree line. Potty time on drunken nights was always where Emily and I had our girl talks and tonight was no different. "Sooooo," Said as she re-buttoned her jeans. "Sooooo," I mimicked as I leaned against a tree for support. "Did you and Jake get sexy yet and seal the deal?" she said winking as if her question wasn't blunt enough. "Not yet," I said shaking my head as I sighed. Her jaw dropped and she threw her hand into me, stumbling slightly against me as she delivered her blow to my shoulder. "Why not?" she asked in a shocked tone. "It's not cause I don't want to that's for sure," I said as I tried to steady her as I lost balance slightly myself.

"Isn't Billy away for the weekend with Charlie on some stupid fishing trip or something?" "Yeah he's-" I started before she cut in. "Well than what the hell are you doing here with me? Get the hell out there, jump your man and get some frustration out on him," she said linking my arm as she threw her hand toward his general direction while we headed back out towards the fire. "I am fighting the urge as we speak let me tell you. But I'm not supposed to hang out with him tonight remember?" "Psh don't let me stop you, a girl has needs." "Yeah try explaining that to the boys," I said pointing at them as I squinted my eyes trying to focus on them so I pointed to the right ones. "Please they are way worse then us, they are men for God's sake. I'll set you up and you two can wander off 'kay?" she said winking at me as we tilted hard to the right. "I don't know, I am a little drunk. Sloppy sex is never good sex believe you me," I said raising my finger in a matter of fact kind of way. She giggled as she nodded in agreement, "Alright. Our mission is to sober you up some and get you outta here to get sexy with your man. Mission accepted?" "Why do we always have missions when we drink?" "Because we think of the best stuff when we are taking potty breaks or having long in-depth conversations. Plus, look how good my first mission turned out!" she said throwing her hand towards Jake. "You have a point. Okay mission accepted," I said as I watched Jacob laughing adamantly on the opposite side of the fire, his face bright, his dimples deep and his eyes shining. "Alright no more booze for you. Watch me work," she said releasing my arm and running towards the fire to plop down in my seat so that I was left to sit next to Jake.

I walked around the circle and took the empty seat next to him, placing a kiss on his cheek as I linked my hand in his. "Aren't you going to get in trouble for this?" he said in a whisper as I laid my head on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Emily said it was okay," I said softly as Emily directed the conversation and spotlight onto herself so none of the boys made stupid comments about me going back on my word to ditch Jake for the night. Jake leaned his head on mine as we listened to her, slipping he hand out from mine so he could wrap his arm around my shoulder. I snuggled in close, soaking up his warmth as we cuddled, the ocean's wind blowing fiercely on our backs. I slid my chilled hands into his sweater pocket for warmth and sighed deeply as I listened to the chatter that was going on around us. I threw a comment in every couple minutes, but for the most part I remained silent. Emily tilted her head to the side and locked eyes with me about an hour later, "Paige you look exhausted!" Her eyes were throwing me subtle hints as she ran them over my face her expression sympathetic. "Yeah long day," I said releasing a small fake yawn. She shot Jake a slightly dirty look as she spoke, "Well you guys should go home then, get some sleep." "You wanna go Paige?" he said rubbing my shoulder lightly as he looked down at me. "Kinda. I'm sorry I am such a snooze tonight guys I worked overtime today," I said floating my gaze around at everyone else. "Oh stop it, go!" Emily said standing up to give me a hug.

I stood, doing my rounds of hugs and saved Emily for last. I pulled her in close and whispered, "Thank you." She rubbed my back and pulled out of hug and looked at me like I was crazy as she spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, "Stop it silly I don't mind at all. Call me tomorrow." I smiled at her, hearing her message loud and clear, "Oh I will. I promise." "You better," she said her expression serious as she pushed me towards Jacob's arms. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and we started off together towards his house up across the beach as we yelled 'Bye' again.

We made our way slowly through the dark woods, Jake knew the path so clearly that the moon beams were enough to navigate us through the thicket. We made small talk about the night, recapping the good moments as we maneuvered as one unit along the trail. I looked up at him at one point when nothing was being said and spoke in a whisper, "Do you remember the night we first met Jake?" He kept his eyes on the path before us and spoke in a tender tone, "Of course I do." "What made you want come and talk to me?" I asked as I held my eyes on his face, completely confident that he would guide us safely home regardless of if I was watching or not. "Well, I wanted to steal you away from the very minute I laid eyes on you but the way Embry had his arm around you like that I figured it was just another cruel joke. But when you were being introduced to everyone you held my eyes in a way that gave me knot deep down in the pit of my stomach. It was like you only saw me but I just assumed it was my mind playing tricks on me. You know making me think you were as drawn to me as I was to you. So, I just kinda watched you all night. It actually sounds sort of creepy now that I am saying it out loud but that's what I did. I couldn't help myself, I would be in the middle of a sentence and you'd move into my peripheral and my mind would go directly to you and I'd be cut right off. I had to look, I couldn't fight it. I had never felt that kind of pull to someone I didn't even know before, hell I'd never felt anything like that with anyone ever. And you were so coy, you'd flash a smile or hold my eyes in a sexy kind of way when you caught me looking at you, even if you and Emily were we full out laughing you felt me. I didn't know why but all night long you were burning in the back of my head, my thought kept drifting back to you. I fought with myself the whole time, kept trying to get the courage to go have a real conversation with you but every time I thought I had the perfect spot to slip in I'd come up with some stupid scenario in my head and chicken out. So, when Emily made us drinks and asked me to bring you yours I took it as a sign that I was supposed to sit with you at that very moment."

I smiled and shook my head softly to myself as we broke through the trees into his yard, "You spent all night trying to work up the courage to put moves on me and when I put 'em on you I went all dark and psycho. Yet you didn't run for the hills." He laughed softly and looked down at me as we walked up the hill towards the porch, "It wasn't about putting the move on you Paige. I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't ridiculously attracted to you-because believe me not all my thoughts were kosher, especially when you gave me a wink and grabbed my hand when you and Emily were trying to get me to dance-but it was something much deeper most the time, which was the crazy part. You know it's not always about sex with guys, I mean like seventy percent of our thoughts are about it but there is another thirty percent you have to account for. You were took up ninety percent of me that night."

I raised my eyebrow at him as we finally made it to the porch and he released me to open the door, letting me in ahead of him. I smiled over my shoulder as we started towards the bedroom, "Only ninety huh?" He laughed, "Yeah well, about five of percent of it was one foot in front of the other, walking can be very tricky when consuming alcohol. Three percent was creating comprehendible conversation and I can get away with that little of a percentage because most the time I don't really think things through before I speak and the last two was dedicated to breathing only because I kinda have to do it to avoid major complications most of the time." I laughed and spun to face him as he switched the hall light off behind us when we came into his room, "Well I'm going to consume ninety-nine percent of your thoughts in the next couple of minutes." I could see him arch his eyebrow as he flashed a smile at me through the darkness. The moon beams shining though the window were the only illuminate in the room but I could see him quite clearly, "Oh yeah and how do you plan on doing that?"

"Well," I said as I unzipped my sweater and dropped it to the floor, "There's five percent." "Agreed," he said tilting his head as he watched me. "I'll make it ten with this," I said as I pulled my shirt up over my head and threw it over my shoulder. "Yes," he said as he smiled. I unbuttoned my jeans while I kicked my flats off and then slowly slid my jeans off and stepped out of them, "And get rid of all these and it's up to twenty-five." He ran his eyes up and down me as he nodded in agreement. "Now, once I finish this I'll have fifty," I said as I started to undress him. I pulled his hoodie up over his head and tossed it before moving on to his shirt. Once that was on the floor, I ran my hands slowly over his chest and down his stomach, letting my fingers trail over all the defined cuts in his torso while I held his eyes. My hands hit his jeans and I unbuttoned them and slid them down as he slipped out of his sneakers. He kicked the jeans off and pulled his sock off quickly before he threw them towards the hamper, "You definitely have a solid fifty percent." He reached for me, wanted to run his hands over me but I took two steps back and turned from him, looking over my shoulders, "Not letting you touch me just yet brings us to fifty-five." He bit his lip and exhaled heavily- which was enough of a agreement for me.

I smiled and started towards the bed, slowly unhooked bra and slipped it off. I held in with one finger by it's strap and said, "Sixty" before letting it drop to the floor. I pulled my underwear up onto my hips so they sat perfectly, exposing the bottom of my butt and threw him wink as I did so with a seductive hip swing, "Sixty-three." He licked his lips in an enticed manner, struggle burning in his eyes because he wanted to be running his hands along my length. That no touching five percent was really working it's magic, he was practically fighting his ever instinct as he watched from across the room and I was about to use it for another twenty percent.

I laid on the bed on my back in the moonlight so he could see the way my hand traveled from my neck downward, running softly over my own body. I kept my movements slow, teasing him as I explored myself, my eyes locked on him as he watched me. I could see his chest rising and falling heavily, his throat contracting as he swallowed back the salvation that was pooling at the sight of my own hand doing what he wanted his to do. As my eyes and my hand slipped over my hip and onto my thigh traveling inward, I breathed, "Eighty-three."

I raised my hips and started to slide my panties over them and down my legs slowly before removing them completely and throwing them towards him. I raised a single finger and motioned him in a seductive 'come-hither' manner. He ran his tongue over his lips before flashing a devilish smile as he started towards me his eyebrows arched. I chewed sultrily on my bottom lip as I smiled up at him when he reached me before I hooked my leg around him and pulled him towards me. He came down on top of me, supporting the majority of his weight on either side of my head but pressed his hips into mine, his piece swollen underneath the thin material of his boxers as he smiled down at me. I pulled my back up off the bed, reached for the brim of his boxers and started to slip them down as I held his eyes and spoke in a sensual whisper, "I've got ninety-five percent now." He smiled down at me his eyes blazing as he reached around to help me pull them completely off.

When he kicked them off his foot, I laid back down, wrapped both my legs around his waist and drew him even closer to me. He sunk down onto his forearms for support and I spoke against his lips in a smoldering tone, "Ninety-eight. No thinking about talking, anything that escape your lips will be a unintentional response. No thinking about what you're next move will be, everything we're about to do is going to be driven by instinct. And as far as that two percent you need to breath, you'll be sharing mine a majority of the time so you are only allotted one percent for it. That's exactly how I get ninety-nine percent in under ten minutes." He flashed a feisty smile and said absolutely nothing, instead a deep growl rumbled from his chest before he slammed his mouth hard against mine. His kiss was animalistic and erotic, he didn't waste anytime with something gentle and slow and I was more than happy to oblige. There was nothing delicate about it, it was raw and rugged, a the kind of steamy exchange I had been yearning for. He didn't skip a beat as his one hand came to my leg, forcing it roughly off his waist as he arched his hips slightly off of me, and followed my thigh inward until his fingers were running over me. He stroked me gently and intensified his kiss when he realized that my little display had made me as excited as him.

I was already ready for him, so he slipped two fingers into me in a less than gentle manner. I moaned into his mouth as he pushed his fingers in three more times quickly, their movements rough and deep. He slowed our kiss, as he removed his fingers guided himself into me. My breathing hitched viciously as he filled me and I let out a moan as my mouth fell open. He felt amazing inside of me even though he was only giving me some of his length. He kept his thrusts shallow and short, easing his way in as ran my hands down his back. I slid my hands over his hips and grabbed them tight, pulling him into me as I arched towards him, demanding to get all of him. He moaned as I took every inch of him and groaned in pleasure for it my nails digging into his hips. He withdrew and slammed back in, letting out some of the frustration he'd been feeling from all the teasing I'd been putting him through. He set his pace at a rough and quick one, withdrawing from me almost completely before slamming deep back in.

I arched my body towards him, lifting everything but my shoulders off the bed exposing my neck as I moaned his name. He brought his lips to my throat, sucking my skin to his mouth and then biting it. He kept his pace with his hips as he alternated between suck and kissing my throat. I ran my hands up his sides and when I reached his lats, I ran them inward towards his spine. Taking in all of his muscles in his upper back, exploring how each of them felt under my hungry hands and digging my nails into them viciously when his pace went savage and his mouth traveled up the for my neck to my jaw line. He racked his teeth along it and growled my name in a throaty manner through them. I felt an intense rush of pleasure from hearing my name spoken in such a primal way. I had never hear such a stimulating and erotic version of my name before; in fact no one had ever spoke my name during sex and the sensation it gave me sent a violent wave of shivers through my body.

He felt my muscles quiver, knew that I was close to peaking and instinctively paused on his next withdrawal. He replaced his teeth with his lips, started working them up to my ear and used shallow strokes again. He worked his hips slowly, giving me a fraction of the thrusts he'd been pounding into me before causing me to slowly back off of my ecstasy. When he finally reached my ear, he spoke in a growl, "Not yet." I moaned in pleasure as his voice filled my mind, his breath hot and heavy on my lobe. I started twisting my hips slightly, causing a new sensation for him as we rocked our hips together slowly. I contracted my muscles around him when he we would slip in and loosening them when he'd pull almost completely out. I turned my lips towards his, kissing him gently to match out rhythm. He cupped my face in his hands and stroked my hair off my moist cheeks as he rested his forehead on mine. He locked eyes with me kissing me softly as he deepened his thrust marginally. I moaned very softly and ran my hands slowly down his back, taking care to keep my movements soft and slow as we made love.

I brushed my lips with his and opened my mouth slightly to breath my words into his mouth as I ran my hands back up his shoulders, over his neck and into his hair, "You feel amazing inside of me." He moaned in response to my words his eyes, closing slowly as he allowed me a deeper thrust. "Tell me how I feel to you," I said in a sultry whisper against his lips as I raked my fingers through his hair. A shaky breath escaped his lips and bit my bottom lip lightly before speaking in a hushed tone, "You are the most incredible thing I've ever felt." I smiled brushing our lips together as I did and spoke quietly, "Do I feel like you thought I would?" He quivered slightly and spoke in a shaky breath, "Better."

I licked his lips gingerly before kissing them sweetly. He finally slide completely back in and I sighed in satisfaction. He arched his eyebrow and stroked my cheek with his thumb again as he spoke, "Is that what you want? Do you want me deep?" I licked my lips softly and spoke tenderly, "I want all of you." He smiled softly and gently pulled just about all the way out and watched my eyes flutter as he pressed back in a little quicker then he had since we slowed it down.

I dug my fingers deep into his hair as he withdrew again and pulled his head back slightly, "Stop teasing me and fuck me like you mean it." A devilish grin spread wide on his lips and slammed deep in to me with a force I'd come to miss. I threw my head back in pleasure and let out a high pitched whimper, my breathing staggering as he dedicated himself to the severity of my request. He did not slow, rather quickened it as small deep sounds seeped out of his lips. I struggled to focus on his face as my eyes went slightly blurry and my heart pounded feverishly inside of my ears, making it very difficult to think of anything at all. Our rhythm echoed through the room as the headboard and the sheetrock collided hard and quick over and over, drowned out only faintly by my moans.

My body arched violently towards him and my head fell back as all of off my muscles tightened. A snarl ripped through his clenched teeth and he responded by making our pace even quicker and more wild. I pulled my hands from him and grabbed fistfuls of blanket, clawing at it for something to steady myself as my locked muscles quivered beneath him. My chest arched completely off the bed a waves of electricity and heat rippled through my body, overloading each receptor as it coursed through them. Before I could even think about it, Jacob's name erupted from my lips in the midst of what started as a gasp and ended as sensual scream.

He slammed into me with one violent deep thrust as a deep groan ripped from his chest and he throbbed inside of me. He pulled out just a little bit and slammed back in one more time as another burly growl broke loose. I felt all my muscles loosen and relax when he collapsed on top of me, panting viciously as we finished together. I wrapped my arms weakly around him and stroked his hair as he buried his face into mine. I struggled to catch my breath, as it my dew cover chest rose and fell vicious under his pounding heart. I pressed a soft kiss to his hot and flushed trape that quivered in the aftershock of his climax.

I moved slowly, lifting himself up out of my hair so he could press his lips softly to mine before sliding out of me and falling back down, still half on top of me. I trailed my fingers lightly up and down his arm, soothing him and trying to calm myself.

He let out a deep breath, trying to regulate himself and pushed weakly up so he could climb half under the sheet. I moved painfully slow next to him because all of my muscles were jelly. I slipped in against his chest, pulled the sheet up to my waist and he draped his arm around me. He drew me in closer and formed his body around me, throwing his leg over mine and pressing his entire length against me. I rubbed my face into the pillow and sighed in both pleasure and exhaustion as he be began playing with the ends of my hair. "Goodnight Beautiful," he said softly as he pressed a kiss to my shoulder. "Goodnight Love," I said in a breath, unable to draw the strength to formulate a real voice. I had nothing left in me and the that made him smile softly against my skin before kissing me again sweetly.

Between him playing with my hair and the completely draining task we had just finished, I drifted slowly into a pre-sleep state. My breathing slowed drastically and my body melted into his, none of my muscles having enough left in them to do anything else. He said my name in a soft tone and I thought of responding but couldn't even bring myself to push the air from my lungs to respond. I didn't move, didn't even twitch just slipped deeper into sleep. Just before I drifted completely out, he kissed me once more and whispered against my skin, "I love you." If I wasn't so close to sleep, I would have responded but the words just flowed through the air in a sensual manner, tingling every nerve in my body in a soothing manner. His voice sultrily filled my head as he proclaimed his emotions for me because he couldn't go another moment without saying it, even if he didn't believe I'd heard them. He just had to say it, had to hear it escape his lips, wanted to accustom himself to something I hoped he'd spend the rest of his life repeating. He smiled against my skin, pleased with how it sounded to him and inhaled my scent deeply as he tightened his hold on me just as I went completely lost to reality and fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.


	15. Saying It

I sat out on the porch steps, the breeze tousling my hair softly as I listened to the birds chirping in the distance and sipped my coffee. I'd just finished getting ready after Jacob and I ate breakfast and now I was waiting for him to shower in preparation for our day's activity. I didn't mind waiting for him, it was so peaceful and secluded out here. It wasn't like back home where if you were outside having coffee on the porch, you were forced into small talk with your passing neighbors or were bombarded with the sounds of their lives as the came pouring out of their homes. Out here the life I was subject to while I relaxed on the stoop was that of the wilderness around me.

I smiled lightly to myself and inhaled the aroma of my surroundings; the crispness of it's scent told me that we would be getting rain today. I didn't mind that, I had actually become very accustomed to the precipitation. I guess I really had no choice to because I would be miserable if I was sad every time it rained. Plus, it let everything get a beautiful shade of green and gave everything such life. Back home, our lack of rain left everything a sandy brown and dry which was much less appealing.

I wondered what Jacob would think when he came with me to visit my old home. Would he see the beauty in it's differences from where he hailed or would he be greatly depressed by them? I hoped he'd appreciate it, take it's lack of similarities with good grace and enjoy a change of pace for a bit. I had a lot of visits left to do in my life and I wanted him to enjoy his time spent there with me and my family.

Hopefully, I wasn't going to have to wait all that long to find out. If he was okay with the idea, I wanted to head down to Aptos in about two weeks and surprise my Mom. Our birthdays were coming up and I thought it would be a nice idea to drive down and spend them with her. She would be elated to see me seeing as by the time I got down there, it would be just over seven months since I left. And she'd be happy that we'd be able to keep the tradition of celebrating our birthdays together. Not to mention, she'd mentioned on numerous occasions that it was about time to put Jake through the awkwardness of meeting my insane family. So really it would be an amazing gift for her all around, she'd get everything she wanted in one day.

As I smiled to myself at the thought of making my mother so happy by coming home for a bit, Jacob slipped out of the front door so quietly that if I didn't have a knack for being able to pick up the slightest hint of his scent in the gently breeze I wouldn't have known he was outside. He sat down behind me and positioned himself so his legs were around me and his feet were on the step on which I sat. I leaned against him, resting my head on his chest as he leaned over enough to kiss the crown of my head.

"Whatcha doing Beautiful?" he said in a gentle whisper as he softly rubbed his cheek where he just kissed. I reached up and stroked his other cheek gently as he positioned his chin on top of my head and wrapped his arms around me, "Just thinking." "Oh yeah? What about?" he said his tone gentle and still very low. "You," I said in a breath as I brought my hands to his arms that were locked around me, hugging them close. He tightened them softly in response and spoke that same tender tone altered only by the smile that was evident in it this time, "Only good things I hope or bad things that are really good things." I smiled sweetly as I brushed my cheek against his bicep, "I am always thinking those very bad good things about you." He laughed softly before I continued, "But I was also thinking that I want you to come with me back home to visit my Mom."

He answered quickly, completely un-rattled but my request, "I think that's a great idea." I turned to my face to him a smile wide on my lips, "Yeah? You really want to come?" He lifted his one hand to my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb as he held my eyes, 'Of course I do." I smiled up at him in excitement before turning back around and drawing his arms back around me as I spoke, "Good because she really wants to meet you. I was thinking we could leave the Friday night before my Birthday and come back the Sunday after so we could spend a whole week with her. She'd love that." He held his breath for a moment before speaking his tone steady and soft, "We could do that." His pause showed hesitation but his tone did not. So, I just took it as slight jitters from the realization that that awkward parental introduction was not that far away.

"Oh it's gonna be great Jake. She might be a little weird about us sleeping together in my old room, but I'll talk to her. And we'll wake up and have coffee in front of the ocean and my Mom will make us her famous French toast. And she'll do her big Sunday dinner with a roast, veggies and Yorkshire pudding. God, I've missed her cooking. You'll love it she's amazing at it. And then maybe we'll take a trip down to San Francisco. But even if we don't, it will still be amazing because we'll lay in the sun and swim and just relax," I said my tone littered with excitement as I rambled. He laughed softly at my enthusiasm but then killed it slightly with his response, "Sounds amazing…but I'm going to have to see if I can get the time off from work." I hadn't even thought about that. I really hoped he could get the time off, it wouldn't be the same without him.

"Tell your boss I'll do anything, anything at all if he gives it to you. Tell him I said 'Please! Please! Pleeeaaaaaase!' Make sure you exaggerate the last one real good too," I said as I turned to face him again. He smiled down at me and kissed my forehead softly, "I will." "Alright because I don't want to go without you," I said rubbing my cheek against his chest. He brushed my hair out of my face and kissed my hair tenderly as he spoke, "I don't want you to leave me that long either." I couldn't help but beam when he said that, I wanted to jump him right there on the porch; but, I settled for a gentle kiss.

We exchanged several tender yet passionate kisses before I pulled back just enough so he knew I wanted to talk but not enough to really separate our lips. "So then don't let me." He brought his hands to my cheeks stroking them softly as he rested his forehead on mine, "That's what I've been thinking." The fact that he wanted to spend everyday of forever with me and didn't want to ever be apart from my made me feel amazing. I felt every receptor firing in sequence to create a wave of hot light that rippled through me and swelled in my chest. "And just when I thought it was impossible for me to love you anymore you go saying something like that," I said as I brushed my lips against his.

The moment I finished my thought, I realized what had just slipped so causally off my lips. I had just told Jacob that I loved him with utter ease. His eyes practically dance as he processed my response and when he started to reply, I pulled back slightly from him. I didn't mean to seem like I was pulling away after proclaiming my love but my own thoughts consumed me. I spoke in a hushed tone as I pulled myself up off the step and stood in front for him, "I love you." I listened to my own voice, let it carry it the wind as I studied him his slightly unsure expression as he watched me. "I love you," I repeated this time my pitch slightly elevated. He still didn't speak, instead he just continued to watch me. He searched my face looking for my exact feeling on the matter as I said it again a little louder. I just listening to the way it sounded as it rippled between us and gauged my own response to the idea. I was infatuated by how smoothly it flowed from my lips without hesitation. Just speaking the words gave me an intoxicating sensation, made a smile creep slowly across my lips.

I raised my eyes to his and held them steadily as I spoke with conviction, "I love you Jacob and I want to spend every single day repeating that. I want to say it until you cant even stand the sound of it anymore." He didn't respond, he just watched me for several breaths. I felt a knot formulating deep in my stomach and it's presence made me nauseated. He rose and walked slowly down the steps towards me his eye searching my face. Why wasn't he saying anything? He had said it last night hadn't he; I was almost certain that he had said it when he had thought I was asleep. Oh my God, what if he did? Was it just some cruel figment of my wild imagination? No he had said it I clearly remember it. So then it must have been something he felt he was supposed to say after the acts we had taken part in.

When he was finally standing before, his gaze smoldering on mine, he brought his hands to my face, cupping it gently. I swallowed hoarsely he our eyes studied one another, the air deadly still between us. He spoke finally his tone so soft I almost didn't comprehend his words, "Say it again." "I love you," I said in whisper. He closed his eyes and spoke in a breath, "Again." "I love you," I said tenderly as I brushed our lips together as the fear melted away. He smiled softly before he opened his eyes and spoke against my lips, "I could never get sick of sound that beautiful."

My heart stuttered, skipped a complete beat because of his words. I couldn't believe the heat that traveled between us; couldn't get over how weak I felt because of his touch. He stroked my cheek gently and pressed his lips passionately to mine before breathing his words into my mouth, "I love you too." I sighed in response as the words swirled around in my head sensually, making me slightly dizzy. I wrapped my arms around his neck and slammed my body hard against his, pressing my length securely against him while our lips moved in perfect synchronization.

We kept our kiss sensual yet slow, our lips remaining tender as our tongues glided smoothly over each other. His one hand traveled slowly along my side and came to rest on the small of my back. He drew me in, holding me so close to him that I could feel even the slightest movement in his torso perfectly against my soft figure.

We were so in tuned to one another, that he knew by my slight lip drags that I was pulling out of our kiss. He kissed me once more before brushing his lips tenderly over mine, his eyes slightly dreamy as he stroked my cheek with his hand that still cupped it softly.

"I am not in objection to spending the whole day doing this but, we did make plans with the boys. And if we were meeting them I'd say we didn't have to be prompt but, they'll be here any minute and I don't think it would be right if they showed up and we were doing that. Embry is trying so hard to be okay with us and I don't want a repeat of last time. He's hard to handle when he's being bitchy," I said regret burning in my eyes as I studied his. He sighed in remorse but nodded in agreement as he gave my cheek one last stroke and kissed my forehead. He spoke against my brow before releasing me, "You're right, we'll celebrate this later." I smiled softly and bit my lip as I stood in front of him our hands linked between us, "I'm going to hold you to that."

He chuckled very softly in response before speaking, "You can hold me to anything you like." Just as when I went to respond in some seductive way, I heard the boys coming down the drive. It was not a feat, they were roughhousing and bickering back and forth. Jared was busting Embry's chops, nothing new and Quil was instigating, as he always does. Embry threw a swift punch at Jared's arm which was reciprocated by a quick leg sweep by Jared. Embry fell to the gravel and took Jared down with him. They wrestled, gravel and dust flying around them as Quil egged them on.

I laughed shaking my head and rolling my eyes at Jake when he threw in a pointer for Embry as we made our way across the drive towards our rambunctious friends. "Now, now boys your going to get your clothes all dirty and be a hot mess for mini golf," I scolded in a playful manner as I nudged Jared's ribs with the toe of my shoe when we finally reached them. Their movement ceased and Jared jumped up onto his feet and offered his hand to Embry as he spoke, "Alright, I get it. Mommy doesn't want to watch me kick your ass anymore Embry." I stuck my tongue out at him briefly as he helped Embry to his feet, "No Mama doesn't wanna be seen with a bunch of slobs in public." Embry gave Jared a well aimed shot in the stomach once he was flat footed again and darted out of the way of the response swing aimed at his chest.

"Fucker," Jared gasped, winded by the unexpected blow. Embry grinned widely and puffed his chest out for a split second before darting behind me for protection when Jared lunged towards him. "I will get you," Jared said pointing at him as he narrowed his eyes, "When you aren't using Paige as a shield and I have a open shot I will take it." I shook my head laughing softly to myself as Embry straightened his posture and responded, still keeping me between them, "I'll be waiting." "Real tough when you have a blocker, I got you," he said nodding, his expression malicious.

"Hey now boys what did I say?" I said glancing at each of them as I kept my gaze playfully stern. "He started it!" Embry called out from behind me his tone completely childish. "No way!" Jared said forcing his expression to go shocked. "Somehow I doubt that," I said smiling as I studied his expression. "I was just busting his balls about the girlie he has meeting us at the mini golf place and he got all sensitive," Jared said throwing his hands up in a 'that's it I swear' kind of way.

I spun completely around to face Embry, a smile burning on my lips, "You have a date coming! Oh Embry you stud." I threw the back of my hand lightly into his chest and winked. I was so excited for him, it was about time he found a girl who was into him. He was such a sweetheart that it struck me as odd that it was so hard for him to get a date. "It's not really a date," Embry said his bronzed skin going red. "If it isn't a date then what the hell do you call it man?" Quil said over my shoulder. Embry went even more red then he had been before and stammered his response, "It's just… I don't know… we're just hanging out, you know it's a whole group so it can't be a date." "Yeah," I said as I turned to towards them to come to Embry's defense because I could see he was nervous enough about his non-date, "If it were a massive double date that means you and Jared ought to get to holding hands lover boy." "Awe sick," Jared said as he pulled away his expression distraught, "Did you have to go there?" "Burn," Embry said as he laughed sadistically.

"We can totally arrange that," Quil said as he played off my joke and reached for Jared. Jared slapped his hand away and fell back two steps, "You try holding my hand and I'll slap the shit outta you." "Awe come on they already know," Quil said taking three steps towards him, his gaze mocking. "Fuck you get the hell away from me," Jared said punching him in the arm. I spoke, fighting against my laughter as I watched them, "Now that's not anyway to treat your date Jared. I raised you better than that." Everyone laughed, including Jared who attempted to sound stern in his response, "Fuck you too Paige." "I love you back you homophobic SOB," I said blowing him a kiss as I let little fits of laughter take over my voice.

When I had myself more under control, I turned back to Embry, "So, tell me what's her name? What's she like?" My tone was riddled with enthusiasm and my huge grin traveled into my eyes as I studied him. He went slightly red again and slipped his hands into his pockets, shuffling the gravel with his shoe as he spoke, never looking up at me, "Her name is Natalie and she's real sweet. I've known her since school but I ran into her the this morning at the grocery store." "Oh Embry that's great, really great! I can't wait to meet her!" I said beaming at him as I touched his arm lightly. I was beyond thrilled for him, he needed a companion. He looked up at me smiling softly and then crunched his face in dismay as he spoke, "Well don't make that face when you meet her or she's gonna think you've completely lost your mind. You look creepy." Everyone boomed with laughter around me and I spun giving them all a playful glare with my tongue out before turning back to Embry. I relaxed my smile and softened my eyes as I spoke, "There is this a more suitable introduction expression?"

He smiled, a goofy smile and nodded, "Yep. It doesn't insinuate homicidal tendencies quite as much." I nodded once relaxed my face before pulling it back into my friendly smile several times in a row. "What are you doing?" Embry said after releasing a fit of laughter that warranted a stomach grab. "Practicing my game face silly," I said throwing my hand against his arm, "It hard for me to seem sane." Everyone got a good laugh from that, knowing it was a true statement and Jacob shook his head lightly as scooped his hand into mine, "Well let's go hatter before you forget it and scare her off."

"Good idea, let's go. We don't want to keep Natalie waiting for us, that would be bad news," I said as we all headed towards my car. "No hand holding or kissy kissy for you if she thinks you blew her off," Jared said throwing his shoulder into Embry. "Speaking of that," I said over my shoulder as we all started to climb in, "I'm not against it or anything but can you and Jared not feel each other up in my backseat? I know it will be hard when you guys are pressed up against each other for like thirty minutes but the only bitch who make it to second base in this girl is me." Everyone besides the two I spoke of laughed and Embry was free from torment once more.

"Uggh," Jared huffed as he climbed in, "You know you're one sick individual Paige." I threw him a wink as I climbed into the passenger seat, "Yeah and you fucking love it." He laughed and nodded in acceptance as he slipped into the back seat. "I can't promise a thing," Quil said in a sultry tone as he reached around Embry to rub Jared's back. Jared made a quick jerk away from him, plastering himself against the door, "Knock it off fucker!" I threw my head back and joined into the harmonized laughter that echoed through the car. We all found great humor at Jared's expense as we started out of the drive.


	16. Dance With Me

"No fair!" Embry shot at me as I sunk my fifth hole-in-one. "How do you figure?" I said as a smile broke onto my lips. "You're cheating. I don't know how yet, but you are!" he said as he studied my face for any sign of foul play. "Don't hate Embry, it isn't flattering," I said as I started my hole-in-one dance. I had created it simply to grate on his nerves.

Natalie giggled as I finished with a spin and flashed a bright smile at Embry. She was adorable, she looked very fitting at his side. She had the same sort of youthful appearance that had lead me to believe Embry was younger than me when I first met him. Her large doe like brown eyes were a dazzlingly light hue in comparison to her deep russet skin. They were soft and innocent and gave her a delicate appearance. She was slim and just about Embry's height, maybe three inches shorter at most. Her figure was modest and fit the round childishness of her facial structure. She had a thin top layer of her shoulder length jet black hair pulled back and braided and her china doll bangs blew lightly in the breeze.

Her body language towards him reminded me of the dates I had gone on in Junior High; slightly flirty but mostly nervous. She was very unsure of herself around him but I could definitely tell she had a thing for him. She would giggle almost intolerably every time he made a joke and would fidget when his eyes were on her. It was cute to see someone who was so totally into him, if he couldn't pick up on this then he was hopeless.

"Your turn Nat," I said as I motioned her towards the tee off spot with my club. She fixed her hair and stepped up. She was doing very poorly today, obviously not as practiced as myself but no where as bad as Embry. He would either smash the ball clear off into the distance or tap it so lightly that it went a total of three inches. He couldn't find the happy median and my playful taunting wasn't really helping his cause. Jared was totally awful, he was too busy goofing off to really play. He'd stretch out, eye the turf on his hands and knees and feel for the wind at every tee. He was like Tiger Woods after an all night binder and it was priceless.

Quil was taking the whole thing very seriously, he would get slightly uptight if anyone out did him and would beat himself up if he missed a shot. He was a little too competitive for such a light hearted game, but we all just took it in stride. Jake was only several strokes behind me, his playful yet competitive strike showing slightly when he'd hip bump me while I was lining up my hit or steal the scorecard to make my three and eight. All in all, we were a bit of a rowdy group on the course but we were defiantly having a good time.

I slid into my spot next to Jake and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we watched Natalie get ready to take a swing. "She's a dolly," I said in a whisper. "Yeah her and Embry are kinda perfect for each other huh?" he whispered back as we watched Embry trying to give her pointers on her stroke. I had to laugh softly to myself when I saw him demonstrating different swings and holds for her. I struggled to not rag on him since he was in no place to give anyone tips but I pressed my face into Jake's chest to keep from ruining his flow.

Jake's chest rose and fell quickly in sync with mine as he chuckled lightly to himself. I pulled my face out slowly and took a deep breath to calm myself and reconstructed my face as I tried to keep it relaxed and straight. As I struggled with myself, a small chuckle breaking free every couple of breathes, three fat raindrops hit my cheek and cascaded down to the tip of my jaw.

I hoped the real rain would hold out until we finished, we only had about three holes left. But, just as the thought drifted through my mind, the sky opened up and the rain came pouring from it. It was a gently rain but each drop was thick and steady. Jake wrapped his arm tightly around me and spun us towards the main shop as he called over his shoulder, "Game's over." He linked his hand with mine as we pulled our hoods up over our heads and took off at a quick jog towards the overhang. I laughed in a giddy manner as we jumped over the small stream in the center of the course, never breaking our stride.

Jared and Quil went sprinting passed us, not slowed by a partner and Jared knocked into me softly on his way by. "Ahh! No! Not rain! Rain does not agree with my hair!" he shrieked in a girls voice as he made a b-line for coverage his hands shielding his head. Everyone let out a laugh, creating an echo throughout the mini-golf park.

Jake and I slowed slightly so I could fall behind him as we crossed the one person bridge and he pulled back enough so I was at his side again quickly once we were on the other side. I could hear Natalie and Embry talking a low giggles as they ran just feet behind us. They sounded like children, giddy with excitement as they jogged through the rain storm together, hand in hand.

I looked up at Jake and watched momentarily as the water streamed down over his face, highlighting the lands and grooves of it. There was something magical about the way he looked as he smiled down at me and laughed as I stumbled into him. I felt the sudden need to slow down, wanted to have a moment where he and I were still together as water fall around us. I drew back just before we reached the overhang and slowed us way down. Embry and Natalie passed us, laughing wildly as they ran, their hands linked between them.

"What's wrong?" Jake said spinning to face me. I smiled at him to reassure him as I shook my head, "Nothing, nothing at all." "Then what are you doing?" he asked looking at me like I was crazy as he tried to pull me towards the protection of the roof. I let my hand slip out of his and he stopped dead in his tracks to watch me. "Dance with me," I said as the water fell gently on me. "What?" he said laughing like I was insane. He turned slightly away from me and nodded towards the building, "We'll dance later. Come on." I shook my head and he drew his brow as he studied me. "Why can't we dance right now?" I asked as I tilted my head in a sweet manner and watched him. He blinked water out of his eyes quickly and looked around at the rain as he spoke, "Because it's pouring." "So?" I said holding my hands out with my palms were facing up so I could feel the water beating on them softly, "Dance with me anyhow."

"Paige come on let's get out of the rain," he called as he extended his hand towards me. I shook my head as I did a small spin and laughed, "Just dance with me for a minute then I'll go." "Are you crazy?" he asked in a playful tone as he turned completely towards me his hand still extended in front of him. He laughed and rolled his eyes as he watched me spread my arms wide and turn my face towards the sky doing another complete circle while I let the water stream over my face. I lowered my eyes to his and smiled as I spoke, "Maybe, but what's so great about normal?" He chuckled once softly and I finally took his hand, drew it to my lips and spoke softly, "We can go but not until you dance with me."

He smiled and looked over his shoulder momentarily at our group of friends who were huddled under the overhang hollering for us to come. "But they-" he started before I reached my hands to his face and turned his eyes to mine, "Don't worry about them. It's just you and me… dance with me." He shook his head softly and placed his hands over mine and locked our fingers together, palms touching, as lowered them, "Show me." I laughed in triumph while he released my one hand and backed away as he spun me before letting our fingers slip apart as he put me on display.

I relaxed myself and let my body move as it wanted to. I had spent years in ballet and for some reason I was compelled to perform it here in the rain, it seemed so fitting. It had been so long since I had been in a studio that I was a little worried that I had forgotten the moves. But as my body took control and my thoughts went instinctual, I found that everything came very naturally. Before I even knew it, I was doing a batterie sequence with battements intertwined. I moved into a pirouette and on my third rotation I lost balance and fell out of form and into Jake, laughing wildly.

He caught me and his eyes sparkled, reflecting a sense of awe as he watched me. "You just do whatever your body tells you to," I said in between laughs as I gazed up at him. Water coursed down his cheeks and over his nose and some hung on his lashes as he smiled and drew me into a tight hold. I wrapped my arms around his neck and swayed with him as the rain fell softly onto us. We did a classic slow ballroom dance as we stared into each other's eyes. It felt unexplainable to float with him as the rain poured from the sky, his strong arms holding me close to him as we moved.

He released me, spinning me out and the pooled water sprayed out from under my feet as I twirled through it. He spun me back into his arms and brought his one hand to the dip in my lower back and pushed my hood off with his other. He ran his hand slowly down my cheek, our eyes locked the entire time. I reached up and pulled his hood off as well before running my hand through the choppy length of his hair, sweeping it around to the back of his head and drew his lips to mine. We swayed as our lips did their own dance, the water streaming down in between them.

"Hey Beauty and the Beast, save the romance for the bedroom," Jared called out breaking the majesty of our kiss. I pulled back slowly, letting our kiss last as long as possible before rubbing noses lightly with him, our eyes burning on one another. "I love the way you love me," I said in a whispered as I brushed our lips softly. He smiled, stroking my wet hair from my cheek as spoke in a faint tone, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"That's my kid sister your frolicking in the rain with Black, don't forget who's watching," Jared called out a he hurled a golf ball in our direction. It whipped through the air, slicing it's way through the rain as it whizzed passed Jake's head. "And that was almost my face you dickhead," I shouted around Jake's shoulder as I glowered playfully at Jared. He rolled his eyes and threw up his hands as he replied, "Well if you didn't spend the last fifteen minutes playing 'Ballerina Barbie and Casanova Ken's Rainy Day Love Story' out there than I wouldn't be so hostile now would I?" I linked Jake's hand and reluctantly pulled away as we started towards Jared.

When we were several stride away from the awning, I released Jake's hand and sprinted towards Jared, my soaked pants suctioning to my legs as I ran. He stood with his hands on his hips and eyed me in a lighthearted manner. "No cranky pants Jare you're killing my mood," I said as I leap onto him, wrapping my arms around him as we slammed together with enough force to fall backwards onto the ground, laughing the whole way down.

"Coooommee onnn," Jared said laughing while I rubbed my soaked sleeved on his cheeks as I kneeled over him shaking out my hair. "I'm just sharing the love Jare. Don't you love your little sis?" I said as I whipped my drenched hair across his face, creating a distinctively sloppy slap sound. "Yes I love you but dontcha know it's my brotherly duty to keep you in line?" he said as forced himself up and scooped my up onto his shoulder in the process. I laughed wildly and wiggled in an attempt to slip free. "Alright, alright I promise I'll behave myself," I chocked out between laughs as he started to march towards the door.

"Oh no! You had your chance, I warned you and now I am turning this car around and we're going home. Embry-do you have Natalie?" He spun to face who I assume was the two of them, "Good. Quil you can walk home and Jake pay this nice young lady behind the desk cause I'm taking this one out to the car." I laughed to the point of snorting and kicked my feet in protest as he walked through the door and into the rain towards the car while I heaved in laughter.


	17. Family Dining

I fidgeted nervously with my stud as I bounced my foot and stared out the window, my arms crossed at waist. I was feeling absurdly self-conscience on our car ride back to La Push and it was projecting in both my demeanor and my silence. Jacob rubbed my thigh in a comforting manner and when I turned to face him he flashed a smile as I let my hand fall from my lobe and rested in on top of his. I smiled back meekly, locked our fingers together and kept them in my lap. He kept telling me there was no reason to be this nervous; had reassured me that this dinner would go just fine. I tried to calm myself, tried to find relaxation in his words but I couldn't shake this tension in my stomach. I was going to meet Rachel tonight and that was just too big of a deal to be completely confident.

My fraying nerves were evident in my preparation tonight yet Jake remained patient the entire time. I'd spent nearly two hours ripping my closet apart for the appropriate outfit. I changed at least thirty times while he sat patiently on the bed and complimented me on each outfit I put on. I'd become so flustered at one point that I collapsed onto the bed next to him in nothing but my bra and panties and exclaimed, "That's it: I'm either going just like this or not at all!" He'd laughed softly, kissed my forehead and told me that if I had my heart set on arriving in lingerie then he wasn't going to stop me. He said he wouldn't mind playing Hugh Heffner for the evening. It was cute and it made me laugh but I knew I had no choice but to venture back into my closet and try again.

It wasn't too long after that that I settled for the outfit I had on now. I had on black wide legged tailored trousers and a slate gray scoop neck fitted three quarter length sleeved shirt. The top's deep neck line showed off a little too much of my full bust for a family dinner, so I layered a lacy black tank top underneath to add a touch of modesty. Then I'd added my black corset belt with a large clasp for a touch of sophistication. I paired these with my new squared toe knee high black leather boots with the four inch heel than I'd bought in the beginning of fall. I completed it with the steel gray hip length Burberry trench coat my Mother had sent me as a early birthday present.

I pinned my hair back into a tousled offset soft ball of curls, swept my bangs across my forehead and left some curled stands hanging loosely. I did my eyes in a smoky fashion with grays and blacks and swept my lashes with black mascara. I used a rose colored blush to highlight my cheekbones and used a matching gloss for my lips. I added my multi-layered silver necklace that fell over my chest and paired it with my favorite princess cut diamond studs and cluster of silver bangles.

"Don't worry, you look beautiful," Jacob said as he squeezed my hand softly and smiled at me. "Are you sure I look appropriate? I mean if we show up and it's a ma and pa restaurant and I'm overdressed I'm going to be seriously pissed," I said as I eyed him, preparing to gauge the honesty of his response. "You won't be over dressed, I promise," he said smiling sweetly as he gave my hand another quick squeeze and pulled into his driveway. "You better go in there and put on something dressy Jake, I mean it if you come out in jeans I'm going to be forced to kick your ass," I said when he released my hand to pull the e-brake.

"I might enjoy that," he said flashing a playful smile as he opened the door to get out. I made a mocking face as I climbed out.

"That was insanely attractive," he said chuckling softly to himself as I walked around the car to meet him. "What can I say I'm classy," I said smiling in an angelic manner as we approached the porch. "Classy indeed," Jake said as he pulled the door open for me and motioned me in, "After you my lady." I smirked in a feisty manner as I walked passed him into the house.

Billy was in his wheelchair in front of the television watching one of his fishing shows when we came in. He turned it off and spun towards us. He had his hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail and wore a teal polo, khaki colored slacks and brown leather shoes. I felt totally overdressed as I stood before him but he smiled up at me as he folded his hands in his lap, "You look even more beautiful than usual tonight darling." I felt a hot flush of color run to my face as I smiled sweetly and slipped my hands into the deep pockets of my coat, "Thank you Billy. You look very handsome yourself." "Well what the hell? I've been trying to tell you that all night and you've been brushing it off but the ol' man says it and you soak it up. That's crap," Jacob said as he threw his hands up in a defeated manner.

Billy beamed and shrugged his shoulder as he replied, "What can I say son you just don't have the game like me." I let out a impish giggle as I watched Jake's mouth fall open slightly before he smiled and responded, "Oh yeah Dad, you define the game." "Well," Billy said as he drew his hands up in a 'what can I say manner', "I guess all you got was my dashing good looks. Sorry kid maybe you'll pick up a thing or two with age." "That's true Grandpa you do have me in the age department," Jake said flashing a devious smile. "Like a fine wine son," Billy said winking.

"Is that what you geezers tell yourself?" Jacob said as he tilted his head and studied him. "Enough out of you, go and get dressed. Perhaps your Dad can run a little game if you take your time," I said forcing him towards his room. "You hear that son, your girlie wants me to run game," Billy yelled at Jacob's back as he rolled his chair to my side. "She only wants you for you sweet ride Dad. That's what all the girls are after now, a nice set of wheels," Jake threw over his shoulder as he walked into his bedroom and hit the light switch.

Billy laughed and threw his head towards me as he smiled at his son, "That's alright kiddo, a girl like her can like me for anything she pleases. I'm not picky." Jake laughed and nearly closed the door before he called out to me, breaking my small fit of laughter, "So the jean shorts and the red t-shirt right Paige?" I knew he was trying to get a rise out of me so I threw my thumb at Billy as I smiled playfully, "That's fine babe, my date has on his Sunday's best over here so I'll be just fine either way." Billy puffed out his chest as Jacob glared at him in a lighthearted manner, "Don't get too excited old man, she called me babe." He clicked the door closed before Billy could reply, ending the conversation on his terms.

I laughed lightly with Billy as I shook my head before he spoke, "You fit in real nice around her Paige. Most people find our sense of humor offensive." "Well luckily for you guys I find it entertaining," I said lowering myself to press my lips lightly to Billy's cheek. He caught my hand as I pulled away and cupped it softly in both of his as he held my eyes and spoke in a tone that I knew was genuine, "We are awfully lucky to have you." I smiled softly and brought my other hand to his squeezing it lightly, "I'm the lucky one. You have opened your home to me without a second thought and gave me the honor of being part of you family. You've raised a extremely passionate man, whom I feel lucky to have in my life and it means a great deal to me that you want to share tonight with me Billy. I couldn't ask for a better gifts."

He smiled authentically and pressed his lips softly to my dominate hand as he spoke in a gentle tone, "Jake couldn't have found a more perfect woman Paige and I mean that with all my heart, you are a blessing. I am the honored one because I get to call you my family." I tilted my head to the side as a instinctual smile spread across my lips and my eyes went misty. His words meant a great deal to me, I was very fond of both him and Jacob and to know he felt honored to accept me as a member of his family left me at a loss of words. He smiled up at me and just when a tear slipped down my cheek and he opened his mouth to respond accordingly, Jacob came out of his room and interrupted his train of thought.

I turned towards him, my smile still stretched on my lips as I took him in. He stood before me in creased slate gray dress pants, a black leather dress belt with a simple square gun metal clasp, a black button down shirt with the top button undone and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and dressy black Lugz. He smiled slyly as he silently admitted his submission to me before he say my light tears. His eyes went concerned as he crossed towards me in swift, long strides. "When you're running game Dad, they are not supposed to cry," he said as he shot his father a slightly hostile glare before making his eyes soft as he brought them back to me. I wiped my tears quickly, careful to not smudge my make-up as I shook my head softly and smiled at him, "He didn't make me cry, I'm just a softy. He was honestly just being sweet and I'm retarded and can't handle it."

He cupped my face softly as he stared into my eyes tenderly, his dress watch slipping loosely down his wrist as he rubbed my cheeks and spoke in a soft tone, "You sure or do I have to rough of my ol' man for you? Cause I will." I laughed softly and shook my head as I smiled, "No but I do appreciate the offer Jake." "Okay if you change your mind just let me know. No more tears beautiful," he said gentle stroking the tears away with his thumbs before he pressed his lips softly to mine. We smiled tenderly at one another for a moment before he let his hands fall from my face and wrapped his arm around me as he lead me to the door. "Leave the sappy stuff to me Dad, I've got more finesse. I make them swoon not cry," he called over his shoulder as we came to the door and he released me to slip on his black leather jacket.

"I bring out emotions they themselves don't understand, don't hate son it's unbecoming," Billy said as he rolled lightly over Jake's heel and threw me a wink.

We followed the maitra d' through the dimly light restaurant, Jake walking at my side and pushing Billy through the maze of red silk covered tables. Everyone was elegantly dressed and a pianist played a soft melody that made the atmosphere romantic. The staff was all dressed in flat black tuxedos with long tails and carried white cloths over their arms. It was ritzy and extremely elegant and to be honest I felt slightly underdressed for the first time all night. The gentlemen leading us stepped to the side and extended his arm at his side to direct us to the table before us.

"Thank you sir," Jacob said softly as he passed the man who guided us through the dining area and he nodded once in response. As we moved forward a beautifully elegant woman smiled when she saw us, her dark eyes gleaming with recognition as she dabbed her mouth and stood. She had a beautifully constructed face and her features were surprisingly similar to Jacob's. Her facial bone structure was much more feminine; her cheekbones arched more drastically and her jaw line was much more rounded. She drew attention to the these beautiful lines but dusting her cheeks with a wine colored rogue which contrasted her beautifully russet skin tone, which was more Billy's shade than Jake's. Her eyes were darker than his and shaped slightly more catlike but held the same genuinely kind hearted sparkle. She accentuated them by lining them in a thin strip of coal black eyeliner that swept outward in lines matching her eye shape. She was careful to not go to heavy on it as to keep it sophisticated and not trashy.

She had the same long, sweeping eyelashes as him (you know the ones girls would kill for but men are always blessed with) and had them coated in an onyx mascara. Her lips were much thinner than Jake's but had the same beautiful shape and were painted in the same color as her cheeks. Her hair was the same deep ebony as her brother and she kept it short and styled in an inverted bob with sleek china doll bangs, the longest strands never falling passed her jaw line.

She was delicate and dainty in stature and her total bone structure was small unlike his. She stood about 5'9" in her four inch heels and had a light curve to her petite figure. Everything about her was small; from her cinched waist and little hips to her modest bust. She wore a figure flattering tight black dress that fell just above her knees and had a square neckline and thick straps with simple black pumps. She looked so stylish and classy that I felt outrageously self-conscience.

She flashed the genetically perfect smile and extended her arms towards us as she shrieked in a excited tone, "Daddy!" She threw her arms around his neck and squeezed him firmly as she kissed his cheek, "Oh I've missed you!" He rubbed her back and reciprocated her kiss, "I've missed you too baby!" She smiled at him as she pulled away before turning her outreached arms to Jacob, "Holy God Jake you have to stop growing!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into her as the both laughed softly. "Maybe you need to start growing some midget," he said when she released him. She had her hands still on his shoulders as he smiled at him and spoke in a playful tone, "They make high heels for a reason little brother." I laughed softly to myself as I watched their interaction, the amount of love radiating from them was humbling. It was easy to tell that they were very attached to one another. Great she'll hate my guts then, I thought dishearteningly.

She turned her eyes to me, her smile still in place as she studied my face, "And you must be Paige. My Daddy can't stop talking about you, I've heard so many wonderful things. It's a pleasure to meet you." I blushed in embarrassment to learn that Billy spoke of me so highly, what if I didn't meet the standards he'd set up for me? "Oh he exaggerates, I'm nothing all that amazing," I said as I smiled sheepishly. "Nonsense," she said as she pulled me into a big hug, "Anyone both Jake and my Daddy love this much must be extraordinary." I hugged her back and drew in her warmth, she was emitting a beauty that went much deeper than the skin and I felt my tension melt away slightly.

"They've elaborated I'm sure ," I said laughing softly as she withdrew from the hug. "Well, exaggerated perception or not I am still thrilled to meet you," she said placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. "The pleasure is all mine," I said smiling sweetly. She reciprocated my smile and then nudged Jake as she winked, "Good eye little brother." He laughed and wrapped his arm around me as Rachel took the handles of Billy's wheelchair from him and started towards the table. Jake pressed his lips lightly to my brow as we followed. He was right, I really didn't have anything to worry about with Rachel she was every bit as sweet as he'd tried to tell me.

He helped me out of my jacket and then slipped his off as I slid into the booth across from Rachel. He folded both of them and handed them to his sister so she could rest them atop her own to her left on the seat. Jake slide in beside me and linked his hand with mine under the table as he addressed his sister and opened his menu on the table in front of him, "So Rach, what have you been up to?" She smiled pleasantly over the menu as she spoke, "Well, I've landed that executive role at Teatro Zinzanni here in Seattle- I am finally their new events coordinator." "Wow congratulations baby," Billy said his pride radiating from his blazing grin. "Yeah, that's awesome sis," Jake said as he reached over and squeezed her hand. "Thanks guys, I've been working my ass for it so I'm definitely due the promotion," she said her smile sparkling in her eyes.

"I always told you all your dedication would pay off," Billy said rubbing her shoulder as he put the menu down in front of him and beamed at her. "It really has Daddy. But enough about me I want to hear all about you," she said pointing at me as she laid her menu down. "Me?" I said slightly bewildered as I clenched Jake's hand in a death grip and folded my menu closed. "Yes you silly. Give me all the un-extraordinary details about yourself," she said beaming at me. "Well, um I am from California," I started slowly but she cut in and sent Jake a wink. "Oh Jake a Cali girl good for you." He laughed softly and shook his head as she turned her eyes back to me and spoke in a honestly interested tone, "Where abouts?" I cleared my throat nervously and Jake squeezed my hand to show support and I knew he was telling me I didn't have to go into anymore detail then I wanted to, he knew exactly how much I struggled with my past. I spoke in a slow and pleasant tone as both Rachel and Billy watched me, their eyes gentle, "Originally, Santa Barbara but mostly all over actually. My Mom and I moved around a lot after my father left. We never really found a place worth sticking around in until we came to Aptos. My Dad lived there, working for some big legal firm, so once we found him we knew we were where we were supposed to be.

"Oh I just love happy endings, was it like- their eyes meet after years apart and they just knew they were still meant for one another despite all of the pain in the past?" Rachel asked as she propped her elbows up onto the table and folded her hands so she could rest her chin on them. She looked like a small child gazing hopefully up at the narrator for Cinderella, her eyes dreamy. I smiled softly and shook my head as I responded, "There is a happily ever after but not the one you are thinking of. My Dad and my father are two very different men. Paul, my father, was my Mom's high school sweetheart. She got pregnant with me their senior year and she said from the moment she found out about me she just knew her calling was to be a mother. Paul didn't share that calling, he wanted to play pro-ball and buy a motorcycle not divvy up sleeping schedules and clip coupons for diapers. But he gave it a shot, stuck around for the first three years before packing up a suitcase and leaving his key on the counter. So, we traveled up until I was about seven years old and that when we met Casey. My Mom didn't have trouble getting dates, her dates just couldn't wrap their heads around being tied to me at such a young age. But Casey actually invited me to go to the movies with them and my Mom was sold then and there. He kind of just adopted me as his own from the very beginning and he never went anywhere without me. They only dated for a little over a year before he asked me if I would let him marry my Mom. They got married the next summer and he formally adopted me the following fall."

"Wow," she breathed as she lifted her chin from her hands and studied my face, "He sounds amazing." I smiled very genuinely as I nodded my head and spoke in a very soft tone, "Yeah he's the strongest man I've ever met because he was Dad when he didn't have to be. He's taken care of me and my Mom from the moment he met us, we've never had to want for anything as long as he's been in our lives." Her eyes went slightly misty and she threw her hands up as she shook her head, "I'm sorry. Look at me getting all sappy on you. I must be making you feel awfully uncomfortable. It's not pity, I swear that I find it touching."

I struggled against tearing up myself as I tried to reassure her that I wasn't uncomfortable, "Don't be sorry Rachel, I'm the one who unloaded my life onto you. I should have sugar coated it, honesty can be such a pain in the ass." She laughed softly, ceased the flailing of her hands and rolled her eyes as she replied in a lighthearted tone, "And I shouldn't have been so nosy. An inquisitive mind can cause quite the tension sometimes." I chuckled as I replied, "If it makes you feel any better, I have a tendency to get slightly carried away when I get sucked into the juicy details." She smiled as she looked up over her lashes at me, "It must be a genetic factor of being female." "Oh yeah," I said smiling back at her as I made explanatory hand gestures, "It's like X chromosomes, the ability to pull your head out of your ass long enough to realize you were wrong and being a prying bitch all come hand in hand. We are basically screwed from conception."

She threw her head back slightly as she laughed while Jake and Billy protested to my statement.

"Your twisting it slightly," Jake said as he constructed his face in a playfully offended manner. "Oh yeah, how is that so?" I said gazing upon him in a questioning manner as I smiled, eager to hear his rationale. "It's not that I can't admit that I'm wrong, it's that I very seldom am," he said in a cocky manner that held a lighthearted composure. "Oh is that so?" Rachel said as her eyes went wide and a small laugh broke through her lips. "Somehow I feel that that is a slightly bias opinion on the matter. I'm not really sure why but I feel it may be," I said laughing softly. "He gets that from me," Billy said backing his son in the battle of the sexes.

"See, that's not bias," Jake said motioning towards his father. "That's just the testosterone talking," Rachel said waving her hand in a dismissive manner. "I have to concur," I said smiling, "Because just earlier you were saying he only inherited your devilishly good looks." "I was forgetting his sheer perfection, that is all me as well," he said in a matter of fact kind of way. I released Jake's hand from under the table as Rachel and I locked eyes before bursting into fits of laughter simultaneously as I threw my palm into Jake's arm. "Hey!" Jake said defensively as he studied us with a look of shock, "I wouldn't say perfection because once, I thought I was wrong…but as it turned out I was mistaken." I let another hardy laugh ripple from chest before I turned calming myself enough to respond, "You have so much to learn Love. Every successful man has had to come to terms with the fact that his women is always right, the term 'yes dear' was coined for a reason." "Amen," Rachel said as she raised her hands in a gospel-like manner.

"That was coined as a defense mechanism," Jake said in a amending manner as he smiled. I raised my finger in a corrective way as I spoke, "If you are suggesting it's a Pavlovian response then I am forced to both agree and disagree." "Enlighten me," he said as he beamed. "It can be described as a conditioned response but the conditioning comes from years of heightened evolution for women. If you think for a second that all the greatness in the universe does not orchestrate it's self in the womb of a women than you have never truly grasped the concept of conception." Jake nodded as he replied, "I will give you that, all the glory of man comes from women, but that does not mean you are right." "Alas my dear, you've missed the greater picture. It proves just that," I said in scholastic tone. "How so?" Jake said defiantly. "Because Love, the crux of all that is beautiful can not be wrong because if it were all the beauty that came from it would inherit it's imperfections and the foundation of the glory itself would be none existent."

Jake held my eye for several breaths, unable to combat my words as a layer of defeat coated his eyes. Rachel practically jumped from her seat in enthusiasm as Jake bowed his head in submission. "She's good," Billy said shaking his head in defeat. "No she is marvelous," Rachel corrected as she grabbed my hand in hers and drew my attention towards her. "I am both honored and humbled to be in the presence of someone who can out wit my little brother-I've been trying for years. My only regret is that my Mother isn't here to do this," she said as she leaned over and kissed my cheek softly. She whispered 'she would have loved you' softly against my skin before pulling away to smile at me with her eyes.

I felt a wave of sheer delight as I digested her words. I secretly wondered what Sarah would have thought of me; struggled with the idea that she might have deemed me unfit for her beautiful baby boy. To hear this from the woman who took a nurturing role in Jake's life after her death lifted an immense burden from my shoulders. I found myself smiling uncontrollably as the three of them looked at me with the same heartfelt expression.

"I wish deeply she could have met you. I think she would have found much enjoyment in you and I am sure she is at great peace to see that someone of majesty rivaling her own has agreed to care for her baby boy,' Billy said as he reached across the table and placed a hand on mine. He'd never spoken a word about her in front of me before and to have his first words be so amazing left me going slightly misty. "I really don't know what to say to that," I said chocking back my tears.

"You don't have to say a thing," Rachel said soft as laid her hand over her fathers, "But I have to thank you." "For?" I said as held her eyes. "Finding Jake. We couldn't have asked for anyone better to welcome as family," she said softly her own eyes teary as she looked between me and her little brother. I could feel the maternal energy flowing from her as she studied us. I drew my eyes up to Jake's and spoke in a steady tone as I let the emotions flowing from my new family overtake me, "To be honest he rescued me; I'm the lucky one." He smiled softly at me and pressed his lips to my brow tenderly before he brushed my tear away with his thumb.

"Luck has nothing to do with it, fate is a powerful thing. We rescued each other," he said in a tender tone as he stroked my cheek softly and held my eyes. I gazed upon him, lost in the love I felt surrounding me and couldn't help but smile to myself. "Why do you have to go and prove me wrong?" I said softly. He shook his head slowly and smiled as he spoke, "I'm proving you right. Expanding on your truth. I refuse to prove the crux of my existence wrong because without it everything I've marveled in for my entire life would have to be false and I can not accept that." I smiled tenderly as a single tear slipped down my cheek, sliding over his hand that still rest upon my cheek.


	18. His Will

As I rounded the corner by table seven with a tray of hot food held high on my shoulder, I saw a familiar face being seated in my corner booth. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! I struggled to keep my face pleasantly constructed as our eyes met. He smiled sweetly and gave me a quick nod of acknowledgment. Justin hadn't been in since the night Jake had come to retrieve me for our 'sick baby' and I was kind of hoping to avoid the awkward moment when I would be forced to lie; I am awful at it.

But karma is the biggest bitch out there so I knew it would be coming back around and it made sense it would be less than an hour before the end of my last shift before vacation. And the fact that I was frazzled today because Jake's boss couldn't give him a straight answer on whether he was expected at work on Monday was a credit to her bitchiness. I served up the plates and returned the tray, taking my sweet time to make a round of check ups on my way over to my newly occupied table.

I prepared myself as I crossed towards him, having received no help from my other tables (It's amazing just how fine everyone can be when you are hoping for a needed customer). "There she is," Justin said flashing my his movie star smile. "Here I am," I said smiling sweetly as I pulled out my order pad, "a turkey club on rye, lightly toasted with no mayo, a side of sweet potato fries and a homestyle unsweetened iced tea?" His eyes danced and a smile darted across his lips as I rattled off his regular request out of habit, "It's nice to see I haven't been forgotten in my absence." I turned up the corners of my lips as I jotted down the order and spoke in my friendly waitress tone, "I never forget my regulars."

"I am very pleased to know I am not easily forgotten," he said blushing slightly but never letting his expression show any level of embarrassment. God damn it, I didn't mean it like that. I just smiled as I flipped my pad back into my apron and spoke sweetly, "Of course not." We exchanged pleasant smiles as a thick awkwardness hung between us like a heavy fog. He looked like he was struggling for words, running different patterns through his head as he looked up at me. I felt the burning desire to run away before he could say anything about our last conversation so I spoke in an even and pleasant tone as I started to turn away from him slowly, "Okay, I'll go put your order in and get your drink then."

I didn't really give him a chance to talk, I just turned on my heels and walked as quickly as I could away from him without seeming rushed. I took the long way, scooping up someone's near empty cup for a refill as I passed. I placed it by the drink dispenser and hustled through the doors into the kitchen. "Reggie, can I put a rush on this one pretty please? I'd really like to get him in and out as soon as possible," I said making puppy dog eyes at our cook as I slide the slip over the counter to him. Reggie hated going out of order, but he had been known to do it on occasion if one of us girls told him the customer was a creeper.

He studied me as he grabbed the slip and held up his large steel specula, "Sleaze?" I bobbed my head back and forth and made a conflicted expression as I spoke, "Not technology." "Stalker?" he said eyeing my in confusion. "No not that either," I said slightly shocked. "Ex boyfriend who did you dirty and needs his ass kicked?" he asked as he pointed the specula at me. "No, he's the persistent on getting a date with me kind," I said clarify it quickly so he didn't go to some other wild extreme.

"Ahhhhh," he said turning from me to flip the eggs he was cooking, "Alright but only this once, next time he waits his damn turn." "Thank you! You're the best Reggie," I said leaning over the counter to kiss him softly on his cheek before going back out onto the floor.

I filled both drinks and did another round, dropping off the refill in the process, before coming back around to Justin's table. "There ya go, you're meal should be out real soon," I said as I placed the glass down and retrieved a straw from my pocket. "Thank you," Justin said as he laid his blackberry down on the table and smiled up at me. Shit, do not start a conversation with me. Text someone, send an email, check the god damn weather-anything but stop everything you are doing to strike up a conversation with me, PLEASE. "No problem," I said smiling briefly before I turned to make a b-line for anywhere but here.

"Paige?" he called out behind me. Fuck my life! I constructed my mouth into a smile before spinning back around to face him. "If you don't mind me asking," (oh I mind so please don't) "How is your daughter's teething going?" he said sweetly as he folded his hands on the table top. I spoke quickly and as briefly as possible so that I didn't have to lie so horrible, "Much better. Thanks for asking." "Good," he said pausing long enough for me to start shifting my body away before he spoke again, "What's her name?" "Samara," I spat out quickly as I smiled. Luckily for me I had always liked that name and it came off the top of my head without thought.

"That's a beautiful name," he said very genuinely. "Oh thank you," I said trying very hard not to give myself away. "If you don't mind me asking, how old is she?" "Seven months," I said without thinking, God I hope that makes sense as far as teething goes. "Wow! I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you look amazing for having a baby not that long ago," he said slightly eyeing me. It became very evident that he was going to keep this conversation going no matter if I wanted to or not so it was up to me to end it. "Well thank you very much but this is all an illusion," I said as I motioned in a dismissive manner. "I don't understand," he said as he cocked his head to the side. "There's all kinds of special tricks us Mama's use for cover up. Shaping tops are a God sent honest," I didn't want to have to go extreme so I hoped that was enough to turn him off.

But since someone out there secretly hates me he wasn't going to make this easy, "Stop it you look amazing, you can't make something unremarkable that beautiful." "Darling this is all smoke and mirrors. I have chub and stretch marks in places that are definitely not beautiful trust me. Those SOBs lie when they say coco butter works wonders. And once she stops feeding these bad boys are gonna have to be rolled up and stuffed in a bra believe you me," I said motioning to the appropriate body parts as I spoke.

I was hoping that would be enough to deter him but he just shook his head softly and looked up at me sweetly, "I will never understand how Mother's are so critical of their bodies post baby. You've done an amazing feat by bringing a new life into this world you should be proud of it." I laughed in a slightly cynical way before responding, "Well I guess you're going to have to grow a uterus and carry a child in it for nine months while ever part of you stretches in ways it should not. Then take out that child and tell me how remarkable all those parts look when they try and shrink back up to understand. It's not that I regret it, I would do it all over again for my child, it's just that it they aren't really a turn on."

He smiled taking my harshness on the nose and spoke in a tender tone, "Any man worth being with will see those parts as a roadmap to the epic journey you took to bring his child into this world. It is an amazing and selfless journey that woman does out of love, it's magical and beautiful. You did a incredible thing for Samara's father and it would be wise of him to remind you of that often." He was incredible sweet for saying the sort of things a real post-baby woman would kill to hear, but I didn't really want to continue this conversation so I went to another level, "He is very nurturing to my insecurities but he's not the one who has a stomach that looks like a washboard and chaffing in places that are so unholy to have it that it's ridiculous. So, I guess I see it as bias. When he can slightly relate to a post-baby complications such as nipples that are so sore that putting a bra on is murderous, I might be able to take his admiration with more grace."

He cleared his throat in an uncomfortable manner and I smiled slightly, "I'm sorry I don't really have much of a filter." He shook his head softly, "No it's fine, I don't have the slightest idea what it's like for you. I hope I didn't offend you." "Not at all. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable," I lied rather pleased with myself for getting him off the subject. "You didn't," he said lying through his teeth. "Good, that was not my intention. So, let me go check on your meal," I said smiling momentarily before turning on my heels.

I did my rounds, dropping off receipts and taking dessert orders on my way back to the kitchen, all the while praying that Justin's meal was done so I didn't have to have another ridiculous conversation with him. Reggie was my saving grace, the meal was waiting for me when I came in to give him my next set of orders. I scooped it up quickly and flashed a smile as headed back out. I zigzagged through the customers with the plate up over my head as I spoke briefly with the regulars whom I passed and when I finally made it to the corner booth, Justin was watching me contently. "Enjoy," I said smiling as I slid the plate in front of him. "Thank you," he said appreciatively as he held my eyes.

"No problem. I'm out of her shortly and Tanya will be taking over for me, so if I do not see you again: have a wonderful evening Justin and I am truly sorry again." He looked slightly heartbroken at the news that he'd come in at the end of my shift, "Oh, um yeah no problem at all Paige." I smiled sweetly and started back across the restaurant towards the bar to wait out the last five minutes of my shift before he called after me, "Can I ask you something?" I squinted, pained slightly by the fact that I hadn't skated by on this one before reconstructing my face as I spun to face him and took three long strides back over to his table, "Of course it's the least I could do for you after I was so short before."

"Are you and Samara's father married?" he spat out as if he feared if he didn't he wouldn't muster enough courage to do it. I was taken slightly off guard by the question but I answered it anyhow, "No Jake and I are not married." "Dating?" he said quickly. I stepped back slightly as I analyzed the question, "Well not really." He looked relieve by my answer and spoke in a inappropriately happy tone, "Is it because he is no good to the baby?" "No Jacob is an amazing father," I said basing my response on what I thought would be true. "Did he cheat on you?" he asked still much too chipper. "Absolutely not." "Are you with someone else?" "No" "No good to you?" "No Jacob is extremely good to me," I said taking a slightly offended tone as I looked at him. His brow went tense and he studied me in confusion, "Then why aren't you two a couple?" I took a step back and studied him as I processed the question. "I don't really know," I said truthfully as I realized that there was no reason Jake and I shouldn't became official.

"If I were him, you would already have a ring on your finger," he said smiling sweetly. I smiled nervously as I processed my new found realization that I was ready for Jake and I to be an official couple. We should have labels and we should be more definitive, I was ready for it-I wanted that. I smiled softly to myself at the awareness, enthralled with the sense of rapture from the thought of being able to look at him and smile and say 'yes he is mine.'. I wanted that, I wanted to be his and I wanted him to be mine. I didn't want to just be 'us' anymore I wanted permanency; I wanted the status.

"You know that's how He wants it," Justin said breaking my delight. I snapped back, refocused my vision and my expression went confused, "I'm sorry what?" He smiled softly, "He wants it that way." I shook my head, completely confused by what he was saying, did I miss something. "I'm sorry who?" "Well God of course," he said in a way that indicated that it was blasphemous to assume he was speaking of anyone else. "Mothers and Fathers should be married, that is his will," he said in concrete tone as he looked up at me.

I studied him for a moment, my eyes scanning his face I processed what he was saying to me and when I spoke finally my tone was a little short, "And what exactly is it you are trying to say?" He smoothed his shirt as he spoke, his eyes convicted, "I am saying that a righteous man takes responsibility for his actions. He doesn't hide behind a cloak of immorality and deny the mother of his child matrimony or at the very least commitment. A women should not be left to care for her child on her own and she most certainly should know the sincerity of his bond to the woman he created life with. Anything less than that is a mockery of blessing that was bestowed upon him." I took a step back, my stance becoming hostile as I looked at him and spoke in a harsh tone, "Are you doubting the character of my daughter's father? Are you implying that somehow he is sinful because we are not wed?" His eyes were steady as he spoke, "I am saying your situation is unfortunate and he should take steps to correct it and make it right." "Oh and putting a ring on my finger makes it right?" I said my pitch getting slightly elevated as I took another step away from him. He looked at me as if my response were insane as he spoke "It is the proper response to a situation such as yours. As I said it is His will and the souls of those who follow His will have nothing to fear."

"Oh I see," I said as my tone went venomous, "Well I have to say that with this I do not agree. What Jacob and I have is an unspoken bond, he is committed to me and our daughter. He treats us impeccably and leaves us wanting for nothing. Although I am sure he would appreciate your concern, do not worry about his soul, it is a beautiful one. And when his Father looks upon him in judgment he will see all the joy and laughter he has brought to the lives of those he loved and there will be no question in his mind that Jacob is a good and righteous man. And he will offer him entrance into the kingdom of heaven regardless of the fact that when his child was born he didn't have a left handed ring."

He shifted in his seat as I glowered at him momentarily before turning to walk away. "Paige," he called after me as he stood. I spun to face him, my eyes hot but my tone even , "I'm done here. I have nothing left to say to you." "I didn't mean to offend-" he started as he took several steps towards me before I cut him off. "I said I was done. I don't care to hear anymore of your right-winded propaganda. You are a hypocrite and you are ignorant, you perch about the will of God while you defy him by placing judgment. 'Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.' So you ought to be careful about what negative conclusions you draw about my family and the life we choose to lead because your harsh views of us will be coming back around to kick you in the balls." His expression was full of regret but I was so ridiculously heated that he had the audacity to come at me sideways about Jacob's character that I didn't give I damn.

I spun away from him and stalked off towards the time clock, pulling my apron off as I walked. I slammed the transfer sheet from my remaining tables order forms into Tanya's hand and spoke in a quick tone, "I had odds any table without a transfer sheet is in the wrapping up stage. I'm leaving now before I snap and put my fist through thirteen's face. Have fun." She didn't speak. knew it was best she didn't; she just nodded and took off in the opposite direction as I mashed the buttons on the clock. I strode heavy footed to the exit door, scooping up my purse from behind the bar on my way.

I threw the doors open and stopped dead in my tracks as my eyes came to rest on someone leaning up against my car in the soft mist that was falling from the sky. I felt the anger in me melt away as I saw his bag in hand and knew that he would be coming home with me to visit my family. He smiled in a very debonair sort of way, his dark eyes sparkling with such enthusiasm that I could see it from all the way across the parking lot.

He dropped his duffle bag at his side, gauged my excitement adequately as a smile spread wide on his lips and he pointed at me before motioning me towards him. I threw my head back in relief and let out a full hearted laugh before fixing my eyes back on his and starting in a quick pace with a sexy hip sway towards him. He started towards me, our eyes locked on one another and our lips both arched in the same sultry smirk. I couldn't reach him fast enough, I needed to feel the energy that surged into me when I was wrapped in his arms. Wanted to be feel the soothing nature of his soul that I had just so adamantly defended; yet I kept my steps measured not wanting to seem too rushed.

I heard the diner door swing wide behind me and the sound of it rocking the wall should have been enough to make me turn towards it; but I was so fixated on Jake that I didn't even pay it any mind, didn't give a damn who saw what was about to happen. I threw my apron to the ground and bite my lips sensually right before I reached him and he gave his mouth a quick swipe with his hand, the raining now falling steadily upon us.

When we finally reached each other, he wrapped one arm around my hips and the other around my waist and pulled me up into him. I had my arms locked around his neck and jumped into his embrace, throwing my legs around his waist as he held me in the air and our lips crushed unto one another. He held me with his arm that was wrapped around my hips while his hand on my waist travels up my back and into my hair as both of mine found the back of his. We exchanged a passionate kiss, one of raw emotion and pure desire. I could careless that the rain was pounding viciously onto us now, I was completely lost in him. I couldn't help but let my excitement seep into our kiss and it gave it a provocative edge that was unsuitable for the public eye but I was far from being concerned.

I pulled out of our kiss reluctantly and he brushed the soaked loose hair off of my cheek as he smiled up at me, trails of rain streaming down over his face. "I take it you're excited to see me," he said in a smooth tone. I nodded and smiled sweetly back down at him as I rubbed my nose softly on his, "I haven't even begun to show you how excited this makes me." He laughed very softly to himself and gave me one more soft kiss before he lowered me back to the ground. My arms were still around his neck and his one hand slipped into the back pocket of my dark denim jeans as the other held my waist. I drug my nails slowly up through his hair and then back down over his shoulders before bringing my hands to rest on his back.

"Let's get going then so you can show me," Jake said in an erotic tone. "I like that idea," I said in a coy tone as I brushed my lips softly on his. His lips arched in a sweet smile against mine before he pecked them softly and pulled away from me. I let my arms fall away from him and he took several long strides away from me to scoop up my apron, which I would have just as soon left on the pavement.

He bent to retrieve it and rose slowly his eyes fixed on the front doors. I peered through the heavy rain to try and decipher what had his attention. I saw Justin standing in the doorway under the overhang, his eyes locked on Jacob, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and his chest out. I rolled my eyes and huffed out a breath as Jacob directed his comment over his shoulder to me but kept his eyes locked on Justin, "What the hell is his malfunction?" "He's convinced your on the straight and narrow to hell," I said in a disgusted tone, appalled by the idea. "Is that so?" Jacob said squaring his shoulders as he raised his head and took a defensive stance, my apron balled in his fist. "Yep, since you knocked me up and didn't marry me God will smite thee brethren," I said sarcastically as I came to his side and fixed my eyes up on him. "So basically, he fed you a line of bullshit to try and steer you away from me?" he said his jaw clinching slightly.

"Something along those lines," I said sighing before I reached for him and spoke softly, "Come on let's go." Jacob didn't move, just stared at Justin through the pouring rain. "Jake, fuck him," I said throwing my hand in Justin's direction in a dismissive manner, "Don't even sweat it I already told him where to jump off." Jacob waited several breaths before turning towards me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders as we headed back to my car. We bent and picked up his duffle bag in a quick sweep and led me around to the passenger side. He held the door open for me and I climbed in as he threw his duffle bag in my backseat next to my suitcase. He crossed around the back of the car and paused to turn around and look back at the diner. I turned completely and watched as he watched Justin walk towards his car. "Get in the car Jacob Black," I said in a scolding tone under my breath as I eyed him. He obliged even though there was no way he could have heard me and jumped into the driver seat, started my car and threw it in reverse.

He spun out of our spot and sped towards Justin, darting through open parking spots to reach him. He slowed drastically and rolled the window down as we reached him. "Jake-" I started before he stuck his head out and spoke in a stern tone, "Hey buddy find a new fucking place to eat. Someplace where baby daddies propose, I'd hate for my sins to drag you down. It's one thing for me to burn for all of eternity but I don't wanna rub off on you. Don't take it personal, I'm only thinking of your soul asshole." I smiled softly despite myself as I watched Justin glower at Jake from under his brow.


	19. Mama's Boy

Okay so while I was viewing my story online i realized that i posted the same chapter twice instead of the two...soooo here's the real Mama's Boy

Thank you so much for all the reviews Lynn-You're Comments Keep Me Posting =)

And QBlueFish: There's a lot more great things coming for Paige and Jacob trust me ;]

We'd been silent for about fifteen minutes now and the radio hummed softly as background noise to keep us from losing our minds as we cruised in the fast lane down the deserted highway. We'd just passed a sign for Medford, putting us at a little over nine hours into our extreme trip and the GPS said we were about twenty minutes from Ashland. We'd originally planned on driving straight through and alternating drivers but about two hours ago at the gas station, as we sipped coffee and looked at a map, we decided to change the game plan. Jake had made the point that Ashland was the last big town before you hit California, so we should stop there and catch about two hours of sleep at a little motel before I drove the second leg of our trip. I'd agreed because I knew the freeways in California would be getting packed quite early and I would benefit from at least a few hours in a real bed.

In the midst of the silence, I started remembering how awful this drive had been by myself all those months ago. This lead to the thought of how amazing it was that he was by my side for this extreme road trip. And this made me smile uncontrollably at him as I realized that I still couldn't get over the fact that he was coming to meet my family. I knew his boss had been giving him a hard time about getting the time off so it was a huge deal to have him with me. I knew it meant he jumped through some hoops for me and this made me ridiculously happy.

I reached for his hand that rested atop my shift knob just incase he was forced to down shift out of our cruise in fifth. I placed mine on top of his and laced our fingers as a wide grin arched even more intensely on my lips and I spoke in a enthralled tone, "Whatever you said or did, thank you." He drew his eyes from the road and looked over at me, his expression soft, "You're welcome." "No I mean it, it means a lot to me that you are coming with me and I know he's been giving you a really hard time about it; so, whatever it was that you had to do-thank you," I said smiling genuinely as I squeezed his hand softly.

He fixed his eyes on the road, made his expression extremely concentrated and nodded once. I was partially conflicted by his gaze, it was around two in the morning and there really wasn't a need to be fixated on the road ahead seeing as no one else was on the road besides truckers. Yet, I brushed it off as something unimportant and kept talking, "So, what made him agree to give you the time? I mean for the past two weeks he's been jerking you around. What did you do to get him to lighten up?" He cleared his throat and tightened his grip on the steering wheel but didn't speak. This I could not brush off, I felt a quick wave of guilt, "Oh Jake you didn't have to do anything stupid did you?" His expression went unsure, as though he were contemplating the question, yet he never turned his face towards me or said anything. "Jake," I said leaning towards him, "Oh babe what did you do? How much trouble did you cause for this?" He was quiet for another moment and those several breaths burned as I drew them in. I couldn't help but feel insanely guilty, I had begged him to get the time; had wanted him to come with me so badly that I didn't realize that he could be putting his job in jeopardy. This epiphany made me feel like a selfish bitch and I instantly began regretting being so persistent.

"I didn't cause any trouble at work," he said softly, his eyes still fixed ahead of him. I was dumbfounded, completely incoherent as to what exactly had him so reserved. I shook my head quickly, fighting to clear it as I studied the space between us for answers. "Then what has you so withdrawn, why don't you want to talk about it?" I asked as I drew my eyes back to him. He gripped the steering wheel again, his eyes still piercing through the darkness ahead of us, his expression conflicted. "Jake whatever it is please just tell me because I am at a complete loss right now and I don't like this silence," I said as I kept my eyes locked on him, waiting for him to actually look at me.

"I haven't taken a single vacation since I started working there a little over two years ago. I had the time as soon as I asked for it," Jake said in a quick tone as if he'd choke on the words if he didn't spew them out with hast. "I rushed this, oh Jake I didn't mean to push you into this I know it's a big step I should have waited," I said as I pulled away from him slightly and ran my gaze over his face. He spoke in a very measure tone this time and turned his eyes to me for the first time, "There is no step too big for us to take together Paige." "Then what is it Jake? Because I am really confused right now," I said in a tone that came out a bit more harsh then I had meant it to. Surprisingly, I wasn't anger at him for lying to me, I sort of had this gut feeling that it wasn't some kind of devious behavior but rather a defense mechanism.

Jake drew his eyes back to the road and spoke in a very calm and measured tone, "I told you that because I need time to hash out a struggle I was feeling. I just couldn't decide whether I should go or not. I knew that I wanted to go and meet your family-there wasn't a question in my mind if I wanted to go or not. But, I wasn't sure if I should leave home for over a week. So, I spent a lot of time thinking on the issue, didn't want to make the wrong choice ,one way or the other."

"Oh," I said as I turned my eyes from him and gazed out the front window. I wasn't going to force him to tell me exactly what created this struggle within him. I knew how difficult the past could be and he'd never been prying about mine, so I refused to push him into explaining his torment. I remained silent and let the subject rest because I knew that that is what I would have needed.

He took a steady breath and started to speak in a delicate tone and it took me completely off guard, "I've never told anyone this before, the only people who know about it are the people who were around when it happened. So, if it comes out all awkward and dysfunctional then please don't take it the wrong way." I fixed my eyes on his as they lingered on my face and spoke in a soft tone, "No judgment." He nodded once and drew his eyes back to the road, his gaze nostalgic as he spoke carefully, "When I was ten, my family went through a real rough patch. My Dad's diabetes put him in his wheelchair and he was having a real hard time dealing with it. He had to quit his job down at the same auto shop I work at now, which killed his spirit. He wasn't providing for his family anymore, something he was raised to believe was his duty as the man. He went into a depression, moped around the house and got extremely frustrated at all the things he couldn't do anymore. He went from being the go to guy for everything to being someone who needed help getting out of bed and moving around. My Mom went from part time to full time at the bank where she worked and we were struggling to pay the bills. Despite all the anxious energy in the house, my Mom was extremely upbeat. She went out of her way to make sure us kids had a happy childhood. She was a very firm believer in energy, that if you could create a positive and pleasant environment then you could combat any negativity that was seeping into the daily life. So, when the new year started she was even more committed to changing the energy within the family, she said we needed to turn out luck around by surrounding ourselves with positive light. So, my eleventh birthday was the first big event of the new year and she decided that we had to make a whole big deal of it to get this turnaround started."

He paused drew in another steady breath and fought to keep his strength as he down shifted and dipped into the slow lane. I kept my fingers locked with his through all of the shift and squeezed his hand softly for support as he started to speak again this time his tone a little less steady, "So, she planned this whole big night out. She made us get all dressed up and had reservations at the this restaurant up the coast a bit where my parents had a lot of really special and happy moments together. It's this little ma and pa place that they found on one of their long drives back when they first got together. It's real nice, without being ritzy, has these red and white checkered table clothes and candles burning on every table. Everything is made of this rustic oak, all hand crafted and authentic. It's actually where my Dad proposed and where my Mom told him she was pregnant with me. So, she was determined that all this good energy that they had vested in this place would help turn around the family. So we went and she had the private dining area reserved just for our family and it was filled with green and blue balloons and streamers. They served us our own personal double chocolate cake with blue sprinkle and green candles and we made our own sundaes. It was amazing, I felt so special and for the first time in over a year, everyone was laughing and having a good time. It actually seemed like our luck was changing."

He cleared his throat as we pulled off the ramp into Ashland and I squeezed his hand again but didn't speak because I knew he needed to tell me the rest no matter how hard it was. He was silent as we cruised through the ghost town towards the neon light for a Marriott hotel. When we finally made it to a parking spot in front of the office, he spoke in a moderately shaking tone, "But, nothing is ever that easy now is it?" I drew his hand into mine, cupping my hand on top and pivoted my body towards him as he continued, "After dinner, we were all still laughing and carrying on as we walked outside. And to be honest with you the energy surrounding us was happy. My Mom was practically beaming, so proud that she'd been right. I was always sort of a mama's boy I guess; I always wanted to go with her everywhere. I gave her a hell of a time growing up I'm sure but I was real attached to her. So when she had to bring the car around for my Dad, I insisted on going with her. I remember her turning around and looking at me when we started the car, she had this big grin on her face and she was just grinned at me and she told me Happy Birthday and that she loved me. I thanked her and told her I loved her too. She turned back around, pulled out of the spot and just before everything went to hell, she looked in the rearview mirror and said, 'You're a very special boy Jake. You might not know it yet but you have a very powerful energy. It's unique and beautiful and it is capable of amazing things if you embrace it. You can influence the energy of other's just by sharing some of your light with them. Don't ever let that light go out baby, please.' And then my world took a shit…."

His eyes were shaky as he gazed out the window and I squeezed his hand softly in mine to show that I was right there with him because I knew what he was about to tell me was painful. He turned his eyes to mine and started to speak in a small voice, "The restaurant is on this tight 'S' turn and it was really slick out that night. It was the coldest it had been all winter. This girl from the local college was leaving a party and she'd had just enough to drink to throw her reaction time off so when she came into the turn she lost control, barreled up over the concrete slab and plowed right into our car. She hit the passenger's side front panel and sent us skidding sideways ten feet into a large pine tree on the edge of the lot. My Mom didn't make it passed impact and had I been on that side I wouldn't have made it either…"

He was silent for a moment before he spoke in a tormented and nostalgic tone as his eyes went slightly constricted, "You know I spent years replaying that night in my head over and over. Remembering the last thing she'd said to me and thinking it was complete bullshit. I was convinced that I couldn't have the smallest bit of positive energy surrounding me. I mean, that shit just doesn't happen to the fortunate, you know? I believed I must have this dark and ill force around me to bring that sort of negativity onto my family on my birthday. So, I refused to celebrate it. For four years I ignored my birthday all together, absolutely appalled by the idea of celebrating the day of my Mother's death with cake and good cheer. At first, my Dad was accepting of it. He would let me wallow in the pity of it in my room and would give my gifts to me on the sly. But as the years passed and I still refused to partake in any celebration, he became more hostile about it. He would force certain small fragments of Birthday tradition on me and then on the afternoon of my fifteenth birthday, he put together this huge party. He invited all our family friends, had lots of food and bright colors and festivities. And I remember I was so pissed, like fighting mad, when I saw it all and I shut him out completely and sulked in my room. He let that fly for about two hours, would come in occasionally and ask if I had changed my mind or if I'd stopped being ridiculous and every time I'd send him away. But the last time he came in he wasn't taking no for an answer. He pulled my headphones off and told me to go out and be courteous to my guests who were there to celebrate with me. And I just lost it, I started yelling all kinds of hurtful things, vented all of my frustrations and told him exactly how I felt about the matter. He let me, he just sat there and held my gaze and let me spew all this awfulness onto him. And when I was finally done, he looked me dead in the eyes and told me how much he missed her and how he spent everyday struggling with the fact that part of his soul died with her. And when I tried to dismiss him he grabbed me by the arm, looked me dead in the eye and told, 'But do you know what kept me from losing it? You kids. Your mother loved you guys, she told me damn near everyday that you were the greatest blessing she was ever given. She was completely devoted to all of you on a level that I reckon you and I as men will never understand. Especially you Son, you were the miracle baby that never should have been. The baby we prayed for every day for two years. Your birth was the most incredibly powerful day of my life because we damn near lost you twice. So, I understand that you feel like your birthday is some evil cursed day because of what happened but I will not, no I can not accept that. You are wrong son, your birthday signifies the day your mother and I had all of our prayers answered and that is something worth celebrating.'"

He paused and smiled softly to himself as he turned his misty eyes to me, " I'd never been more happy to hear that I was wrong." I let a crocked smile slip softly onto my lips as my eyes drifted slowly over his face, taking in all of his subtle facial movements. He was remarkably beautiful at this moment, even more than usual, as he sat before me in such a open and vulnerable state. He was completely exposing himself to me and I couldn't be more in love with him then I was at that very second. His soft tone filled my head as his eyes went fragile, "When my sisters turned eighteen they were gone. They couldn't handle living with her memory. Rebecca married a surfer and moved away and Rachel took a scholarship to the University of Washington just to get away from it. It broke my Dad's heart; his reason for existence was being stripped away. And I sort of made this silent vow to myself that I'd never do that to him, wouldn't put him through losing me too. I haven't been away from my Dad for more than a night since then. I've been there every single day to take care of him. So, when you asked me to leave him for a week I wasn't sure I could. It was never that I didn't want to, just that I didn't want to break that promise to myself to be there for him no matter what."

I let out a soft exhale that sounded like a gasp before I swallowed coarsely and spoke for the first time in quite sometime, "Jake you should have told me. I wouldn't have pushed you so hard. I don't want to come between-" He cut me off and kept his eyes steady on me, "You didn't do anything wrong, Paige. You didn't push too hard or come between me and anything. You just made me think and there in nothing wrong with that. I wanted to come, I wanted to meet you family and I wanted to see the world you lived in before me. I couldn't imagine a morning where I woke up and I couldn't feel you. Couldn't go an entire day without seeing you, that's why I am here. I would follow you anywhere. Just say the word and I am there."

I smiled tenderly and cocked my head to the side as studied him with loving eyes, "Thank you for loving me Jacob, I don't deserve this." He drew his hand from mine and cupped my face drawing my brow to his so we could hold each other eyes as he spoke, his tone tender, "You do deserve this Paige. You deserve to be loved; we both do."


	20. Our Story

We lay on in the darkness in the modest hotel room together. Jacob was on his back and I nestled closely to his side with my head resting in my special spot on his chest. Our legs were intertwined and I listen to the rhythmic, strong beat of his heart as he twirled the ends of my hair. Neither of us were sleeping, just existing as a single unit, our breathing matched and thought. I was thinking about what Jacob had just told me, I thought of his mother, Sarah. Thought of how she had told him just before she died how incredible he was. I knew she was an amazingly intelligent woman because she knew how remarkable her son's light was. His light had saved me, had healed parts of me that I had taken for un-repairable. He had mended the soul of a damned and broken girl and made her a whole and vibrant woman, when she was so determined that it would never be.

This lead me to think about home, all the things I had left behind and all the darkness that I was trudging back into in less than a day. I had been reluctant to admit it to myself, but selfishly I wanted Jacob there for his light. I wanted him to make my old home a place that wasn't so hard to handle; wanted his light to break through the solitude that Aptos made me feel. But I finally came to terms with it now as I lay wrapped in his warmth and listening to beat of the heart that he so admittedly believed I deserved.

I thought than that it was only fair to express to him my selfishness; I knew he deserved to understand what exactly his presence was protecting me from on this trip. I spoke in a gentle tone as I wrapped myself tighter around him eager to soak up the comfort that I knew I would need very shortly, "I was supposed to be engaged right now, did you know that?" His hand stopped momentarily at the ends of my hair and his breathing altered slightly. He was taken off guard and I expected it but I couldn't bare to formulate some long winded prologue to the tragedy that was my life before him. He let out a sullen "Uh-uh" as he started twirling my tips again accepting that the secret that I'd been so reluctant to tell him, the one he had not pushed me to speak of, was about to unfold before him.

"Yeah, I guess you couldn't know that. I never talked to you about it. I've talked to about thirty people about it, strangers really. Psychologist, Doctors, Priests but yet I've never been able to tell you about it before now. Someone I talk to about every fraction of my future with, the person I want to build it with, is the one person who I've never talked about that past with," I said questioning the logic behind my reasoning. I wanted him to know, needed him to.

"Paige you don't have to-," he started in a tender tone before I cut in just as tenderly yet my tone was also coated in determination. "You've told me that for as long as I've known you-that I don't have to tell you about my demons- and at first I believed you. I used that as a shield to deflect the fact that I didn't want to but now I don't think you're right anymore. I do have to, because how can I expect you to help me fight back the demons if you don't know what your against. So let me tell you Jake- I don't just have to, I want to."

We were quiet for a moment before he softly kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arm tighter around me, it was his silent way of letting me know he was listening and he was ready to pick up the pieces if he had to. My tone was surprisingly steady as I started, "Like I said, I've talked to a lot of people about this, but the thing I failed to mention is I've yet to make it through the entire story without some sort of meltdown. So bare with me, it may take awhile."

"I have all the time in the world for you, take as long as you need," he said into my hair in a delicate tone as he pressed his cheek against the crown of my head and pulled me up and in as he brought his other arm around me, so I was completely wrapped in his arms. My tone, still amazingly composed, drifted from my lips softly, "I think Caleb deserves to have our story told and I really think he'd like it to be to you. I think he'd know you'd save me from the fall out of it." I paused slightly, completely confident in that statement before continuing, "Caleb was Casey's best friend's son, my very first friend when my Mom and I came to Aptos. He kind of took me under his wing, made sure none of the other kids were mean to me and helped me adjust to life in such a permanent home. We were inseparable right up until boys and girls started maturing and getting serious crushes. We had always had little crushes on each other, but when all the other girls our age were getting boobs and kissing the boys, I was still a total tomboy who wasn't developing and he got distant. I had a really hard time with it, he was always chasing around other girls and I was sort of abandoned. I became this lone ranger sort and didn't talk to anyone really, just did my work and went home to hang out with my Dad. We didn't speak again until freshman year. I had the killer growth spurt that summer, got some hips and a full chest and started acting more like a girl. I let my Mom take me shopping for tighter more feminine clothes and starting taking more pride in my appearance. I did a complete 180-I walked in the first day and was totally hot."

I laughed softly to myself and Jake joined me before I started speaking again, "You should have seen the way the guys flocked to me, everyone thought I was some new girl and when they found out I was the same Paige who wore baggy clothes and a sloppy ponytail everyday the year before they were all floored. But no one was more shocked than Caleb. I guess he'd never visualized me growing up and coming into my own. He kinda just figured I'd always be that tomboy he'd grown up with. At first, I wouldn't talk to him, in fact I went out of my way to not talk to him. I avoided him completely at first and then I flaunted the acceptance of other boys in front of him once I got more ballsy. I was totally a bitch, but I figured he deserved it for ditching me the year before. He wrote me letters, called my house and talked to my Mom and even stopped by several times. And every time I rejected him. It took him about three months before he finally just cornered me one day and begged me publicly to forgive him."

I paused as the memory came flooding back, "It was the last period of the day and I was leaving Math class with Jason, this dumber than rocks jock who was ridiculously handsome, who was restlessly trying to convince me to go out with him. I was playing coy, batting my eyelashes and trying to give myself time to think about his offer. Caleb came running up behind me and called my name and I turned and looked at him, shot him a glare and turned my attention back to Jason. I made sure I accepted his offer loud enough so Caleb could hear and gave Jason a small kiss on the cheek, just to put the icing on the bitchiness. He grabbed my arm and spun me towards him and his eyes were hot. He practically yelled 'Just stop it, this is ridiculous Paige.' I ripped away from him and glowered as I shot back a snide, 'I don't know what you are talking about.' I remember him looking at Jason with despise as he spoke to me, 'You actually expect me to believe you are interested in this clown? He is not even close to your type Paige, you're just doing it to piss me off.' I remember how cut throat my tone was, I was so pissed he knew me so well, 'And how the fuck would you know what my type was Caleb?' 'Look at his fucking nails, no dirt. His hair has more highlights than yours and he looks like his fucking Mom dresses him. Last time I checked you like guys who could keep up with you outside not in the damn mall.' I knew he was right, I hadn't really wanted to date Jason he was just nice to look at; I would have totally hated him but I was not letting Caleb know that. I said, 'Oh yes I forgot you are an expert on me right Caleb? You must know than that I want to punch you in the throat right about now. And I know you know my Dad taught me how to throw one so I suggest you back up.' I tried to walk away from him and Jason was running his mouth but Caleb ignored him and went right back after me. By now everyone in the hallway was staring, they'd all stopped to watch the pain in my life unfold before them-people are assholes like that. He grabbed my shoulder and stopped me and I pushed him away. He said 'Okay Paige I get it I fucked up. I've been trying to apologize for the past three months and you wont even hear me. How many times do I have to say I am sorry Paige? I'm an asshole, I shouldn't have ditched you. I shouldn't have stopped talking to you. I'm a piece of shit. So now that we've established this can we move on?' I told him I it wasn't good enough and that we couldn't move on. He looked around saw everyone staring and dropped to his knees, grabbed my hand and apologized. He apologized for every mistake he'd ever made with me. He apologized for pushing me off the swing when we were ten. He apologized for forgetting to feed my fish while I was on vacation when I was twelve-he said he'd always believed he'd been why she'd died. He confessed and apologized for stealing my journal when we were thirteen and reading it to see if he was in it-something I knew nothing about. He apologized for every time he embarrassed me in public-something that happened quite often. The list went on and on and finally he apologized for something that I'll never forget -he apologized for not realizing what an amazing girl he had until he lost her and that he was sorry he even thought about looking for something better."

I smiled softly to myself as I remember how it made me feel to hear that, "And that was it. I let him back into my life and it took us six months before I finally let him take me on a date. But after that it was all down hill. We were back to being inseparable and before I knew it we were a couple. We experienced all the big firsts together and with each one we were just that much closer. We barely ever fought; you know that picture perfect high school romance in all those movies that makes you slightly queasy? Yeah that was us. It was ridiculous the amount of time we spent together; if we weren't building the Stingray-you know the one your Dad asked about? Yeah that one. We spent hours and hours building this beautiful machine. We were building it for us, for our future. I don't think there was a single day where we didn't work on that thing. And it made us closer than ever, because we did every clean and rebuild together. I guess looking back on it now that car was kind of like a symbol for or relationship. We took something cracked up and beat-but something we both cared about-and made it breathtaking. With each new part or customized tweak we grew and eventually we were this fine tuned machine. He was the best thing in my life, my best friend and my lover rolled all in one; I didn't need anyone else. We were just those crazy happy kids who think love will conquer it all, the ones who think nothing can possible go wrong it their perfect little world. We were just incredibly happy."

I felt the happiness of my memories fading abruptly and my muscles tensed as a knot formulated in my throat, the hardest part of it all was all there was left to talk about. Jake felt the rigid response my body was taking and he drew me closer and winced against my hair, bracing himself for my new chapter. My tone went slightly crackled and it seemed so hollow even to me, "But like cars, even the most beautiful relationship-the ones that have years of blood and sweat and tears in them meet their end. Everything has to end, even if we don't want it to. Our car and our relationship-my whole entire world-met it's end the same night." I paused as I swallowed hoarsely and stared into the darkness.

My voice seemed faint now, felt like it wasn't even my own as I spoke for the first time about that night, "It was the night before graduation and my Mom really wanted me to stay home. Caleb had been begging me to go out but I kept telling him I couldn't, I had to stay home so I didn't botch my big day. But when he told me the car was finally road worthy I decided that if I just went out for a little bit she wouldn't notice and it would all be okay. So, I snuck out-for the very first and last time in my life I defied my mother and slipped out the back door when she went to bed. I met Caleb down the road at his garage where we'd spent countless days working on our car and he fired her up. She sounded so beautiful and the rich smell of the clean exhaust was a tribute to her perfection. We climbed in, the roof off and cruised. It was beautiful that night; the air was thick and salty and the temperature was perfect. There was about a million and a half stars out that night and the moon was so bright I could see every minuet expression he made as he shifted her smoothly through each gear. Nothing could have been more perfect than it was, it just wasn't possible. The machine we'd been working on so diligently for those past years was running more flawlessly than we'd hoped-both literally and metaphorically. But it all came to a imperfect end-within minutes everything I had worked for was ripped away from me."

I tear slipped softly over my cheek as I gazed into the darkness and watched my memories unfold before me. I felt like I was outside of the pictures; felt as if I were watching a tragic movie. The sequence of images was horrifyingly vivid yet I couldn't bring myself to look away as I had so many other times since that night. I refused to withdraw, had to finally let this memory play out, even though I knew how heart wrenching the end was. I spoke in a distant whisper, my voice sounding like a narrator, "The smell of fire hit us first. I remember thinking it was probably was some kids out on the coast below us celebrating their final night as children. Which seems silly now in hindsight, wood burning has it's own distinct scent and it wasn't what I smelt. And it kept getting stronger, the smell of it was damn near putrid by the time we saw what it was that made it. We came around a tight corner and there was this set of flashing lights and the air was filled with a thick black smoke. We didn't have time to miss it and even though he tried, we couldn't stop. Tires make such an awful sound when your trying to grip…Caleb lunged across the car and threw his body over mine. The car was so light that the impact sent us through the air. My head bounced off something and I blacked out. When I woke up there was glass everywhere and everything was covered in blood. I thought it was mine at first because I was covered in it but most of it wasn't. He was slumped over me and he I couldn't tell if he was breathing. He was pinned too me, his body separating me from the rocks. I said his name over and over, kept trying to get him to answer me. But he wouldn't, he didn't say anything at all. I started hyperventilating as I continued to try and get him to say or do something. I could faintly hear people screaming and talking and lights were flashing and someone kept telling me to calm down. They kept telling me I'd be okay. But I didn't care about me, clearly I was fine, I was talking; he was the one I was worried about. Taking breaths got to be really hard and it hurt, I felt like I was suffocating and it got to a point where I couldn't hear anything but my own heart pounding and the awful sound of my wheezing breaths. Everything was going fuzzy and dark and I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I must have passed out again, or I don't know maybe my psyche is protecting itself by blocking it out but the next thing I remember was waking up in this awful yellow hospital room. My Mom was sitting by the bed, her head down by my side and her hand was holding mine. Casey was in a chair in the corner, his arms crossed and his head hung. They looked beat, exhausted and were this sickly shade of gray. They must have been so scared. I felt awful for putting them through this and I watched them sleep for a few minutes before it finally hit me that Caleb wasn't in the room. That's when I freaked out. I tried to jump up out of bed, but it hurt to move. My Mom jumped up and wrapped her arms around my neck and at that moment I thought she holding me back. So, I was fighting her, as much as I could with all the pressure in my chest, and I started screaming Caleb's name. I kept trying to push her off of me, was so angry that she was restraining me. She didn't fight me, she let me hit her and scream nasty things while she just clung to me and cried. And I didn't get it…I couldn't think straight because I was so furious with her for keeping me there when I just wanted to find Caleb…my mind just kept screaming: find Caleb. I had to get to him and make sure he was okay. And I must have been saying things to that nature because my Mom let go of me just long enough to grab my face and say, 'I am so sorry Baby.' And I pushed her away from me with every bit of energy I had and told her if she was really sorry she'd help me find him. She shook her head and burst out into a sob and whispered, "I can't."… That's when I knew she was telling me I wouldn't ever be seeing him again. I couldn't grasp it at first, I just kept telling her she was lying. I was screaming it and it made my lungs feel like they were bleeding. And all the while I was sobbing, because deep down somewhere I knew she wasn't but as a defense mechanism I refused it. I was lost. I was confused. I was angry and I was broken. What was I without him?

A nice young cop came in to see me that night after I had been given a slight sedative to take the edge off. My Mom thought I was sleeping so she ushered him over into the corner and spoke to him in a whisper, just loud enough so I could hear. He told my Mom that the crew had found my engagement ring in the mangled mess of the car and that he wanted to make sure I got it. My Mom just looked at him like he was insane and shook her head and said he must have been mistaken. He shook his head and said very politely, 'No Ma'am there's an engraving on the inside of the band that says Paige and Caleb.' I kinda lost it after that. My parents were so scared… everyone one was so worried. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. I sat in my room in the dark, in silence and just thought. I was so mad at him for so long. I kept damning him for saving me. I didn't want to be alive without him. If he'd just stayed on his side I would have been the one dead, not him I had spent nine years with him. Nine whole years talking to him and sharing my life with him…what was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to move on from this? There were nights when I'd actually hold a knife to my wrist- I figured I'd make it quick and I'd do it right. I would make all the pain end… and you know what stopped me? The thought of my parents having to bury me. I couldn't stand thinking about what that would do to my Mom…

… I guess broken ribs heal a lot faster than broken hearts…because it took about eight months for me to start living again…eight long, dark, terrifying months before I actually opened my curtains and saw sun light. Eight long months of mourning that almost killed my Mom. She was the reason I decided I had to get my shit together. And I tried, I tried to be a person again. I knew I had come to terms with Caleb's death, but no one else could see it. Everyone looked at me like I was some suicidal mess, some shell of a person who would snap at any moment and kill herself in a public manner. No one knew what to say to me or how to act around me. Everyone just stared, like I was some kind of tragic train wreck-one they just couldn't look away from. My Mom kept telling me it'd get better. That everyone would come around, but ten months later it was exactly the same. I was healed, or as close to as it as I was going to get. I was working again, going out and doing things and yet conversation still stopped when I walked into the room-and not in the good way. That's when I knew I had to leave Aptos, I had to get away from all that darkness. I had to go someplace new and start over."

I was silent for several breaths and Jacob didn't speak because he knew there really wasn't anything he could say. Instead he just comfortingly ran his fingers through my hair as I wiped my sopping wet cheek. I had been crying viciously, yet I hadn't even realized. I was amazed that I made it through the entire thing, I felt a massive weight lift it's self from me as I realized that I had just completed the finally step of healing-I had finally told our story. That chapter in my life was over and by talking about it I had finally closed the door on that part of my life so I could be more at peace with it.

What Jake and I had wasn't the same as what I had with Caleb. Caleb and I were those childhood friends who kind of just fell into each other because it was easy. Our love was the first love that was innocent and simple. We were the plain Jane small town high school couple, the prom king and queen type that everyone thought they envied. Jake and I were much more exhilarating then that. What we had was complex and intricate. Our fates were intertwined in a more spectacular manner; the thread working more delicate. Our bond was more electric and spontaneous; an alluring pull that you couldn't help but submit to. We were each other's light at the end of a lonely and broken path; we were the couple that everyone knew they envied.

I lifted my head finally and looked through the darkness into Jacob's face as I spoke in a newly found strong tone, "And that's when I met you. That's when you saved me. I don't deserve you, I don't deserve your light yet you give it to me-without question you do. I was never meant to stay in California Jake, I was meant to find you. You are the reason for all of this, I was born to love you. Everything I've done my entire life has lead me to you because this is where I am supposed to be. I am supposed to love you. I am meant to spend every moment of forever loving you."

He cocked his head to the side softly as he gazed down at me. I held his eyes searching the same sort of pity that I had left behind. I had been certain that my darkest demon would surely provoke this but his soulful brown eyes had the same gentle composure as they had before I'd confessed. There wasn't even the slightest hint of doubt clouding them as he drifted them slowly over my face. He studied me, his eyes only showing adoration as his hand softly stroking the wet hairs from my face as he spoke in gentle tone, "I can't think of a more perfect forever."


	21. Homecoming

It was just about noon and Jake and I were finally within minutes of my parent's and I had a knot formulating in my stomach. Jake had his hand locked with mine on the shift knob and was gazing out the window, his eyes alive with excitement. He'd never been this far away from home before, had never see a place like this. The scenery, the sun and the hustle and bustle of upscale busy living was a new world for him. I imagined I looked remarkably similar as took in his home with new eyes; I guessed the awed and enthusiastic grin he adorned was not much different from my own nearly a year ago.

"This is absolutely ridiculous," he said as he drew his eyes to me, a sparkle dancing in them as I slowed at the light just in front of the gated community I had once called home. I smiled back at him, my heart dancing slightly at the fact that he was so captivated by my home town. "I'm glad you like it," I said softly as I started to make my turn into the entrance. "It's incredible out here, I don't know why the hell you'd take Forks over this it's amazing here!" he said shaking his head as he looked back out the window. I smiled and let his hand slip from mine as he stuck his head out the window to get a better look at the landscape. He looked like a giddy child seeing Disneyland for the first time and it pleased me to be able to show him something he thought was so spectacular. "You had a fucking gatekeeper? Shut the fuck up!" Jake said as he motioned to the booth and the steel gates that blocked our path.

I laughed softly to myself as I rolled forward slowly and hung out the window enough to see who was in the booth. Much to my delight I saw exhilaration glimmer in familiar burnt umber hued eyes. "Holy shit if it isn't Paige! How the hell are you?" Donovan said in a enthusiastic tone as he leaned out of the booth and grinned. I reciprocated the smile and pushed my sunglasses up into my hair as I spoke in an honestly pleasant tone, "I'm doing amazing, Forks had just what I needed." He beamed as he studied my face, "You look great, a little paler than I remember but awesome none the less." I laughed softly as I shrugged my shoulders, "Well that's what overcast 98% of the time does to you. But I can't complain." He laughed and shook his head as he held my eyes, "Either way Forks looks great on you." "Thanks Van. How have you been? You look exactly the way I remember," I said running my eyes over his face as I smiled. He shrugged and threw his hands up in a 'what can I say' manner as he spoke, "Can't complain, some things never change I guess." I nodded in acceptance and his eyes shifted passed me and fell onto the backseat, he looked slightly disappointed as he examined the contents of it. "Didn't really bring much back with you Paige, only a visit I gather?" he said his tone slightly less excited. "Yep," I said sitting back enough to pat Jake's leg, "Just brought the things I couldn't be without really. Just coming to spend my birthday with my folks, I'll be leaving next Friday for home."

Van looked slightly taken aback as his eyes finally met Jake's. "Jake this is my friend Van. Van this is my Jacob," I said motioning to the appropriate parties as I introduced them. "Nice to meet you," Jake said as he gave Van a quick wave and smiled in a mildly dickish manner. "Yeah, same here," Van said forcing a smile as he held Jake's eye for a moment before turning them back to me. "So I bet your Mom is super excited, it's been like what seven months since you left? I'm really surprised she didn't mention it," he said as he forced himself to seem composed. "She actually has no idea, she hasn't left yet today right?" I said in a hopefully manner. "Nope haven't seen her yet," he said shaking his head as he smiled. "Perfect!" I said excitedly as I pulled my glasses down, "It was really nice to see you Van." "Yeah you too Paige…" he said as he leaned back into the booth and reached for the button to buzz us through before he came flying back out abruptly, "Hey, if you don't have the whole week planned, the whole crew is having a bonfire out on the beaches tomorrow night, you should stop by for old times sake." I smiled genuinely and nodded my head as I spoke in a excited tone, "We might be able to make an appearance." Van hesitated for a moment and then answered in a slightly suggestive tone, "Well I hope to see you there Paige. It'd be really nice to catch up with you a bit." The way he left Jake out of the statement made it painfully clear that I knew he wasn't thrilled to have Jacob coming but I neither acknowledge it nor gave a damn if it bothered him at that point, Jake and I were a package deal. "Sure, we'll try. No promises," I said emphasizing the we part of the statement. He smiled in a slightly defeated manner, before releasing the gates for us to pass. I waved sweetly before rolling into the community.

Jacob chuckled softly to himself for a moment before he pivoted himself dramatically towards me and spoke in an exaggerated tone, "I hope to see you there, cause you look great. I bet I'd look even better on you then Forks." I threw my hand into his shoulder and laughed as I attempted to scold him, "Leave him alone Jake, he's a really sweet guy." He recoiled away from me and scanned my face for sincerity as he spoke in giddy tone, "A really nice guy? Please tell me you did not date that pantywaist. And if you did you had to have been intoxicated or dropping some serious acid your whole fucking relationship." I laughed despite myself and shot him an playful glare, "Van? Really? Give it a rest he didn't have a shot in hell and I am actually offended that you would ask me that."

He blew his breath out in dramatic manner before he responded while he lightly tapped my leg, "Good thing Babe because that would have totally killed my image of you." I rolled my eyes as I shook my head and spoke in an unconvinced tone, "Don't lie you were sweating him. Scared of a little competition, playing it off as disregard. Don't worry I think it's cute." "Him?" he said spinning to look over his shoulder at the booth, "If that's my competition you've seriously lowered your standards." "Don't think so highly of yourself there darlin'," I said in a dismissive manner as I turned onto Zanzibar Drive, "The crop wasn't really that lush in Forks. You are the only one who's father isn't your brother's mother's sister's uncle. Plus you got all your teeth." I threw him a wink and he nodded in an acceptance before he gave me one more evil smile, "You haven't met my Mom's family yet obviously."

I let out a small fit of laughter, I would never get over how amazingly fucked up our dialogue could be; I absolutely loved it. As I thought of how insanely in sync our comedic mannerisms were it dawned on me that we had to arrive at my parent's in style. So, I pulled the car over several hundred yards from the driveway next to the side yard which housed my Dad's small one bay garage for his Bentley which was separated from the main yard by a rock wall and lush garden where my mother would sit and admire her flowers. I killed the engine, pulled up the e-brake and turned towards him to divulge my master plan. He pointed out the window as he spoke in a sarcastic tone, "I guess the gatekeeper is just a front huh? I like your house, it's very quaint."

I swatted him in a playful manner and spoke quickly and with much excitement in my tone, "Shut up you. Listen, whatya say we make this interesting?" He turned towards me and smiled in an eager manner, "I'm listening." "Okay she won't know you from Adam so you should walk up to the front door and say anything that comes to mind to get her talking and I'll come up from the side and take her off guard," I said in a propositional manner. He contemplated it momentarily before eyeing me with a conflicted demeanor, "So you want me to play all wounded traveler so she can get all weirded out while you go all creeper status through the bushes to get a rise outta her?" It sounded slightly sinister that way but that was the general idea. I went to retort but he threw the door open, jumped out, closed the door swiftly and spoke over his shoulder as he smiled and headed down the sidewalk towards the house, "I'm game."

I giggled excitedly as I climbed out and started across the road, locking the doors over my shoulder as moved quickly through the yard. I stayed low and moved in a stealthy manner as I worked my way towards the house, being careful to not be seen. I sidestepped along the vine cover rock entrance to my mother's garden, peering quickly passed the trellis to be sure she wasn't out there. I slinked into the flower bed in front of the house, being careful to not drag my feet through the stones as I watched Jake approach the front door. He held my eyes, waiting for me to give him the okay. I ducked under the large dining room windows and nodded once when I was within ten feet of him pressed close to the house blocked from the door by the pillar.

He winked and rang the doorbell once, slipped his hands into his pocket and gazed up at the door from under his brow. Puppy dog look, nice move. I heard my Mom cuss something fierce before shouting clearly, "One minute." I heard her moving quickly across the hardwood floor and the familiar click of her unbolting the door before the hinges squeaked mildly and she spoke in a composed and proper tone, "Yes?" I could hear her ridiculously old Richard Simmons tape blasting out of the door, 'Come on ladies get those legs high. You are beautiful ladies just marvelous!'(When the hell was she going to get rid of those God awful things?) Jake bit his lips softly and spoke in a mild and innocent tone-something I was not used to, "Hello Ma'am. I really hate to do this, but I've been working my way back home to Washington for the past two weeks. I'm tired and hungry and don't have a single dollar left to my name. I haven't slept in a bed in fourteen days and I could really use a hot meal. Would it be too much to ask if I could spend just one night here in your beautiful home. I swear I mean you no harm and would be gone by morning." I fought against laughing as I heard my mother stammer in response to Jake's rant.

"I'm real sorry to hear of your troubles Honey and you don't seem to be a threat of any sort but I don't think I can help you," she said nervously before the hinges began squeaking again. I went to move but Jake spoke so quickly that I froze, "I know this seems awful weird and all but I really just need a bed, or a couch or even the floor. Anything besides the backseat of my broke down car. Please Ma'am I'd be much obliged and I'd be willing to work for my keep tonight." It took every ounce of my control to not burst into laughter as I listened to his pitch. It took several breathes before my Mom spoke in a more composed manner this time, "Honestly Dear you are dreadfully handsome-in the dirty pool boy I'd have an affair with sort of way but I can't just let you stay in my home. If I were twenty years younger or so- when I lacked inhibitions and all I could most likely think of a few things that you could do for me but at my age and in my state I just can't do it. I am really sorry, believe me I am." I popped out quickly and slipped into her line of view as she started to close the door, "Hey you fucking hussy, maybe having me around will change your mind."

She jumped back several feet and let out a startled scream as she threw a towel in our general direction and clenched her chest with her free hand before she had enough time to realize who I was. I laughed in a slightly evil way as I watched recognition flash across her face, followed closely by embarrassment. "Paige Guinevere Monroe I swear to all that is holy-" she started before she regained her bearings and started to charge me. I flinched and stumbled backwards, almost losing my footing as she slammed into me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. She started kissing my cheek frantically as she still held me close and I laughed softly, "Happy Birthday Mama." She pulled away and looked at me, her eyes misting lightly as a smile danced across her lips, "It is now."

She kissed my once more on the cheek and released me, letting me drop my guard long enough so she flick my ear and scold me, "That's for making me damn near wet myself. Sneaking up like that on your Mother is horrible." She was always ridiculously accurate with those, had been my whole life, it was sort of her calling card. I recoiled and cupped my ears, shielding them from another assault as I protested, "Hey personal foul, unnecessary roughness." "That was me being nice but I'll give you unnecessary roughness if you every pull that shit again," she said as she narrowed her eyes and pointed at me before she turned her glare to Jacob. She ran her eyes up and down him, her still pointed finger moving in a synchronized pattern as she spoke, "And you!" Jacob pulled away from her, preparing himself for a thrashing before she completed her thought, "Tall, dark and sexy-you've got to be Jacob." His stance relaxed and a devious smiled flickered across his lips, "Beautiful, intuitive and spunky-it's very apparent that all of Paige's lovable qualities come from you." She let out a the classic giddy, nervous teenage girl giggle before she turned to me her, cheeks slightly rosy, as she said, "Oh Paige I just adore this one. He's like Eddy Haskell minus the awful curly hair."

I rolled my eyes as I responded in a humored tone, "Your dating yourself Mother." I took a slightly offended stance as I slammed my hands onto my hips, "And wait a second, I get assaulted for sneaking up on you and he gets a prepubescent giggle? That's that bullshit." She smiled in polite manner and batted her eyelashes as she spoke in a overly restrained tone, "Twenty-seven hours of labor earned me the right to assault you kiddo."

Jake laughed in slightly sadistic manner as he pointed at me and I stuck my tongue out in an equally childish manner as a navy blue sedan came tearing into the driveway it's orange light pulsating and a toy like emergency siren blaring. We all turned towards it as three rotund security guards leap from the car in matching blue uniforms and armed with drawn nightsticks as the tires squealed to a halt.

"Is everything alright here Mrs. Monroe?" the largest of the officers said in a husky tone. "I am not really sure what you are referring to," my Mother said in a questioning manner as she cocked her head to the side. "We got a call of a possible burglary in process for your neighbor. Said they saw someone sneaking around the house. Do you need us to search the place?" he said his tone eager as he paused, hoping my mother would give him the okay to spring into action. I struggled against the laughter and shook my head attempting to control myself before I responded accordingly. But before I could answer my mother let out a small chuckle and threw up a dismissive hand, "Oh I'm terribly sorry to get you all the way up here on false pretenses officers. That was just my daughter and her boyfriend playing a dirty little trick on me." He eyed Jacob and I with deep disappointment and tipped his hat before he turned to walk away calling, "No trouble Ma'am" over his shoulder as his sidekicks let out disgruntled sighs before climbing back into the car. It seemed another day would pass with no action for the brave men with stitched on badges.

"If it would suit you, you may take my no good daughter with you for questioning, just as long as you leave Jake here with me for some interrogation of my own," she called out to the men, causing the one to stop in his steps and turn his confused eyes back to her as I shouted, "Mom!" and threw my hand into her shoulder. "She's kidding with you. She's a sick and sadistic old bat pay her no mind gentlemen. I am sorry you had to come out here for my foolish behavior. Enjoy the rest of your day," I said smiling as the last man climbed back in to the car and silenced the siren with a look of sheer confusion and disbelief on his face.

"It's not nice to poke fun at the B-Squad Ma," I said threw my teeth as I smiled profusely at the men and gave them a quick wave before they reversed out of the driveway. "They were more like the J-Squad, that was pathetic. I feel real safe now," Jake said laughing to himself. "I was serious Paige, they can have you me and your man have tons to discuss. He did say he'd work for his keep. Didn't you dear?" she said as she pushed me off the step, linked Jake's arm and started to lead him into the house. "Okay, I'll let you video tape me cleaning the pool but only if you have an iridescent banana hammock waiting for me, you promise not to put it on YouTube and I can do it to a Richard Simmons soundtrack," he said in a completely serious tone as they entered the foyer. My Mom let out a full hearted laugh and threw her head back before responding in a light hearted tone, "That can be arranged." I laughed to myself as I watched them; I knew they'd love each other.


	22. Grace

I sat with my mother on the back porch in the early morning light and sipped coffee while she smoked her morning cigarette. The sun threw the most magnificent colors off the ocean as it sat low in the sky. Neither me nor my mother were really morning people, especially without ample caffeine so we sat very comfortably in silence as we watched the waves roll softly in onto the shore against a sky of rich pinks, oranges and purples. Yesterday had been interesting, my Dad had come home early from the office when he'd learned that I was there. He'd given Jake a hard time most of the night, acting as though he didn't care much for him even though his eyes said differently. My Dad had the most easily read soulful blue eyes and he may have convinced Jake that he was unimpressed by him but I knew otherwise.

Jake had risen when my father entered the room, let him welcome me and kiss my mother and than made a point of shaking his hand while he introduced himself. I could tell my Dad was impressed by this display of respect by the way he his eyes went soft but his tone was burly and short. He made a living on reading people and feeling them out so he could find their weaknesses and target them. So, I couldn't really blame him for acting so callous towards a man he didn't know who was successfully working his way into the life of his only daughter. He was insanely protective of me, which I found very moving yet it could be slightly annoying when it comes off as a lack of compassion towards Jake.

Jake took it in stride, didn't get his feelings hurt by it and never let it break his confidence. This was extremely comforting because I knew that he didn't have the slightest doubt in his own integrity when it came to our relationship and the steps that it took for him to take his place within my family. Although my mother insisted on being regarded only as Bridget by Jake, he called my Dad Mr. Monroe or Sir every time he addressed him. This won points with my Dad as well, he liked to see I was with someone who knew a thing or two about respect-something my Dad held very highly.

But my Dad let his guard down only slightly after he and Jake had a private conversation in his office. I had been on my way back from the bathroom and caught a portion of it through the open door:

"I'm not going to dance around this so: What are your intentions with my daughter Jacob?" my Dad said in his classic straightforward tone.

"My intentions with your daughter are to make her happy. I will do anything for her to make sure that no matter what it is in her life that she decides she wants that I give it to her. If that means that one day she decides she no longer wishes to be with me I will accept that- although I do not know how I'll handle losing her," Jake said his tone confident and unflawed. I swooned slightly and felt love swelling in my chest, I couldn't conceive a future such as that; a future where I wouldn't want to be anything but his.

"I love my daughter very much Jacob. I don't expect you to be able to really comprehend how deeply a father loves his daughter, but her and her mother are my reason for life. And I don't like gamble with my life, if I did I would play Russian Roulette, so that being said: I feel I must be very blunt with you one matter: I would give up my own life for her, so if you so much as make her cry I will make it my personal business to hunt you down, kill you agonizingly and slowly and dispose of you body in a fashion that will make it inconceivable for you to be found. Do I make myself painfully clear?" my father said in a stern and calculated tone.

Jake didn't falter, he answered quickly and without confliction, "Yes sir you do and I just wish to stress one thing to you: I do deeply love your daughter. I know it may not be the same sort of love you have for her, but I do love her with such intensity that I can honestly say I respect your statement. And I also know that you may not believe me right now, but I do intend on doing everything within my power to prove to you that I mean it. If it takes you ten years to see that then I am not opposed to showing you for the next ten years how much I love her because I do plan on spending the rest of my life showing her."

My Dad paused momentarily before he retorted his tone less stinging but still very brutal, "I respect that and I am more then willing to sit back and watch-I'd love to be shown the sort of dedication you speak of and I do not doubt that you are capable of it. I just refuse to give my consent without proof. She's been through far too much for me to allow someone to break her down again. I've seen Paige shattered and I wish to never see anything of that nature again and I will die before I let the person who hurts her go unpunished for her pain."

Jake spoke in a still confident tone but his pitch was slightly softened, "I understand and all I ask for is a chance to show you that that is not the future I see. The future I desire and she deserves are the same thing. She is the most amazing woman that I have ever had the honor of knowing, she has given my life purpose and I do intend on marrying your daughter in the future Mr. Monroe. I know I must earn that sort of a privilege and I wouldn't have it any other way. So, let me work for that sir because when you give me permission to spend my life being her husband I will know that it is a gift I've been given off the sweat of my brow-which will make it so much more precious."

I stood frozen in my step for several breaths, I was in utter shock and complete astonishment at his words, his conviction. My Dad must have had the same blank in cognitive function because when I regained myself, he was finally speaking is tone merely cloaked in a harshness, "You've got your chance. Do not make me regret this. I would hate to have to painstakingly crush every bone in your body because I like your forwardness and certitude. Most kids your age don't have the slightest clue what respect and integrity is." That's when I smiled softly to myself and started to head quickly towards the kitchen, I'd heard far more then I should have-their conversation should stay between just them.

It was hard for me to not smile uncontrollably when they came into the kitchen where my Mother and I were doing dishes. I was so enraptured by the words I had heard Jacob so adamantly present to my Dad when he was trying to test his character. I had wanted to run to him and kiss him passionately but settled for the soft sideways glances we'd exchanged while my parents were with us. My Mother had been adamant that she didn't want us sharing a room but somehow Jake had convinced her to just let him stay with me until I fell asleep. He assured her that once I had he would gladly take the room down the hall. And he'd kept his word, though I'd protested greatly, and when I awoke this morning my sheets were cold and his scent was unsuitably faint. Which was why I was up at the crack of dawn with my mother, I couldn't go back to sleep without him.

"So you and Jacob," my Mom said breaking the content silence we'd had since I walked into the kitchen and exchanged a kiss and soft grunts with her around the coffee pot. I smiled instinctually and spoke in a soft tone as I sipped my coffee, "Me and Jake. It's kind of amazing huh?" "Amazing? It is incredible Butterfly!" she said her eyes dancing as she looked at me and took a sip from her mug. "It is kinda incredible, I can't deny it he's just about the greatest thing that's ever happened to me… like ever," I said honestly as I bit my bottom lip softly and smiled. "I want all the details Paige. Spill. Like everything, no not everything. Leave out the sex. No wait definitely talk about the sex. Is it good? I bet it's good, it's amazing isn't it?" she said as she fought with herself, used tons of exaggerated hand movements and fidgeted in her seat before finally coming to rest with her cheek resting on her hand as she smiled at me.

"Mom I love you, although it may be a little hard sometimes, loving you is just kinda what I do but I can not tell you about our sex life that's just a line I can't cross-not even with you," I said shaking my head as I withdrew from her slightly. "What? Why not?" she said her eyes going dark as she too pulled away. "Because Mom it's personal," I said in a exaggerated tone. "Nothing is too personal for us not to talk about. Remember when you were younger and you got your first little-" she started before I shrieked and cut her off because she didn't have to complete that sentence for me to know exactly where she was going with that. "Mom! I was fifteen and it was a mother daughter type conversation about a concern I had about-ugh never mind! That's not even a viable parallel. If that was something I wanted to share with others we'd video tape it." "Oh, so he's kinky. I can see that, he was awfully excited about that banana hammock. But kinky is okay, as long as it doesn't make you uncomfortable. I can see you being kinky. I kinda was when I was a kid, you know when I was actually still flexible," she said raising her eyebrows.

"Holy fucking shit Mom! I never ask you things like this about you and Dad do-oh God why the hell did I even say that now I have images! Uggh!" I said shaking my head viciously trying to clear it of the foul flashes. "Oh stop it Paige, it's no where near the same," she said throwing her hand up dismissively. "What? Yes it is it is totally the same, it's inappropriate for us to divulge anything about sex, except for the fact that yes we are having it and yes he's amazing, like the most amazing but that is it! Anything else you want to know: ask but no more sex talk Dr. Ruth," I said putting my hand up to silence her as she went to ask just one more question. She slumped back into her seat and rolled her eyes as she light another cigarette and released the smoke in one thick exhale as she eyed me, "Fine. I won't ask you about sex anymore…but I do find the senior citizen sex therapist analogy to be really fucking disturbing." "Well, I find the idea of you being a flexible S & M hormone driven teenager to be thoroughly fucking disturbing yet you gifted me that wonderful bit of information. Sometimes we just play with the cards we're dealt," I said in a matter of fact sort of way as I arched my eyebrows at her and watched her over my coffee cup. She laughed lightly and took another long drag as she smiled to herself and spoke in a serious tone, "There is nothing wrong with a little light bondage on a drunken Friday night during your senior trip. It doesn't mean you are automatically ball gagging every guy you sleep with Paige." I rolled my eyes and laughed as I nearly chocked on my coffee and pointed at her, "No more sex, okay? We agreed to this." "You said no more you and Jake sex talks… you didn't say I could tell you about this one time when I thought acid and leather outfits were a good combination. I had chafing in places that made me walk like I'd been riding bareback," she giggled slightly before continuing, "I guess I kinda was wasn't I?"

I threw my free hand up and jumped out of my seat as I scolded her, "Mother! That's it I'm leaving: goodbye." She laughed wildly and grabbed my hand as she struggled between giggles to plead with me, "Okay…okay I'm sorry I'm done. I was just kidding…about the leather part. It was fishnet and it was more like rope burn. But that's not really helping the situation. Okay no more sex, sex is off the table." I shook my head and laughed, "But that's when it gets interesting." She released me and pointed at me as she narrowed her eye, "I knew my genes were in there somewhere." We shared a giggle and she spoke once she'd regained a more control of herself, "Okay well you and Jake are still an approved topic as long as we don't mention intercourse, so… what's the deal with you guys? Are you official yet, do you talk about future plans? Go on spill."

"Well," I said pausing momentarily as I glanced up and tried to gather the right words, the overheard conversation still swirling in my head, "Well I guess we're not really technically official yet. We're still kinda just us-you know just Jake and Paige. No real solid title yet. But we do talk about the future and what we want to do and all that. We're making progress, slowly but we are still making it." She nodded in acceptance and spoke in a much more motherly tone then she had in quite sometime in our recent conversations, "You guys are awful good with each other, whatever you guys are. You sort of feed off each other in a crazily in sync kind of way." I smiled as I brought my eyes back to hers, "Yeah we are. It's sort of amazing how much we are on the same wavelength, we work much better together than we did apart. And…he knows everything about me and I mean everything, yet he still looks at me like I'm this incredible person. It's crazy to me…"

She smiled softly and cocked her head as her eyes went slightly misty and she spoke in a gentle tone, "Oh Butterfly… everything?" I let out a steady breath and smiled, the subject no longer weighing me down, "Yep ever little detail. It felt so great to be able to tell him about it. And then to not to be gawked at like I'm some sort of nut bag, but rather still some beautiful person-when really his the beautiful person, it's just amazing Mama. He is just perfect…he this incredible, perfect person who loves me and wants to spend forever with me even though he knows I'm damaged goods. He doesn't care, he loves me anyways. And I love him-like crazy deep, follow you anywhere, do anything for you, be anything for you love him."

Her breath escaped her chest sharply and she struggled against herself to keep composure as she shook her head and gazed up as a relieved and shaky gasp forced its way through her pressed lips. She turned her glazed eyes back to me as Jake stepped through the French doors in just his pajama pants, his hair tousled and his eyes showing signs of a heavy sleep as he sipped his coffee. He recoiled quickly and released a small slew of curse words when it burned his lips as my Mother focused he glazed eyes on the ocean for several breaths before jumping to her feet and throwing her arms around his neck as she spoke very softly, "Oh Jake".

He didn't comprehend what was happening and his eyes were layered with sheer confusion as he looked down at my mother, his arms closing slowly around her, "Good Morning Bridget. It's real nice to see you too." She let out a staggered laugh into his shoulder before she pulled back and dried her eyes quickly as she studied his face, "Good morning you dear, sweet, amazing boy. Is there anything I can do for you, anything at all?"

He looked back at her unsure of what exactly what was going on and spoke in a wavering tone, "Um…well I don't know-" She cut him off as she beamed up at him, "Anything just ask and I'll do it for you." He answered in a slow unsteady tone, "Well Paige said you make some pretty awesome French toast…and I'm kinda hungry…." She laughed softly, patted his shoulders with both of her hands and she smiled up at him, "Yes of course dear. No problem I'll get breakfast on right now." She kissed his cheek softly as she moved around him and glided through the doors, her long silk rope floating delicately behind her. Jake watched her click the doors closed behind her before he turned his unsure and bewildered eyes to me, "She's a real morning person huh? You must get your chipper morning demeanor from someone else." I laughed softly as he crossed towards me and kissed me softly on the lips before sitting down to my right.

"She's just really glad you came, she's not normally that nice in the morning. Plus, you saw her after two cups of coffee," I said smiling at him as I linked my hand with his. He nodded in acceptance as he sipped his coffee before responding, "I'm glad I came too." I raised my eyebrows at him in a skeptical manner as a smirk spread across my lips, "Even though my Dad is being difficult?" He shrugged his shoulders as he puffed his lips and made a thoughtful expression, "Ah he's not being so bad. Give him time. It's gotta be hard to give your little girl up, I'd be mean to me too." I smiled softly knowing full and well he'd probably be more of the gun slinging kind; I actually pitied the poor kid who had to come home to meet Jake, especially if that generation was less respectful than our own. "You know no one is ever good enough for the daughter and the only daughter- psh I'm lucky he's letting me sleep here at all. I kind of expected it, but like I said give him time- he'll come around. I mean how could he not? I am ridiculously lovable," he said puffing his chest out as he complimented himself.

I let out a laugh and squeezed his hand as I rolled my eyes, "Calm down there killer, I wouldn't go that far." He arched his eyebrows in a playfully shocked manner as he leaned closer to me, "Well why not? You love me right?" I smiled as I ran my eyes over him and leaned in closer so are lips were almost touching, "Well yeah, of course I love you. But I'm kind of bias cause I get things from you that no one else does." He smiled softly and brushed his lips gently on mine before he pulled away and collapsed into his chair and sipped his coffee, "Well I guess it's decided then: I now have to give everyone in your family a little bit of something special if I want to make it. I never really figured myself for a good whore, but I guess I could make an exception for you."

I smiled across the table at him as I arched my eyebrows several times in a suggestive manner, "What are your ideas?" "Well," he said sighing as he peered out into the ocean his expression contemplative, "Your Mom will be a cake walk, all I gotta do is shake my ass while I clean in practically the nude, you know fulfill the classic housewife fantasy in nothing but an apron, and she'll be putty in my hand. And your Dad…I don't know that'll take some thought. Thank God you don't have brothers and sisters or I'd really be feeling quite cheap by the time we leave." I smiled as he drew his eyes back to me and studied me from over the brim of his cup and I threw my hand up in a dismissive manner as I responded, "Ah Dad will be easy too, just slip him some tongue, you are pretty damn gifted with that thing. It could make anyone love you. Plus he has a thing for tanned skin." He recoiled from both shock and repulsion and let out a quick laugh as he studied me with a troubled expression, "You are seriously disturbed you know that?"

"What?" I said as I contorted my face to make it look utterly shocked, "I was complimenting you and I wasn't saying you had to enjoy it, I was simply throwing suggestions out there. If you didn't want my help you shoulda just said so." He shook his head and put his coffee cup down between us and laughed softly, "Although I appreciate the help greatly, I think I'm gonna brainstorm by myself. I'm pretty sure I know my limits better." I nodded and looked away in a jokingly offended manner, "Suit yourself. But from a veteran to a newbie if you don't put out at least some you'll eventually lose your appeal. It's the number one rule of selling yourself. Well in your case: that and when you lay on your back make sure your paper is stacked, but you've got to remember when you're new the stacks are small, like ten dollars worth of singles."

He laughed and shook his head as he watched me look at him in dangerously serious manner as I held his eyes and when he opened his mouth to reply, my Dad came out onto the porch and cut him off, "Hey kids she wants you to come on in breakfast is just about done." "Alright Daddy," I said smiling sweetly, "Be right in." He smiled and almost closed the door completely before he stuck his head back out and spoke in a tone that was softer and more relaxed then he'd been using yesterday, "Oh and Jake whatya say you and I head down to the garage afterwards? Paige mentioned you are a mechanic and I've got a whole slew of machines down there that I think you'll appreciate. Plus, Bridget thinks it'll be some kind of male bonding exercise or something like that."

I laughed and shook my head as I rolled my eyes and scolded him playfully and my Mom flicked his ear from behind, "Dad! Really? You couldn't just leave well enough alone and forget to mention that last thought?" "Seriously Casey, don't you get paid to have some level of finesse?" she said her tone disheartened. "Jesus, I got it from both ends. I wasn't saying I didn't I was having my arm twisted into spending time with the guy, I think he's a real nice kid and it was my idea in the first place, it's just I have to find a way to irate you somehow darling-you're real cute when you're being abusive. The women are abusive in this family- don't let their beauty blind you kid, they'll take you down if you give 'em the opening. Are you sure you can handle it for the next seventy years or so?" he said as he rubbed his ear. His tone was playful but when he addressed Jake with that final question his eyes showed a level of sincerity, he was both making a point and putting his feelers out as per the conversation I wasn't supposed to hear.

Jake nodded as a soft chuckle passed his lips, "Yes sir. I figure I just have to stick it out till she gets osteoporosis, that sort of thing should slow down the beatings some. Plus in the mean time my insurance covers all the therapy I could possible need and the council on the res offers a self esteem workshop."

Despite himself my Dad laughed and slapped Jake on the shoulder as we passed him on our way into the house, "I might be able to get used to liking you kid." "Thank you sir," Jake said as he smiled softly before my Dad's tone went slightly snide as he pointed to Jake's chest, "I don't like you that much yet. Shirts are required at the table around here." "Of course. I'll go get one," Jake said as he started towards the door. As he pressed passed me I whispered, "Remember it all starts with small stacks" and he shook his head and walked out of the room without responding to me.

We all sat down to wait for him and when I was sure he was out of earshot I spoke in a serous yet lighthearted tone to my Dad, "I understand the whole be mean to your daughter's boyfriend bit Dad but I really like this one so do you think you could give him a little bit of a break." My Dad smiled as he cocked his head and held my eyes from across the table, "I can't do that Paige. If he realizes I really like him then he won't have his guard up about me and I can't have that. Because then he'll fuck up and make me dislike him, which I do not want to do. So, I'm committed to breaking his balls darling. Plus, you don't want someone who can't stomach a little bit of riding from me. He'll need a much thicker skin if he plans to make it in this family- I'm simply breaking him in for you, you don't have to thank me it's my pleasure." I sighed as I held his eyes for a few breaths before I turned them to my Mom.

She pressed her lips and turned her gaze to my Dad and spoke in a measure tone, "Casey, it's okay to like him and let him know it. I normally wouldn't intervene here, but this one is something special. So, stop making the kid seek your approval when you've already made your mind up on him." "I can't do that Bridget," he said as he straightened his spine and took a defensive posture. "And why the hell not?" she said matching his stance her eyes going slightly hot. She really liked Jake and she wasn't ashamed to show it. "Because it's an unwritten law between men that you never let your son-in-law know that you actually think he's fit for your little girl-that way he keeps proving he's worthy, so you can keep liking him." My Mom leaned across the table her finger inches from his face as she held his eyes and spoke in a throaty tone that sounded like a growl, "Take your unwritten law and shove it straight down the throat of unintelligent asshole who didn't write it down. That is complete and utter horse crap because you're going to push him away. He is worthy, he is fit-he knows about everything Casey, EVERYTHING and for her to take that step with someone is proof enough that she feels his character is impeccable. Trust your daughter's judgment and give the kid a fucking rest because if you don't and you make him feel unwelcome in my home and unfit for my daughter and he gets some harebrain male idea that he needs to release her for her own good I swear on all that I love I will make your death look like a horrible, tragic accident do you understand me?" He held her gaze for several breaths before nodding once and turning his eyes to me, "I didn't know you told him-" His voice fell off slightly, he didn't want to go there, it was something we hadn't talk about since I started picking up the pieces. It was only expressed by glares, minute facial movements and hand gestures, we'd never actually said 'Caleb's Death' in my house since I decided I was ready to live again. "Yeah Dad, I did tell him about how Caleb died. I told him bout the accident and the months after. I told him about how I felt, what I thought and things I did. I told him everything, things I've never even told you guys. He knows it all and his opinion of me isn't changed because of it. And I don't feel like I'm carrying around the pain anymore. I feel… normal again," I said as I watched him from over the table as Jake's footsteps approaching us. He smiled softly as we held each others eyes and mouthed "Okay" when Jake came through the doorway and sat to my right.

He cleared his throat and shifted his eyes to everyone at the table for an equal amount of time as he spoke in a soft tone, "Now that everyone's here let's say grace." We all instinctually looked to both sides and liked hands and bowed our heads. My Dad began in a tone that started strong and petered out quickly, "Dear Lord we thank you for the blessings you've given us in both past and present. We thank you for our family, small yet strong. We thank you for our health, our laughter and for our love-" It was silent for several breaths before I slowly raised my head and opened my eyes. My mother and Jake were slowly doing the same, all of our eyes confused as we watched my Dad who's head was still hung and his eyes still shut, yet no words being spoken. We looked among each other and silently expressed our complete lack of clue why he'd stopped the prayer and what exactly we were supposed to be doing. As we started to hang our heads slowly to await his completion he opened his eyes and looked directly at Jake, "Son would you please say this morning's grace. I feel it's fitting for the newest member of our little clan to say it." Saying grace was my Dad's thing, because he was the head of the household he always asked for the blessing. The only times he didn't was when he'd let my Grandpa say it, so for him to hand Jake this task was saying a great deal. Jake looked slightly taken aback by this request and he spoke in a slightly unsure tone, "Are you sure sir?" My Dad smiled very genuinely at him, his eyes and his tone finally matching, "Yes Jake I am sure."

"Okay," Jake said in more confident tone. I squeezed his hand softly and smiled as I hung my head in preparation for his reciting of grace. His tone was smooth, confident as he blessed the table, "Lord as we sit before you and prepare to indulge in the bounty you've blessed us with we feel compelled to thank you. We thank you for the sun that warms our skin and for the wind which cools what the sun warms. We thank you for the food that nourishes our bodies and the drink that quenches our thirst. We thank you for the this beautiful day and this circle of people you allow us to share it with. We thank you for the life you've given us and the amazing places that these lives have taken us. But most of all we thank you for the love that surrounds us and gives our lives joy, laughter and meaning. We ask for many more days of sun, wind, food, drink and life. But should the rest of our lives only come with one other luxury, we pray that it is love because a life with plenty of sun, wind, food and drink and no love is a life of one of true darkness, stillness, hunger and thirst. Amen." The remainder of the table softly whispered 'Amen' in unison and lifted our heads.

I held my eyes on Jake's face as he exchanged a nod with my Dad while my Mom began serving up the food and my parents started to exchange much kinder words than they had before grace. A million beautiful thoughts streamed through my mind as I took in my greatest blessing. My savior for my dark, still, hungry and thirsty life before him. I was most thankful for him, for our love which cured all those ailments. He smiled down at me, his eyes matched my thoughts and he leaned close to me and kissed my forehead before taking the plate of French toast from my mother as I just watched him, completely lost in his essence. I knew that everything was going to be okay. Nothing could possibly harm me with him protecting me. He and I could take on the world and it wouldn't matter as long as I had him at my side-because I didn't need anything other then him.


	23. Facing the Clique

I chewed on my bottom lip as we walked in silence to the party. I was very nervous about seeing everyone for the first time since I'd left seven months ago. What if they still didn't see all the progress I had made? What if they still thought I was broken? That would be completely disheartening because I had grown so much since the night they threw me my going away party. They had all thought I was running away from the past and I guess I could understand it, but that wasn't the case. I had tried to make them understand but they'd just looked at me with those sympathetic eyes and assumed it was just me rationalizing away the shame; which made it very clear that leaving was the right choice-the only one.

"We don't have to go if you aren't up to it babe," Jake said sympathetically as he watched me battle within myself. I was silent, just continued to stare ahead of us, unsure of how to respond to that. I wasn't really looking forward to it but I knew I had to at least try and show everyone what leaving had done for me. "I mean it Paige if you want to turn around and go home- we can, you don't owe them anything," he said as he studied my face. "I know I don't, I just…kind of feel like I owe it to myself," I said as I crossed my arms at my chest. "Then we'll go and if you decided five minutes into it that you've had enough we'll leave. Just say the word and we're gone," he said as he pulled my arm free from my chest and linked our hands. I turned my eyes to his and smiled softly as he squeezed my hand to show togetherness and support.

It was very apparent that he was being honest and I felt a shockwave of confidence vibrate through me as I looked at him because I knew I could count on him to help me through this. I knew that no matter what happened tonight Jake and I would still be okay and if that was the case then I would make it through anything. If I fell apart from this, I was certain he would help me pick everything back up. "Thank you," I said softly as I smiled again. "No problem. Now just relax, they're your friends-what could possible go wrong about tonight?" he said in a sure tone. "A lot," I said slightly defeated. "Like what?" he said in a concerned tone as he studied my face.

"What if they don't get it Jake, what if they don't see all the hard work I've put into myself in Forks? If they don't then you're gonna really understand why I left. I swear if they look at me same way after we've spent so much time fixing me I'll…" my voice went faint and I just looked at him, my mouth hanging slightly open because I didn't know what I would do if that happened. "If they don't see it then we'll still be okay Paige. What these people think about you doesn't change what we know. We know that you've moved on with life, we know that you are making it and we know that we are happy. So what else matters? We have our health, happiness and love-things people fight for everyday. We have it all when we're together so who gives a damn what they choose to believe or not?" he said as he stopped me, the sound of the party blaring within earshot.

I studied his face and nodding knowing he was right, as long as Jake and I knew we were okay then nobody else's opinions of us mattered. Jake saw how much I had healed and that was all that I cared about. "Alright, good. So let's go in there and make a whole lot of people jealous," he said smiling as he held my eyes. "Lets," I said winking as I stepped towards him, closing the gap between us. He pressed his lips lightly to my brow before releasing my hand and motioning before him, "I'm right behind you." I smiled softly as I passed him and swept my bangs quickly behind my ear as I took a deep breath and walked confidently towards my old friends.

"Oh my God Paige!" a familiar voice squealed. Vikki and I hadn't necessarily been the closest of friends, but she was Caleb's cousin so I was always very careful to be nice to her. She was your stereotypical California girl, long corn silk blonde hair that she had pulled into a messy high up-do and innocent sea foam colored eyes that blazed against her rich tan. She was high maintenance, superficial, loud and dimwitted but she was completely harmless. She pranced towards me and threw her arms around my neck as she shrieked. God how I did not miss that sound. "How are you?" I said in a pleasant tone as she finally released me. "I'm good, like really good. How are you? Are you okay?" she said her tone spastic and scattered-some things never changed.

"Yeah," I said as I swept my bangs back again and slipped my hands into my back pocket as I smiled confidently, "I'm doing really well actually." She smiled in an unconvinced manner but she was trying to believe me so I had to give her credit. "Good! Well you look hot, I mean kind of pale but that's nothing a little Cali sun can't fix! But other than that you look really good. I love your hair that long, it's wicked hot," she said as she moved quickly from one thought to the next, her tone flaky and ridiculously high pitched. "Thank you Vikki, you look really good too," I said smiling politely as Jake placed his hand on my lower back. "Oh Vikki, this is Jake, Jake Vikki," I said smiling as I motioned towards the appropriate parties. "It's really nice to meet you," Jake said extending his hand as he smiled. "You too," Vikki said her expression showing she was taken slightly taken off guard to see I had someone with me as she shook his hand gently.

She ran her eyes over him in an impressed manner before she spoke in an eager tone to me, her eyes still locked on him, "Are you guys like dating?" I let out an unsure breath and looked up at Jake who looked down at me as a smile spread softly on his lips. "I-uh-well it's sort of like-" I started as we held each others eyes before he cut in, "Something to that effect." I smiled up at him as Vikki shook her head in a confused manner before cocking it to the side and talking in a bewildered manner, "Well it's like yes or no." Jake turned towards her and smiled softly, obviously aware of her lack mature reasoning, "We don't have labels but we do a lot of boyfriend/girlfriend activities."

"Ohhhhhhh," she said in a high pitch as she nodded in acceptance, "You're the fun kind of 'friends'. I got it now." She winked at me as Jake let out a muted chuckle before he spoke, "Sure." He knew it wasn't worth trying to explain our situation to her. I was in complete agreement with him. One: she wouldn't get it and two: it was really not her fucking business. If she wanted to think we were just fuck buddies then that was fine by me. "Paige?" I heard from my left, the voice sent relief shooting through me. Nadia was the closest thing I had to a girlfriend here. We met back when I was a tomboy struggling with femininity; she was in the same boat. We spent tons of time perfecting our balance between surfing with the guys and shopping. She was a slightly less damaged carbon copy of me when we were in high school and I had couldn't be more happy to hear her voice. She was drop dead gorgeous and had an amazingly athletic build. She had soft brown hair that was riddled with natural caramel and blonde from spending so much time in the salt water and sun and kept in layer and short in a Mariska Hargitay sort of way which complimented her bone structure very nicely.

She came running from the opposite side of the beach when I spun towards her call. Her eyes danced and she laughed softly when I extended my arms for a hug and braced myself. She slammed into me and squeezed me as she laughed, "I can't believe you're here! I've really missed you!" "I've miss you too Nadia," I said truthfully as I squeezed her right back. She pulled back and smiled as her hazel eyes danced over my face, "You look amazing. I can't believe how much healthier you look." I let out a relieved breath-I could always count on her to say the right thing-and smiled as I rocked back onto my heels and threw my hand over my shoulder towards Jake, "He sort has that effect on me."

Her eyes shot in his direction, eager to see who was responsible for my change and they went mildly dumbfounded when they took him in. "Jacob," he said as he extended his hand to her. She giggled in a slightly nervous manner that made me roll my eyes as she took his hand and introduced herself. "It's really nice to see that Paige has found such a good looking guy up there in Washington, I wasn't aware that your kind existed," she said confidently as she leaned back and ran her eyes over him in pleased manner. Jacob laughed and moved his hand to my hip as he pulled me into him to send a definitive message to her that he was with me, "Thank you for the compliment." I smiled softly to myself because I knew that everyone's straightforwardness about how attractive they found him was something he was not used to.

"Oh yeah sure no problem. So, Paige is this how they grow them up there? Because if it is I'd really like you to bring me home with you so I can get myself a boyfriend like that," she said as she ran her eyes over him shamelessly.

I laughed and went to answer her but Vikki cut in with what she thought was an appropriate response, "Oh they aren't dating Nadia they sort just those really fun kind of friends…you know the kind I mean right?" Nadia's eyes went bright and she smiled at Jake before bringing her eyes back to me, "No title?" "Well no," I said in an uncomfortable manner before Jake cut in, "Titles are just a statuesque thing we don't need them to know what we have." I smiled up at him softly but I didn't really agree with that statement anymore. For all this time that had been exactly what we wanted- an existence of togetherness without the pressure of labels, but I had changed my mind on that matter. I really wanted that pressure, I wanted the title. I just wasn't really sure on how to address that issue with him; I guess I just had to wait for a moment that presented it's self as appropriate for that sort of conversation. I knew he wasn't opposed to it, or at least it didn't sound that way when he talked to my Dad. He'd said he wanted to marry me one day and that was a label so why couldn't we be labeled now?

"You came," Van said excitedly and broke my inner monologue. How long had he been standing there and where did he come from? I wondered if he had heard the non official conversation. That should make things interesting on my part-great. "We came," I said smiling as I exaggerated the 'we' again. It was going to get real annoying if I had to keep reminding him that Jake and I were a unit. "Yeah, well I'm really stoked you could make it. Like I said I think it'll be really nice to catch up," he said as he addressed only me his tone slightly nervous. "Yeah it will be," I said as I smiled softly and Jake squeezed my hip softly as a muted chuckle vibrated in his chest. "There's a lot of people who want to see you. Come on let's get a drink and do some rounds," Van said as he motioned towards the crowd of people around the fire.

"Lets. What do you guys have to drink?" Jake asked eagerly his tone sending a minute flinch through Van's stiff composure. He looked behind me for the first time, "There's a keg of Bud Light and a few coolers of assorted other stuff." "It's been awhile since I drank keg beer," Jake said a smile evident in his tone. "Come on, I need a refill anyhow," Nadia said throwing her head towards the keg as she touched Jake's arm. He looked down at me and I smiled softly up at him, "I've never really been much of a beer drinker, I'll go get something from one of the coolers. You go ahead, I gotta make a few rounds anyhow." "Are you sure? Because I can come with you," he said in a manner that made it very apparent that he didn't want to leave me for even for a minute if I wasn't sure if I would need him behind me. "Definitely, go with Nadia. She'll take real good care of you and I'll work my way back around to you," I said in a sure tone. I wanted him to have a good time, plus he didn't really have to meet all these people. Most of them were just people I passed time with, no one real important. Nadia was important-I actually like her-and he'd be with her so they'd have plenty of bonding time and Van was important and he already had his opinions on him so that was also taken care of. Everyone else was just some minute portion of my past that he didn't have to be subjected to tonight. "Okay" he said at an audible tone before he kissed my forehead softly and whispered "I'm here if you need me. " I smiled in acknowledgement as I held his eyes before he turned to follow Nadia through the crowd with Vikki close behind.

Van looked far too excited to have me alone, but like I had told Jake, he was harmless. He extended his hand for me so he could lead me to the cooler but I just came to his side, left his hand hanging and pushed my hands into the pockets of my zip up as I smiled sweetly, "Lead the way." His hand fell quickly and he laughed in a breathy and nervous manner, "Sure."

It was not really awkward to walk side by side with Van for me; he on the other hand radiated uneasiness. I had always seen Van as one of my closest friends and he'd always been very supportive of my recovery-he never once looked at me like the others had. Actually he'd looked at me the complete opposite way, like I was totally healed. I guess that was in part due to the fact that he was always hoping I'd be well enough to realize that I wanted to give us a shot. But I knew that wasn't in the cards for us, he was always just going to be a good friend of mine and I wished he'd come to terms with that because his constant pursuit of my affections had always been so draining for me.

"So, how have you been Van?" I asked sweetly to break the tension he was creating for himself. "I've been good, I'll finally graduate this December and then I gotta start looking for jobs." "Wow, good for you. You're going to be a real good cop Van, it suits you very well," I said nudging him softly with my shoulder. He blushed a rich shade of red and smiled as he looked over at me, "Thanks Paige. Maybe I'll head up your way for a job. It'd be real nice to be able to see you more. I heard Seattle is looking, that's not too far from you right?" He was always hopefully for us and it made my heart hurt a little to see he was still very much hung up on me. "Um Seattle is like three hours from me or so. I'm on the coast and it is more inland," I said answering his question so I didn't have to address the fact that he would move nearly nine hundred miles away from his home to have a shot with me.

"Well that's better than eighteen or whatever it is now," he said smiling sheepishly, "Maybe then you'd actually come see me every once and awhile." I struggled to not say something leading and tried desperately to not sound callous, "You know I'm bad with that kinda stuff." He reached down and lifted the cooler's lid, retrieved a Sublime-I'd consumed a lot of those out on the shore with him after the accident, he knew me well-and twisted off the cap as he responded, "I know. You don't even call anymore." I took the drink and thanked him before I responded with a sigh, "Don't take it personally Van, I don't really call anyone from here. I sort of needed a clean break." His eyes went slightly hurt as he nodded and slipped his hands into his pockets, "Yeah I get it. I guess I just sort of figured you'd at least keep in touch with me… and Nadia."

I cringed a little as I absorbed his response, he and Nadia were my only real friends here I guess I really should have made more of an effort with at least them. "Yeah, I know I should have. I'm a dick-I'm sorry. I'll be better about it now okay?" I said smiling softly as I touched his shoulder.

His eyes went bright and an enthusiastic smile spread across his lips as he nodded, "Alright I forgive you." Things were so easy with him; he never stayed mad very long. I guess that too could be accredited to his feelings for me, but I couldn't say I really minded that perk. "It's really good to see you Paige. I know I said it before but I have to say it again: Washington looks really good on you. I never thought I'd say this but I'm glad you went up there," he said in a genuine tone as he took me in while he retrieved a Corona from a different cooler and removed the cap. I couldn't help but smile, it felt so good to have my progress noticed, as I spoke in a confident tone, "It really was the best thing I could have done. I know everyone was so against it, including you so thank you for saying that I really needed to hear it." He smiled softly as he responded, "No problem. I can't deny it even if it really makes me feel like shit to have you gone. I've missed you Paige. I've missed seeing you all the time and hanging out and talking. You were probably the only thing that kept me sane most the time."

I felt a strum deep within my chest; I hadn't missed him as much as he had me. Sure we had spent days together at a time, just talking and supporting each other but it had never been enough for me. I had wanted more, needed to find something that made me feel whole and even though he wished he could do that for me and maybe even believed he would in time, he hadn't and he never would. "I know what you mean. Change is difficult and it's painful to completely uproot the norm but I really needed that Van. Sure I miss the way we used to be, but we still have our bond-we just don't see each other as often," I said as I tried to express my thoughts without sounding too harsh. "I know you needed it Paige and I totally respect that but it doesn't mean I can't mourn what I lost when you left. How many times have we seen the sun set or rise out here together? How many hours did we spend talking or just sitting together? A lot, too many to count… I guess I'm just not over the fact that we won't be that ever again and I don't really know if I ever will be," he said in a nostalgic and torn tone.

I hated this; it made me feel like shit. I knew he'd taken it hard when I left, my mother made sure she told me very regularly in the beginning about how lost he looked in first couple of weeks. But that teetered off and I guess I just assumed that meant he'd moved past it. It was now clear that either she'd just knew there was no point in reminding me constantly or he got better at being so forward with it. "No we won't be Van we're just not the same people we were then and that's okay. It just means we're growing up is all," I said as I touched his arm gently and held his eyes. "It doesn't feel like growing up Paige, it feels like growing apart. And I'm not different…" he said his voice falling off. I knew he wanted to say that I was the only one who was changed, but he wouldn't because he knew it would sound harsh and dash my pride in all the differences in my life which he wasn't willing to do.

I was silent then, because I didn't really know what to say that would be comforting in this moment and he just watched me as I watched him, nothing be said between us for several breaths. He took a deep chug of his beer, finished it and retrieved another as I contemplated how I could make this awkward break in conversation end. I guess he'd been on the same page because he finally spoke in a gentle tone as he held my eyes, "Change isn't always bad. But you know how I feel about it so don't let my reluctance for deviance from what I thought was the way it would always be make things weird with us. I don't need what used to be, what we have now is just fine with me. I'll take anything I can get." I let out a staggered breath before I responded, "I am sorry but this is all it is gonna be-this right here."

His smile showed signs of misery but he spoke in an even tone anyhow, "As long as it's something I'm alright. This is okay, you still want to hang and that's all that I care about." I smiled in an attempt to make it seem like I didn't pick up on the disappointment in his eyes, "I'll always want to do that. We will always have that kind of friendship no matter how much change takes place- I don't want to lose that Van." "So you won't. If you ever want to just hang-you know where to find me. That's enough for me-it's not nothing," he said returning the same sort of smile I'd just given him. "So we're good?" I said in a genuinely concerned manner. "We're always good," he said flashing a much more sincere toothy smile.

I nodded, took a deep swig from my drink and drew in a steady breath in preparation before I smiled and spoke in a tone that was as excited as it was going to get, "Alright good because I don't really wanna do rounds so I need you with me on this." He smiled back as he pulled out another Sublime and removed the cap before throwing his head towards the herds of people I spent my whole adolescent life with as he handed it to me and took my empty, "Of course I'm here with you for this but I don't think you have anything to worry about-they are really excited to see you." "You have to remember everyone likes a juicy conversation started and I've always been good for that-but either way thank you for coming with me," I said genuinely. I really did appreciate his support, although I knew I wished he was Jake. But it was okay for Jake to miss this, I didn't really want to subject him to all of these people-plus he was with Nadia and I knew she was the best person for him to pass the time with. At least she wouldn't say something retarded about Caleb, something I couldn't be sure half the people here wouldn't do. They all still saw me as his and for some reason, most of them thought I should pine for him for the rest of my life, that I shouldn't move on.

That being said, he was better where he was and if I really needed him I knew he wasn't far away. I had the safety of being absolutely sure he'd rescue me if I called for it. I knew he'd keep an eye on me from wherever he was, he was very protective of me in that way and I was counting on it should the whole thing be too much.

"People are gonna talk either way. So why not give them something good to talk about," Van said as he winked at me. "Oh it's always good stuff," I said smiling softly as I took another swig and held his eyes, "Let's give them their daily fix." He laughed softly and turned on his heels pausing long enough to let me come to his side. He placed his hand softly on the middle of my back and led me into the mess of people who had all been a part of my life before.


	24. In the Sand

I knew I shouldn't have let them get to me like this. I knew better than to let their snide glances and fake smiles bother me. But here I was, several sheets to the wind because I let it get under my skin. I was absolutely pathetic because I was above this sort of behavior. "Fuck em," I said in a slurred tone as I smacked Van's shoulder and chugged my umpteenth drink, "Fuck em all-every last one of them!" He absorbed my hit and stumbled back slightly as he nodded in agreement and motioned towards me with his bottle, "That's what I like to hear."

He turned towards to the person who walked passed us, his voice showing intoxication as well, "Hey Matt, fuck you." Matt recoiled slightly and made a confused and offended face as he glared over his shoulder at us. "Yeah seriously-fuck you," I said offering my back up as I leaned over his shoulder, supporting the majority of my weight on him as I pursed my lips. Matt shook his head as he curled his lip in frustration but walked away unwilling to address our statements.

"I never really liked him anyways. He tried to kiss me once at a party we went to at Jonah's house after everything. I guess he somehow thought his tongue in my mouth would make things better but it only made me nauseous," I said as I shook my head and took another long chug of my drink. Van took a step back and examined me with confused eyes, "Really? What a douche." "I know right?" I said throwing my hand up into the air, "If I say I'm really not into you that doesn't mean I want to suck face with you and kissing me isn't going to make me more into you. Sorry." He shook his head in disgust and threw his hand up in the general direction in which he'd walked, "Fuck him."

"Yep fuck him and fuck her because she sent me a fucking fruit basket, who wants a fucking fruit basket. And fuck him because he's just fucking creepy. And her-fuck her because she thinks she's better than me. Sorry honey you're busted and your ivory tower is really just PVC pipe . And fuck her boyfriend because he grabbed my ass like an hour ago. Yes Calvin, I noticed and no I didn't like it," I said as I squinted and pointed to the appropriate people. I don't know if they could hear me over all the music and the laughter but at the point it wasn't a concern of mine.

Van laughed as I fumed, "Fuck you Van it isn't funny." "No Paige it really is," he said holding his stomach. "No it really isn't, they are all a bunch of fucking assholes. They all just gawk at me because they don't have the balls to come to terms with the suck factor in their lives. It's so much easier to feel sorry for me-oh look poor little fucked up Paige. Her life really sucks, I feel really sorry for her don't you? No fuck you! They all live in their own glass houses but yet they still fuckin throw stones at mine. Why the fuck is that?" I said throwing my hands up in disgust. Van shook his head as he struggled to make sense of it and because he took too long I interjected my own retort, "Because they are all too fucking scared to look at themselves because they don't know if they're gonna like what they see when they do. I am happy where I am in my life and I am in love with what I see in the mirror because I know that I've done well for myself."

He tilted his head and brushed my hair out of my face as he spoke in a soft tone, "You should be- you look amazing." "Thank you," I said swigging my drink and completely missing his affectionate gesture, "At least someone notices it." "You know you can always count on me Paige," he said as his hand fell from my hair and came to rest on my arm. "I know you've always been so good to me. You've always had my back," I said smiling. It was true, no matter what sort of dimwitted mess I concocted Van was always there to offer back up. "And I always will. I'm always right here if you need me. Hell if you want to walk up to every single person here and tell them to go fuck themselves-I'm there," he said leaning in closer.

I smiled, knowing he would and put my hands on his shoulders as I spoke with conviction, "Although it sounds ridiculously fun and it would feel really fucking amazing, I think I better just keep my mouth shut-I tend to get in trouble and make enemies when I speak my mind." His mouth fell open and he studied my eyes with astonishment as he grabbed my face in his free hand and spoke in a confused tone, "Who the fuck are you and where is my Paige?" "Shut the fuck up," I said recoiling away from his touch as I laughed, "What the hell are you implying?" "Ah there's a little bit of her. I see some hotheadedness and quick tongue lashing hiding down deep in there. Stop fighting it, don't suppress it-don't go timid on me now. The feisty Paige is way hotter," he said smiling vindictively.

I flipped him off, huffed and threw my hand at him dismissively as I retorted, "Fucccckk you Van. Just 'cause I don't want to fight everyone does not mean I've lost my edge believe you me. Plus, being hot for you is the least of my worries dick." He laughed and gripped his chest as he stumbled back like I physically struck him, "She coming out now. Come on baby that was weak give me another shot." I glowered at him playfully as he motioned me to come hither and cupped his one ear as he turned it towards me, "Yes?" "Psh, please Van you think I'd give you what you wanted? I think not! I have to say you are one twisted fuck for wanting me to rip into you. I think you should see a therapist about that because you're seriously fucked. Sorry but I am not going to play into your masochistic sexual fantasies of me- nice try though. 'A' for effort motherfucker," I said in a playfully spiteful tone as I threw him a smile.

"You like it. When you gonna stop playing yourself?" he asked as a grin arched across his lips. "I do not find abuse as a form of foreplay-slamming me into the wall yes, but verbal slander just doesn't do it for me. Sorry," I said in as I shrugged and sipped my drink again. "Oh stop it you love the volatile erotic tension-quit kidding with yourself. You know you want this," he said as he motioned down the length of himself. I threw my head back and let a single laugh before I turned my eyes back to him and spoke in an unimpressed tone, "You are seriously delusional Van. I'm just fine where I am at thank you very much." "Are you sure? Because I've felt you missing this all night long and if that's the case you don't have to beat around it, just ask and you can have it," he said playfully as he arched his eyebrows. I laughed again, totally convincing myself that he was just playing along with the scenario we'd started in the beginning and nothing more even though I should have known better, "Oh I am completely sure there lady killer, Jake gives me more than enough to keep me satisfied. In fact some days he gives me more than I can handle and I find myself struggling to keep up. So don't you worry about that."

As I finished Nadia came from behind me and grabbed my shoulder and said my name as she spun me towards her. "Whoa," I said as stumbled slightly and my mind went whirly. "Paige I need to talk to you," she said her eyes full of determination. "Hey pretty lady what's the matter you?" I said laughing slightly as I completely missed the conviction in her tone. "Are you drunk?" she said surprised as she studied my face. "Psh slightly. Nothing I can't handle. Hey! You didn't answer me, what's the matter you?" I said as I threw my hand into her shoulder softly and took a large gulp of my drink.

"Great this is gonna be interesting," she said disappointment in her tone, "Don't worry bout it I'll handle it, I owe you one anyways." She started to walk away from me and I reached for her as I spoke in a more serious tone, realizing that something was really bothering her, "No, I'm fine Nadia. What's going on?" She paused and her shoulders tensed as I rested my hand on one. She was silent though, like she was struggling with whether or not to answer me. "Nadia, I'm serious. What's wrong?" I said in a concerned voice as I stepped in front of her and made her look at me. I felt it in the pit of my stomach as I watched her study me, something told me this was a big deal and I had to get my shit together, "Nadia. Is it Jake? Where is he? Is he okay?" I turned towards the crowd and scanned it frantically. Jesus, what the hell happened where was he? I had to see him had to make sure he was alright. She grabbed my shoulder and finally spoke, her tone sincere, "He's fine Paige Jake is fine." I spun back towards her and watched her with confused eyes. I couldn't possible imagine what was going on, my mind wasn't working fast enough to come up with anything else- fucking alcohol. "Then what's wrong?" I said in a concerned tone. "Well Jake is fine in a sense of the word-like physically," she said as he looked at me. I drew my eyebrows together and spoke quickly, "Nadia what the hell are you saying? Where the hell is he and what the hell is going on? No more word games-give it to me straight I can handle it and it's obviously something you want me to deal with so I need to know what the hell it is. Now." "Okay but you can't go off the handles you have to take into consideration-" she started before I nearly yelled her name and cut her off. "Alright, Jake has been very popular tonight and I've been fielding most of the people but this one bitty just won't give it a rest and it's getting ridiculous and I don't really think it's my place to act and he's really uncomfortable-" "What?" I said my blood running hot as I realized what she was saying, "Who and where? No fuck that I don't give a fuck who just where?" She spoke quickly and stopped abruptly when I turned away from her, "I left him over on the other side of the party by the keg with Vikki but Paige-"

I took off quickly in the direction that she described my muscles tensing in preparation and my heart pounding fiercely as the adrenaline coursed through me-fighting the intoxication and sobering me up slightly. I had tunnel vision, my eyes locked on the other side of the party and I didn't even realized I pushed right through Van until he grabbed my arm to stop me, "Whoa wait, what is going on?"

I pulled my arm towards myself in an attempt to break his hold but he came with it and stumbled into me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed our bodies close together to steady us. "Whoa, Paige what is going on?" he said his eyes searching my face as he held me against him. "Van, please let me go," I said trying hard to keep my tone even and soft. "I will just as soon as you answer my question," he said quickly. "I'm just going to go to handle a situation over at the keg and I might have to hit someone so hard that her teeth tickle her larynx. No biggie," I said smiling sadistically up at him as I spoke in a controlled tone. "Paige I don't know if-" he started softly before I jerked away from him and cut him off. "I am not asking you to come with me Van, I can handle this on my own. But do not make the mistake of trying to stop me because the only person that's allowed to touch him is me," I said in a cut throat manner.

His hands fell to this side and he held my eyes as he spoke in a slightly wounded tone, "But I thought you guys were just-" I cut in, my tone slightly harsher than I meant for it to be, "We are way more then just friends and any stupid fucking whore that thinks just because we aren't officially together means that I don't have a claim staked on him is seriously fucking wrong. I actually feel slightly sorry for her if she makes the mistake of trying to take what is mine because I don't play well with others. See I told you the old Paige wasn't gone. Here she is and you know better than get in her way when she has someone who needs to be taken care of."

He turned his eyes away from me and didn't say anything else so I turned from him and made a b-line for the keg, pushing my way through people to get there. I said excuse me as I pushed passed everyone and most everyone just huffed and moved on with what they were doing but Nancy just wouldn't move the fuck over even though I asked her twice. "Hey why don't you watch where your going Paige?" she said in a snippy tone as she shook the beer off her hand that spilled when I threw my shoulder into her for blocking my path. I shot her a glare as I spoke in nasty and hostile tone that wasn't really meant for her, "Your like a fucking cow in the middle of a road Nancy, eventually someone's gonna come along and not have the fucking patience to honk at you until you move your fat fucking ass out of the way- so they are just going to run you the fuck over. If you stayed the fuck off the pavement I wouldn't have to hit you now would I?" She recoiled, narrowed her eyes as her mouth hung open and huffed a offended breath. Nadia finally caught up to me then and when she same Nancy's face she tried to intervene to stop this displacement of anger-which if I weren't so fucking pissed I would have been thankful for-but I spoke first. "Guess this is gonna result in another therapy session now isn't it- send me the fucking bill would ya?" I said as I sized her up before spinning back on my heels so I could continue towards the person I really wanted to lay into.

As I pushed passed the last two people on the edge of the crowd I saw Carmen Donnelley pressing closely to Jacob, whispering something in his ear as her one hand lingered on his chest and he tensed away from her a look of repulsion on his face. Vikki said something as she gave her a nasty glare but Carmen disregarded it completely. I wouldn't be disregarded, that's for fucking sure. I cocked my head quickly to relieve some of the tension and continued towards them with quick but heavy feet Nadia close behind me. When I was several strides away from them Jake's eyes met mine and went extremely concerned. He pulled away from Carmen and took a step towards me as he spoke in a protective tone, "What's wrong? Who do I have to hurt?"

Carmen's eyes went terrified and her posture stiffened instinctively as I pushed passed Jake and got into her face, "Do you mind not whispering sweet nothings in his ear because it's really starting to get under my fucking skin." I could hear Vikki snickering somewhere behind me as Carmen withdrew slightly and stammered her response, "We were just talking Paige honest." Jake placed a hand on my shoulder as I brought my face so close to her that our noses were nearly touching and spoke in a growl, "Yeah well it's gonna be really fucking hard for you to whore it up with everyone else's men when my fist is lodged in your windpipe now isn't it Carmen?"

"Paige calm down. Let's just leave," Jake said softly as he pulled gently on my shoulder. Nadia stood close behind me and threw in an agreed comment but I knew she wouldn't stop me if I let this whore have it-hell if I needed it she'd help, this wasn't our first rodeo together. "Yeah Paige maybe you should just leave because I'd hate for you to do something stupid right now," Carmen said in a slightly catty manner as she tried to be intimidating even though her body language gave away how scared she was of me. "Seriously?" I said as my eyes studied hers, "You need to learn your fucking place little girl. Just because you've never gotten your ass kick for hanging all over someone else's guy doesn't mean you can keep doing it. It just means you haven't made the mistake of doing it to someone who has enough balls to knock you down a peg. Well today's you're fucking day; if you so much as look at him again I will grab you by your nasty bleach blonde hair and drag your fucking face across the pavement. Try me because I'd love to be the bitch who did what everyone else wants to."

She rolled her eyes-big mistake- before she spoke-bigger mistake, "All you're doing is proving everyone right." "Oh really Carmen what am I fucking proving, enlighten me," I said as cocked my head and Jake said my name again. "You think everyone really like you Paige? No all they do is talk shit about you. You're a fucking psychopath Paige. Why don't you go cut your wrists you nut job? " she said her beer muscles flexing because she didn't really think I'd follow through.

It felt like something inside of me snapped as her words washed over me and anger pumped through my veins, fueling ever muscle with the energy it needed to respond. It was a sensation I knew all to well, one that meant my temper was getting the best of me. I fell back out of her face enough to throw the last of my drink in her face followed quickly by a solid right hook across her chin. She attempted to mimic my punch but her form was sloppy and didn't have much force behind it as it slammed into my shoulder, completely missing it's target. I pulled her in close so she couldn't get another full swing on me as I came across with an elbow. She struggled to push me off of her but I kept connecting with her face which made it very hard for her strikes to do much damage as she hammered at my chest. I was beyond control, my instinct taking over-it was survival of the fittest and I wouldn't accept defeat. I just continued my assault, my surroundings going blank, I heard no voice and saw nothing but her. I felt someone grab my shoulder and try to rip me from her but I fought against it and continued swinging.

Every single fiber of my being frayed when she grabbed my hair and tried to rip me off of her. I hated when girls grabbed hair as an attack, it only pissed me off more, it didn't really hurt. She ripped my head sideways and made me unstable which was not a good move on her part because I had her held close to my body. We spun around in almost a full circle as I screamed my warning for her to let go of my fucking hair while I continued to hit her. And like all stupid whores she didn't listen, she just kept ripping at my hair as she pounded on my chest with her other hand.

Having had enough of this, I pushed the hand I was using to hold her in close up into the back of her hair, spun my wrist in a complete rotation and yanked it back with every bit of strength I had as I slammed my right hand into her again exposed face.

She released my hair and swung wildly, some of her hits actually landing, as I connected three more solid times before I threw her by her hair to the ground. I flung myself onto her, pinning her arms under my knees as I straddled her and started pounding into her face. Every bit of rage I had towards any single person here who had the same narrow minded beliefs about me was being taken out on her. I should have controlled myself, I should have stopped-it was obvious she hadn't gone as many rounds as I had with another person-but I couldn't stop myself, I just kept swinging.

I felt strong, thick arms wrap around my chest, draw me into a tight bear hug and lift me clear off the ground. I thrashed wildly, my feet kicking because my arms we pinned down as I screamed a slew of nasty words at the girl who was still laying on the ground, her hands shielding her face as she curled away from me, a group of people kneeling around her as a protective wall. I started to try and wriggle free from the person who was carrying me away but Jake's voice filled my ears, the first thing I had distinguished since she'd crossed the line, "Paige! Enough!" His tone was forceful and stern and a part of me knew he was saving me from myself.

"Put me down Jake, I'm done! I promise I won't hit the fucking whore anymore, I'm done!" I shouted as I fought against him, my tone still volatile from the brawl. My adrenaline was still coursing and my heart still pounding, but I wouldn't start anymore fight. He dropped me long enough to spin me and scoop me up onto his shoulder. "No!" he yelled back, his tone strong as he started to walk me away from the party. "Thank you for the nice evening, it was nice meeting everyone- we're out" he said as he walked passed people. I mean it Jake, put me down!" I yelled over the sound of the radio he carried me passed. "Not until you've calmed the fuck down Paige," he said hostilely as he continued on his path out of the crowd, the people parting to let us through. Everyone was gawking in a mixture of excitement and horror as I glowered at them through my hair and scolded Jake, "I can walk Jake even if I am not calm! Put me down!" "I am not having this discussion with you Paige, I'll put you down when I think you can handle it," he said in a tone that reminded me of my Dad when he was angry with me and was doing something that "was for my own good".

"Carrying me away like some adolescent school girl isn't helping me calm the fuck down any Jake, put me down!" I hollered as I continued to struggle. He didn't answer, just kept walking until we were clear of the people while I demanded to be put down over and over.

When he finally did and I brushed the hair out of my face and straightened my clothes; his eye were hot as we glared at each other, "Are you done?" "I've been done!" I shouted as I slammed my hand on my hips. "What the hell was that?" Jake said in an furious manner when threw his hand behind him and held my eyes. "That was me showing some little tiny bopping whore that she should keep her distance from what is mine and keep her nasty fucking opinions on my life to herself. That's what that was!" I shouted, my tone still harsh because my blood was still on fire.

"I had it under control Paige, nothing was going to happen," he yelled in a tone that showed he felt I overreacted. "That's not the fucking point Jake. What was I supposed to do let her be a giant fucking whore and hang all over you all night while I watched? I don't think so," I said as I shot him a hostile look but lowered my tone, I wasn't really angry at him. "That's a little hypocritical of you don't you think?" Jake said shortly, his temper showing it's self even though his tone was lower as well. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I said as I glowered at him and crossed my arms, my disposition still hot. "Van wasn't being very subtle with his advances either tonight and I didn't come charging across the beach to grab him by his throat and slam him into the ground did I? No, I wanted to but I didn't because I knew you had it under control," he said in a tone that was both hot yet controlled.

"It's not that I didn't trust your control Jake, it's that I didn't like the way everyone harped on us not being official. They just assumed that that meant you were fair game and you're not," I said quickly. I didn't want him to think I was questioning him with my act because that wasn't the case. "And neither are you but your buddy Van still likes to think so," he said snidely. "How did this suddenly become about Van?" I practically shouted in frustration as I threw my hands up in the air. "Because he's just as much of the problem as her," he retorted his tone elevated yet not as high as mine.

I didn't have it in me to stand here and fight with him and I didn't want to, so I scuffed and threw my hand up in a dismissive manner before speaking in a tone that was hot but more under control, "I don't want to do this Jake." I turned away from him and started to walk back towards my parents house across the sand as I linked my hands behind my head and took several deep breaths. "And you think I do?" he called after me as he followed me, his tone still hot. "Let it go," I said calmly as I tried to 'woo-shah' my self. "No!" he shouted as he grabbed my arm and spun me towards him gently, but with enough force to move me, "You don't get to just end this because you don't want to talk about it." He released my arm and studied me with angry eyes as I spoke in gentle tone, "Enough Jake." "Why is it suddenly enough? I thought it was enough when you first got in her face. I told you we should leave, but you didn't and you ended up in a fucking brawl on the ground which would still be going on if I didn't pull you off of her. It wasn't enough for you so I removed you and now suddenly because you're done I'm supposed to be too? I'm just supposed to let you shut down whenever you fucking want to? I don't think so Paige," he said as he held my eyes his tone brutally honest and harsh with anger.

"What do you want from me Jake?" I yelled in defeat and anger. "I want you to talk to me god damn it!" he yelled back. "I lost it okay? I should have fucking walked away but I didn't because that is what I do! I fucking snap, not often but when the bitch said that shit about me being suicidal I fucking bugged. Was I wrong for it? Maybe but you know what I've really fucking been there, I've really thought about ending my fucking life so for someone to harp on that really fucking gets to me. So I'm not sorry I hit her, she fucking deserved it, but I am sorry that I lost it and kept fucking hitting her because I shouldn't have. But I can't take it back Jake, it's over and it's done and I am done! What else is there to talk about?" I yelled as I threw my hands up in defeat.

I really didn't want to do this right now. I was still slightly drunk and upset and I fighting with him wasn't going to make it any better. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget about the party all together. Van was upset with me, everyone else was seriously confused about my mental state and I had just finished proving that I was unstable-couldn't that be enough for one night? Did we really have to stand here and argue to boot?

"I know all about anger Paige. Trust me I get it," he shot back his tone still hot. "So they why are we fighting about it?" I shouted as I threw up questioning hands. He shook his head as he gazed at me with disappointment flickering behind his blazing eyes. When he didn't speak I turned and started walking again as I began the process of calming myself again.

He started after me, his pace quicker so he could catch up as he muttered inaudible sentences under his breath in a brutal tone that resembled a throaty threat from a pissed off animal. I tried to block it out as I concentrated on my breathing and heartbeat, forcing myself to lower them- I couldn't afford to get worked up and loose my temper with him, he was my only sanctity and nasty things could hurt him and I wasn't willing to do that.

I closed my eyes and focused all my energies on putting myself back together as he finally reached my side We walked like this for quite some time and I was damn near peaceful when he broke my concentration with a snide comment, his tone aggressive yet sad at the same time, "You just don't fucking get it." "Get what?" I said with a sigh as I opened my eyes and realized he wasn't going to let this argument go, he wanted to get it out of his system. "The real reason all this happened tonight, you just don't fucking get it," he said in the same tone as he shook his head, slammed his fists into his pockets and stared directly in front of us. "I guess I don't," I said in a defeated manner, not really raising my voice but sucking my teeth lightly despite myself as we finally reached the walls of rocks to our left that signified we were only feet several from my parent's stretch of beachfront.

"That's the worst fucking part of everything Paige, not you flipping your shit but that you don't fucking see it. That's the part that pisses me off," he said in a throaty manner as he balled his fists in his pocket. "I'm sorry," I said in a sort of detached manner-I figured he couldn't fight with me if I didn't argue back and it would eventually steam off so we could go back to normalcy.

"Would you stop that passive aggressive bullshit Paige, honestly that is making my fucking skin crawl," he shouted as he ripped his hands from his pockets and threw them up in frustration while he pivoted his body towards me and stopped, his eyes flaming. "I'm trying not to have a knock down drag out with you Jacob why can't you just let it rest?" I shouted back as I threw my arms wide and leaned towards him, my temper creeping back into my demeanor. God damn him, why did he want this? "Because not addressing it will only make it worse Paige! Don't you get it? I'd rather us scream at each other at the top of our lungs about something important then just drop the issue because we don't want to fight! Pushing it off isn't healthy-it isn't natural-it breeds resentment and anger! At least if we argue about it we can deal with it and get it over and we know we still have passion! We can't be scared to argue every once and awhile- this isn't a god damn Disney story where the dashing Prince and modest Princess don't ever even get mad at each other because it's a happily ever after, white horse and glass fucking slipper kind of world; it's reality where the hotheaded boyfriend stands on the beach and argues with his beautiful but sometimes irrational girlfriend because he loves her too much to let it go," he shouted as studied my eyes, his tone more assertive then hostile this time.

My breath hitched slightly when he referred to us a couple and I realized immediately that he was so angry because that was the real reason everything had happened tonight-we needed to be able to be definitive about our status, because we wanted that title; we craved that 'statuesque', as he had referred to it. He watched my eyes as they sparked with acknowledgment and he knew I understood even though I responded in a way that both correlated with and deceived my eyes because I was angry and stubborn, "So you want to fight about it? Fine let's fight about it: I love you Jacob Black, I love you more than I have ever loved another person in my entire life! With such an intensity that seeing someone trying to take you from me, despite whether you're a willing participant or not, drives me insane! You make me insane but it's an insane that I can't live without, it's intoxicating and it's my fuel. And I will not apologize for it because it's how it should be. We are supposed to drive each other crazy and make each other sane all at the same time because we are each other's better and worse half; we are made for each other. We are the good and the bad; the relief and the storm. So if you want to be pissed at me then you go right the fuck ahead and be mad because I'm not saying sorry for something that isn't wrong. I refuse-"

He stopped me dead in my tracks as he slammed his hungry lips into mine. I resisted and pushed my hands into his chest because I wasn't done, I had more to say. "No you can't just-" I started before he cupped my cheeks in his strong hands and kissed me again. The passion that surged between us was like white hot lightening; it was electric, evil and perfect all in one sensual package of irresistibility. I wasn't losing my passion and he could feel it, could see it by my reaction and it drove him to respond with a kiss. I pounded my fists into his chest as he kissed me in a manner that made my head become a dreamy inferno. His perfect and magical mouth moved hotly against mine and slowly my hands relaxed and became affectionate on his chest. Despite my hostility I was kissing him back, encouraging his advances.

I couldn't hear over the vicious pound produced by the heart that was his in my chest, the racket of the waves not even dulling it's intensity. I could smell only his scent, that intoxicatingly beautiful scent that drove my senses primal as the thick salty air was stomped out by it. I could feel only his heat that radiated from his gorgeous bronze skin even though the ocean's breeze fought against it to chill me. I could taste nothing but the delicious flavor of his tongue as it entered my mouth and extinguished the venom I had foolishly wanted to spew at him. And I could see nothing but the sparks we created between us that blazed like golden shooting stars of electricity while the world around me melted at our feet.

His hands moved in different directions when he felt my response to him. One found my hair, entangling in it and pulled it back to expose my throat to his hot mouth; while the other came to the small of my back and forced my length hard against his. A gentle moan escaped my lips as he racked his teeth at the soft flesh of my neck. He worked his way sensual up to my ear with those beautiful lips and spoke in a throaty and sexual tone that made my nerves nearly ignite into flames, "There's the passionate woman I can't resist; don't stop showing me her. She drives me wild."

I could barely breathe and my words came out faint and weak as his mouth worked on my earlobe, "I won't." I felt a smile against my ear as his hot and masculine words steamed over my skin, "You better not. I would be very upset with you if you did. You're not weak-I need your stubbornness and passion, it excites me." He drew his lips across my chin towards my eager mouth as he spoke, stopping only long enough to drag a kiss or his teeth along small stretches of it, before finally talking against my parted lips. "Show me," I said in a breathy moan. He smiled devilishly before he kissed me again. I thought the sensual nature of it would total shred any fiber of control I had left and I begged for it. He wanted me to be strong, yet he did things with his mouth that made me weaker than anything I had ever before-it wasn't fair but then again I would never complain. He withdrew and brushed my lips softly with his as his hand in my hair loosened and his fingers twisted gently in the strands. He was slowing-but why? "I wish I could really show you. You know I do," he said softly his voice losing some of his luster. No I would not let his end like this, not with ever inch of me wanting him so badly it throbbed. "Can't you?" I said I arching my eyebrows and wrapping my arms around his neck as I licked in a sweeping motion across the arch of his beautifully plump swollen bottom lip.

His eyes sparked with intrigue and drifted to scan the area around us. We were in a isolated part of the coast, a private section of beach that belonged to my parents and was located on the far edge of the community and really did it matter if it weren't? I would need him just as badly and would willingly satisfy myself regardless of whether it were less secluded or not. People still came here occasionally, usually visitors who passed through our slice of the sand on their way somewhere else unaware that it is possible to actually own a piece of this whimsical ocean front, but let them come-I couldn't bare to part like this. It had been too long since I'd felt him inside me and I needed that now more than anything.

His eyes swept back across my face as his lips arched dangerously and his hand moved from my hair to my neck while his other gripped at the exposed skin on my hip as he drew me even harder into him as our lips finally meet again. His hand left my neck and moved slowly down my spine as his lips moved quickly on mine. Then his hands moved in unison out across the strip of exposed skin above my jeans, out to my hips and back in across my butt, taking in the shape of it through the denim before gripping and lifting me up into his arms as my legs came around his waist, our lips never parting. He spun me once and I drew back to let the wind created by our movement whip through my hair and over my face as I arched my back, my arms still locked around his neck.

This gave him a chance to slow and bring those soft lips to my chest; the top of it was left exposed by my tank top and half zipped sweater. His kisses were tender at first and then gathered more passion as they followed the round lines of my breast. I loved the way his mouth felt on my skin, it blazed and tingled the nerves and the occasional suck or bite satisfied every sensation it could handle. It was pleasant and a tease all at once and I wanted it to both continue because it felt amazing and to stop so he could move on to more sensitive places. I simple wanted him, everywhere on me, doing anything he pleased with me.

He worked up my neck back towards my mouth and I lowered my lips back to his as he lowered me slowly back to my feet and then onto my back in the one sensual and fluid movement as our lips brushed and he held my eyes. He spoke in that raw and sensual tone again as I lay beneath him in a bed of sand and gazed up at him, "You are mine." His mouth trailed back down to my chest as he continued to use the voice that made my mind fizzle, "These are mine." "Yes," I said as he started his beautiful work on them again, but this time for only several of my staggered breathes. He moved to the zipped of my sweater , pulling it down slowly as brought his eyes up to mine while he worked. His eyes were hungry, he needed this just as much as I did and I knew he meant to fully enjoy himself. He threw my sweater open, helped me pull my arms out of it, but left it beneath me for a barrier from the sand, and slowly worked his eyes down over my torso so he could watch as he pushed the fabric of my tank top up to expose the toned muscles and lightly tanned olive skin of my stomach. He ran his hands over it and brought that sinful mouth down while his hands slipped up my sides and he spoke, "This is mine." He drizzled his tongue over the skin, skimming it so lightly that the erotic tingle made me shudder in pleasure.

His tongue had me so mesmerized, that I didn't even realize that his skillful hands were working on the clasp of my belt until they moved the button. He worked efficiently but took his time to enjoy the way the sheer hot pink fabric of my thong exposed it's self to him as the zipper lowered, my cleanly shaved skin showing through. He pulled the jeans slowly off my hips as I raised them sensually off the ground and bit my lip while I watched him. He worked them slowly down my legs, taking in every inch of my toned, long legs as he went, removed my flats and then them before he dropped them behind him onto the ground. He moved his hands up my legs slowly, taking in the soft skin and tight muscles as he went, his eyes locked on the pink fabric. "And this is mine," he said as he blew gently on his fixation. I shuddered again and moaned a soft, "Yes." He placed one soft kiss on it before he withdrew and straightened up completely as he started to remove his sweater with those perfect lips arched deviously into a smile.

I reached up to run my hands over his perfect stomach as the jacket went in the same direction as my jeans and he grabbed my wrists and brought them up over my head as he brought his lips to mine and shook his head, dragging his lips back and forth before he spoke in that breathtakingly erotic tone again, our eyes locked, "No touching. Tonight is mine. Do you trust me?" "With everything," I whispered back and he smiled softly before kissing my lips as he released my hands. He pulled away again and pulled the front of his white shirt out of his from his jeans and pulled it up over his head before disregarding it as well. So, he was going to tempt me and test my control wasn't he? How cruel, I thought as I watched the moonlight dance over the perfectly defined chest and abs he'd exposed for me. They were delicious, so firm and muscular that they made my mouth water but I didn't move my hands, I just ran my eyes where my hands would have gone. I knew those lines perfectly, had traced them over and over with my fingers so many times I didn't need to now to remember how it felt.

He undid his belt as I watched, helplessly restrained by my words that held me like silk ropes. I wouldn't touch no matter how much he tempted, I would keep faithful to my trust in him. He left the belt loose and the jeans open as he brought his hands back the thin pink ribbons that ran along my hips. He eased them down far enough to expose the part of me he'd just claimed as his with another lift of my hips as he held my eyes. He slipped his fingers into me softly as he watched my mouth fall open slightly in response. "See you know this is mine, your asking for it. You're ready and I haven't even really started," he said as another smile danced across his lips.

"You do that to me," I said in a whisper as he moved his finger deeply in and out, his strokes not a gentle as his small triumphant laugh. I barely noticed as he started to ease his own jeans and boxers down, it felt too good as his fingers swirled and moved as though he were motioning for someone to come to him deep inside of me. He slowed the combination of movements only enough to pull the articles of clothing down below his knees. I matched his previous laugh as I saw that he was just as ready as I was. "Same could be said for you," I said as I winked and nodded towards his swollen member, "He wants me just much as I want him." "Well," he said as he pulled his fingers out of me and slipped my panties down passed my knees, "then we shouldn't hold out on either of you now should we?" "Not at all," I said as he grabbed me and flipped me, with a little of my help, bringing me onto all fours before him.

He gripped my hip tightly with one hand and slammed into me with a force that made my knees almost buckle as a slight scream ripped from my lips. He fit me so differently from behind, stretched my in a new and pleasurable way that had my head spinning. His rhythm was animalistic and raw and was exactly what we both needed after tonight. I could barely focus, couldn't think, was driven only by the different sensations he was giving me. I felt his one hand grip my hip with such intensity it should have hurt but I loved it. I felt his other hand rack it's nails down my spine from the tip of the fabric of my pushed up tank down, and I enjoyed the primal essence of it. The hand was stagnant on my back for only a moment before it traveled around the front of my legs and danced over my clit.

I gasped; the combination of the length of him rocking in and out of me as his fingers worked was incredible and my mind seemed to focus even less. I couldn't control the sounds that slipped through my lips-groans, gasps and other breathy exhales. My arms were going weak, couldn't even support my weight anymore and fell down onto my forearms but kept my hips high, which gave him an even more pleasant angle to work. His hand found my back again, as a his pace slowed and that voice filled my ears again, "Are you going to cum for me?" I couldn't formulate a sentence or think of a witty response so I just whispered "yes" as my chest heaved, my lungs fighting to fill completely.

He laughed that laugh again and picked the pace up as his hand found my hair. He wrapped in deep in the long strands and pulled my head back as I gasped. The action was raw and I never thought I'd be the type to like this but it basically threw me over the edge. His name escaped my lips in an mixture of a scream and a gasp as he pulled it harder and his pace went vicious. My muscles tensed tightly around him as a wave of electric heat coursed through me, hitting every nerve and causing me to shake as my orgasm ripped through me like a gale force wind, leaving destruction in it's wake. My mind was sizzling, no coherent thoughts remaining, just pleasure.

He released a growl as his fingers dug into my hip as he pulled even harder on my hair and his pace went to a degree that should have caused pain. Just as my muscles began to loosen involuntarily and I finally gasped after holding my breath through my climax, I felt him start to pulsate inside of me as another growl escaped his lips. He slammed in twice more, for good measures I assume, before his grip loosened on my hair and he fell softly onto my back, his chest heaving harshly as his blazing dew cover skin rested on mine. He kissed my shoulder softly with shaking lips as he stroked my hair with one of his hands and whispered, "I love you." I whispered it back before he spoke softly, "And you are mine-all of you. No more confusion-you are mine and I have always been yours."


	25. Making Peace

I couldn't believe that our week in Aptos was almost over, the rest of the days just seemed to fly by and I had mixed emotions about it. I missed my parents and it was great to be able to see them, but it was even more clear now that Forks is where I was supposed to be. Don't get me wrong, the sun was a beautiful thing, it had felt simply amazing to let it bake my skin while I laid in Jake's arms but I was actually very content with the rain these days. Aptos was just a vacation spot, Jake was my home- I belonged with him and that meant I belonged in Forks.

I guess that's the incredible thing about visits-you really learned to appreciate things. You realize that you really have to cherish the moments you have because before you know it, it was time turn back around. Plus, it makes you excited to go back to the life you lead day to day. I couldn't wait to lay in our bed with Jake's heart pounding softly against my ear in unison with the sound of falling water on the roof.

So, all in all I was okay with the end that was coming, I thoroughly enjoyed my time here. Sure, there were some hiccups, but the past couple of days had gone off without a hitch. I learned very quickly that sex on the beach wasn't really the so appealing the day after. Jake and I had matching sand burn type irritation on our knees which was slightly painful and I was flabbergasted by the places where sand could work itself into. Mom hadn't missed the signs of our exhibition, I was thoroughly grossed out by the fact that she could make the connection to these marks, and thankfully my Dad didn't (or maybe he just chose to ignore it-either way I was appreciative).

We celebrated my twenty-first and my Mother's fortieth birthday with a beautiful dinner at a swanky restaurant followed by a crazy night out at the bars. Jake, Mom and I had a blast and loaded the jukebox with an inconceivable about of money to keep the atmosphere celebratory and exciting. I couldn't think of a more perfect trio for that special night (although my Dad would beg to differ-but then again he did spend three hours holding Mom's hair back after one too many French Martinis and her bar top performance of Don't Stop Believing). And the next day was spent lounging by the ocean with a lot of hangover remedies and ordered in food.

Dad and I had a really intense heart to heart last night when I asked if he could get my box out of his safe. He'd been floored when I'd told him I wanted it and he delivered but not before we talked about what this meant. I thought he was going to cry when I told him that I knew that I was ready to have it out in the open and that I didn't see it as a painful token of a lost future anymore but rather a pleasant reminder of times passed.

And then this morning, I'd gotten up with the sun and slipped out before anyone else was even out of bed. But not before I snuck into the guest bedroom and watched the serenity that was produced by Jake's deep sleep. I loved seeing him in such a delicate state because it didn't happen often and I let myself enjoy the way his light snore vibrated his beautiful lips and the peaceful nature of his completely relaxed expression. It's weird how something as simple as sleep can be so beautiful if it's the right person doing it; I could have watched him for hours but I knew that despite how deeply he slept, he'd eventually feel my eyes on him and wake and I didn't really want to be caught soaking up his peacefulness.

So, I kissed his forehead lightly and left a note under his cell phone, knowing it was the first thing he checked every morning. It told him that I had gone to take care of something before we left tonight, that I'd be back as soon as possible and that I loved him very much. I didn't tell him where I was going because somehow I felt he would know without me explaining. I left a similar note by the coffee pot (my Mom's first destination upon waking) and made my way further south along the coast line towards a place that I hadn't been to in a long time. The last time I'd come down here, it had not been productive in the least; I'd wound up laying on the overturned earth sobbing and beating at it with my fists-I was so scared and angry then. I know I probably should have come again before I left Aptos earlier in the year, but I hadn't known what to say then-I was just determined to make as clean of a break as possible. But today I knew what had to be said and I was okay with saying it finally. I climbed out of my car and pushed my hands into the deep pockets of my thigh length Burberry mini trench coat as I walked through the steel gates.

I wasn't feeling a wave of impending doom as I had assumed I would, I actually felt extremely at ease and in control as I took in the early autumn foliage of the area. I was astonished by how beautiful I found it, seeing as how it had been practically the same time of the year last time I came. I had seen it as bleak and unwelcoming then, it was an evil place full of depression and agony. The trees then had hung dangerously over the graves, reaching out to draw the life out of the living who came to pay their respects and the sun didn't shine there-it was dark and cold. But this morning I heard the birds chirping musically in the trees that swayed lightly in the breeze, their limbs offering shelter to those who sat beneath them, and the sun shone brilliantly through their changing leaves, throwing sparking beams of light magically off the headstones. Now I could see it as a rest place not a graveyard.

I started up the small hill of immaculately tended grass, passed the stones that had toy cars and flowers left on them-tokens of the lives they left behind. I came finally to the far corner of the yard, the steel fence with climbing vines creeping beautifully along the rods at it's back and a dogwood blooming to it's side. I smiled as I stood before the shining onyx hued marble stone that had once been a marker of my despair and ran my hand slowly along the smooth, high polished top as I spoke in a soft tone that would be deemed appropriate for a bittersweet reunion, "Hey you." I crouched before it and ran my fingers through the now tattered red and black tassel that I had hung from the ornate corner molding on my last visit, "I'm sorry it's been so long since I've come to see you, it's not that I've forgotten you-but I'm sure you know that." I ran my fingers through the etching on the front of it as I continued, "I just had to miss you from afar for awhile, it hurt too much to see you here, before. But I'm okay with it now."

I settled down into the grass, sitting cross legged before his headstone and continued as I played with a fallen blossom in my fingers, "I moved up to Washington a while back. I'm staying with my Uncle Jackson right now, you know the one who came down that one fall when we were like twelve for the Oakland game, yeah him. It's different up there-it rains more than anything else. But it makes everything this amazing emerald hue and I actually enjoy it." I laughed softly at the words before continuing, "I know, it's so uncharacteristic for me to not miss the sun but I actually don't. I guess it has a lot to do with the people I share the rain with. I have this amazing girlfriend-yes I know something else that seems out of sorts. But she's amazing. Her name is Emily and she's crazy and loud yet so ridiculously safe and calming that I can't help but love her. She's exactly the sister I always wanted growing up. And her boyfriend is Sam-he's mostly reserved and quiet, but he emits this energy that puts you so at ease that you can't resist the urge to be around him because you know that with him everything is going to be okay when he's there."

I smiled sweetly and twirled the blossom as I continued, "And Embry-he's amazingly innocent and pure. He was my very first friend up there. I got lost-no shocker there-and he rescued me and I couldn't help but trust him almost instantly. His virtue is comforting because it's rare and it reassures you that there is good left in the world. And then there's Quil, he's a character. He's very timid at first but once he opens up, whoa, it's hysterical. He's dramatic and flamboyant at time and I cant help but find it entertaining. And Paul, oh Paul, he is this brute who most everyone hates. He is aggressive, assertive, forward and conceded but he would be the first one to come to your defense. He uses his prominent qualities to push people away but if you get far enough behind those walls you get a glimpse of his compassion, but he wouldn't want you seeing it if he could help it."

I shook my head softly as I thought of Paul, the misunderstanding that swirled around him was his fuel and it drove him slightly crazy that I saw through it. My thoughts kept placid and I was soon speaking about someone else, "And Jared is ridiculous and I thoroughly enjoy it. He's witty, crude and normally my comedic relief. He is totally spontaneous too, which I absolutely love; one night he actually woke Jake and I up at two am and talked us in to cliff diving with him, right then." I laughed softly as I remembered that night, it had been so exhilarating to cliff dive in the moonlight for no other reason other than that we felt like it. "He may disregard safety sometimes, but he'd never let anything happen to me. He's real protective of me in a brotherly sort of way. You know he actually told Jake if he ever hurt me that Jake ought to be more scared of him than anyone else because years of friendship had taught him all Jake's habits and hiding spots-so, no matter where he went or what he did he'd find him," I paused momentarily and smiled again remember the conviction in his voice as I spoke to him that night when Emily and I had stumbled upon their conversation.

"Which brings me to Jake," I said in a loving manner as I drew the blossom to my nose and inhaled it's sweet aroma, "He is the most amazingly crucial part of Washington. He's loving, powerful, passionate, beautiful and brilliant. He's this breathtaking soul that makes everything worth it. He smiles at me and no matter how bad things are, the world is instantly brighter. And when he touches me, it ignites this fire inside of me that I thought was gone. And somehow, he's mine." I smiled as I said it, completely exhilarated by the words. "He wants to marry me, I'm not supposed to know this, but part of me already knew it-and I want to spend forever with him. It's crazy to think it, but I can't imagine a future that is anything other then that. I want to do all those beautiful and scary things with him," I exhaled slightly as I picture our life together. A home that we built, children that we made and happiness that we created for each other. It was a magical future, something out of a story book. "And it's not that fake you think you'll make it kind of relationship-it's that insanely intense sort of togetherness where you know no matter what happens you'll be okay as long as that person holds your eyes and tells you they love you… thank you for that Caleb. Thank you for guiding me to Jake-you always were good at knowing what was better for me than I did," I said as left the blossom on the ledge of his stone.

"I understand it all now Cay, I finally get why you did what you did that night-because you knew I was meant to live like this, to live for him. I never did thank you for what you did, I always cursed you for it, but I can finally appreciate it now. But instead of just saying two simple words that have no real significance, I'm going to thank you everyday with every breath I take, with every moment I live and with every shred of love I give him for the rest of my life," I said as I placed my hand on his stone and stood, gently stroking it's top.

"I don't know when I'll be back, I can't promise it won't be a long time, but I know that you understand that coming here would stop me from living-from moving forward. But I will think of you often, every beautiful moment of my life will be because of you, because of your sacrifice and I will remember that always-no matter how often I come here. Rest peacefully darling," I said as I kissed my hand softly and pressed it to the marble.

I turned then and strode back towards the car, my hair blowing softly in the crisp cool breeze that carried with it the scent of the dogwood. I was okay with leaving him finally, I was okay with living, it didn't hurt anymore-it hadn't in a long time.

As I climbed into the driver's seat the sun caught the solitary diamond of my meant to be engagement ring that hung from a gold chain from my rearview mirror with my other protective talismans and threw a rainbow of light across my dashboard. And I knew then completely and with absolute resolve that he was as much at peace with my life as I was and that he was watching over me with protective and loving eyes. He always would be guarding me from his place above us and I was okay with his guidance-it had lead me to such a beautiful place already so I could only imagine the places I had yet to go.

I put the car in reverse and back away from the cemetery as my mind drifted to Jake, I couldn't wait to get home to my beautiful boy, to get back to my future as my past faded in my rearview. I wouldn't change a thing about anything if I could because I couldn't imagine a single moment where Jacob didn't own every fiber of my being. I retrieved my cell phone from the cup holder and dialed quickly before pressing it to my ear.

With a few rings, a familiar voice surged into my mind, it was the voice of the only person that really mattered-it was my Jacob. "I'm coming home," I said sweetly, meaning it in more ways than one. And he responded to all those ways with seven simple words, "You can't get here fast enough beautiful."


	26. Change

"You know what: I think I'm going to do it," I said as I wiped the grease from my hands with a rag and held Sam's eyes. I had asked him over to run some thoughts I was having passed him, I saw him as a older brother and I needed that sort of advice on this matter. "Well it would definitely make things easier on you guys but it's a relationship tester for sure. I didn't think it would be when Em and I finally got our own place together, but it's a lot more difficult to live with someone than you think. You learn things about them that you never would have guessed, the curtain falls back for sure," he said as he leaned against the door jam his arms crossed at his chest.

"Yeah, but I'm okay with that," I said as threw the rag on the work bench and slammed the hood of the Rabbit closed. "You think you are little bro," Sam said as a small laugh rippled through his chest, "But wait till you see the things she does when you're not around. There is no avoiding it anymore, she'll have no choice but to complete her freaky rituals when your home. Don't get me wrong some of them will be cute, like when you catch her dancing around the bedroom in her underwear with the radio on a night when you get off early but some of them are on the total opposite end of the spectrum. Plus, you'll learn real quick that underwear does not belong on the bathroom floor and dirty dishes can't be in the sink once she's done a load. Trust me she'll let you know what a slob you are relatively quickly. Are you sure you guys are ready to have those sort of moments?"

I shrugged it off as trivial next to the idea of being able to come home to her every night, to our house, full of our things and the luxury to come home after a hard day and strip her naked wherever I pleased to have my way with her for release. I was very keen on the last idea, I had plenty of ideas on how I could capitalize on new rooms and different positions for different piece of furniture-oh the things I could do. "I'll take the good with the bad," I said smiling devilishly as my thoughts flickered across my face.

Sam smiled, his eyes catching the thought pattern that was streaming through mine, "I don't see why you shouldn't then. Honestly man, I think she's perfect for you-she definitely keeps you on your toes and has you talking all kinds of crazy grown up shit. I was half accepting you to ask me my opinion on a ring today seeing as you went and visited the parents." He let out a soft chuckle as he sighed in relief and as he spoke in a tone that was riddled with both comedy and truth, "Emily would not be happy if Paige got a rock before her, so I kinda dodged a bullet on that one."

I approached him with suggestive eyes and slapped him once on the shoulder as I spoke, "You better start window shopping brother because if this apartment deal goes well then I will be stopping by to get Emily's opinions on the ring. I wouldn't ask you, you can't even dress yourself half the time. " He let out a huff and pushed my hand away, "Fuck you man you're really gonna start that typhoon? I thought brothers had each other's backs. You don't understand how hard she's on my ass about this shit already." I laughed at the horror that was glimmering behind his normally mellow eyes as straightened his posture. A evil smile shot across my lips and I raised my eyebrows as I responded, "I hope you got an idea on one and the cash put away because it not looking so hot for ya."

He tilted his face towards the sky and racked his hands over it as he spoke in a tone that reeked of frustration and fried nerves, "Did I ever tell you how much a fucking hate you?" I laughed as I took him in, for being older than me and years ahead of me in the relationship game, he was sure dragging his feet on asking her to marry him-what a pansy ass. "Just grow a fucking set and do it, you know you want to and what's the worst that could happen: she'll get the ring and get some sixth sense from it that tells her she's too good for you? I've been telling her that for years and she hasn't listened to me yet-either that or she's got some sort of soft spot for the mentally challenged- either way you should be straight ," I said as Paige pulled into the driveway.

"I don't think you understand the depth of this hate, it's more like loath," he said as pushed me away from him with both hands trying not to laugh as he glowered at me. "Hating me won't grow you a set pussy, man up," I threw over my shoulder as I laughed and started across the driveway towards Paige.

She climbed out and the wind picked up slightly blowing her long dark hair across her face. I told myself everyday that when I saw her I wouldn't be caught off guard by how beautiful she was. But as she walked towards me, swaying her hips as a smile arched across those sexy pout lips I realized that I had lied to myself yet again.

Everything about her was extraordinary, from the gentle hourglass silhouette that her curves created to the complex cobalt of her large eyes. "Hey Baby," she said in that sultry yet angelic tone that made my heart feel like it wad going to explode right out of my chest-I don't think I'll ever get used to it. "Hey Beautiful," I said in my own suggestive tone. She placed a gentle kiss on my lips and the sensation it sent coursing through me was inconceivable, I was putty in her hands.

"Hey Sam," she said sweetly as she ducked her head around me and waved. "Hey Kiddo. Em told me if I saw you I was to tell you something about missing your face? And my life was threatened should I forget so please be sure to tell her I told you," he said as pressed his lips softly to her cheek.

Paige let out a small laugh her eyes dancing with excitement, "Awe tell her I miss her face too and that I see a Bacardi night in the near future." "Will do," he said as he pushed his hands into his pockets before giving me a quick nod, "Jake I think I've sustained enough of your badgering for one day so I'm out. Paige, sweetheart, it's always a pleasure." "Call me when you find that set," I called to him; he made it painfully easy to break his balls and the finger that turned into a quick wave over his shoulder before he climbed into his truck was a satisfying enough response for me.

Paige looked up at me, her arched eyebrows drawn close, "Set of what?" "His set," I said honestly, "He seems to have misplaced them." She rolled her eyes and shook her head as she let out a soft laugh, "It isn't nice to be mean to your brother. Sometimes you have to play nice." I laughed and drew my arm around her shoulder as I responded, "He likes it and if I don't do it he won't know that I still care." She wrapped her arm around my back and placed her other hand on my chest as she looked up at me with a smile, "Well I wouldn't want that to happen." "Exactly me either, some things are really for his own good," I said giving her a wink before I pressed my lips softly to her brow.

"Well it's a good thing you are such a martyr," she said in a condescending tone as my phone started ringing. "I know one day it's gonna kill me," I said as I pulled the phone out and answered. "Hello?" "Oh Hey Jake, it's me Bella," she said in a surprised tone, like I had caught her off guard by answering. "Hey what's up Bells?" I asked as Paige pressed her lips softly to my cheek and linked her fingers with mine and lead on towards the house. "Well, one thing in particular…do you think you and I could meet up tonight I have something I need to talk to you about," she said her tone slightly shaky.

My eyebrows drew in confusion and several jumbled thoughts ran through my mind at once-I wondered what exactly she had troubling her this time. "Um, yeah sure I guess. Is everything okay Bells?" I asked as I paused and Paige turned towards me and tilted her head. I kissed her fingers softly and motioned her in so that if Bella choose to have a breakdown, I could console her without bringing the whole world into it. "Oh yeah sure, they will be soon hopefully. Do you want to come over here or for me to come out there?" she said her tone going from nervous to hopeful in under a minute-I wasn't sure I'd ever really understand the way woman's minds worked.

"Uh, well I guess that sort of depends on what you wanna talk about. Cause if it's not something you want Dad and Paige hearing then I'd better-" I started before she cut in with a definitive and quick tone, "Oh no yeah then you better come here it's kind of…well personal…you know and I don't want everyone hearing." Now I was lost, even more so then I had been before, but I chalked it up as Bella's slight inclination for uneasiness and just hung on the fact that I would sort it all out when I saw her. "Okay, no problem. I'll stop by sometime later tonight," I said as I finally entered the house and followed the arches of Paige's body as she leaned on the back of the couch on her forearms and spoke with my father. She was smiling, one of her toothy, genuinely enthralled smiles as she shared a laugh with him.

Her back was arched in a dangerously sensual way because her knees were locked out in her stance-the lines it created were- "Jake?" Bella said catching me completely off guard as I stood in background and studied Paige-it was so hard to not get lost in her. "Oh yeah sorry what did you say?" I said trying my hardest to focus on her as I watched Paige tilt her face towards my Dad, her eyes sparkling as she spoke, her smile dazzling before she dropped her face into her hands and laughed until she snorted softly. "I can't wait to see you," she said her voice showing some signs of frustration and dismay.

"Yea me too," I said half listening as Paige made an absurdly adorable face at him as her tongue slipped between her lips in a mocking manner before she pushed his shoulder away from her with a soft giggle as he said something about an undeniable truth with a laugh. "It'll be so nice to actually have sometime alone with you, it's been a long time," Bella said in an unsure manner. "Yeah," I said as Paige placed a quick kiss on his cheek and rolled her eyes before giving him a wink as a soft smile formed in the corners of her mouth.

There was something effortless about the way she fit into my life, the way she didn't seem out of place in the humble accommodations of the house I'd grown up in. She was extraordinarily luxurious, clearly cut out for the high society of Northern California with her elegant silhouette and unrivaled sex appeal that seeped from every inch of her; she would look magnificent in a sophisticated yet revealing dress draped over the arm of some high profile millionaire at a black and white affair. Yet here she stood in snug jeans and a low cut shirt, her long hair falling untamed over her chest, among the less than splendid attributes of my home and joked with my fair from high class father and she looked like she belong here, like she was made for it. It amazed me that all of her was mine, that she could choice this as her life, that she didn't search for the someplace more deserving of her; no, somehow she was more than satisfied with the humble life we lead together.

"You seem distracted, I'll let you go-I'll be waiting for you. So whenever you can make it out this way please do," Bella said her voice becoming unmistakably suggestive towards the end. Ah, hell she's going to start that again? I thought we discussed that we weren't that anymore, I thought we'd decided that all that sexual tension sort of crap was a thing of the past; I guess she would need to be reminded. "Yeah sure thing. See you later," I said my tone dismissive as I made it clear that I would not be responding to those sort of ideas. Her voice was muted and slightly hurt when she said goodbye and I closed the phone quickly without saying anything else. I hoped she'd just get the hint and recollect herself, because I didn't want to really hurt her feelings when I blew off her innuendos in person; I wasn't the same guy who lived for them before and she said she got that. Obviously she was in need of comforting and she thought that was the way to go about it, because that was the way she always had. But now things were different; now I lived for Paige.

"Are you ready to go get your present now?" I asked as I smile crept across my lips. I had been practically itching to give it to her, but it wasn't ready until today. She'd begged me to tell her what it was and although it had been extremely difficult I managed to keep closed lipped-even though some of her strategies had been rather persuading. I had resisted her, which took ever inch of my control and the teasing she could perform was torturous. A smile blazed across her face, reaching all the way into those eyes that were enough to stop comprehendible thought. She kissed my Dad's cheek once more and practically bounced over to me, her excitement pulsating from her. "Yes yes yes," he exclaimed as she grabbed me and drug me towards the door.

"We'll be back Dad," I called over my shoulder as she pulled me across the room. He looked over his shoulder and smiled, "Have fun kids." I laughed as she threw the door open and practically ran through as she spoke quickly, "Do I get a hint?" I pondered that and she watched me hopefully over her shoulder as she moved us towards her car, "Well I guess it couldn't hurt." "Okay, go," she said in sheer exhilaration as released my hand to cross in front of the nose of her car towards the passenger seat. I climbed in slowly and held her eager eyes as I thought of way I could say that wouldn't give it away-I'd waited this long I wasn't going to ruin all my hard work minutes before the surprise. "My Dad calls both presents a test run," I said smiling as I started the car.

"A test run?" she said as she drew her brow tight and studied my face. "Yes," I wasn't saying anything else, I knew it would spoil all the steps I had been taking to keep quiet. "Like a test run for what," she said prying because she couldn't collect any ideas. "Well for us of course," I said as I started towards my the Clearwater's house. "A test run for us and it's two parts and it needed time to be ready?" she said trying to find a common factor between all the things she knew about it. "Yep," I said smiling at her because I knew there was no way she'd figure it out-that pleased me because I'd sworn most everyone to secrecy about it and completely kept it from Jared because he and her were too close for her to not be able to get it out of him.

She groaned as she stared through the windshield, "I have no idea Jake!" Frustration controlled her tone, she didn't like not knowing and I had to laugh softly at the way that emotion wrinkled her nose. "That's the point Babe," I said as smiled-triumph dancing through my voice. She turned her eyes to me and huffed again before speaking in defeat, "I knowww." "It'll all make sense in a few minutes," I said as patted her leg and slowed to enter their driveway.

Her eyes went bright again and her brow raised as a smile shot back across her face as she clapped her hands, "Yay!" I laughed at her composure, it was so childish and enthralled-I'd done good. I put the car in park as Seth ran out from the house, his face just as excited as Paige's, "I did just what you asked, everything is ready." "You were in on this?" Paige said as she studied him with scolding eyes. "Oh yeah Paige you have no idea. I was basically Jake's right hand man on this," he said his stance proud as he smiled at her. He was too, he'd taken care of everything I couldn't do without Paige finding out-he was a good kid and his eagerness to be in on this had made it all possible. "Good job Buddy," I said patting his shoulder. "No problem Jake," he said beaming before turning his eyes to Paige, "Sorry, but trust me it's worth it. Forgive me for not telling you?"

Paige held out, narrowed her eyes as she placed her hands on her hips as she studied him. He bit his lip nervously as he fidgeted slightly and made a scared face. Paige shook her head as a smile snuck out and she threw her arms around him, "Forgiven." "Whew," he said as he hugged her back, "I thought you were really pissed. I didn't do it to make you mad I did it to make your surprise better honest." She pulled away from him as she spoke so she could held his eyes, "I know, that's why I forgive you. Plus, it's Jake's fault anyhow." She winked at me as Seth spun towards me, "Yeah your fault."

"Hey" I said defensively as I watched him, "You offered." He spun back towards to Paige, "Don't believe him." She laughed, put arm around his shoulder and pulled him in, "Okay take me to my surprise and I won't." "Okay, come on," he said eagerly and took off in a sprint towards the backyard. Paige turned towards me and extended her hand, "Come on sneak." I took it and linked our fingers as I laughed, "You'll forgive me too, you'll see." She smiled up at me as we walked along the side of the house and saw Seth at the garage waving us towards him, "Come on." "Coming," she called as we crossed the yard towards him.

When we reached him he looked up at her his eyes practically dancing, "Close your eyes." Paige obliged as a smile crept across her lips. She raised one eye slowly and Seth retorted, "No peeking! Jake!" I released her hand and came behind her to cover her eyes as I addressed him, "Don't worry I got it covered."

He laughed in excitement along with Paige as he pushed the door open, "Alright come on it's in here." I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Go ahead, I got you." We moved slowly forward into the garage and once we were inside I stopped her and I addressed Seth, "Alright Buddy on three. One, two, three." I kissed her head again on two and pulled my hands away on three. A shrill squeal escaped her lips as she saw Seth before her holding a small ball of white and black fur. "Jake!" she said in excitement an spun towards me kissing me quickly before turning back to Seth her hands extended. "Happy Birthday," I said smiling as I watched her scoop the dog up and hold in close while it licked her face happily. "Thank you-both of you! He definitely needed you on this," she said as she kissed Seth's cheek. He beamed and spoke quickly, "I know, I've had him for the passed week. He slept in my bed and everything. He's really cute isn't he." She kissed it's snout and laughed in giddy excitement as he licked her nose with one quick movement and yipped up at her. "Yes he is! Oh Jake he's beautiful," she said as she crossed towards me the little dog snuggled closely in her arms and kissed me again. "I thought you'd like him. He's a Husky/Shepherd mix. Seth's friend at school had a whole litter of them and he wanted Harry to let him get one," I said as she held him up above her head and made kissy faces at him while he lapped at her and made small yipping and throaty noises. "Yeah Dad said 'no' but Jake said I can come play with yours anytime I want to," Seth said in a tone that went from discouragement to excitement. "Well of course you can. You've taken such good care of him that you can come everyday if you'd like," she said rustling his hair with one hand as she held the dog in the other. He practically jumped in excitement, "Really?" "Yes really," she said smiling at him as the dog made a small whimper sound followed by a few more throaty noises, "See, he agrees. What should we name him?" I shrugged as she fluttered her eyes between me and Seth, "That's up to you babe." She held him up again as she studied him-he had a completely white belly that ran up onto his snout and black that ran from the tip of his tail, up over his back, down his face and onto the top of his snout. The black that covered most of his face made his crystal blue eyes look almost piercing and the point of his ears would have been slightly intimidating if he wasn't lapping at her with his little pink tongue wildly. "What do you think of Diesel? Cause he's going to be one bad ass dog don't ya think Seth?" she said addressing him as made more ridiculously adorable faces at the dog. "Yeah Diesel. Hi Diesel," Seth said as he brought his face closer to the dog and ran his hand down his back. The dog went wild, wagging his tail frantically as he made sounds that ranged from soft growls to whines before finishing with another small yip. "Yep he like it," Seth said smiling excitedly before his mouth dropped open, "You haven't seen the other part."

"Other part?" Paige said question her face shocked as she looked between us again. "Yep, go on look and see if you can find it," Seth said smirking happily. She drew her brow again and turned towards and I motioned her forwards as I smiled devilishly. She looked around and a soft 'umm' slipped from her lips as Diesel made more throaty noises as if he were trying to tell her. "Nope, you're way off," Seth said excitedly as a soft laugh rattled his chest. She blew air from her lips as she puffed up her cheeks, blowing air from them slowly as she arched her eyebrows and shook her head with a defeated hand in the air. Seth laughed as I came to her side and looked down at her, speaking in a soft tone, "I'll help." She blew out a breath of relief and smiled up at me, "Thank you."

I ran my finger along Diesel's ice blue collar and she watched me work slowly through the thick, fuzzy snow white hair on the underside of his throat. "It's you huh, Diesel that why you were so vocal huh boy. You were trying to tell Mama but she wasn't listening was she?" she said in a small baby voice as she scuffed the ebony hair on the back of his neck and kept her eyes on my fingers as she positioned the dog to help me find what I was looking for. I found it then, as the dog let out a soft bark, the white ribbon that tied it to the loop for his name tag blending perfectly with his fur-good job kid you did well. I pulled on the ribbon softly and the silver band that had been hidden in the soft fuzz of his coat glimmered in the light and Paige said my name in a gasp. She did it again as I slowly untied the small knot that secure it and pulled it off of him. I picked up her free hand, which happened to be the left on-which worked perfectly-and slipped it onto her slim ring finger as I spoke, "I love you very much Paige. I love you to the point I think it might be the death of me sometimes-yet I can't think of a more perfect way to die."

A tear slipped softly, over her cheek and fell into Diesel's fur as he lapped softly at her cheek to lick it away. Her lips were trembling as she whispered, "I love you the same." I kissed her lips softly, the kiss was gentle and passionate and our lips moved perfectly in sync. "Geez guys," Seth huffed in mild distaste-I'd forgotten he was there all together. "Sorry Buddy," I said smile softly against her lips as she gazed up at me her eyes still misty as Diesel nudged his muzzle in between our chins to remind us he was there too. "Thank you," she said softly as another tear spilled over her cheek. "You're welcome," I said placing another gentle kiss on her lips before she pulled away to admire the ring.

I had it hand made by a jewelry maker on the reserve, the same old woman who made my parent's wedding bands. It had drawn my idea down quickly for her three months ago and she'd done an amazing job bringing it to life. It was three thin silver bands that appeared to be held together by a silver rope that wrapped around them first diagonally and then twice vertically in a pattern of this nature around the ring and framed a square cut turquoise positioned to look like a diamond that was outlined my a thin strip of coral on all sides. "Oh Jake it's absolutely gorgeous," she said in a gasp as he studied it, her eyes misting again. "Then it should be yours," I said smiling down at her, "It's a promise that one day I will put a ring of a different nature on that same finger."

She pursed her lips softly, fighting against the tears that were threatening to come again and pressed her lips to mine again as she whispered, "I don't deserve you Jacob Black." That was insanity and I tilted my head as I pulled away looking into her eyes as I spoke in muted tone so only she could hear it as I linked our fingers together, "If you don't then no one else every could-so you must." She smiled softly before kissing me again, this time proving my point by the way she made my head go unfocused as her soft lips moved over mine and we shared several soft breaths. "If this is all you guys are gonna do then I'm gonna go," Seth said snapping my focus back into place as reality came flooding back. Paige held my eyes as Diesel pushed his paw into my stomach, putting distance between so he could nuzzle softly into her chest and whine; Seth didn't need to see this but Diesel would certainly have to get used to it-she was mine too.

She turned to Seth, "Sorry- you're so right. So, wanna show me all things you do with this little guy so I make sure I take good care of him tonight?" "Sure come on," he said motioning to her as he sprinted out of the garage. She laughed and started to follow, pausing as she linked hands with me on the way out and spoke in a whisper, "I'll finish that thought later." A smiled arched across my lips as she smiled over her shoulder at me and pulled me out of the garage. I could barely wait to get her alone for my personal thank you-after all I did deserve it, didn't I? Of course I did and I knew I could give a few suggestions on how she could go about it but I knew she probably had several of her own working their way around in her mind.


	27. That Summer

As I walked up the familiar walk that lead to Bella's house the door flung open before I reached it and she stood in the doorway her face full of excitement. "Jake," she said as she ran towards me and pulled me into a hug. This was unexpected and honestly it left me feeling slightly uneasy. This was Bella, one of my best friends, someone I've known my entire life-yet her embrace just felt wrong. "Hey Bells," I said trying to keep the emotions that were creeping over my skin out of my tone. "How are you," she said as she pulled away and swept her hair behind her ear, her eyes dancing as she looked up at me.

"I'm really good. How are you?" I said smiling in a friendly manner as I slipped my hands into the pockets of my jacket. "Better now, come inside though it's too cold out here," she said motioning me towards the house. I followed her, uneasiness clenching my stomach into a knot. This felt so off, something was not right. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but something inside of me screamed that I shouldn't be here-which was absurd because I'd been here a million times nothing was any different then any other time.

"Dad Jake's here," she called into the house as I clicked the door closed behind myself. Charlie stood, his eyes still locked on the game on the television and walked backwards towards me. He was still partially in uniform, his belt was off and the majority of his buttons on his shirt undo but he still looked like he could start issuing summons at any moment-but Charlie was always on duty, had been as long as I'd known him. He just didn't have that shut off switch, which came from years of being alone and letting his job consume him. "God damn it seriously? Pull your heads out of your ass guys!" he shouted at the TV as he threw his hands up in frustration before finally turning to me his hand extended in welcome. "Hey Jake. It's been a long time, how are you?" he said as I shook his hand.

"Things are really good," I said smiling genuinely. It was nice to be able to say that and mean it-it'd been a long time since I'd been able to answer that question honestly without sounding depressed. I didn't have to put on a show for people, I could be genuine and look them right in the eyes and say 'life is amazing-better than it's ever been' and that was a great feeling. "It's good to hear it man," he said before he whipped back around to the game, "Really? Did you guys come to play or look pretty tonight?" I laughed because I was sure Paige was hearing the same sort of rant at my house. It was slightly ridiculous how similar Charlie and my father were-but I guess that's what you get from years of friendship.

"Hey Dad, Jake and I are going up stairs. Holler if you need me," Bella said shaking her head as Charlie inched back towards the sofa and half sat down before jumping to his feet again to yell a slew of curse words. "Come on," Bella said as she started up the stairs still shaking her head as she laughed at her Dad's rant. I followed after her, even though I didn't really want to. Why did we have to go sit in her room to talk? Couldn't we do it downstairs? I couldn't shake the feeling that I should have said 'no' to coming tonight even though this all should have been fine.

She threw her door open and sat down on her bed and I followed but stopped several feet from her and put my hands back into my pockets. She slapped a spot next to her and smiled up at me, "Take your jacket off and sit down-why don't you stay a while?" "I'm alright," I said smiled at her, trying my hardest to be comfortable here. It was crazy that I shouldn't be, I'd been here tons of time, nothing was any different then any other time. It was just me and Bella talking, no need to be so tense. "Oh come on Jake just sit. This feels so wrong you standing all the way over there. Just come sit so we can talk," she said making a pleading face as she tapped my spot again.

I drew in a deep breath to steady myself and reluctantly crossed towards her to take a spot on the edge of her bed. "That's better. Stop being so tense Jake, what's up with that? You'd think we hadn't done this hundreds of times," she said while shaking my shoulder as if to loosen me up. I knew she was right, I knew this shouldn't bother me but being here did and I didn't know why; but I needed to hide it better for Bella's sake. It really had nothing to do with her, Bella was still the same old Bella she'd always been, I was the different one.

"Sorry Bells. I'm just tired is all. So what's up?" I said trying my hardest to smile and seem like this was natural for me. "I just wanted to see you Jake. I miss you we don't ever see each other hardly anymore," she said as she smiled and combed her hand through her hair. I felt bad because I really hadn't seen her in a long time so I apologized, "Yeah I know sorry life has just been really busy lately." I tried to seem as comfortable as she was but I just couldn't and my posture showed it.

Her eyes flicked a glimmer of frustration but she shook it quickly and gathered herself before speaking, "I know you're always busy when I call. What have you been up to lately?" "Work mostly and the usual stuff with everyone. You know bonfires and all that stuff-" I started before she cut me off, "Oh I miss everyone out there too. How are they?" "Every one is good. Mostly the same. Embry has a new girlfriend which has fueled Jared and Quil with endless opportunities to give him a hard time but then again what else is new?" I said shrugging. "Awe does he? Good for him. Well you have to tell them all I said 'hi'. I should really get out there and say it myself someday soon don't you think?" she said smiling again. I smiled back but mine was a little more forced, everyone back home didn't really care much for Bella, they more so tolerated her for me-something they were very happy to voice, "Yeah definitely."

"What else has been going on?" she said leaning towards me as she smiled up at me hopefully. I always made a point of not talking about Paige as much as possible around Bella, because it struck a sore spot so I racked through my mind for something to tell her that wouldn't involve my relationship as I let out a soft 'um'. "Oh come on Jake there's gotta be more then work otherwise we'd see each other more," she said hitting my leg.

"Well I just got back from a week in California. That was nice," I said to oblige without offending. "Oh really? Why'd you go there?" she said not connecting the two. Damn it Bella why did you make me be blunt? "I went to visit Paige's family with her," I said trying to make it seem trivial, "It was really nice down there you should go there one day." He face gained recognition and she leaned back slightly and spoke in a small tone, "Oh I bet it was." I started talking quickly then because I didn't like her expression, "And I got a dog today." "A dog?" she said in that same little tone as she raised an eyebrow at me but her eyes seemed like they were searching something other then my face. "Yeah-Diesel. He's a Siberian Husky/German Sheppard mix. He's a cute little guy, really spunky. Just picked him up today. He's only eight weeks old and he's like this big. A little fluff ball of black and white and he has these awesome light blue eyes. He's gonna be a beautiful dog when he gets bigger plus I heard they are real good family dogs, which is always good. Their real smart too so he should be relatively easy to train. Although I'm sure he's in my bed right now. I told her I didn't want that but she doesn't listen," I said ranting slightly before shaking my head.

Bella's eyes seemed distant and I realized when I finally looked at her that that probably hit her sore spot. Shit, that was supposed to be a safe subject. "Bells?" I said leaning in to her slightly as I watched her. She looked slightly crushed by the news although she really didn't have room to be; she was the one who didn't want that life with me. I'd tried, God had I tried, for years and she had wanted nothing to do with it. She had Edward, he was what she wanted. So why was she so reluctant to accept that I had a life outside of her now? "Hey Jake do you remember that summer when we go those bikes and spent everyday working on them?" she said in a distant tone, completely catching me off guard.

That was the hardest summer of my life, that was the summer that I actually convinced myself I had a shot with her. "Yeah," I said making a confused expression as her eyes focused and she snapped them to me. "That was a good summer right?" she said in a grasping tone as she touched my hand. That was a double blade sword. I was so determined that summer to make her see that she wanted me as badly as I did her and for a while there she had seemed to be accepting it; but then Cullen came back from Italy with his family and she was gone. She was completely ripped from my life and everything went back to as it was before they left and I was left standing there like a schmuck, alone. I had a real dose of depression after that and yet I still chased because I believed that what I'd felt with her all summer she felt too. "Sure," I said before correcting myself when I saw the conflict in her eyes, "I mean yes. Of course it was we had a lot of fun that summer."

"What happened to that? What happened to us?" she said as she studied my face with her brown eye full of confusion and pain. "What do you mean?" I said trying to sound confused by the question so we didn't have to have this conversation. "We were happy then. Why are we so different now, why does this feel so forced?" she said as she continued to study with me those eyes. "Bella we both made choices-" I started in a calm tone before she cut in hers not calm at all. "What choices Jake? I didn't choose to lose my best friend; I didn't choose for us to be this. Did I miss when you did?" I recoiled from her my temper flaring slightly but I fought to control it so hurtful things wouldn't be said, "It isn't like that Bella and you know it." She spoke quickly and in a harsh tone as she threw her hands up, "Then how is it Jake? Tell me. Please!"

"Bella-" I started off calmly, pushing my anger into the back of my mind as I reached out a comforting hand; but she slapped it away and spoke with fire in her eyes, tears glistening over the flames, "No Jake don't you dare do that. Tell me!"

I got to my feet and separated myself from her because I couldn't control the anger that was forcing its self out of the dark place where I had pushed it to. My tone was harsher than I wanted but I couldn't help it, "Do you really want me to say it? Are you really ready to hear what I think?" She got to her feet and stood before me, attempting to close the gap between us as she narrowed her eyes, threw her hands up and spoke in a tone close to mine, "I asked didn't I?" I shook my head and spoke before I thought it all through, "What we were is gone Bella. It's gone-dead and it's not ever going to be like that again. We made choices, both of us-" "Oh yeah Jake what choices were those?" "Well let me see: Oh yeah you chose him Bella. Not once or twice-you chose him over and over. No matter how much I tried to change the future for us you chose him. And I chose happiness. Do you know how depressed I was? Do you really have any idea how much that summer you remember so fondle almost killed me? Of course you don't because it doesn't pertain to your world. You led me on for two fucking months Bella and like a fool I believed it, not because it was a believable but because I chose to believe it. There's another choice. So then when Paige came along, she may have been confused about herself but she was confused about me. She knew that she wanted to be with me, she chose me and my choice wasn't hard-you and depression or her and happiness; I chose happiness. Am I supposed to feel sorry for that? I am not sorry for that Bella. I am happier than I have ever been and do I miss you? Yes I miss you. Of course I miss you but we are different now-I won't ever chase you around again."

She stumbled back and gasped as she fell to a sitting position on her bed and studied me her expression hurt and lost. Charlie came flying through the door, "What the hell is all the yelling about you two? Bella? Bella what is going on? Jacob what did you do?" I held her gaze as I spoke to Charlie who was pulling at my shoulder, "I answered her question." He pushed through me when I jerked away from his touch so he could sit next to Bella on the bed and attempt to comfort her. "I think it's best you leave Jacob," Charlie said his eyes stern and anger flickering his tone. "Don't worry I was already on my way out," I said in a brutal tone as I turned away from them.

"Jake don't go. Please we have to talk about this," Bella pleaded as she pulled away from Charlie's hold and started after me. "No you do not," Charlie said sternly as he stood and came after us to restrain her. I was moving quickly down the stairs when she called my name again and I didn't even bother to dilute the harshness in my tone as I responded, "I don't have anything else to say to you Bella." I threw the door open and started out towards my car with a quick and heavy stride, I had to get the hell out of here before I said anything else. She followed me out onto the porch as Charlie yelled at her to get back in the house and that she wasn't going anywhere. "But Jake I have lots to say and you don't have to say anything at all if you don't want to. Just please let me explain myself," she said her voice pleading as she started down the path after me.

I threw my car door open and climbed in as I responded, "I don't want to hear it Bella. It doesn't change anything so you'd be wasting your time and hasn't enough time been wasted on this already?" That stopped her as I hoped it would; she just stood in the darkness and watched me with a look of disbelief soaking her face as I took off.

I hated being angry like this, my heart pounded in my ears so loudly that I could barely hear the radio through it. Why did she have to make it like this? I didn't want to say hurtful things to her, I didn't want to have to tell her the truth about how I felt. It meant nothing now, there was no reason to burden her with it-that was the past. We were never going back to how it was back then, ever, so what was the point of dragging old shit into the present? There was no reason for it all- it was completely meaningless and unneeded, it served no purpose beside making one of us miserable. But then again wasn't that the way most of our relationship worked? It'd always been a saga of someone hurting someone else-a long dragged out plethora of needing and not getting, looks instead of touches and pain instead of pleasure. What the fuck was the point?

There had been a point once, she had been the point. I'd wanted so badly to hold her that I would completely disregard my own well being, because back then she was worth that all to me. I would have done anything, said anything or been anything for her. Back then I thought nothing of suffering for her, it was all in hopes that she'd realize all the things I would willing endure for her. Yet she never did, she never gave back even a portion of what I gave; and who can live like that?

She was absolutely losing her fucking mind if she thought I would go back to chasing her. I wasn't that person anymore, I didn't live for the chance to be with her anymore. I would always be her friend, I would always take her pain onto myself if she asked me to but I would never follow her around with adoring eyes and a bleeding heart in my hand again. She didn't have me like that anymore.

She had him anyhow, she had what she chose. Why was she suddenly so worried about me? It made no sense. I was happy, she was happy and we weren't happy together why wasn't that okay suddenly now? All that changed was me, I was finally in a place in my life that I was proud of. Was that so horrible? It was like she needed me to want her, so she could be happy wanting someone else; it was ridiculous.

I pulled into the driveway and parked behind Paige, moving quickly to make my way towards the house. I wasn't sure how exactly to explain the evening to her. She would ask how it went and what was I supposed to say? 'Oh yeah it went like shit. Bella and I got into it because she misses the way things were before you came along'. Oh yeah that was gonna be a fun conversation, phenomenal. I closed the door quietly behind me. All the lights in the house were off, except for the light that shone out from under my bedroom door. I opened the door slowly and prepared myself for a difficult conversation.

Diesel picked up his head when I entered, his blue eyes assessing me as he laid snuggled next to Paige. She was laying on her back her half under the covers in nothing but one of my big shirts and her lacy black boy shorts, her hair loose around her face. There was something amazing about the way she looked in my shirt, something sexier then any negligee. I stripped slowly keeping my movements as quiet as possible as Diesel tilted his head to watch me.

I felt my anxiety and anger melt away as I watched the beautiful angel that slept in my bed. She was absolutely amazing, my little slice of all the good things in the world-a constant reminder that I had done unbelievably well for myself. It was hard to believe that something so beautiful could want to spend forever with me, that she had accepted my ring and had been excited about my suggestion that we get our own place. My life had gone from falling apart to falling into place perfectly when she walked into my life. How could I want to do anything but be everything to her?

I slipped into the bed after switching off the light and Diesel grunted. He attempted to position himself in between us, to keep me separate from Paige by pressing his paws hard against my chest when I inched closer to her. "Diesel, get" I said softly and he just stared at me, not moving at all. "Diesel I said get," I said shooing him with my hand. He stood and brought his face close to mine before letting out a shrill little yip before circling twice and settling back down with his butt facing me-little shit was already talking back. I went to physically move him but Paige reached towards the noise, scooped him up without opening her eyes and pulled him over to her other side, pressing him softly to her chest as she moved onto her side-leaving my spot behind her open; perfect!

I pressed myself closely to her, wrapping my leg up and over hers and hugged her close to my chest. She moaned softly and released the dog to hold my arm to her instead as I pressed my face into her hair. I was completely at ease now, total detached from all the anger I'd felt before as I breathed in the sweet scent that was special to her. The smell of her was relaxing as I drug it deeply into my lungs and closed my eyes while Diesel circled twice more and backed into my arm, pushing himself under it, trying relentlessly to position himself as close to her as I was. I released her just enough to scratch him softly in a peace offering; as long as he stayed on his side, I'd gladly stay wrapped around her and breath in the sensual aroma that wafted from the soft curls of her hair-we could easily share her. He settled in, pressing himself in a tighter ball as he released a soft, sleepy grunt; truce accepted.


	28. Choices

Today had started like any other day; I woke to the moon throwing it's beams softly over the contours of Paige's face as she slept soundly next to me in our bed. I had laid there for several moments and watched her, watched the calmness of her expression and felt the soft exhales from her lips, her hair tousled softly around her face like a halo of dark brown curls that were a beautiful shade against the soft blue of my sheets. I remember thinking that she was breathtaking and that I had everything that I needed right there within my reach- my future resting silently at my side.

After several minutes of self-indulgence I woke her by stroking her cheek softly with my hand and spoke her name in a gentle whisper. Her brow constricted in refusal, her mind fighting against me to keep her lost somewhere in sleep and I continued my stroke and spoke her name again. She let out a disgruntled moan, protesting the loss of her dreams and I arched my thumb softly over her full bottom lip, following the lines of it as I said her name another time, my tone still soft. She came to me slowly, her long lashes fluttering in a tender way as her groan went soft and gentle. I whispered to her delicately, "Morning Beautiful" as I pressed my lips to hers, my hand lingering on her cheek again.

A distant sigh escaped her lips then and she pressed them softly back against mine, her breath lingering in my mouth. Her hands slipped slowly up my arms as I pulled back so I could finally take in the blue of her eyes. They shimmer with a hint of what was almost silver in the soft light of the setting moon and I smiled as I stroked her cheek with my thumb. "Hello," she said in a weak tone as she leaned into my touch and let out another gentle sigh. She wasn't quite awake yet and her eyes started to slowly fall shut again, unwilling to fully greet the morning. "Na, no," I said in a whisper as I placed another kiss on her lips, "It's time to wake up." "Uh uh," she said in an exhale, pleading with me to let her sleep just a few more minutes.

But I had the timeline of our mornings together worked out perfectly, there wasn't a minute to spare if I planned on getting my fix of her before work.

"Yes huh," I said kissing her again. She kissed me back, but her effort was lacking enthusiasm-just five more minute Jake. I placed several soft kisses along her jaw line, taking my time to give every bit of her skin the attention it deserved as I worked my way to her neck. "Come on beautiful, time to wake up," I said gently against her skin, dragging my lips tenderly along it. Her hand found my hair, brushing through it gently in a half awake attempt to coax me back to sleep, so she could return to hers.

I ran my hand down the length of her, over the sensual lines of her curves until I came to her hips. I followed them in over the tops of her thighs and in between her legs, keeping my touch soft. Her breathing hitched and I lifted my head to watch her eyelashes flutter softly again and spoke in a whisper, "There ya go." She leaned up into me her lips sweeping over mine as her breaths came seeped softly out of them, her mind fighting to piece together what exactly was going on. She said my name in the most breathy and delicate way possible, so that it sounded almost like another exhale and I found myself struggling to remain gentle with my hands. But this was a time to make love, nothing else. So that is what we did. It was slow and gentle, our movements fluid and never unpredictable. On touches long and sweeping and out kisses modest and humbling.

And it set the mood for a day much like our morning, the pace slow and enjoyable. The taste of her still danced over my taste buds when I ran home on my lunch to check on Diesel at Dad's. My mood had been untouchable, I even found myself singing in the car on the ride over; it seemed nothing could even come close to bothering me, not after a morning like that.

I didn't even let it get under my skin when I saw the familiar red Chevy parked in Paige's spot as I pulled in. I had assumed she'd be here eventually to come see me, although I found it weird she'd come on a Friday afternoon considering I was always working about this time, and it had actually surprised me that it had taken her nearly two months to do it. I had been over it for some time now, Paige and I had talked about what Bella had said and she was surprisingly calm about it. She'd smiled and spoke in a calm tone when she told me that Bella just felt like she was losing me, which she said was normal. She told me not to let it bother me that she'd taken such a warped stance on the matter of our relationship, said it was simply a different take on the same set of circumstances. She said it was like two critics seeing the same movie yet rating it completely different, that it was all a matter of how one viewed the world. She asked me to be forgiving about it next time we saw each other and to take it as it was, that there was no point in letting it ruin the friendship we had despite the whole conflict of interest.

So when my eyes met Bella's as we both climbed out of our cars I smiled my genuinely happy to see her smile as I said hello. She'd seemed surprised by the greeting and did her signature nervous smile, which involved a quick hand being pushed through her hair, as she responded.

I asked her what was up and she started a painfully drawn out apology, which I told her was unnecessary. I told her it was all forgiven and to reinforce the lack of hard feelings, I even apologized for responding in such a volatile manner.

And that's when it all changed, that's when the day I thought was untouchable took a shit, very unexpectedly. I could still hear her response replaying in my mind, "No Jake don't be sorry for being mad. You should have been. When you care that much about something or someone you can't help but respond in an emotional manner. That's why I am here, at first I just took it as anger, as something you were saying just to hurt my feelings. But I realized the other day that it was just you projecting your frustration about our relationship as anger. You were protecting everyone by making it seem like you really couldn't stand the thought of us having anything other then this. And that's when I asked myself how I could fix it, how I could fix us and the answer was so clear it almost surprised me that I hadn't seen it before. I am yours Jake, all yours and part of me always knew I was- it just took all of this to make me realize. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to say it but it's better late then never: I choose you Jake, I choose us and did everything I had to make sure that we could be together the way we're supposed to be."

I had missed her moving towards me, had been so utterly taken off guard by what she was saying that I hadn't even had time to react to her closing the gap between us. She was so close to me when I finally spoke, her hand reaching out to touch my face as I just stood there, my mouth half open and stared at her. All I could think of to say was, "What?" My mind couldn't process what was going on, it felt like my world had been flipped all around, like it had been unhinged and placed in one of those machines they use to mix paint cans and it left me feeling dazed and nauseous.

And she said the confusing part over, the part that left my world all fucked up and distorted, "I choose you Jake. It's always been you." Those two sentences were still zipping around my brain, repeating over and over, like a broken record that's constant repetition was making my ears bleed. And in the moment I had thought enough to pull away from her hand that was gracing my skin, my tone distant, confused and something much smaller than I had wanted it to be, "No. That's not an option anymore. I am not yours to choose anymore."

Her brown eyes looked so hurt by this and she flinched like I had physically struck her as she stammered, "But I thought you said you couldn't go back to the way it used to be… this isn't the way it used to be… this is me choosing you, no more games." My voice remained unchanged as I shook my head, my stare not really fixed on her as I spoke, "No. You can't do that you can't choose me, I'm with Paige. I can't be chosen anymore." She said my name in a pleading manner and started to approach me then and I took several steps backwards away from her while I shook my head and stared at the ground repeating 'no' twice. But she continued towards me saying my name followed by please and I just kept saying 'no' as I climbed into the car and left without even going to see Diesel. I just had to get away from her so I could be left to think without the distraction of her voice, I needed to sort through the mass influx of thoughts that were streaming through my brain. So I left her standing in my driveway with a look of sheer pain and confusion on her face.

This was what I had wanted to hear for years. I had begged God to just hear her utter the words, "I choose you" and now that I'd heard them I couldn't handle it. This is wasn't what I wanted to hear right now, I was happy-ridiculously happy-with Paige. Things were beyond amazing with her, so why was it I couldn't get Bella's voice out of my head? Why couldn't I shake the feeling that those words had given me? I couldn't really even digest what those words made me feel, it was too many thing rolled into one for me to peel apart the layers and try and understand. It all was just too much.

Shit, here I was four hours later, still trying feverishly to sort through it all. Why? What the fuck was wrong with me? I was on my way home to my girlfriend, someone I loved very much, someone I who I believed was the love of my life and I couldn't think of anything but Bella. Why?

I laid my head on the steering wheel and tried to sort it all out, so I could have a clear mind when I saw Paige. It wouldn't be fair to bring this onto her, she didn't deserve this. I just needed to get my shit together for her- I owed her that. I don't know how long I sat like that, but a soft tap on my window snapped me out of my thoughts and when I turned towards it I saw those beautiful blue eyes that made my heart skip beats. She pulled the door open as Diesel fought against his leash, trying relentlessly to jerk her away from me so he could investigate the other side of the yard. "What are you doing?" she said in a half laugh as his strength made her stumble backwards slightly. I didn't know what to say, what do you say to that? 'Just thinking about Bella. You know nothing big. You don't mind right?'

Her eyes searched my face, reading my desperation without failure and went concerned almost instantly. "Jake? What's wrong?" she asked as she reached for me, seeing that I needed comforting. And when shwd touched my face it all came out in a blurt even though I didn't mean for it to, "Bella came to see me today and she told me she chooses me." Her touch on my skin went hesitant and her mouth fell open slightly, Diesel's jerk making her footing go almost out from under her as she lost herself in shock. Her voice was weak and the fear in her eyes ripped my guts apart, "What did you say?"

I spoke in the same small voice I'd used with Bella as I swallowed coarsely, "I told her that wasn't a option anymore." Paige looked relieved as she took in what I was saying, but the tone I'd used didn't sit right with her, I could read it in her body language. And I couldn't blame her, it didn't sit right with me either, why had I said it like that? Why wasn't there conviction in my tone? "So now what?" she asked as she braced herself, I could practically see the walls starting to go up- she knew I was tormenting and she was protecting herself. She had a defense mechanism like that, she was always trying to be the strong one and normally I'd blast right through all that and remove the burden but for some reason I just couldn't draw the strength to do it.

"I don't know Paige, I really just don't know anything right now. I don't know why it's bothering me so much. I just need to sift through all the shit it drug up from the past," I said my tone defeated. She came a little closer, to offer some of her strength but I couldn't feed off her I needed to handle this on my own. It wasn't far to ask her to carry this sort of load around with her. That's why when she started to speak I had to cut her off, "Okay so we'll sift together-" "I think I need to sift alone. I love you Paige, this is not about me loving you. I love you enough to ask you to please let me do it alone, please." She looked like I'd knocked the wind out of her lungs as she watched me, again letting Diesel knock her off balance. The look in her eyes felt like a high kick to my chest, my words hurt her which was not what I intended-I was trying to protect her.

But her tone was calm and collected when she finally spoke and I almost wished it wasn't, because it would have stabbed the same either way, "Okay Jake, I can give you time to do that. Take as much as you need. I'll be here when you've sifted through it all, just make sure you come for me." I reached for her to stroke her cheek and rest my head against hers so I could look her in the eyes and tell her that I would, to promise it, but she moved so quickly that I missed my opening. She placed a kiss on my lips, hers trembling as she struggled to keep her composure, whispered that she loved me and turned quickly from me.

I knew she was trying to make it quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid that should have come off days ago, so she didn't show any cracks in her facade. She was trying to be strong for me and it was practically killing her inside, but she knew I needed it. I should have run after her right then, should have grabbed her and held her close while I told her I didn't need any time. That I knew definitively what I wanted and that it was our present and our future, but I just couldn't move from the car. I just let her hurry Diesel into her car and leave and didn't say anything at all.

And when I saw the red of her taillights fade into blackness I finally moved. I climbed out and went into the house, dragging my feet and hanging my head. When I got inside Dad spun towards me and nonchalantly asked where she'd gone in such a hurry. I couldn't answer at first because I didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to be honest and tell him that I just let her go so I could sit in my dark room and let Bella's words ferment in my head until I went insane because my unresolved past with her just came slamming into the future? He said my name and I turned towards him with barely enough straight to lift my head never mind mask my expression. He was instantly concerned he spoke in a worried tone, "Jake is everything okay?" "Yeah Dad everything is fine," I lied, "I'm just gonna take a walk." I turned away from his concerned eyes, I didn't have it in me to fend off his worried questions, I needed peace and quiet and to be alone so I could sift through this all as fast as possible-that way I could go for Paige. "Jake, are you sure you're alright son? Did you and Paige get in a fight or something?" he asked in a uneasy tone as I opened the door to go back outside. I paused and answered him, unwilling to turn towards him because I knew he'd see it in my eyes that I was lying, "Yeah Dad everything is fine. I just need to get some fresh air. I'll be back later."

I stepped outside, closing the door between my Dad and me so I didn't have to do that anymore. I just needed to walk, to no where in particular, just needed to clear my mind and get my shit together. I made myself focus on the problem at hand, the problem that had started this awful chain of events-Bella. It was natural for me to feel this sort of conflict right? It wasn't really that I had any questions about me and Paige. Paige and I were perfect, actually we were beyond perfect for each other. Even Sam said it, she kept me on my toes. I liked that. No, I loved that. I loved her, everything about her-her laugh, her smile, the way her lips felt on mine. Those eyes-oh those eyes how they could see right through all the masks and walls into my soul. I felt it when she looked at me, felt her ripping right through all the barriers and seeing the real me. All the broken little pieces that I tired to keep hidden behinds false fronts were so easily picked up by her. She saw them all and loved me anyhow. And she did love me, she said it herself that night on the beach- had practically screamed that she loved me. Her cheeks all flushed with passion and anger-she was never sexier then that moment-

No Jake, this isn't about Paige it's about Bella. Focus on this shit with Bella, that's what confusing-not Paige. Bella is why Paige was giving you space, so fucking use it so you could get back to her. Because you need to get back to her, need to be with Paige again and you can't until you've sorted out your shit with Bella. Bella said she chooses you, something you've wanted to hear for you years. She finally said what you wanted to hear. So, how does it make you feel? Did you still want to hear it? Well I guess I did still sort of want to hear it. I mean it's only natural for me to want to hear it. But did I want to hear because I wanted her? No, I want Paige-only Paige. How could I want anything other than Paige? She didn't leave you wanting for anything at all. She gave you every bit of her, every inch. And I knew ever inch of her so well-every memory, every breath and every curve of her was imprinted so deeply into my soul that it was as much a part of me as my own. She was an extension of me, we shared every breath, every heartbeat and every emotion. Her pain was mine just as her pleasure was. I could feel nothing satisfying without her-

You're doing it again dickhead. Focus on Bella god damn it or you're never going to get back to Paige. Okay so if it isn't because you want Bella what is it? It's got to be that it's satisfying to hear it, maybe it's an ego thing. Like a victory, like I've finally succeeded and getting her to admit it to herself. I always knew she wanted me, but she always fought against it-always pretended like she didn't feel anything but platonic love for me. Which was such horseshit you don't act that way around someone you just want to be friends with and now here she was, choosing me, admitting that she felt all those things I always knew she did and it was victory that was fucking me up so much. That had to be it because I didn't want anything at all from her, nothing at all. I was completely content with my life as it was. It was pretty damn amazing, I had stumbled into such a beautiful life when I had all but given up hope on happiness for me. I had just figured I was meant to be unhappy while I struggled against Bella's stubbornness. Yet here I was unbelievably blessed with happiness and the satisfaction of knowing that what I was putting into my relationship I was getting back tenfold. Paige had said it herself that night: 'we are each other's better and worse half; we are made for each other. We are the good and the bad; the relief and the storm.' And that passion had drove me wild that night, I couldn't help but cut her off mid-sentence to kiss her. I had to kiss her, had to feel her skin on mine, had to have all of her right there. I did, I took everything from her right there on that beach. And it had hardly been enough, I would never get enough of her. I could spend forever trying to satisfy my hunger for her and never succeed-and I didn't mind trying like hell anyhow-

Jesus Christ again? Why couldn't I stay focused on Bella? My thoughts always circled back to Paige, no matter where I went with my thoughts she was there. And for no other reason then trying to sort out all this bullshit, I fought it back. I tried to push her back into the darkness so I could focus on Bella yet every thought process I followed led back to that dark spot where I forced her. It was then that I realized what my mind was trying relentlessly to tell me, even though I was fighting against it-the answer for all this Bella bullshit was Paige, the person I was trying to not think about. The reason she kept taking me over time after time was because she was the answer. I was spending too much time trying to come to terms with my past that I didn't stop to realize that I was over the past and I was trying to create a future. Why would I want to waste time in the past when I had a present like this? I wouldn't. I didn't need this time Paige had given me because there was nothing to sift through. Bella was my past, she told me she chose me but I wasn't hers to choose anymore. I was Paige's and she could choose me all she wanted, it wouldn't change anything. I chose happiness, I chose Paige.

That realization stopped me in my track and for the first time since I started walking, I looked around- I had to get to Paige. I had to tell her that I'd taken all the time I needed, that I shouldn't have needed this much. That us being apart wasn't the answer-us being together was. I needed her and nothing else. Bella could have our past, I didn't want it anyhow, but Paige would have my future-she was all I'd ever need forever.

I tried to place myself so I could decide what the fastest way to Paige was, I'd keep moving until I got to her-I didn't want to waste the time to walk back to my car, I'd go on foot. It took several moments, but when I finally registered where I was my heart started pounding viciously in my chest-I was a little under a mile from Paige. I'd thought I was walking aimlessly but I was actually walking to her, without even knowing it. If I hadn't sorted it all yet, this would have made it all painfully clear. I started forward my feet moving quickly, only slightly under a run as I made my way to her-I couldn't get to her quick enough.


	29. Confusion

I came flying around the corner, my feet slipping momentarily out from under me on the loose asphalt but I was far beyond caring. I was within minutes from Paige and I couldn't get to her side quick enough. I had so much to tell her, so much to explain and so much to do to her to celebrate-it was going to be an amazing night of proving my resolve. I would concentrate on every inch of her individually, would have her shaking with pleasure as she dug her nails into my skin. I could already taste her on my lips-

No I heard her, she sounded upset. What was she saying? I quickened my pace, pushing my muscles to respond faster then I'd ever asked them to before-something was wrong with Paige, I had to get to Paige. She was cursing, something perfuse and volatile, and her tone was brutal-she was more angry then I think I'd ever heard her. I couldn't make out her words clear enough yet to prepare myself for her anger, to understand it but I called on my body for more, pushed it even harder so I could cover more ground faster, so I could fix whatever was upsetting her.

Was that Bella? No, it couldn't be Bella. But it was. What the hell was going on? I must have missed something, something major. I couldn't even think of a reason why Bella would be at Paige's house, it made no reasonable sense, she had no business being there-especially if she only meant to upset her. I had to get there and end whatever was going on, because Bella didn't stand a chance against Paige; I'd seen what she was capable of with anger and the anger that was pulsating through her voice now as she screamed awful things was something even nastier then the night in California.

My feet finally broke onto the loose gravel of Paige's driveway and I could see the scene clearly in the flood of light streaming from the motion light above the garage. Bella was standing in the driveway, directly under the light, her hands out at her sides as she leaned towards Paige and yelled that she wasn't scared of her-not smart, she didn't know enough to be scared because she should be. Paige looked like a caged animal, her blue eyes looking almost black as she struggled against Emily who was standing as a shield between the two girls, forcing a screaming Paige backwards towards the house. Paige stopped mid-sentence and her eyes came to me, but didn't soften at all and her tone was vicious as she spoke to me, "Coming to pour salt into the wounds? Oh please do I need someone substantial to wail on!"

Her words stopped me dead in my tracks, sent the gravel showering from under my skidding sneakers as I tried to comprehend what was going on and Bella spun towards me her eyes terrified. "What the hell is going on?" I asked completely confused as Emily turned her face towards me and looked at me with deep regret and disappointment. I was so lost. "Don't play like you have no fucking idea what is happening here Jacob!" Paige snapped her tone never calming even a little. Jacob? When was the last time she'd called me by my full name? The beach but it had seemed so much more affectionate then.

"What?" I said unable to say anything else as I started towards her. "No don't you fucking dare Jacob!" Paige screamed over Diesel's howls as she fought against Emily "Don't even! It's the least you could fucking do! Don't play dumb- I have no patience for that fucking bullshit!" "Paige," I said heeding her word as I stopped moving towards her and put my hands up in a submissive manner before me, "I honestly have no idea what is going on right now. If you could explain-" She cut in and fought even more viciously against Emily, who was struggling to hold her back, "Oh you deserve a fucking explanation but I don't? How the fuck is that fair huh? I should explain this all to you, yet you sent this fucking cunt to my house. After all the shit we've been through, after all I _thought_ we had you send her here to do your fucking dirty work! You should be ashamed Jacob Black, fucking ashamed!"

The way she exaggerated thought made my spine stiffen, what the hell did I miss? "Whoa, what the hell is going on?" her Uncle Jackson said as he came flying out of the house tying his robe around him his waist. Paige pointed at Bella and me as she spat in a venomous tone, "This fucking whore came to my fucking house to do the dirty work for this spineless son of a bitch that is what the fuck is going on. And if you don't get the fuck out of here I'm going beat the shit out of both of them- I swear on all that I fucking love I will Jackson." "Whoa what?" I said throwing my hands back up as I spun towards Bella my tone going just a brutal as Paige's but no where near as loud, "What the fuck did you do Bella?" "Jake let's just go," Bella said as she reached for me her eyes glistening with tears.

I jerked away from her, too revolted by her to even let her touch me as I shot my words out quickly and angrily, "No I'm not going anywhere until someone tells me what the fuck is going on here!" "Please spare me the mock shock and dismay Jacob! I told you my patience's are wearing fucking thin!" Paige spat quickly. "Whoa, let's take this down a notch and talk like civilized individuals guys," Jackson said as he stood between me and Bella and Emily and Paige with his hands up in either direction. Paige fought out of Emily's grip and took two steps back before pacing while she contemplated how exactly to answer this question. "Sir, Bella-" Emily started her tone calm, yet the undertone of it angry. "No her name is CUNT," Paige screamed. "Paige! Enough with that! You are making a scene!" Jackson yelled, his tone authoritative.

Paige laughed, her chuckle sadistic as she threw her head back and then snapped it upright and spoke in a tone that I'd never thought she could muster, it was truly vicious, "I don't give a flying fuck if I'm making a god damn scene. This bullshit calls for even bigger of a scene then I'm putting on. And let the whole neighborhood watch, let em! Hey everyone, look over here at the crazy bitch screaming PLEASE!"

"Paige Guinevere you gain control of yourself this instant or someone is going to call the cops is that what you want?" he said in a hostile tone that showed he was struggling to keep his cool. "Yes! Someone please call the fucking cops and have these fucking assholes removed before I go to jail for the murder of that little cunt!" she spat as she started at Bella again which caused us all to shift. Emily stepped in front of her again, blocking her with her body, Jackson extended his hands again, Bella fell back two steps-smart move- and I stepped forward, blocking Bella with my body to protect Paige from her anger.

"Paige just calm down and talk to me, please. We can work through this but you have to talk to me," I said as I took a step towards her. "Why would you want to talk to me now? You didn't want to before, you sent her. So why now?" she said as she stopped struggling and just glowered at me. "I didn't send anyone here! You have to know that's true Paige," I said completely appalled by the idea of it. "Oh really that's not what your dirty fucking cunt of a girlfriend said! Who am I supposed to believe?" she said as she sized me up with disgust. "Me, Paige, ME! Why would I lie about this?" I said angrily, did she know me at all?

"Eager to save your own skin from the crazy bitch," she said her volume falling but her tone still cut throat. "From what? I didn't do anything wrong," I said throwing my hands up to expose my chest, leaving it open for her to attack as she wanted. "Ohhhhh nooo you didn't. You don't have to be with me Jacob I am not forcing you to do anything you don't want to do. Just at least have the balls to come to me yourself and tell me you spineless-" she said as she pushed back out of Emily's arms and threw her arms open like I did. I cut her off, because that was ridiculous and I was going to make that known, "I don't know what she told you but whatever it was it was a lie! I was on my way over here to-"

The sound of sirens broke me off mid-sentence and Jackson threw his hands up in defeat, "Great Paige are you happy?" "Yes actually I am!" she shouted above Diesel's barks and scratches at the door as she tried to start towards the car before Emily stopped her. "Paige stop, let them to their job!" Emily yelled. I turned towards the lights and watched Charlie jumped out-great! "What is the problem here?" he said in his cop tone. "The problem is these people wont leave my fucking property, remove them and I won't press charges!" Paige shouted, completely cutting off her Uncle.

"Whoa, I think everyone needs to calm down a bit so we can discuss what-" Charlie started his hand up as he tried to mediate, his eyes shifting between me and his daughter. "What is there to discuss? I told them to leave my property, they did not. Therefore they are unlawfully remaining on my fucking property and I'd like them to be escorted off of it. You are an officer of the law so I expect you to do you job and take them both the fuck out of here. Now!" Paige yelled over him.

"Miss you need to calm down and change both your tone and language or I'll take you with them for disorderly conduct!" Charlie shouted his tone reeking of authority and his stance matching it. "Good, take me," Paige said walking around Emily, who didn't restrain her because she felt Charlie had some level of control, with her wrists touching and extended in front of her, "I'd love to be in a cell with that cunt for five minutes." "Whoa!" Charlie said his eyes going fiercely protective, that was his daughter. "Charlie," I said trying to stay calm as I put my hand up in an attempt to stop the shit storm that was forming, "Just let me take her into the house. You take Bella home and-" "You're not taking me anywhere Jacob Black you don't get that privilege anymore. I hereby free you of all commitments you've made to me," she said as she pushed me back with both her hands, upsetting my footing before she took off her ring and threw it at me.

It hit me in the chest and it might as well have been a bullet, it would have hurt just the same. How could she think this about me? What the hell had Bella done? Whatever it was I'd never forgive her for successfully ruining my shot at happiness.

"There you go Jacob- I release you so, you're free to live your life without any guilt. Be with your whore," she said as she stared me dead in the eyes. I held her eyes, my heart wrenching as I fought to keep the tears back that were burning in my eyes, "Paige that is not what I want. Please you have to believe me." She came close to me, brought her face within inches of mine, causing everyone to tense, except me- I would gladly take a hit to the face if it meant she'd listen to me, "And why would I go and do something stupid like that? Look where it got me: stabbed in the heart only to have it ripped out in front of all these people and handed to her."

I wished she'd just saved herself the breath and hit me, my face could have taken all the force she could put behind her hand but the stone cold of her eyes that weren't their normal beautiful shade of blue and that swam in tears was more painful then anything else she could have inflicted on me with force-and perhaps that's what she wanted, I just couldn't understand this whole situation. "Thank you Jacob Black for proving to me that there is nothing worth believing in anymore."

* * *

I turned down a ride home, I'd much rather walk- I was more fucked up mentally now then I had been this evening when I had set out on my walk. But this was on a-whole-nother level, this wasn't going to be okay; I wouldn't make it through this if it were going to be like this. My nerves were still sizzling when I finally made it onto the long stretch of secluded road that led into the res-I still felt like I could hit something or throw something or just plain vomit.

This wasn't how tonight was supposed to happen, she wasn't supposed to end all the good in my life-we were supposed to rejoice together, to grow together because of this, not fall to fucking pieces at my feet. I was supposed to get there and tell her that that short time it took me to walk all the way to her was all I needed, that we didn't need to spend a single sunrise apart; that I knew without doubt that nothing needed to be thought about. Paige was supposed to question it and I was supposed to spend hours proving it to her over and over-with deep looks, long kisses and smoldering hot touches. That was how tonight was supposed to happen. But instead I was walking the miles back home, in the cold, completely alone with her ring clenched in my fingers because she'd told me she was done with me. How was I supposed to accept that? How did I even start to move on from that? I had no substance left to my life if this was truly the end.

And how had it come to this? Bella, that's how. She'd said something-some awful lie about me sending her there to tell Paige I didn't want to be with her anymore, that I wanted Bella. And I didn't, I wanted nothing at all from Bella, I didn't even want to look at her right now. I couldn't even stand the thought of that, which is why I walked-so I didn't have to be within arms length of her. I wasn't sure exactly what I would have said if I had been, but I knew it wouldn't be pleasant and I wouldn't be able to take it back. But at this point who gave a fuck, let her hurt because of me-hadn't I hurt enough for her? Obviously not because she'd managed to kill the last bit of hope I had left tonight.

I racked my hands through my hair and over my face as I let out a scream of frustration and despair, my voice crackling into something that sounded like a sob in the end as I fell to my knees on the side of the road. I pounded my fists into the ground, hit them violently against the hard earth over and over, her ring practically slicing through the pad of my hand as I clung to it in my fist. I thought my hands would bleed from the combination of my strength colliding with the ground and the metal of the band she'd returned to me-what would it matter if they did at this point? I released another scream, as lights flooded over me, the beam of them intense and concentrated and I didn't even falter, there was no point in getting back up-let them see this, there was nothing to hide about this agony.

I heard tires scream to a halt, faintly over the sound of my own scream and I felt the vibration of feet hitting the pavement and traveling swiftly towards me. I felt hands on my shoulders, grabbing me into a hug from behind as someone sobbed my name-Bella sobbed my name. As soon as I registered the voice as hers and realized the touch must also belong to her I jerk violently away and finally found the strength to get to my feet as my scream turned into a volatile threat, harsh and capable of doing awful things, "No! Do not touch me! You don't get to touch me!"

I spun towards her, her expression was terrified and she was shaking as tears spilled from her eyes, "Jake please-" "No Bella DON'T! Don't even!" I screamed as I pointed at her my voice shaking from all the pure rage I had surging through my veins. "Just let me explain-" she started as she took a hesitant step towards me before I took one strong step away from her-I didn't want her anywhere close to me, the thought of it made my skin crawl. "What the fuck is that gonna do for me Bella, huh? Nothing at all! You've managed to make things exactly like they were- I am completely miserable again! Are you fucking satisfied? You've ruined my fucking life! I swear to God Bella if I can't fix this I will never speak to you again! I will erase every single fiber of you from my memory! It will be like you never existed and if I can't get rid of all of you- I'll curse with ever ounce of my soul!" I screamed as I pounded on my chest with the fist that held Paige's ring.

She let out a sob(Was I supposed to feel sorry? Because I couldn't even begin to give a flying fuck! Cry Bella, it proves you are hurting just as bad as I am)and started towards me again with a trembling hand as she said my name between gasps. "I told you not to fucking touch me Bella! Stop trying to touch me! I want nothing to do with you! The thought of you touching me makes me sick! What you did makes my skin crawl! How could you do that to me? Do you even care about me at all? Or is it only about how much you care about yourself?" I said as I backed away from her again, my eyes narrowing so hatefully on her that my vision blurred.

"I did it for you Jake, for us! Don't you see that?" she screamed through her tears. "What?" I screamed before racking my empty hand through my hair and spinning away from her for a breath before I spun back, leaned forward, clenched both fists and tensed my shoulders until I shook as I screamed again, "What us? There is no us!" "No there wasn't, but now there can be! You told me today you weren't an option anymore, because of her! So I removed her, so you could make your choice without feeling guilty about deceiving her. Don't you see Jake? We are supposed to be together-" she started her sobs full of conviction and I yelled 'No' but she continued, "It's supposed to be me and you-she was just in the way! And now she's not anymore! So we can be together-" I screamed this time, "No! There is no us! We will never be together! I want nothing to do with you Bella! _Nothing_! It's always been Paige and it will _always _be Paige! And if it takes me a lifetime to prove myself to her again I will- I will do whatever it takes to make her believe that it was never you!"

She stopped talking finally then, her mouth hung open as nothing passed through her lips, not even a breath and she just stared at me, her eyes searching for some sort of crack in my statement-but there was none. I shook my head as I glowered and turned away from her, my back throbbing from all the tension that was building in my muscles-I needed to go break something so I could release some of it. "Jacob-" she called after me finally her voice weak. I spun towards her and pointed, my tone cold and calculated, "I'm serious Bella, you mean nothing-actually less than nothing to me. You could never mean less to me then you do at this very moment."


	30. The Phone Call

I laid in the dark, my eyes closed and willed myself to sleep:

Okay, I just need to get some sleep-like real sleep, a nice deep eight hours. But if we can only do five, that's cool; even three, hell it would be better than this. Come on Jake, get your shit together. If you don't fucking sleep you're gonna lose your God damn job! If you fuck that up too you are really fucked because that's it-it's all you have left. It's why you get up in the morning remember? There's no other reason to get out of bed-just work.

So, if you don't do yourself this solid, then your just going to be left with time; time to sit and think about her. And all sitting and thinking about her does is drive you slowly insane, you need to have work to distract you just a little so you can stay semi-together. It is bad enough being this fucked up, could you really handle more fucked up-like totally and completely fucked beyond belief?

I guess it wouldn't be appropriate though, because you were the one who hesitated. Oh God why did you hesitate? It was like you didn't know what you wanted, yet all while you wanted her not Bella, never Bella. But yet you still had a moment, that single moment of pure confusion, when you couldn't separate the past from the present. It was the moment that completely fucked everything up.

And she'd been so accepting of it and she'd said she'd give you time to get your head right. And like a dick you took it-why the fuck would you take time away from her? You let that moment leave an opening wide enough for something to go horribly wrong. And it did, it went so completely wrong that even though you spent the next two weeks trying to fix it didn't matter.

She just wouldn't talk to you, at first at least, now it seemed like she couldn't. She seemed to go from rage, to agony and then to completely shut down. In fact she didn't even meet you at Diesel's last time vet appointment, Emily did. Emily had been so cold-you'd tried to pled with her to help you, but she didn't even entertain the idea, hell she wouldn't even hear your side of the story. And once you'd finally accepted the reality of that matter, the depth of the disappointment she had in you, you'd simply asked how Paige was and the point blank way she said she was a fucking wreck was almost enough to cut your heart right from your chest. And you should suffer, because you did it, no one but you and all because you were a dick-a complete and utter waste of time who had let the past intervene where it shouldn't have had the opportunity to.

Okay you're not getting anywhere with this- no more thoughts Jake, just go blank….

…blank…

…blank…

…blank…

I opened my eyes and stared hopelessly at the ceiling as a defeated groan passed my lips. There was no point to this, I hadn't been to sleep before five am in the passed twenty-two nights. Actually that was a lie- I'd managed it four times, but that was only because my body and psyche were so completely shot that they went into lock down mode to save themselves. I'd tried dealing with every way possible-drunk, sober, alone, with support-it didn't matter either way, the outcome was always the same. Every night ended the same, with me lying in the dark, tormenting myself over that night. I guess that's what complete agonizing turmoil would do to you.

I had tried relentlessly to get her back at first, I'd called(constantly-actually to a degree that would seem quite stalkerish)I'd text when I wasn't calling, I'd gone to her job, I'd gone to her apartment. I'd tried being calm, tried being passionate, tried to force her to listen, hell I'd even tried begging-on my knees and all. And every time she'd shut me out, completely unwilling to hear anything I had to say. She just wouldn't let me explain what had really happened.

No one would, not Emily, not Sam and most certainly not Jared. Jared had actually come to me this afternoon with Paul and threatened my life for hurting his sister. He'd kicked the garage doors open, grabbed me up by my shirt and slammed me into the wall as he spoke in growl that was something I'd never expected from him. I could have easily fought back, could have laid him flat out on his back, but I didn't have it in me-I knew I deserved it, maybe not for the exact reasons he was so violent, but absolutely deserved it none the less. And I'd said nothing, actually I'd only hung my head in shame, as he lashed into me; my back to the wall and his face touching mine as he slammed his fist into the wall beside my head. And I'd even remained quiet when he'd released me to leave and Paul had moved in to have his turn. Paul was much less reserved, it wasn't in his nature to be anything other then completely violent. He picked up the table between us that had the parts I was working to fix on it, flipped it and threw it aside. I didn't flinch, didn't even care enough about my outcome of this encounter to tense as he charged me. He dropped his shoulder and slammed it into my stomach with all the force of his weight behind it. It knocked the air from my lungs and he lifted me completely into the air to slam my spine into the ground-the impact felt paralyzing. And I didn't fight back, didn't even raise my hands in defense when he came to a squat over me and cocked his fist back to slam it into my face. I could have reacted, could have took his legs out from underneath him to gain control of the situation-but what was the point?

His fist landed square on my chin, knocked my teeth viciously together and whipped my head to the side-the pain radiating throughout my face and into my neck. I still didn't act, just remained completely motionless on the floor and this nearly snapped Paul- he stood and demanded I get up and fight back. I didn't respond at first, just remained completely still. He repeated himself, demanding I get to my feet and go toe to toe with him. I stood then and turned my eyes to him, his smile arched in a sadistic and pleased manner, his read on my actions completely off point. He started towards me again and I pivoted this time so he missed me completely as I spoke in a broken tone, riddled with my despair and told him I would not fight either of them. He persisted, tried to provoke me and even came at me twice more, but I evaded him each time and eventually Jared stepped in to tell Paul it wasn't worth their time anymore.

I rubbed my jaw line tenderly over the bruise that was stretched along it from free punch I'd given him. It was a perfectly aimed hit and backed with enough brute strength and anger that it still throbbed slightly; but I'd take it over the piercing wrench in my chest. That sensation is what kept me awake at night and because of it I looked like hell, felt ten times worse and my boss was starting to get shitty about me coming in exhausted. And I got it, I mean he couldn't really afford to have me miss or break something. I was literally a train wreck, this walking disaster that had no one to blame but myself.

I had blamed Bella at first, because it was easy; but I knew now that I let it happen, I created that void and she capitalized on it. It wasn't that I'd forgiven her, I don't think I could ever forgive her for what she said but it wasn't fair to blame her for this whole situation. God knows if I could find a void to capitalize on to get Paige back I would and I wouldn't apologize for it like she had. Nope, I'd do anything I could to make shit right without even a glimmer of shame; I was passed being moral at this point-I guess that is what dissolution can do.

I hated the way the bed felt without her, it was too big and so cold. And it was no longer saturated with her scent, it had long since faded out completely despite my desire to keep it. Her unique and sensual mixture of vanilla and honey had been engulfed and smothered out by my aroma because she wasn't here to combat it, I was all that was left.

And my room looked so empty without her things scattered around it; it lost the gentle touch of feminineness that she'd given it. She'd come while I was at work the day after my lapse in judgment and stripped all of her belongings from their appropriate places. The hook on the back of the door was missing that calf length steel colored trench coat that she'd worn over on that rainy night we'd gotten into that argument about an apartment we went to look at. She came into my room at three in the morning and wore nothing but that, knee high black leather high heeled boots and that matching bra and panty set(if you could call those thin black pieces of lace clothing)to tell me that anywhere she could be waiting in this for me when I got home was good enough for her. I'd forgotten how to formulate coherent sentences as soon as she dropped the coat to the floor.

The dresser was cleared of her bright pink makeup case and obscene amount of random bottles she thought she needed to be beautiful. She never did get the concept that I found her the most beautiful when she laying next to me without a stitch of makeup, her long dark hair loose around her face in a cascade of soft beachy curls and completely naked besides that slightly naughty smile, a light coat of dew covering her perfect chest and a deep flush on her cheeks.

And that same dresser now had two empty drawers-the ones that should be filled with her clothes. I could have found things to put in them so I didn't have to be reminded of the gaps she left by leaving but it neither seemed appropriate to invade her drawers nor was I ready to accept that she wasn't going to be coming back to me.

I still had to believe that there was some hope that she would return, that I would have a chance to finally explain away all the doubt Bella's visit had infected us with. I refused to believe it was really over, perhaps it was delusional but it was what kept some shimmer of meaning in my existence-I mean if I wasn't born to spend forever pleasing her then what the hell was the meaning of anything? That would mean that my whole life was just some sort of cruel, pointless joke and that was unacceptable.

My nightly self-destructive inner monologue was interrupted by the high pitched wail of my cell phone. Who the hell was calling me? It was one am and no one called me anymore, even Bella quit doing that several weeks ago when she realized I was serious when I told her it was Paige that I chose and that I didn't want to see her. I rolled towards the blue light that illuminated the nightstand. I tilted the display screen towards me and was shocked to see it was Sam's cell phone-must be calling about Paul and Jared's visit, this should be fun. But what else were my options: sit inside my own head again or actually carry out a conversation with another human being, even if it wasn't pleasant. I cleared my throat and pressed the phone to my ear as I rolled onto my back again and shut my eyes, "Hello."

Emily's voice filled my head, complete scrambling my thought process, "Hi." The way she said it and the several moments of static silence that followed it made me uneasy. "Emily?" I said making sure she was still there as ran my hand through my hair and opened my eyes. "Yeah, um I'm sorry to call so late and wake you up but…" she started before cutting herself off. Ha-wake me up? Please, I wish you had. "Na Em, I wasn't sleeping, what's up?" I was slightly concerned, Emily and I hadn't had a constructive conversation since before the shit hit the fan. I braced myself for either an unload or disturbing news-I hoped she just wanted to vent off her anger.

"I…uh…I don't know why I even called you. I'm sorry I'm gonna let you go," she said starting out slowly and ending with a quick and frustrated tone. "Wait," I said before she could disconnect- I couldn't help myself, I had to ask, "How is she?" Her tone was scattered and strained, "She's fi-I mean I don't kn-no you know what? She's not fine, she's a god damn hot mess. She's run down and depressed. She barely eats, or sleeps or talks for that matter it's more like she just exists because she has no other choice. And she has all of us worried sick because she's not herself, she is this shell of what she used to be. This dried up, cracked shell and I have the mind to dive to your house and-" She cut herself off abruptly and cleared her throat as I winced-somehow I'd hoped she would be okay. Some jaded piece of me had wanted to believe that she was coping not suffering, I had prayed I was the only one completely tormented by this-even though I'd known otherwise without Emily telling me. That was the hardest part of this whole thing, coping with the fact that I'd hurt her-something I never intended to do. That nasty wrench in my chest throbbed as it knotted harder and my ribs felt like they'd been ripped opened and my lungs filled with poison-it hurt to breath. I couldn't formulate any words, there was nothing I could say.

When Emily finally spoke after two concentrated, calming breaths I found myself clinging to her words for distraction from the excruciating pain in my chest, "Listen, how I feel doesn't really matter. It's not good Jacob, it hasn't been good for a long time but it worse now then it ever was before and despite my better judgment, and all the logical reasoning in the world, I couldn't shake this feeling that I had to call you. Because I knew she wouldn't and she needs to-because you're the only one she really needs right now. I don't know what the hell you were smoking when you decided that Bella was a better fucking option-but then again do men really think? No they just act blindly at the will of their penises. But that is not even the point the point is that Paige needs you and I need you to pull your fucking head out of your ass for long enough to do the right thing, which might not be the same thing that your dick is telling you but you have no choice but to disregard it long enough to make things right by doing me this one favor-go to Paige."

There was vinegar and hostility in her tone and I deserved it, but I it was completely lost on me right now because there was nothing more important then what she had said in the middle-Paige needed me- and that was all that mattered at this moment. "Where is she?" I said as I shot forward, my feet hitting the hardwood before the covers were even completely thrown back. I would go to her right now and I would get there as fast as humanly possible. "She's a real mess Jacob, she is-"she started quickly, her tone lashing, but I cut her off, my tone fiercely stern, "Emily! Spare me the pissed off best friend bit okay? I get it, I fucked up and I get that I hurt her worse then is conceivable-don't you think I know this? Don't you know that it fucking kills me to know that? Don't you think I would take all of that pain away from her and inflict in on myself if it was possible? But I can't, I wish I could but it's not an option. The only thing I can do is get to her as fast as possible right now so I can be there for her-so where the hell is she?"

I had ripped my charger from the wall as I moved, the cord dragging behind me as I quickly threw on my fleece sweat pants-the first thing I grabbed. I didn't have time for this shit, Emily was wasting my time with the bickering; if Paige needed me then nothing was going to keep me from her. Emily shot her words out violently, so much so that I could hear her clearly when I pulled the phone away from my ear long enough to put on my thick hoodie, "This isn't about you Jacob! I wouldn't have called you if this was about you! This is about Paige damn it, this is bigger than whatever guilt you have!" She huffed in discouragement as I jammed my feet into my sneakers, not even bothering to slow down to try and find socks, there was no time for that. "You know what Emily you couldn't be more right-this is about Paige because she needs my help. But I can't go to her if I don't know where the fuck she is: so, do us both a favor and yell at me all you want another time, I will gladly take whatever you can dish out _later-_right now I need you to tell me where the hell I have to go!" I said as I ripped the charger wire out of my phone and threw it to the floor, moving quickly to the end table to grab my keys and shove them in my pocket.

She was silent for a moment before she spoke in a more even and collected tone, "You're right Jake… she's in Aptos." I froze instantly on my way to the door as confusion washed over me, baring the movement of my feet, "What? Why?" Emily's voice was small and fragile now, the anger had drained from it completely, "It's her Mom Jake, she's really sick and they don't know why…she almost collapsed when she got the call Jake, it's really bad." My heart started pounding viciously in my throat and I had to swallow coarsely to clear it enough to speak as my mind ranted-Bridget, no not Bridget. "You let her drive all the way down there after hearing that. Are you insane? Why didn't you call me so I could bring her?" I said my tone stinging with rage and protectiveness-there is no way she could make that trip alone and upset.

Emily's tone had a hint of disgust in it, she was upset that I would even think that, "Do you really think I would do that? Let her drive eighteen hours straight alone, on fumes and emotionally unstable? She left Diesel here and took a plane Jake yesterday morning, her Dad booked it because he said it would be better because they aren't sure-" He voice fell off, the snide nature of it morphing back into concern highlighted with fear. At the very instant the hardwires in my brain reconnected and I gained the use of my extremities. I moved quickly, unwilling to waste another second because Emily didn't have to finish that sentence for me to know what she was getting at.

"Okay Em I know you don't necessarily like me right now but I need a massive favor from you," I said a I ripped my duffle bag out of the closet and started cramming anything I could grab into it. "Anything I can do to help," she said without hesitation. I moved at a jog around my room, gathering everything I could think of that seemed vital and shoved it in the bag, "Okay I need you to go online and get me the next flight out of WRF International to um… shit what airport did she say we could use…fuck um it's someplace Spanish sounding…god damn it um…San.." "San Francisco?" Emily offered. "You obviously didn't take Spanish as a second language Em," I said racking through my brain as I retrieved my charger and added it to the bag. "Fuck you Jake," she shot in a hostile tone that showed a hint of amusement deep within it. "Just an observation," I said unable to hold back my smile before it came to me, "-JOSE SAN JOSE Em. WRF International to San Jose International- the next flight with an open seat I don't care who or how much just find it." "But Jake-" she started before I cut in my tone going nasty as I dug through the jeans on the floor for my wallet, "Emily! I don't have time for that just do it please." "I'm on it," she said quickly over the sound of her typing adamantly.

I ran through a quick mental checklist as I zipped the bag and scanned the room; I was pretty positive I had everything, but anything I missed I would have to do without. I threw the bag over my shoulder and sprinted from my room to the kitchen. I dug impatiently though the miscellaneous crap drawer next to the fridge for a pen, cursing under my breath all the while.

"Okay Jake there's a flight leaving at four and they have a seat-" Emily started before I cut her off, "Book it, I can make that." "Jake it's $327 one-way," Emily said sounding horrified. "It's just money Em. Book it," I said as I pulled my wallet out to give her all the information for my debit card. I had to admit the price was enough to make your ears bleed but it was trivial at this moment. I started jotting a note for my Dad down on the grocery list note pad as we waited for confirmation,

Dad

I had to leave Paige had an emergency don't know when I'll be back but I'll call to explain sometime tomorrow

- Jake

I kept it short and sweet because I didn't have time for anything else and I knew he'd understand-he'd been just as distraught by our breakup as me. "Okay Jake, it's booked," Emily said as I started out the door. "Okay thanks for everything Em," I said as I moved through the frigid night air towards my rabbit at a jog. "You're welcome. Be safe and please call me when you get there. Oh and no speeding okay?" she said her tone going very motherly-it'd been a long time since I'd heard it and it caught me slightly off guard. "Yeah, sure thing Em. Thanks again," I said as threw my duffle bag across the car while I jumped in and started it. "I mean it Jake, getting yourself killed isn't going to do her any good, take your time and drive carefully," Emily said in her naturally maternal manner. "Okay Em, I'll be careful, I promise," I said as I backed out of the driveway, not even giving my car five minutes to warm up-there was no time for any of that nonsense. "Okay good, oh and Jake?" she said her tone gentle. "Yeah?" I responded as I slammed the car in drive and took off towards the airport. "I kind of miss you," she said modestly. I smiled to myself, pleasantly surprised by her last comment, "I kind of miss you too." Her response held a little bit of lightness and the soft giggle that it used to before everything, "Good. But that still doesn't change that you're a douche bag, a remarkably sweet douche bag who is on his way to save my best friend but a douche bag none the less. Thank you d-bag." I laughed and shook my head as I answered, "Hey quit making moves on me, can't concentrate when your running all that game. You're making me swoon, and swooning and driving don't mix."

She laughed then, "Shut the fuck up." "I love you too Em," I said smiling at the fact that this part of our conversation resembled the old days; the days when I wasn't public enemy number one. "Good bye Jacob," she said her tone giggly and warm. "Bye Em," I responded as I closed the phone and dropped in on the seat next to me. I sped up once I no longer had the distraction of the phone call; I had two and a half hours to get on that plane in Port Angeles and the completely deserted roads made it painfully easy to go way faster than normal. I had promised Emily I would be careful, not that I wouldn't speed and I couldn't wait to get onto the highway and carefully cruise at least ninety-five.


	31. Collapse

I'd made it to Port Angeles in an amount of time that was unheard of, the highway had been even more empty then I had imagined and the rabbit had performed like a dream, had responded beautifully to my demands for more speed, even though at some points it had shaken. I'd parked in the paid parking area, the bill was sure to be astronomical, but hell I'd just spend nearly four hundred dollars on a one way ticket for a two and a half hour flight- what was another hundred or so at this point?

I'd ran through the airport, which was surprisingly busy for this hour in the morning, but all the people in suits, carrying briefcases and taking red eye flights for work had all been more then willing to let me cut when I told them my situation. I'd made it to the gate in plenty of time, I actually had to wait to board-which was the longest twenty minutes of my life. I'd sat next to a prestigiously dressed older guy, his suit must have cost more then my two of my paychecks and he'd started small talk when he saw how anxious I was. His name was Leo and he was some big wig for a steel company in California. He was on his way home from closing a big deal with some clients in Port Angeles.

He asked me my story, said no one who took a four am flight did so without some sort of story. I'd been so eager for civilized conversation and so mentally drained yet unable to rest that I indulged him. I told him how I was on my way to Aptos to save my life, that she was in California hurting and she needed me-I told him that she probably wasn't even going to want to see me but that I had gotten on the plane anyhow. He'd smiled then and spoke in a tone that was calm and full of hope, "She wants to see you. Even if she swears she hates you, she'll be happy your there. If you love her enough to go to her, she has to love you enough to need you there." His words had been comforting, had been exactly what the part of me needed to hear.

And once the plane had landed and I'd jumped to my feet, he'd stood and let me pass. We'd shook hands and he looked me dead in the eye and wished me luck. Something about him was powerful, I could see very clearly that his whole demeanor was perfect for closing deals, you kind of had no choice but to trust him. And then I was gone, pushing my way through people who were trying to get their bags out of the overhead compartments, who scowled at me as I moved them out of my way and I could hear Leo's strong voice over all their cruel words, "Let him pass people he's here for love, business can wait."

I ran through the airport, Leo's strength and conviction fueling me to slice through all the barriers that were holding me back but when I made it to baggage claim area that was full of drivers in suits holding signs, I realized that none of the rental car businesses were open-it was too early. My heart hit the floor, what the hell was I supposed to do now? I did a quick scan of the area, my mind searching for the answer. Through the open doors I saw a taxi and I ran full force towards it, knocking people out of the way as I went-I had to get to that car. But as the chilled air smacked me in the face a woman slipped into the backseat and the car took off. "FUCK," I screamed in frustration as I slammed my hand into the pillar to my right. There was no other cars open cars out there, all of them had people climbing in-I was fucked, I had to wait, there was no way around it.

My mind was a slew of curse words and I pressed the heels of my hands into my fatigued eyes as I tried to regain my cool so I didn't go over and yoke one of other people up to steal their cab. Someone called my name then and through the hostile environment of my thoughts I couldn't process who it was but I turned towards it anyhow. I heard it again but this time it was followed by a sharp whistle; it was Leo, he was down the sidewalk, about a hundred feet from me standing next to a sleek black limo. When my eyes met his, he smiled and waved me over to him.

I wasn't sure exactly what he was going to say, but something inside of me trusted him enough to move from my spot, to leave the area where all the taxi drivers were now pulling in-I hoped to god I wouldn't regret this. "You need a ride kid?" Leo said smiling genuinely as the driver pulled open the door. "I couldn't-" I started before Leo cut in, "Nonsense of course you can. Stefan doesn't care, he'll take you wherever you need to go." "But you-" I started as I fought against my deep seeded urge to jump in, my mother would be highly disappointed if she knew I was inconveniencing someone else to suit myself. "Jacob, I have nothing to hurry home to, my empty beach house and my fish will be there regardless. You on the other hand need to get somewhere now, to someone who might not always be waiting- so get in the god damn car."

I smiled, let out a relieved breath and climbed in while I thanked him- how could I not take him up on his offer when he put it like that? "Stop thanking me kid," he said as he slid in behind me, "The fish don't know the difference and plus I'm sort of redeeming myself in the process of helping you out. And if you keep thanking me I'm gonna start feeling guilty."

I nodded, not having it in me to ask for what as the driver climbed into the front seat and spoke to us through the window, "Where are we going sir?" Leo fixed his sage green eyes on me as he smiled and spoke in a soft tone, "Where is she?" "Dominican Hospital in Santa Cruz," I said quickly recalling the text Emily had sent me when I told her I'd made it to the airport alive. "You heard the man Stefan-and let's get there as quickly as possible," Leo said as he removed his heavy trench coat. "Absolutely sir," Stefan responded as he switched on his blinker and merged into traffic.

"Do you know how much one of those guys would have nailed you for to go all the way out there?" Leo said as he pulled his scarf off and put it on the seat beside him on top of his coat. I fixed my eyes on him and spoke clearly, no hesitation in my voice at all, "It wouldn't have mattered." Leo nodded as a smile swept across his lips, "That's why me helping you is redemption." "Well regardless of whether you want to hear it or not, I am very thankful for the help. I wouldn't have made it there nearly as fast if you didn't do this for me," I said as I settled into the soft leather of the seat and smiled. "I know you are kid. You kind of remind me of myself, you know when I wasn't a middle aged eternal bachelor-back when I had something to go home to," he said smiling. "Well I then I guess there is something to look forward to. You seem to have done alright for yourself," I said motioning around the back of the limo, which was done in black, with blue running lights and mahogany colored accents. There was a small flat screen mounted to our right and a full stocked bar to our left-he'd clearly done better than alright, most people didn't have this shit in their house let alone in their car.

He looked around, his face going slightly unsettled, "Sure this is nice but you wont make the mistake of getting this at the price of losing her-which is where we are different." I swallowed coarsely and fixed my eyes on the bar, no nothing was worth losing her. He retrieved a Coke from the cooler and tossed me one across the car, if I hadn't been so set on not prying and my eyes we're drifting quickly to find something to stare at it probably would have hit me in the face.

"Like twenty years ago I let the need for all this get in the way of what was really important. I had fiancée, Veronica, and I'd just gotten home from a week in Houston closing a deal. I had been with her for probably a whole hour, you know getting my welcome gift, and my boss called. He praised my performance in Texas and told me he'd have a driver at my place in an hour because we were going to New York to see our biggest client who's contract was almost up," he said as he cracked the Coke and sipped it while I remained silent and let him talk-I knew he needed to, "He told me if I did as well in New York as I had in Houston he'd personally see to it that the big guy doubled my salary. Veronica was furious when I started packing, she was screaming and hollering about me never being home and how lonely she was. And I was yelling all kinds of nonsense about trying to build us a future. And she told me if I left, she wouldn't be here when I got back because she was sick and tired of being alone for the sake of my career. But when that car pulled up, I got in it and I went to New York-and I got them to resign and I got a double salary and for some insane reason I believed Veronica would realize that I'd done it for us. But she never did, she never got over me choosing work over her. She's married to some lawyer in Venice Beach now, and they have three kids and dog and I have a beach house, five cars and am the Vice President of a steel company that makes me so much money that you'd think I'd be happy. But I still go home to nothing, there is nothing. And I've tried to fill that space with something, or someone but she was it-no matter what I buy or who I bring home they are never Veronica."

He let out a defeated huff as he fixed his eyes on the window and spoke in a steady voice, "But you, you're not like me. You've clearly realized that nothing is more important then your Veronica. Hell kid you don't drop a couple hundred on a single plane ticket without flinching when you don't understand that she's it. So if my selfish resources can assist you in fixing whatever stupid fucking mistake you've made with her, why wouldn't I let them?" I was silent, because I didn't know what to say to even attempt to comfort him, he'd just laid the truth out on the table, his cause for redemption, what do you say to that? I took a sip of my Coke and digested his story, saw a parallel between his and mine-he'd created his void too but his void was unforgivable, what if mine was? What was I going to do if I showed up the hospital after all this time and got the same response she'd given me just under a week ago? She'd told me to stop, no she'd pleaded with me to just stop- "Stop calling, stop texting, stop stopping by Jacob. I can't do this anymore, I don't have the strength to deal with this anymore. Please if you ever loved me at all, even just a little bit, you'd give me this-you'd stop." And I did, even though it went against every ounce of my reasoning, I stopped. What if she still didn't have it in her, what if she still needed me gone?

"What's her name?" Leo asked softly as he broke his gaze out the window and fixed his eyes on me, completely disconnecting my thoughts. "Paige," I said in a broken tone as I touched her ring on the chain around my neck beneath my hoodie and held his eyes. He smiled then, as if he liked the sound of it and raised his can of soda at me, "Here's to you and Paige. Here's to the act of valor and untouchable adoration you are taking for her-may it and our absurdly random encounter that we were clearly lead to by something greater than ourselves heal whatever rift you have between you." I raised my can to him, I would absolutely drink to that.

* * *

When Stefan and Leo dropped me off in front of the glass facade of Dominican Hospital, my heart was pounding in my ears, despite all the confidence Leo had bestowed upon in me in the car I felt nothing but anxiety and fried nerves when they drove away. I wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen here, what she was going to say or do, but I made my feet move ahead of me anyways.

I approached the front desk and a pleasantly pretty woman with almost white blonde hair smiled up at me, "Can I help you?" Her voice was small and gentle and it sounded like it belonged to a small girl rather than this twenty something year old woman. "Yes, I'm here to see my mother-in-law but I'm not really sure where she is-my wife is up there but I can't seem to get a hold of her, I think her cell phone died," I lied without thought, the story seeping from my lips as though it were nothing but true.

She let out a soft lips smack as she smiled up me, her eyes showing that she believed me to be very sweet, "Oh Sweetie that's no problem at all, I'll look it up for you but you're going to have to wait another thirty minutes or so, visiting hours start at 9am." I spoke quickly and fought to keep my tone calm and collected even though I wanted to scream-nothing was going to keep me away from Paige for a minute longer than it had to, not after I'd come all this way-as I leaned over the counter, "Listen do you think there is anything at all you can do to make an exception. I was in Houston on business and I've been fighting my way here for the last eight hours- I can't possibly wait another thirty minutes to see my wife. She's really upset and she needs me and I have to get to her." It was painfully easy to lie, I wouldn't allow anything to keep me away from Paige.

This time she let out a small awe as she tilted her head and smiled, "What's her name?" "Bridget Monroe," I said as I let a small breath of relief out and readjusted the strap of my duffle bag while she typed quickly on the computer. "Okay, take this so they know you've stopped here ," she said as she slid a bright blue tag across the desk top and held her sky blue eyes on mine while she spoke quickly but this time with the tone of a school teacher, "She's in bed 15 in the ICU. Take the elevator behind me up to the second floor, make a right immediately upon exiting. The ICU will be directly in front of you, hit the button to your left on wall and the doors will open. Go to your right and 15 is at the end of the corridor on the left-side. You shouldn't have any problems but if anyone asks how you got in tell them that Janise let you-that's me."

"Thank you Janise," I said as I clipped the tag to neck of my hoodie and smiled genuinely, while I moved around the desk to the elevator. "No problem honey-go," she said smiling over her shoulder at me. I followed her directions to the tee, all the while my heart pounding and my nerves making my stomach tie in a knot. When the automatic doors opened, a wave of beeps and other mechanical tones flooded out as a heavy set Spanish woman looked up from the desk before me. Her eyes drifted over me and she smiled but didn't say a word. I returned her smile and started down the corridor towards 15.

I was almost there, could see the closed curtain of the room when Casey came from my left, almost running into me as he balanced two cups of coffee. "Oh I'm sor-" he started before he realized who I was, "Jacob?" His jaw stiffened and his eyes went vicious as he looked at me. "Hello sir," I said swallowing coarsely-I hadn't even thought about what I would say to him, I just figured I'd get to Paige first. "Go home Jacob, you're the last thing she needs right now," he said in a stern voice that he kept dangerously low as he stepped in front of me and held my eyes. "With all do respect sir: I can't do that," I said as I straightened my spine and spoke in a steady tone. "Yes you can, you can turn around and walk out because I am restraining myself enough to not beat your ass-remember I promised I would? So if I can control myself enough to break my word, you can leave before she sees you," he said as he brought his face closer to mine.

"No I can't sir, she needs me-" I started before he cut me off, "She needs you to leave. Don't you think she has enough shit going on that she doesn't need you to come in here and make it worse?" "That's not my intention-I came to help her not hurt her," I said correctively, my temper starting to flare. No one was going to keep me from Paige, not even her father. "Your intentions don't mean shit to me kid, remember all those intentions you told me about a few months ago? Yeah look how well they turned out. If you think for a minute I am going to let you go in there and upset her after she's just spent the last twelve hours crying at her mother's bedside then you are seriously more fucked up then I thought you were fifteen minutes ago," he said raising his voice now, causing the nurses to turn and take notice.

I raised my eyebrow at him and spoke harshly, my tone a calculated throaty whisper despite how he had elevated his, "And if you think that I've come all this way to be turned around without even seeing her then I guess you're just a whacked as I am. If you'll excuse me sir I'll be going now." I started around him and he stepped in the way again his eyes hot, "I will not excuse you and you will not be seeing anyone! I will gladly reimburse you for what ever this trip has cost you or if that's too much for your pride then I wont give you a god damn dime, have it however you like, but you aren't coming one step closer to my family- do you understand me?" He was shouting now and the heavy set nurse from the desk was moving briskly towards us to see what was going on. "Gentlemen," she said in a concerned tone as I took a steadying breath and held Casey's eyes, mine just a fierce as his, "It has nothing to do with money Mr. Monroe this is about Paige and if she tells me to leave then I will but I am not leaving just because you don't want me here-she's the only one who is going to make me leave."

"What the fuck about this are you not understanding?" Casey shouted, his cool completely blown. The nurse scolded us as she quickened her pace towards us; her voice was riddled with disappointment as she told us she was going to make us both leave if we didn't settle down. "Dad! People are trying to sle-" Paige said hotly as she ripped open the curtain and stormed into the hallway, her tone disapproving. Her eyes had been narrowed in frustration, her brow drawn tight when she thought she was just speaking to her dad but when she saw me they instantly softened and went wide as she covered her mouth and froze. "Jake," she said in what was almost a breath, her tired blue eyes filling with tears as she started towards me.

"Paige-" Casey started in a authoritative tone as he turned towards her in an attempt to keep us separated but she didn't even acknowledge him, she pushed right through him and wrapped her arms around my neck as my bag fell to the floor. She was crying now as she collapsed onto me and her frail body shook in my arms. I tightened my arms around her holding her extremely close as her heart pounded against my chest and she spoke in an uneven and weak voice, "You came, I don't know how you knew or how you got here but you came."

I closed my eyes and rested my cheek on the top of her head as I fought to keep my composure; my heart was racing, it felt so comfortable to hold her and the part of me that had been preparing myself to never be this close to her again dissolved instantly as she ran her fingers softly through the back of my hair and pressed her face into my shoulder. "Of course I came-I'll always come," I said in a whisper just loud enough for her to hear as I stoked her hair, still keeping her pressed safely to my chest. I wanted to absorb as much of her pain as possible, wanted to draw it all from her and let it sit in my chest- I willed her to feel my support, my love, as I held her in my arms.

She let out what sounded like a whimper as she tightened her arms around my neck, drawing herself even closer to me and buried her face deep into the fabric of my sweater to stifle her sobs. I continued stroking her hair as I whispered 'shh' softly and pressed my lips momentarily to the crown of her head before I brought my cheek back to where I'd kissed, my eyes wincing as her pain and aguish washed over me. I could practically feel how frayed her nerves were, they felt almost shredded beyond belief but while I held her, something deep inside of her sparked, something that felt something like hope-it was faint, barely strong enough to notice it but it was there.

I wanted to tell her everything, wanted to explain away some of the sadness that she felt because I knew that I had caused at least a portion of it. That part of me that wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her believed that if I could truly make her understand then I would never have to let her go. And I needed her like this, I needed her shielded from all the darkness and pain by my arms but I knew right now she needed me to just be quiet and hold her. She wasn't ready to hear what I had to say, she couldn't handle it on top of everything else.

So, I was quiet, besides the soft comforting whispers that 'it was okay', and I pulled some of the burden from her and took it onto my shoulder-because that's what I was here for. I would be anything she needed me to be and right now that meant just being a shelter, not a lover. I felt so weighted down by her grief, my body felt heavy and unlike my own and my muscles felt fatigued and over exerted and demanded rest but I supported both of our weights until she finally pulled away. When that time came my muscles throbbed and shook, too weak to do much more without several hours of sleep, but I would have held her for the rest of the day had she not released me, I would have endured it for her. Part of me wanted to pull her back in and hold her there, safely pressed to my chest because I didn't know when I'd be able to do it again, but honestly I wasn't sure how she would have reacted; so I let my arms fall from her, even though it sent a crack splintering through my heart.

She quickly wiped under her eyes, smearing what was left of her smudged eye makeup as she swiped the tears outward. She looked beat, her skin was drained of color, her eyes were hazy and she had dark circles lining them. She looked thin and weak, like she hadn't slept or eaten since the last time I saw her; she looked how I felt. She spoke in a tone that was coarse from crying, her throat must have been shredded, "Will you come with me?" I scooped up my bag and slipped my hands in my pockets to fight the urge to touch her face, because I wasn't sure where out boundaries were anymore, but I held her eyes steadily as I responded in a tender tone, "Anywhere."

I shifted my eyes to Casey as she moved swiftly passed me but his eyes weren't hard like they had been, they showed conflict and I could practically hear his thought- he had thought he wanted me to leave, but he was glad that I was there for his little girl. He could see that she needed me, maybe even more then she needed him; he wanted to trust me with her, but I'd already hurt her once and he wouldn't let me do it again. I opened my mouth to respond to the questions he was sending to me as we held each other's eyes but Paige called for me, realizing that I wasn't behind her. He gave me a single nod, both giving me permission to leave with her and acknowledging that we would be talking about this sometime soon, and extended his hand as he spoke calmly, "I'll take your bag."

"Thank you sir," I said as I handed it to him, I was thanking him for more then just his gesture-I was thanking him for giving me an opportunity to redeem myself. He took the bag and slung it over his shoulder as Paige called my name again, "Go on she's not one to leave waiting." "No she isn't sir," I said as we shared a smile before I turned and started quickly down the hallway towards her. Behind me I could hear the nurse consulting Casey and his response almost stopped me in my tracks, "Yes I'm sorry it's the whole lack of sleep thing. That's my son-in-law, we've been on the outs lately and I let my temper get the best of me-it won't happen again."

We went down the elevator in silence, not sharing anything but sideways glances, neither of us really knowing what to say. She was embarrassed by her response to seeing me, she struggled with being weak and I didn't want to ruin the comfortable energy that surrounded us-we hadn't been this close without some sort of painful words for this long in twenty-three days and I wasn't about to fuck it up by filling the silence. When the doors opened I motioned her to go out before me and we exchanged smiles before we crossed through the lobby passed Janise who smiled up at us and spoke sweetly addressing each of us respectfully, "Good you found her. He had a very sweet determination-I just couldn't say no."

"His timing and resolve are two of my favorite things about him," Paige said smiling sweetly at Janise as she brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I can give you a couple of other things I am rather fond of. Good job girl," Janise called after us as we made our way to the exit door. I laughed and Paige looked over her shoulder with a smile as she responded, "Oh I'm sure they are my list as well." She turned her eyes to mine, they seemed slightly brighter as she smiled up at me and bumped her shoulder into me as she spoke in a low tone, "It's not just my friends from here that are blunt, it's a regional thing." I laughed letting the easiness of our conversation that made me feel like nothing awful had happened between us dictate my response rather then my head; I drew my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me as I spoke, "Wait till I tell the Paul I am regionally a hot piece of ass, that ought to chap his ass."

At first she shared my laugh and leaned into the nook in my arm where she fit so perfectly as she smiled up at me, but an uneasiness creep into her posture and she started to pull away from me as she cleared her throat and realized we weren't a couple anymore. I let my arm fall from her and slipped my hand into my pocket to help me keep it to myself as we walked towards a cast iron bench in front of the building-that unsure silence taking over again. She sat down and patted the seat next to her, to let me know that that was still okay when I paused, unsure of what exactly to do with myself. I didn't hesitate, I sat next to her, careful to keep my hands in the pockets of my hoodie and a good couple of inches between us.

She fished into her pocket and pulled out… cigarettes and lighter? This wasn't right, Paige didn't smoke, when had this started? She lit one and drug deeply from it, the sweet scent of the tobacco and menthol forming at the blazing amber tip. She sighed in relief as she exhaled, closing her eyes as if she'd just fulfilled a life long addiction. She opened her eyes and smiled at me, her tension clearly drifting slowly from her as she enjoyed this new habit. Her smile flickered as she realized I was studying the cigarette, my expression unintentionally questioning although I didn't dare ask-it wasn't my place.

"What are you thinking? I see those wheels turning," she said as she took another strong pull. I shrugged and sighed not willing to overstep the unsure boundaries we had now- I fucking hated them, I wanted everything to go back to like it was before but I knew I had a lot of work to get that back. "Oh come on, humor me please," she said as she threw her shoulder into mine again and smiled. I had no choice to give in, so I spoke in a light tone as I nodded towards the cigarette that she puffed on again, "That's just weird is all. I'm trying to decide if it was just a habit I failed to notice in all the time I've known you or if it a newer habit. Not that it matters or anything, it just caught me off guard."

She rotated the cigarette in her fingers as she studied it and spoke in a small voice, showing she was sort of embarrassed by her weakness for it, "It's actually an old habit I had before I met you. I sort of fall back on it when my world falls to shit around me." "Oh," I said not knowing what else to say-I wondered if she went back to it before she came back to California-I didn't like the idea that I'd driven her to loose her self control. She spoke then her tone showing despair under her protective layer of togetherness, "I hate it but it's what's been getting me through for awhile now…I mean after all the shit that happened I was sort of searching for something to make me feel good, old habits surface during weakness I guess and if I wasn't before I sure would be now…" Well that question was answered, it had been me-if I didn't feel guilty enough already, the way she pulled on the cigarette, pleading with it to fill some void within her definitely made me want to cringe.

But this wasn't about me, this was about Paige. I collected my strength, which was fleeting when I was this close to her, and spoke in a soft tone as I watched her, "How is she?" She exhaled, blowing the smoke up above us as she closed her eyes and remained silent for several breathes. "I don't know," she said in a whisper finally as she drew her eyes slowly before her, gazing off into the distance as she fought to keep her composure. "What happened?" I asked as continued to watch her. She was silent for some time as she fought to collect herself enough to talk about it and I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her close so she could answer but I didn't know if it would make it worse.

She blew out a breath slowly and pulled once more on that awful cigarette before she spoke in a weak and broken tone as a tear slipped down her cheek slowly, "Dad said she'd been acting out of sorts lately but he said he just figured she run down and starting to get sick. She's been really tired, like she slept all day last Saturday, which is not normal for her, she is normally up at five am. And the passed few day she's had a fever, nothing too bad but still too warm. He said she's been really anxious and depressed which he figured was because she was worried… about… me." She pulled on the cigarette again, she was nearly smoking the filter, but the tears were coming steadily now and her gaze was getting more and more distant as she struggled to speak so she either didn't notice or didn't care.

I didn't give a damn about boundaries at that point, she was hurting and I wasn't going to sit on the other side of the bench and just watch her, letting her think she was alone. I drew my arm around her shoulders and pulled her to my side, rubbing her arm as I continued to watch her eyes-willing her to take whatever strength I had left in me. She didn't pull away but she didn't relax her posture either, she seemed to be okay with this closeness. She started speaking again, this time her voice barely audible above the sound of the traffic on the street several hundred feet from us, "And then yesterday morning she woke him up clenching her chest, she couldn't seem to catch her breath because it hurt too much. By the time the ambulance go there her lips were blue…" She broke off to run her fingers over her own lips and then spoke against her hand, her whole body shaking, "She has some swelling on her heart…and her blood count is really low… something is really wrong Jake…but they don't know what it is yet. They've got her sedated so she can rest while they try and find out what's making her so sick. What am I supposed to do if they don't figure it out until it's too late? What do I do then Jake?"

She finally turned her eyes to me and the blue of them was almost gray behind the shine of her tears that were falling uncontrollably now. "Don't talk like that Paige," I said as I finally gave into the urge to stroke her tears away with my hand as I held her eyes, "She's going to make it through this, she's got too much fight in her for it to go any other way." She dropped what remained of her cigarette, brought her hand up to mine on her cheek and held it close to her skin as she leaned into it and closed her eyes and her words came in small bursts between shaky breathes and sobs, "Oh Jake…I want…to believe…that…but what… will I do-" I cut her off, but did so gently and spoke to her in a whisper as I rested my forehead on hers, "You won't do anything alone, I'm not going anywhere; we will make it through this together. As long as we have each other we will make it through anything that happens, I promise."

She opened her eyes slowly when I spoke and her lashes fluttered as she struggled with herself and she spoke in a crackled whisper, "You can possible know how much I want to believe that Jake but I just can't." "Yes you can Paige. What do I have to do to prove to you that you can?" I said as the reality that she didn't trust my word anymore drove a shooting pain through my heart, it literally hurt to breath. She let out a trembling gasp as her eyelashes fluttered again and more tears fell. If she understood the truth she would find more comfort in my words-I hated myself for making her lose faith.

"Just stay with me," she said in a whisper as she rubbed her cheek into my hand as he eyes softly shut. She turned her face softly towards my hand then and placed a gently kiss on the pad of it as a soft 'please' escaped her lips. I turned her face slowly and spoke in the softest tone I'd ever used before when she finally opened her eyes to meet mine, "I never left you."


	32. Peace

She hadn't had the strength to say anything else after that and I drew her into my arms and held her for what seemed like forever out on the bench. Softly kissing her head and running my fingers through her hair as we existed together-it was all I could do to not explain everything, but she didn't need to hear it yet, what I had said was enough and my arms around her was all she needed then, all she could handle.

It wasn't until her cell phone rang some while later that she pulled away from me and even then she stayed as close as possible while she answered it. It was her Dad, he said the doctor was here to see her Mom and he had some news about her blood work. She flew up from the bench demanding that they wait for us before they talked about anything as she grabbed my hand and drug me behind her. We ran across the lobby towards the elevator and she slammed the buttons impatiently over and over as she cursed not so softly to herself. We didn't move at a pace slower then a full out run the entire trip and when we broke through the curtain of bed 15 we nearly slammed right into her doctor and clearly startled everyone in the room.

Bridget was semi coherent in the bed, she looked so frail hooked up to all the different monitors, like a fraction of the person she'd been the last time I saw her. When she saw me her eyes sparkled and she smiled as she spoke in a delicate little croak, "Hey Jake." "Hey Bridget," I said softly, afraid that if I spoke too loudly I might damage her further. She extended the hand that wasn't linked with Casey's and drifted her eyes between me and Paige as another little croak escaped her pail lips, "Come."

Paige let out a little whimper as we crossed towards her and took her extended hand in the hand that wasn't intertwined in mine. "Jake, you too," she said as she raised their hands only slightly off the bed. I released Paige's hand and stood behind her, one arm wrapped around her to hold her to my chest and one hand covering their hands completely.

"Okay Doc now that my whole family is with me, I'm ready," Bridget said as she brought her eyes to the dark haired, tall and lean man in the dress slacks, a tie and calf length white lab coat at the foot of her bed. "We got your blood work back Mrs. Monroe and it was inconclusive-which makes it relatively clear that all of these symptoms aren't exactly what we feared. But it is my professional opinion that it actually nearly the same thing. Your symptoms are textbook lupus-which is an autoimmune disease that causes you immune system to attack the healthy tissues in your body-but you didn't test positive for it," he said carefully, looking at each of us to gain some feedback to his response.

As he spoke I felt Bridget's hand tighten on Paige's under mine and Casey watched his wife, more concerned with her response then anyone else's. Paige tensed in my arms and she let out a staggered breath, she was terrified that they really had no idea. "I don't follow," I said sort of hotly breaking the sickening silence in the room as everyone filled in the end of the doctor's statement with their own horrible scenario-I wasn't playing that game, if he had a god damn professional opinion he better fucking state it.

"Well her blood work proves that she doesn't have the anti-body that is associated with lupus," he said missing completely that I wasn't referring to his wording. "Yeah I get that, but you said your professional opinion was it was nearly the same thing-nearly the same thing as what?" I said trying not to sound shitty, but the undertone was there-and damn right it was I wanted an explanation, we all deserved it. "As lupus. You said she was on Apersoline correct?" "Yes for her blood pressure," Casey said his tone questioning as he finally met the doctor's gaze. "And her chart said she's been taking it for the past three years correct?" he asked as he floated his eyes between Casey and Bridget. "Yes," they both said simultaneously, Bridget's little croak barely audible when mixed with Casey's voice. "Well there have been significant cases where prolonged use of Apersoline has caused what is known as 'Drug-Induced Lupus'. Although the cause is really not clear, the build up of it in the body can actually cause the immune system to malfunction and the disease it very real but the antibody is not present in the blood because her body doesn't actually produce it."

"Okay and how do we fight this," Casey said pulling his eyes back to Bridget as he cupped her hand in both of his and pressed his lips to them. "Well, first I'd like to discontinue her use of it-we'll start her on something similar in the mean time-and if my diagnosis is correct she should have a rather speedy recovery-the symptoms should resolve themselves for the most part in the next few days and she will be completely normal in about two months," he said sounding hopeful. Paige shuttered, as another staggered breath shook from her lips and Bridget turned her eyes to her daughter and crocked a gentle response as she tightened her grip again, "See Butterfly I told you that you worry too much."

Paige started sobbing then, her strength depleting completely as her muscles went limp with exhaustion and relief. I wrapped my arms around her and caught her when her knees buckled. She fell into my chest and buried her face into the fabric as she let it all out, her chest heaving fiercely. I pressed my lips to her head and whispered soft consoling words. She was drained in all aspects of the word, she need rest and not the sort of rest she could get here, she needed a bed and hours of nothing but sleep.

The doctor excused himself after Casey rose to shake his hand and thank him. Casey crossed towards us and placed a gentle hand on Paige's back as he spoke softly, "Paige sweetheart you're exhausted, why don't you and Jake go home and rest for a little bit, I'll stay here with Mommy and we'll switch off tonight." "Yes Butterfly, go home and rest. I'm okay, you need to take care of yourself, you're going to make yourself sick baby," Bridget said in a small voice that was riddled with concern as she reached up and stroked Paige's arm, even though it drew up all her strength. Paige lifted her head shakily and I leaned back slightly, never loosening my hold on her as I watched her closely to make sure she was okay. "I'm fine," she said meekly even though as her head collapsed into me back into me.

"No you are not," Casey said sternly yet with a delicate touch, "Let Jake take you to rest." She picked her head up again, her neck barely able to support it, "I'm not leaving you." She was trying to sound strong but she just couldn't and her face fell into my chest again. "Paige" Bridget said her tone going as stern as she could muster, although it wasn't much. "I'll stay, she won't be alone sweetheart," Casey said rubbing her back and holding my eyes, he was pleading with me to talk some sense into her as she lifted her head just enough to make her utterance of 'no' clear. "Paige," I said softly into her ear, "You can't help your Mom if you don't rest." She released a soft groan but didn't protest as adamantly as she had before so I continued in a soft whisper, "She's worried about you, and if you don't go she's only going to keep worrying. You don't want that do you love?" She shook her head softly but didn't lift it up off my chest, "So let me take you home."

She was still for a moment and Casey looked at me with a hopeful eyes, he was praying she would be slightly less stubborn then she normally was. I was as well, she felt like dead weight in my arms, she was fatigued beyond belief and it worried me. And when she finally lifted herself out of my arms as she dried her eyes feebly and attempted to stand with my support, I felt a rush of relief-she was surrendering. I steadied her as she leaned over her mother's bed to press a light kiss to Bridget's cheek, "I'll see you real soon Mama I promise." "Don't rush Butterfly, sleep," Bridget croaked as she held her daughter's eyes.

Paige nodded and rose, slowly as her stance swayed slightly. She needed me to support her, her legs were like jelly and she quivered like a newborn fawn trying to stand, but her pride was too strong. So, I wrapped my arm around her and steadied her, carrying the majority of her weight but allowing her to walk out. She kissed Casey and he slung my bag over my shoulder and gave me his car keys. We said another set of goodbyes at the doorway and Bridget blew me a kiss and smiled as Casey returned to his seat beside her and took her hand in his.

We made our way slowly to the car, I was practically carrying her but I knew it would piss her off if I argued the point of carrying her completely. So we moved at her pace, our steps small and light. When we were finally in the privacy of the elevator she let her head fall onto my shoulder, her weakness surfacing as her eyes slid closed for the duration of the ride. I kissed her hair softly as I supported her and when the doors dinged open, she picked her head up and we moved slowly across the lobby.

We said a quick goodbye to Janise as we passed and made our way outside. The walk to the car was easier, Paige allowed me to support more of her weight so our pace was a tad faster. I unlocked Casey's Audi R8 and helped Paige in. I reached across her and buckled her seatbelt as she struggled weakly against me. "I can do it Jake, let me do it," she said trying ridiculously hard to be forceful. "Shut it," I said as I clicked the belt and tightened the strap. I pressed my lips lightly to her brow as her head fell softly to the side and her eyes closed, she wouldn't be fighting me anymore.

I clicked the door slowly closed, threw my bag in the trunk on my way around and slipped into the driver's seat. I pushed the clutch in and started the car, it had a throaty and powerful roar to the engine that made a smile creep across my lips. I'd never driven a car this nice, or this expensive and the thought of having this much raw horsepower at my disposal was tantalizing. The interior was all soft black leather and shiny black carbon fiber. It was a beautiful machine even to a person with a soft spot for domestic oldies such as myself. I fiddled with the in dash GPS, for several moments, trying to program it to bring us home and when I'd finally figured it out I pulled out of the spot, careful to be as cautious as possible-I highly doubted I'd survive Casey's wrath if I hurt his car.

As we crept up to the light at the front of hospital, Paige's breathing we steady and slow, her head still slung to the side, resting limply on her shoulder-she was tittering on the edge of sleep. She looked peaceful for the first time in a long time and the sight of it made me smile. Her brow wasn't wrinkled in anguish and her jaw wasn't clench, she was finally letting herself relax, letting the tension of her reality slip loosely through her fingers-something she was in great need of. She was drained beyond belief, in every possible way. Emotional, physically and mentally she was on the brink of self-destruction, she couldn't possibly take another moment of strain and despite her stubbornness that ran to the core she was shutting down.

I wasn't far behind her, I'd had just about as much as I could take as well, but I had to hold out just a little bit longer for her. I cracked my window, letting the chilled air slap me in the face as I fought against the lulling effect of the motor. I yawned despite myself and violently shook my head as I demanded my mind to stay as crisp and alert as possible so I could see to it that we arrived safely-everyone was counting on me to pull through in the final stretch and I refused to let them down.

I tried to keep my mind busy, tried to force myself to focus on random things to keep myself awake. The wind actually had a bit of a bite as it smacked against my face- it was chiller here this time of the year then I'd thought it would be. I'd thought it was always 'sunny and warm in California', I guess that's just one of the things people believe when they aren't from a place. Yet it was still pleasantly warm, much warmer than November back home.

I had to call Dad at some point today, I'd told him I would. I guess I could do that once I put Paige to bed-just to let him know I was here, you know alive, and give him the quick and easy on why I had come in the first place. Plus, I should make sure everything was okay with him, that way if I had to I could call Emily and ask her to check in on him occasionally-which I was pretty sure she'd do for me, despite her disappointment. I guess I should actually do that anyhow, regardless of what Dad said because I knew he'd tell me he was fine even if he wasn't and she would be careful to make it seem like more of an original thought then a favor for me.

I guess I should probably call work too; I'm sure the boss man was gonna be pissed, seeing as he had just finished reaming me out last time I saw him about how I was coming to work-so me just not showing up today ought to go over splendid. But he'd have to get the hell over it, I had an emergency and to be honest at the time I really wasn't worried about him, calling out had been the last thought in my mind-hell it hadn't even been there frankly.

Okay so here's the agenda: put Paige in bed, call Dad, call Emily, call work and then crash as hard as possible in that guest bedroom. I repeated it to myself several time as if I would be asked to recite it here shortly as I pulled up to the gates outside the community. I went to the far left gate, one we had used when we took Bridget's car out for ice cream on our visit, it was the one for the people who could buzz themselves through since they lived there. I crept up to the pad and rolled the window down further to enter the code we'd used. Once the tint was removed and I hung half out of the window, I saw Van register that I wasn't Casey. He stood and threw open the door of his booth studying me with curious eyes as he folded his arms at his chest and leaned on the door frame. I smiled in acknowledgement as I quickly entered the code and he tightened his jaw as he nodded towards me.

"Have a good one," I said out the window in a slightly dickish manner as I threw my hand up in a wave while the gate lifted before me. He watched me pull through and I could feel his eyes burning on the back of the car and I had to fight the urge to flip him off. He didn't like me and I got that, in his mind I'd taken her away from him-but seriously dude she didn't want a damn thing to do with you like that. He needed to accept their friendship as what it was, a friendship and move on with his life. But he still held on, like somehow pursuing her so adamantly would change her opinion on the matter and I guess I could kind of get that determination, I was sort of in the same boat-maybe I should give him a break, seeing as I knew how it felt to have her shut you down. I contemplated it shortly and shook my head as I wrinkled my brow-nah he was still a dick.

I pulled into the driveway slowly, taking time to be sure I didn't scrap the bottom of the car as I rode over the drainage trench that ran along the road. I pulled up to the double bay doors of the garage and hit the button by the rearview gain access to his bay. I crept in as the door rose slowly and put the car in neutral before pulling the e-brake and killing the engine while the door closed slowly behind us. Paige was out cold in the seat next to me so she had no choice but to let me carry her into the house. I moved slowly, being careful not to wake her as I undid my belt and climbed out, but by the looks of it I could have blasted bag pipe music and started Irish jigging on the hood and she wouldn't have known the difference.

I opened the door that led to the laundry room, leaving it wide so I wouldn't have to attempt it while I carried her, and then opened her door softly. I reached around her, being sure to not jar her too much as I undid the belt and at one point she groaned very softly causing me to pause mid-movement. I waited several breaths, watching her face contently to make sure she didn't rouse anymore then that and when I found nothing but stillness, I continued the process of removing her from her seat. I scooped her up in my arms and she curled into my chest as she let out the most fragile whimper I'd ever heard in my life. It made me wince, I hated that sound and I could live happily if I never heard it again-ever. She pressed her face into the fabric of my sweater, nuzzling my chest softly as she made faint sounds that were a mixture between groans and sighs while I closed the door softly with my back.

I walked slowly, making sure my steps were soft and measured so as not to bounce her too much. I closed the door into the laundry room the same way I had the car before starting out towards her room, her soft breaths blowing tiny ripples in the heavy cotton of my hoodie as we moved. The process was long and arduous for the sole reason that I didn't want to wake her and it took several times as long as it should have to make the short trip across the house and up the stairs.

When we finally made it to her bedroom I lowered her gently down onto the bed on her back and she rubbed her cheek into her plush pillows several times as a dissatisfied groan escaped her lips and her brow drew tight. I pulled the blanket that was folded at the end of the bed up and over her before stroking the hair out of her face so I could study her profile. I drug the back of my hand softly across her cheek and her brow relaxed and a soft sigh passed between her lips. She seemed peaceful again, as I stroked her cheek tenderly, her face calming under my touch and her breathing going soft and steady. I repeated my stroke several more times as she continued to mellow, making sure that she slipped more peacefully into her rest so I could leave her to complete several small tasks.

As I watched her, the things I had to do flew from my mind, as if I had never constructed the mental listed of 'to dos'-all that I could think of was rest, I just wanted to rest next to her. I wanted to wrap myself around her and finally find the peace I'd been absent of for twenty-three long and painful days-I thought that if I could do that, even if it was only for a little while then everything bad that had happened would fade so completely that it would be as if it never existed at all.

I found my strokes growing slower and longer as I fought to stay in contact with her skin as long as possible. I loved touching her, her skin was so soft under my hand, the coolness of it made a tingle creep wildly through any part of me that touched her. I needed that sensation now, needed to feel her for as long as I could possibly stand it. I wanted to be a close as possible to her, wanted to feel as much of her as she'd allow me to, so that tingle could coarse through me, sparking parts of me that I'd taken for dead-I needed her to be mine.

I withdrew then, realizing that no matter how much I wanted that that there was no way it was possible-not now, not with her as tormented as was and it wasn't fair of me to take advantage of this moment, it wouldn't change anything. Her brow creased again when my skin left her, her peacefulness melting away when she subconsciously registered I was absent from her again-that she was alone. It killed me to let her feel that way, but I knew there was nothing else I could physically and emotionally withstand without testing myself-it wasn't that I minded the idea of the test, it was that there was no way to be sure that she wanted to establish boundaries that allowed for me to be that close to her in the ways I wanted to be. So, I pressed my lips softly to her creased brow, causing it to soften again, before rising away from her to leave.

When I was standing and half turned away from her, she reached for me, gripping my forearm softly in her hand. This stopped me, my muscles froze and my mind went ten different ways at once. I turned my confused eyes back to her, expecting to see her looking up at me but she wasn't, she was still lost somewhere in that half conscious state before complete sleep, her brow wrinkled again. She rolled away from me, still holding onto my arm, dragging me towards her. I obliged, without a moments hesitation, kicking my sneakers off as I climbed into bed behind her. She drew my arm tight to her chest as she sighed softly and I formed myself around her as a shaky breath escaped my lips. I couldn't think of anything but her as her scent slammed into my chest, I drug it deeply into my lungs, my body responding the same way hers had to the cigarette; my rigidly tense muscles were soothed as her essence coursed through them. My mind went into a swirl of her, losing my focus and killing any portion that could be used for reasoning as I buried my face into her hair and my eyes slid closed. She pressed herself into me harder, willing me to get as close to her as I could and I did-I drew my arm tighter around her and pressed every inch of myself against her, so that the lengths of her formed around me I had missed this feeling, had missed the primal rapture I got from holding her next to my chest, I had almost forgotten how it had felt, had pushed it somewhere dark and deep to protect myself, but as all my strength disappeared and I melted into her, I experienced it all over again. It felt like the first night I had spent with her like this, her essence radiating over my body, making all of me tremble and I welcomed the tremble, let it spread through my body like wild fire, awakening all the things that were forced into that dark place. I had even more reason to fight for her then, I needed to keep her with me- I couldn't possibly go back to being without this, I wouldn't survive it.

My resolve started to fade, hell everything was fading into a murky whirl of smoke and haze. My senses started to shut down slowly, my body was giving out and demanding sleep. I fought against it because I wanted to spend as much of this time with her awake as possible. I wanted to experience it for hours, wanted to fill the days where I had missed it in with nothing but her, but I couldn't fight against the peaceful darkness that was forming over me, it moved too quickly and had too much power. So, despite my struggle, I let sleep take me and told myself that I would do anything I had to make sure that I never forgot the feeling of this again.


	33. Catching Up

I felt her mouth on my jaw line, her lips moving hungrily along in towards my mouth. I released a soft sleepy groan but even I heard the pleasure in it. As soon as it passed my lips I felt her hands hard against my chest, forcing me onto my back. Now, I had had this dream over and over, had fantasized about her taking advantage of me every time I'd allowed myself to sleep deep enough, but something about this felt different. I didn't fight against it though, I let myself fully enjoy the erotic sensation of her climbing on top of me to straddle my hips while her teeth raked against my jaw-didn't want to wake myself and lose it.

I brought my hands to her hips, held the meat of them in my hands and dug my fingers into her soft skin as her lips finally found mine. They moved softly at first, as mine stutter because of the sleep that hung over my mind still but after several moments of tenderness they quickened, the force behind them building as her soft tongue danced between my lips. Yes, she tasted just as she had every other time, sweet, hot and eager-that never changed in any of my dreams. I kissed her back, encouraging her to continue as I drew my arms around her and pulled her into me. I could feel her heart pounding through her breasts, knocking frantically in response to me. She pressed herself closer, arched her hips into mine and her hands came to my face, trembling slightly. We kissed for several more moments, before she slowed-no that couldn't be right she had never done that before-and she pulled away to kiss me gently before holding her lips sedentary against mine. Something was off, dream Paige never kissed me that softly.

She spoke in a delicate whisper against my lips as she stroked my cheek, "Look at me." I opened my eyes slowly, the sunlight that was streaming in from behind her stung my eyes as it broke around her, highlighting her as it shone through the dark brown of her loose hair, making her look like an angel wrapped in golden light. Yes, this was right, dream Paige should look like that. She let out a hitched breath as she tilted her head and studied my eyes, a smile arching softly on her lips. She pulled back slightly to take me in as she stroked my cheek and a single tear fell down her cheek. No, dream Paige didn't cry, why would she cry?

It all hit me then as I held the murky blue of her wounded eyes, they should have been their normal cobalt blue not dark like that-this wasn't a dream, it was my reality. Whoa wait, Paige was really this close to me, she was really pressed against me, her hips arched into mine, her taste in my mouth, her hands holding my face. She'd really kissed me, the raw desire and need of her mouth had been real-she still wanted me just as much as I wanted her. But she was crying, why was she crying? Shouldn't she be happy- shouldn't this be joy not turmoil? And that was exactly what I saw in her eyes, turmoil.

"Don't cry," I said in a whisper as I pushed my one hand up through her hair and onto her cheek, stroking the single tear away. She didn't answer, she just leaned into my touch and let her eyes slip closed as she let out a shaky breath. "Paige-" I said softly before she leaned back in, her eyes still closed, and kissed me to silence my words. My mind went haywire as I took in the desire in her kiss, it was pure and electric and although she'd started out gently-something like a goodbye kiss-it turned into something more passionate-like she couldn't possibly part her lips from mine again.

I encouraged this, I wanted nothing more then to share her breathes, to feel her lips on my mine deeper. She didn't disappoint, her kiss became more intense and she let her hands fall from my face, actually leave me completely, and go to her own body to start unzipping her thin sweater. She pulled away from me, pulling her weight off me and her lips from mine as she finished the zipper, ripped her sweater off and throw it. Then she pulled her shirt and tank top up over her head in one movement before throwing them away as well. She didn't give me a moment to decipher what this meant, she just slammed her mouth back into mine. They were even hungrier than ever, the movements of them reeking of desperation-like she was quenching her thirst after days of drought. I shared in this desperation, I yearned for this with every single ounce of my being. I ran my hands up her sides, running over her curves which seemed so much more subtle then I remembered but the fact that I was finally taking in her exposed torso with my bare hands again was enough of a thrill to force the thoughts of her drastic weight lose out of my mind-I didn't even want to start thinking sad thoughts, not while she had my mind buzzing with pleasure.

As I ran my hands back down her sides, I felt her pulling hastily on my sweater in a manner that demanded it be removed now. I pulled my back up and away from the bed, giving her the space she needed to take away the layer between our chests as I pulled my hands away from her just long enough to help her in her efforts. Our lips parted as the sweater came up and over my head and once it was gone I brought my hands to her face to drag her lips back where they belonged-hot on mine. I continued to hold her mouth on mine as our tongues danced over each other smoothly and my shoulders came back to the mattress. She was pressed against me again, her soft breasts pressed against my bare chest as our hearts pounded viciously against one another, both of us getting the same response from the heat that we created together.

I released her face and brought my hands back to her skin, trailing the fingers of my one hand down her spine causing her to shiver in response to my touch, her breath hitching in my mouth. Once I reached the small of her back, I trailed outwards her hips, gripped them tightly and used them to pivot and lift her. I brought her back roughly to the bed, positioning myself on top of her so I could have more say in how clearly she realized how much I'd missed her. She smiled up at me and grabbed the length of my hair on top in her hand and ripped my mouth back down to hers, just to be sure I didn't forget about all the work I had to catch up on in that department.

I obliged without a fleeting thought and spent several moments on her lips before moving down onto her neck as my hand felt their way down to the brim of her thin cotton sweat pants. I used my lips at first but then switched to my teeth when her fingers drug back into my hair and gripped it as she arched her neck towards me and sighed. I bit her not so tenderly and then sucked the flesh into my mouth before I pulled back just so I could make the appropriate movements to pull her pants off and when I'd succeeded her hands worked on mine. I helped her to make the task as quick as possible and once ever bit of clothing was disposed of I ran my hands up from the tops of her thighs to her breast, cupping them in my hands. She arched her back up and encouraged me to be as rough with her as I pleased as she cupped my hands in hers to tighten my grip and bit her bottom lip, her head falling back exposing her neck again.

I brought my mouth back to that soft skin, not even taking my time to be gentle with kisses seeing as she was in the mood for something more primal. My teeth racked across her flesh as she brought her teeth my ear, nibbling it as she whispered, "I need you inside of me now." Her words about blew my mind and as she slid her hand in between our bodies to grip my package I thought I might lose it right then. I didn't hesitate, pulled my hand from her breast and slipped it down her stomach, fingers facing down so that when they finally reached their destination I could slip two inside of her while I pressed my lips to her ear and whispered, "Tell me again." She was ready for me, her slick muscles tightening around my moving fingers as her breath staggered but I wanted to hear those words again. Her voice was shaking slightly now but her words still had the same effect on me, "I need you inside of me…now." I smiled against her ear and pulled my hand out to guide myself in and give her exactly what she wanted.

Her breath was a gasp as I filled her, her muscles fitting so perfectly around me that I almost lost my cool. I had missed the feeling of being this inside of her, missed the way her nails felt as the dug into the skin on my back as I pounded not so gently into her. I gripped her hips, pulling them up so I could deepen my thrusts as she wrapped her legs around me. I couldn't get deep enough or thrust quick enough to satisfy my hunger for her and she seemed to be enjoying my attempt to try to meet my needs. Her hips kept my pace, no matter how much I increased it she kept up, just as adamant as I was to make up at least some of the lost time.

The harder I went, the wetter she got and the tighter her muscles were around me. She was moaning, not so softly and digging deeper into the flesh on my back with one hand as the other found my hair and ripped it back so her lips could find mine again. There was nothing gentle about our kiss, it was as deep and as intense as my thrusts, pausing only long enough for a groan to escape.

She moaned my name into my mouth as her juices spilled out onto my stomach-I'd never felt her so wet, never made her cum quite this viciously. The reality of how excited she was for me and the amount of liquid that seeped out onto the bed as she quivered, her muscles tighter around me then they'd ever been made my control snap. I'd been restraining myself, been holding on as long as I possibly could so I could be inside of her for the greatest amount of time imaginable, but it'd been far too long since we'd done this. I felt the familiar wave of fire as my breath quickened and growls ripped from my chest. I slammed into her once more as my orgasm ripped through me so violently that all my muscled tensed before going limp and shaking. I filled her and gave her one more deep thrust before collapsing as I panted and dropped her hips. I pushed my face into her hair as she wrapped her arms and leg around me tighter, holding me deep within her while she bit my shoulder, her breath just as quick as my own.

I didn't want to muster the strength to move, wanted to stay wrapped in her in all senses of the word for the rest of my life. So I didn't, I laid on top of her, still deep inside of her as her fingertips trailed softly up and down my back and her legs loosened while she placed soft kisses where she'd just bitten. I turned my face into her neck, inhaling her scent as I brushed my lips gently against her skin, unable to draw the strength to do much else. I was smoked, all that exertion had completely canceled out our short rest. Her soft touch was lulling and I found myself drifting out slowly as she pressed her cheek into mine her breathing slowing.

We laid like this, her continuing to drag her fingers over my skin as I tittered on the edge of sleep again for quite sometime before she spoke softly in my ear, "Hold me just a little longer." Her voice roused me slightly and I groaned softly-I'd intended to respond with something along the lines of 'I don't ever plan on letting you go' but a groan was all I could gather. I rolled off her, falling to her side and she curled into my chest, pressing her damp cheek to my peck as she intertwined our legs. I tightened both of my arms around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before resting my cheek against it, my eyes never opening.

I let that peaceful darkness drift over me slowly again, not even fighting it this time and somewhere in the process she whispered again, her voice tender yet crackling softly through the blackness, "I love you Jacob and I'll miss you so much." I'll miss you? No that couldn't be right, I thought as struggled against the darkness-but there was no hope now, it had taken too much of me for me to fight against it. I must have misunderstood that, she must have said I missed not I'll miss, yes that must be it-the darkness engulfed me then, completely wiping my thoughts clear as nothing swirled around me besides the painfully beautiful scent that wafted off her, filling my lungs with a comfortably pleasant tingle.


	34. The Harshness of Morning Light

Hello everyone! I am so sorry it's taken me **_SO_** long to update but life has been quite hectic and I was having a bit of trouble directing this story- and in the interest of not blundering towards the end of a story that I've put countless hours working on I decided I needed a bit of a break from it to keep it going perfectly. But no worries I am in Paige/Jake mood to the fullest these days and have been working ruthlessly on continuing their journey together! So forgive the killer cliff hanger and enjoy the newest chapter of their story and I promise to be much better about keeping you posted! Share the love guys :) - N. Paris

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I woke slowly, the darkness peeling away at a listless pace. I fought it back, urging it to quicken in it's retreat so I could regain control of myself. Something was out of sorts, I thought as pushed the darkness away and ran my hand over my face while I groaned softly. I had to place it, so I tried to compare my current situation to the one I'd expected. I could still smell that intoxicating mix of honey and vanilla, but it seemed fainter then I'd thought it would. And my arms didn't hold her-I must have moved away from her, now why would I do that?

I rolled towards the remnants of her aroma, my hands searching for her so I could pull her back in and make everything right. But my hands found nothing but faintly warm sheets. I opened my eyes in confusion, expecting to see her pressed closely to the edge out of my reach but in the soft light of the evening sun, I saw that she wasn't with me. I shot up, my still hazy eyes searching the room for her, but it was empty. I called her name once as I drug my hands over my face, expecting to hear her voice coming from the direction of the bathroom or something but I got only silence.

I felt confusion wash over me, my mind still sluggish with sleep and unable to process where she might be, as I climbed out of bed and gathered my scattered articles of clothing from her floor. I called out to her again, this time louder as I pulled my boxers and sweatpants on-still just silence. I ran another hand over my face, trying to wash away the half awake haze as I moved towards the door. The house was dark and so silent that in it's emptiness that I notice for the first time how the floorboards creaked under my step.

I headed quickly down the stairs towards the kitchen, figuring she'd gone down to get coffee when she woke before me-yes that is the first place she would have gone. I broke through the doorway, slowing my pace as I entered the kitchen so she wouldn't be able to read my dismay from waking without her as I said her name again. My voice reverberated through the empty kitchen, proving it's emptiness as my eyes searched it anyhow, hoping I was mistaken. I saw the coffee pot which was half full, heat still steaming up from it. Okay, she she'd been here recently, I'd been right about her seeking caffeine but where had she gone from here? The thick sage colored curtains weren't draw back on the French doors in front of me like they normally were, she must be outside on the back porch-of course that's where they always enjoyed their coffee. I moved with soft, long strides towards the doors, sure that she must be out there and in no real rush because I'd be with her shortly.

"Hey you had me worri-" I started as I pulled the door open and stepped out onto the porch but my words fell off when I realized she wasn't out there either. I scanned the area as I drew my brow in confusion, no she has to be out here nothing else makes sense. But no she wasn't, I could see the entire deck clearly and she wasn't out here-weird where else could she be? I swept my eyes slowly across the area one last time, to be sure that I hadn't missed her and when I turned to go back inside and look for her further, I caught the glimpse of a form out on the shore just passed the edge of the porch. I crossed towards the railing, focusing out into the sand to see if it was Paige. She was sitting just short of the surf with her back to me, her long dark hair blowing softly in the breeze that the ocean created and she had a dark navy shawl or blank wrapped around her shoulders as she watched the soft roll of the waves-yes it had to be her.

I unlatched the gate to my right and started down the steps that lead down to the sand, my footfall soft and quick-but not as fast as they had been in the house seeing as there was no rush, I'd located her. My feet hit the soft sand, sinking into it as I started towards her. She turned her head to the left to let the breeze pull the long strands of her hair out of her face as she pulled the blanket-yes it was a blanket-higher on her shoulder before turning her gaze back to the water. I came to her side then as she sipped her coffee, spoke in a gentle tone and lowered myself to sit in the sand next to her, "Hey whatchya doing beautiful?" She held her gaze on the ocean, watching the gentle sweeping motion of it and never looked towards me as she responded in a quiet voice, "Thinking."

I held my eyes on her profile and spoke in a tone slightly higher then she'd used, "About?" She let out a short, shaky breath and responded in that same small voice, "Life." I wasn't sure why her tone held so much pain if she was thinking about life, life was falling back into place-at least I'd thought it was. Wasn't that what our act before had meant? Or had it not? I was confused. Her words streamed back into my mind, I'd almost forgotten them: I'll miss you. It had been I'll but why?

Something about her was off, there seemed to be a distance between us despite how close we'd been earlier in the day. She had her eyes fixed on the water and said nothing further, but her gaze was more blank then I'd ever seen it. I wanted to brush the long strands that danced against her cheek from her face yet I couldn't bring myself to do it, it felt undesired and that made acid pool in my gut. Hadn't we just righted every wrong? Hadn't the torturous separation ended and weren't we on the way to finding everything we'd lost by letting each other back in? Several minutes ago I would have known the answer and would have blurted my response without hesitation but in this moment my mind was a whirl of questions, all the relief I had found by tasting the sweetness of her lips on mine after so long of only remembering it had vanished. I wanted to speak, to question the chill that being close enough to her to feel her pushing me away made crawl across my skin, but I could find no words and my mind couldn't process what was happening between us.

As I studied the space between us in the silence she turned her eyes to mine, the connection made my breath catch in my throat so viciously that my lungs stung and instantly all thought ceased in my mind. The brim of her eyes glistened as she fought to keep from letting a single tear spill softly from them and I tried my hardest to see anything but the shimmer. There was no happiness in the gorgeous blue that I'd seen every day in his mind since I'd lost her and her voice came with pain woven deep within it though I knew she fought to keep it hidden, "What happened to your face?"

My brow creased harshly, my clear confusion painting it's self on my face so rapidly there was no going back, no playing it off. Was that seriously the most crucial conversation that she believed we needed to have at this very moment? She was deflecting, concealing the real concerns she had and hiding behind something 'safe', I could see it all over her face as she grimaced slightly at my response, the pain it caused making the tears pooling in her eyes nearly course down her face. I didn't know why she was avoiding the topic that truly needed to be talked about, but I also didn't know if asking would do more harm then good and I couldn't bare the thought of being the cause of her tears again so I finally answered her, "Wrench came back on me the other day-hit me pretty good." I lied knowing that she'd feel guilty if she knew Paul hit me in defense of her honor and the way her lips were quivering as she fought to be strong made it a definite possibility that that guilty might have broken her.

"Looks like it hurt," she said softly as she studied the bruise with sweeping eyes before her hand rose slowly from under the blanket that had been drawn tightly around her causing it to fall lightly from her shoulder as it loosened. I watched her contently in intrigue, unsure of what exactly I should do as her hand moved very slowly towards me while her eyes still swept along my jaw, her brow draw tightly in worry. I held perfectly still, unwilling to move and startle her because then her smooth touch would not grace the blaze of my skin. The tears were vanishing in her eyes as her mind fixated on the mark that her fingers hovered just over, the closeness causing a slight static sensation to spread pleasantly as she trailed a ghost touch along the length of it.

"This makes it worth it," I said without thought in a barely audible whisper as my eyes fell closed lightly at the way she made me feel. As the last word escaped from my lips the amazing sweep of her fingers left me and I saw her hand fall rapidly when my eyes opened in response to the absence of her. There was mixed emotions in her eyes-regret, surprise, frustration, sorrow- while she retreated from me, her shoulder going rigid as she swallowed the tears back coarsely before turning away from me, unwilling to hold my gaze any longer. I felt regret and anger rocket through me; why had I opened my mouth and ruined what was happening between us? But the fact that she was hurting cut deeper then anything else. "I'm sorry I didn't-" I started slowly as I reached out to touch her still bare shoulder before she cut me off, the tears I couldn't see making her response shake, " No, don't do that-it's not your fault."

She pulled the blanket back up, tightening her grip on it earnestly and slammed a stone wall back up in my face that made my hand fall steadily back away from her. I parted my lips to say something but no words came, instead my mouth just hung stupidly open and silence surged between us. I winced at my inability to comfort her the way I wished to and my mind was a blur of hostile spats in response to my chosen reaction as my face contorted it's self into a million different pained expression in both the comfort and excruciating torment of knowing she wouldn't be turning her eyes to me anytime soon.

My internal seemingly silent self mutilation was interrupted by the echo of a peaceful classical lullaby on the soft breeze, it's notes mixing in a uniquely calming way with the rhythmic swoosh of the waves in an intoxicatingly dreamy manner that didn't fit our situation. At first she didn't move, though her muscles tensed slightly in response to the interruption, both in surprise and in unwillingness to talk to whomever was on the other end. She cleared her throat gently before she ran a shaky hand across her cheek while her other hand was locked tightly around the clump of blankets at her chest to keep her shield from falling as she prepared herself for the conversation.

She masked the tears with a collected tone as spoke, "Hey Daddy… just having coffee on the beach… yea I needed it-how's Mama?…" She let out a sigh of relief, the breath shaking slightly because she was still very much disheveled before she continued in a strong voice, "Good. Okay I'm just gonna get ready and come back so you can get some sleep… okay Daddy, I love you-kiss Mama for me, I'll see you both soon… bye." She stared away from me for another few minutes, clearly collecting herself further before our eyes should meet. She spoke softly as she rotated towards me and fixed her eyes somewhere over my shoulder, taking care to keep from letting her eyes linger on my face because she couldn't bring herself to truly look at me, "You can take a shower if you want, everything is in the same place- I already did- I'm just going to sit here a minute longer. Come and get me when you're ready if I'm still out here."

I studied her for a moment, contemplating what I could say but all I could muster was a broken and beaten, "Okay." I rose slowly to my feet, brushed the sand from my pants and watched her with pain for several breaths as she turned from me again, getting the same blank and distant stare that she had when I came out before I turned from her.

I hated having my back to her and every step away from her was harder to take, but I knew the only person who would get any comfort from turning back was me and even that would be fleeting once I saw the pain it caused her. She needed time and space, to contemplate something that I couldn't even guess at and I would gladly hurt to give it to her. As my foot hit the bottom step that lead to the back porch I heard the gut wrenching sound of a breathy sob faintly beneath the racket of the waves and in that moment it back clear what she wished to be alone to do and I was certain she didn't think I could hear her. So, I continued up the steps without the slightest hesitation, not wanting to let on that I knew what was going on even though every fiber of my being wanted to rush back to her, fall to my knees at her side and wrap my arms around her so I could protect her at her weakest, so I could absorb some of her clear sorrow and so she didn't have to feel alone; it was the hardest thing I'd ever done and it made my chest burn but she was worth this and for her nothing was too painful. When she was ready she would allow me to be all of those things for her again but right now she couldn't handle it and I knew better then to force it.

I moved across the porch, returning the same way I had come and slipped through the French doors back into the safe haven of the house. When I was certain I was safe behind the heavy cloak of the thick curtains, hidden in a place where her eyes could not fall upon me I finally stopped and allowed my self to turn back towards her. I rested my head against the curtains, felt the pressure of the glass against my brow and let my eyes wince harshly at the emotions I knew she felt, taking no mind to the ones that coursed through me darkly. I clenched some of the heavy fabric in my tight fist to fiercely my knuckles when white and pounded gently at the glass with my other in desperation.

I couldn't fix this, she wouldn't allow it and everything I thought was accomplished by our closeness was all a hoax. She was more distant from me know then she had been when she was not near me, more closed off then she'd ever been before and more pained then she was in the days following Bella's blunder. I wanted so desperately to mend us, to fill in the riff that was cut between us from be what she believed was betrayal and to draw her into my arms where she belonged as I explained away all the hurt but there was no place for it and I didn't know if there would be anytime soon. It seemed so ridiculous for us both to suffer like this, to both feel so alone and broken when it was the other that knew how to put the pieces together but this was the cross we both bore and this was how it had to be. I knew quite adamantly that our time would come, that we would re-solidify as a unit and that we would one day talk of this whole situation with a bit of humor as we remembered the mishap that made us stronger; I just didn't know how much longer we could both stand the suffering before that time came and the uncertainty of that caused a tear to shimmer down my cheek, cutting viciously through the fire of my skin as the eerie sound of her gasp rang through my mind.


	35. Trust

Casey was looking as fizzled out and worn down as the rest of, his eyes were shadowed nearly as fiercely as mine, yet no where as badly as Paige's and his normally neat and professional hair was disheveled, showing signs of being raked through in both frustration and anxiety. His tanned skin looked pale despite it's self and his regularly clean shaven face was showing a substantial amount of stubble that he couldn't be bothered to take care of in the crisis at hand. His muscles were weak, barely able to carry his stature in light of the over exhaustion and his face looked rather drawn. This event had easily aged him at least five years and they were not good years to say the least.

When we came into the room he'd been sitting at Bridget's side, exactly where we'd left him some hours before, his arms were crossed tightly across his stomach and his chin rested against his chest as a low grumble vibrated through him while Bridget slept in her hospital bed. His position was slightly awkward and his muscles showed no sign of relaxing which meant his rest would do nothing to relieve his aches. Paige had crossed to him and ran a gentle hand down his arm as she spoke to him very gingerly and he had bolted up, his body instantly going into action, his eyes shooting open as he tried to stand and he spoke in a groggy and startle tone asking what was wrong and demanding he was awake.

Paige had smiled softly and spoke calmingly at his frazzled behavior and I couldn't help but smile as well because his actions were a clear indicator of how deeply he loved his wife and how disheveled he was by the thought of her being ill. She had told him it was okay to go home and insisted upon it when he'd resisted while running a hand over his face in an attempt to wipe away the grog and confusion; but it wasn't that long before his submitted and finally took his keys to leave, promising to send a text when he made it home.

Once he was gone, she made a point of occupying his single occupancy chair at her mother's side, being sure to keep space between us and even though I'd expected after the painfully silent car ride over it was a completely undesired action. I didn't really understand what was happening between us, it seemed like we were taking steady stride backwards as I attempted to move forward. Her distance was a painful thing to swallow and the more I watched her in the dim glow of the machines from the other side of Bridget the harder it was to not speak to her, to not tell her all the insanely passionate things that were burning in my chest but I didn't want to talk until she addressed me. She'd laid her head at her mother's side, her hand resting on her arm, her position unnatural and insanely awkward but judging by the still deep bruises beneath her eyes and the soft snore that was just audible under the mask of the noisy machines, she'd let sleep take her now because it couldn't after their activities.

I watched her sleep for what seemed like an eternity, thinking about how this was not the present I had imagined after we'd moved so amazingly together but I gathered perhaps it was just hopeful delusion that had me believing that our carnal actions were anything more then instinctual and a coping mechanism but rather an indicator that we were somehow starting a new. Regardless of what her take was, I refused to accept that forever would remain this way and when the time was right, I would do whatever I had to make us "us" again.

My eyes didn't leave her and my mind didn't cease until Bridget's still croaky whisper of a voice startled me some time later- I hadn't even thought she was awake and I couldn't know how long she had been, "Thank you for coming Jake dear-it really means more to us then you know. You're sweet boy." I smiled softly at her, trying hard to mask my surprise at her gentleness seeing as I was sure she'd have the same distaste for me that Casey did in the light of what happened between me and Paige. "You don't have to thank me Bridget, of course I came," I said softly as I turned my body towards her more and forced the tension in my shoulder to alleviate some. "I knew you would love, I was sure of it," she said as she raised her hand in a painstakingly slow manner because of her exhaustion and extended it towards me to ask that I hold it for comfort.

I straightened up steadily and leaned towards her so I could take her soft hand in mine as I spoke in a gentle whisper, "I came as soon as I heard." She squeezed my hand gingerly, the strength of it all she could muster in her frail state, and smiled warmly, the act putting some much needed light in her gray washed face and making her eyes shimmer happily as her voice came in a meek croak, "I know you did love."

There was a warm and comfortable silence between us for several breaths as we smiled at each other, a shared affection coursing between us with no need to talk because we were comfortable enough to sit in silence. Bridget's eyes fluttered close for a moment and I believed that soon it would only be me awake for some time to follow, so I let my eyes drift back down to Paige's beautiful profile that stood out magnificently against the white of the hospital blanket. I smiled softly to myself at how peaceful she looked while she slept, there wasn't a hint of all the anguish I knew she felt while she was awake and she had a peaceful energy vibrating from her. I let her serenity calm me for the first time since I'd woken up and pushed all the complications out of my mind so that I too could have a little peace. As the soothing energy washed over me, there was another gentle squeeze around my hand followed by Bridge's astonishingly sweet voice in light of her exhaustion, "You know she's happy you're here too, she might not say it love but she is-she needed you with her more then you could know since I've been putting the poor thing through such hell."

I turned my eyes to her shamefully because I knew she knew there was a clear tension between us, a presence of anxiety in my behavior and spoke to her with more doubt in my tone then I meant to, "I don't know if that's entirely true…" My voice fell off, my expression going uncertain and wounded as the thought that maybe I should have been a bit more resistant when she'd awaken with her body on mine and the realization that maybe it was too soon for that ran clearly through my eyes. She shook her head very softly, the movement very minute but still rather clear as she wrinkled her nose slightly-the expression reminding me of her daughter-and gave me another squeeze while she cleared her throat quietly before holding my eyes steadily and speaking with conviction, "She might not be able to admit to even herself yet but I assure you she did-no, she does. Regardless of what happened you're the one she'd forgive of anything and I can tell by the way you look at her you'd do anything to make her forgive you so there is no need to worry love."

Her words tugged at my heart, made a knot form in my instantly dry throat and as I shook my head in genuine protest and attempted to clear the obstruction from my throat so I could respond she cut me off with adamancy, "I know this whole thing isn't right love-it may just be my self preservation talking and if it is please tell me but I couldn't never believe you wanted this and the more I see you with her the less I believe you gave up on what the two of you have." I couldn't speak, couldn't believe how spot on she was or the faith she had in my character and integrity; she was the one who knew me the least yet out of everyone she was the only one who knew me the best. She wasn't wrong and I was not one to lie so, I said nothing at all but my eyes must have spoke volumes because she smiled with a soft satisfaction and a cloud of heartbreak before she spoke again. Her voice was more tender then I'd ever heard it before, the tone so motherly it sang chords to the statement Paige had repeated to me that was uttered many years ago-she was meant for this role, born to be a Mommy, "I know you've needed to say this since that day-say it, I am listening Jakey." No one had ever called me that before, the nature of it was so maternal that I couldn't help but have an immense amount of trust in her words and before I could even think of a response, it was flowing from my lips as tears threatened to fall from my eyes, my voice quivering softly, "I never chose Bella, it was always Paige, it will always be Paige and I won't be okay until I've fixed us."

She smiled as the words filled her mind, showing a clear pleasure in the way they sounded and drew my hand that was linked with hers slowly to her lips so she could press them lovingly to my skin as her words came softly, "Keep going Jakey." My words continued fluidly without hesitation, my inner turmoil seeping from my mouth without thought, the need to say the words and finally have them heard by someone else overriding my reserve and strength, "I've tried a million times to fix it, tried to tell her more times then is sane but she wont hear me and it's killing me-like literally knotting my insides until the pain is so unbearable that I know nothing but it and the only thing that is going to make the pain stop is her- I'll never be anything but this broken shell of myself without her. They say time heals everything but they fucking lie! I could live another 80 years and it wouldn't be long enough to heal this but 8 seconds of holding her and knowing that she's mine would make ever fiber of it vanish-would erase every minute I've been without her."

She gave me a disheartened smile, the sign that she felt my heart wrenching brokenness in her own chest but there was also an underlying sparkle of satisfaction from hearing the words that she herself had always known to be true. She spoke gently, the coarseness of her voice barely audible to me any longer as I focused only on her words, hanging on every single one, "I don't need to know what really happened sweetie but she does and once she knows the truth she'll heal you while you heal her. Trust me Jakey it will all work out beautifully as long as you don't give up on her because she's been forced to give up on you and it's killing her. The truth will save you both I promise." My eyes held hers as several breaths were filled with silence because I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say at first, was taken so aback by how adamant she was in the perfection I knew we had together and once I could finally answer I could only speak weakly, "She's not ready to for the truth-I can't because she has too much going on to hear me."

She answered quickly her words forceful and her tone demanding, "Then you make her hear you Jake because she does need to hear it now because she has so much going on-she need good in her life to wash out the bad and you're her good, the best medicine for her heartache. I know my stubborn pig headed daughter Jacob and she needs you to make her hurt less and she's going to resist to protect herself but you have to make her listen because that's where her healing will start even if she doesn't know it." The force she put behind her words tired her, caused her breaths to come jaggedly and made her chest heave in a staggered manner. She closed her eyes softly as she tried tediously to regulate her own breathing, to calm herself down some and within several deep inhalations, she had managed to steady herself but the event took too much from her and she didn't even open her eyes as she spoke again, this time her throat sounding raw and crackled as her words came in breathes, "Promise me you'll make her listen Jakey."

I studied her profile, sweeping my eyes along it while I digested the entirety of what she had said and as I responded I tightened my grip comfortingly on her hand and let my eyes drift back down to the angel we were talking about, my words soft yet sturdy, "I promise Bridget." "Good," she said in barely a breath as she smiled softly before turning her face towards mine while squeezing my hand once more before she released a deep sigh. Nothing else was said between us because nothing else had to be said, I'd made her a promise and she trusted my words.

It wasn't long before they both slept, leaving me with only my own thoughts and nothing besides silence filled time to plan my course of action. I swore to myself that I'd do it soon, that the first opening I saw I'd take and I let myself believe that there was no way that it could go any other way then perfectly-I had to believe it because I wouldn't be able to stomach anything less.


	36. Safety

"Can I ask you something with the promise that you'll just answer me and not start a whole big thing?" she asked as she finally broke the daunting silence that hung between us whenever we were together and pulled her eyes from their distant gaze out her window to bring them to me. I didn't know where this was going exactly and the possibility that I could potentially shooting myself in the foot by making this promise was staring me dead in the face, but I was so excited at the chance to have a conversation with her that my answer came without hesitation, "Promise."

I held her gaze as I spoke and for as long as possible without jeopardizing my driving abilities to convey reliability and truthfulness, knowing that she found it very hard to trust me these days. She watched me for a moment, her eyes shifting over mine to search for something that contradicted the word as she chewed softly on her bottom lip and the fact that it took her so long to nod softly in acceptance left a stinging pain in my chest that made it hard for me to keep my composure. When she was finally satisfied with her own read on me she fidgeted in a nervous manner next to me, a display I was not used to from her, and twisted her lips as she contemplated how to ask whatever it was she wanted to.

The time between my own response and hers felt like an eternity and when she finally spoke I found myself exhaling deeply, not even realizing that I'd held my breath waiting for it. Her voice was small and incredible weak, sounding something like a whisper as her expression showed much direst, "Why do you wear my ring around your neck?" I constricted my brow in confusion as we pulled up to the gates at the entrance of her parent's community and I fixed my eyes on the windshield as I contemplated how exactly to answer her question and not break my promise to not create a whole 'big thing' out of her curiosity. My thoughts were conflicting, because I knew this could be the opening I had decided would signify the fulfillment of another promise I'd made and as I entered the code on the pad to open the gate I released a heavy exhale of slight desperation. She was watching me, I could feel her eyes on me, but I knew better then to meet her gaze because it would surely break me, so I stared forward contently as I finally spoke in a gentle tone, "Because it's safe there."

My answer was only partly the truth, the greater part being because it was all the had left of her and I wanted it close to my heart but I couldn't tell her that because it would lead to a follow up question that would force me to explain everything and thus break my word. She wasn't ready in the moment for the truth, she wasn't willing to hear more then what she asked of me and although Bridget had insisted that Paige herself did not know entirely what was right for her in her grief I couldn't bare the thought of overloading her to the point of shut down either. Her face went tight, the expression I saw from my peripheral show clear signs of not really having complete control over her sadness, so she turned her eyes away from me and spoke in a broken tone, one that shook slightly because of her struggle to stay collected, her refusal to cry, "I guess I just assumed it's safety didn't matter."

I turned my eyes to my own window so I could wince against the heaviness of her words and the clear despair that they displayed as I spoke in a gentle muted tone being sure to keep my words steady, "It will always matter Paige." In the silence that followed I could her breathing in slightly hitched manner, there was a clear shake to it and I knew I should say something else to comfort her but I also knew that would open a conversation she did not wish to have with me. So, I sat in silence with her, keeping my eyes fixed anywhere but at her as her clear pain radiated from through me and fought to keep the truth from spewing from my lips, even though it threatened profusely to do so. I continued to refuse to look at her when we pulled into the garage even though there was no place else to look because I was the weakest when I was with her.

The engine's tick as it cooled was all that filled the silence between us as we sat in the dark garage staring at our own places in the nothingness before she finally spoke in an uncollected tone that concurred her stubbornness, "I'm just going to take a walk-I need some fresh air okay?" I finally drew my eyes to her as she undid her seatbelt but she wouldn't meet my eyes because there was a glimmer of tears in her own that I saw despite how quickly she turned away from me and climbed out of the car. I spoke quickly but kept my tone soft as I got out and let my eyes follow her, "Do you want company?" Although I'd known the answer I'd asked anyways in hopes that perhaps I was wrong and she might let me go with her and that during our walk I could finally keep my promise to her mother. But I knew her well and when her words came with a crackle as she shook her head without turning towards me I was not surprised, "I can't do that tonight Jake. I'm sorry."

I reached towards her, took a single step in pursuit and demanded I say something but my mouth just hung open as I watched her leave and let my hand fall between us. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly and I could hear her take a deep quivering inhale before she disappeared from my view as she started down the road towards the gates. I stood there for several moments not knowing what else I could do as mind went blank, my next course of action not presenting it's self. I couldn't stand the way it was between us, the way we'd gone from holding each other to barely speaking in under a day and the way it hurt her to be around me. Bridget had sworn she needed me, hell even Paige had thanked me for coming yet as I stood completely alone in the bay of her parent's garage I had a hard time believing that I was doing any good here.

It was some time later that I actually moved, my jaw going rigid finally in resentment while my limps felt heavy and listless as I hung my head and started towards the house, hitting the switch for the garage door on my way in. I felt like I was dragging myself through the house, each step seeming more drawn out and debilitating as I made my way to somewhere that I was not sure of, not knowing what I could do with myself here while I waited for her. My phone sang a ridiculously upbeat tone in my pocket and I instantly decided it must be changed as I dug for it without lifting my head. The display showed Emily's name and because I needed something to occupy my mind to keep from going insane I answered it. "Hello," I said in a meek tone as I ran my hand through my hair and came to the kitchen. "Hey Jake. How it going out there?" she said in a easy tone, the underlying notions of it concerned. I sighed as I made my way to the French doors, deciding that I too needed some fresh air and a walk on the beach seemed fitting.

"Jake? What's the matter?" she asked the easiness of her voice evaporating rapidly when I didn't respond as she assumed the worst. I'd once been able to talk to Emily about anything, but in light of all the negativity and hostility that surrounded the recent events I didn't know if her listening ear was an option anymore. Part of me had to believe that she would deny me if I tried though, it just wasn't in her nature but I tested the waters anyhow. "It's just me Em-I'm just really lost right now is all," I said brokenly as I crossed across the porch at a sluggish pace and began my decent down the stairs after closing the gate behind me. She was silent for a moment, saying nothing at all for several breaths before she spoke in a gentle tone, the old tenderness she had for me resurfacing slightly despite how much she wanted to hate me for what was going on, "Well maybe I can help you find you way-try me."

I spoke softly, my words having a weakness to them that was out of my control at this point as I finally made it to the sand and started down the shore, "When I first got here she was really a mess and she let herself need me and felt really nice but something happened last night and now she has this wall up-and I want to push through it but every time I think I might be able to, she just seems like she won't be able to recuperate from it." Emily was silent for a beat before she sighed softly, her tone remorseful, "You broke her heart Jake, she doesn't want to need you for this-because that means that maybe she'll always need you and she can't handle the idea of needing someone who doesn't need her."

"But that's just it Emily I didn't break her heart, not the way she thinks I did and that's what I'm trying to tell her-that I'm the one who will always need her," I said with a torment in my voice as ran a hand over my face. She spoke quickly, her platonic love for Paige engaging her protective streak as her tone went slightly snide, "Well just because you've reconsidered doesn't mean she should be okay with that Jacob-you can't just need her when it's convenient for you- that's not fair." "You're not listening!" I said sharply, my tone elevating as a stab of anger rocketed through me and my fist balled harshly before I continued in a quick and lashing tone, my nerves fraying unintentionally, "That's the God damn problem no one ever listens to me, they just assume they know what happened when really they don't have the faintest idea-because it's so much easier for everyone to hate me then to trust me why is that Emily? Have I ever given you reason to not trust me in all the years you've know me? Huh? Have I? Am I some disloyal and dishonest individual who says whatever he has to save his own skin? Am I?"

She spoke with vinegar in her tone, her words quick tongued "No you haven't and you never were that's why every single one of us took this whole thing so personally! And for your information you are probably the hardest person in the world to hate so don't go there! I hate disliking you and Sam despises thinking poorly of you- he doesn't know how to except what happened, which is why he's refused to talk to you, he's so disappointed in you but can't handle seeing his little brother in that light so he won't even talk _about _you!" I nearly snapped at this, the reasons she needed to listen to me being spoken directly from her own lips without her even connecting with it, "Then why haven't you or Sam ever come to me and asked me what the fuck happened? Why didn't anyone even care to find out my side of the story if I'm such a decent person and my actions were so out of character why didn't you pick up a phone and say 'Jake what the fuck?'! Why is it that someone who barely knows me can see the holes in this and the people who've known me nearly my entire life can't put two and two together? Why did everyone shut me down and out and no once say they would listen? I've been begging you to listen, telling you I needed someone to talk to and you all abandoned me when I was at my lowest! I don't get it Emily, I don't get any of you- do any of you know me at all?"

"Because we all saw her crumble, literally breakdown and shatter before us and every single one of us was blinded by the complete agony that seeped from her-" she started in hostile defense before I cut her off quickly and with much vigor, "And you all thought this person you've known nearly forever was capable of inflicting that upon someone that they loved? How long did you guys watch me be broken and beaten down by Bella while every single one of you told me to break her heart and cut my loses? But I couldn't do that to her, I couldn't hurt her because I loved her- I'm martyr Emily! I'd rather suffer every single day then to watch those I love feel pain and yet you all think I would give her a ring and promise her a future and then up and leave? How does that make any fucking sense?" "Well I don't know!" she screamed her voice shaking yet completely uncertain. "You don't know because it doesn't! Yet the whole lot of you ran with it blindly and ignored the stupidity of it-not once listening to a God damn word I had to say!" I yelled back, my entire body shaking, I didn't want to be this way but I was sick of the bullshit and I wasn't keeping quiet anymore.

She started to say something but I cut her off, my words spewing without thought, my guard snapping and everything I'd wanted to say when I was shut down came flooding from me viciously, "And here I am living up to my martyr status-being mum while the woman I love thinks I'm a backstabbing liar who would choose an awkward, melodramatic, selfish psycho over her! How can any of you believe that? I love Paige Emily, I never chose Bella and I was on my way over to her house to tell her that when Bella decided that she needed to remove Paige from the equation so she could live out this delusional fantasy that would involve me loving her again! Okay? That's what happened, that's what I've been trying to tell you all for the passed month and that what everyone shut down before they could hear! Now you've heard it and now you know-you never had to dislike me, Sam never had to be disappointed, Jared did have to hate me because I screwed over his sister, Quil doesn't have to shut me out because he feels he doesn't know me anymore, Embry doesn't have to despise me because I broke the heart of the person that I put our friendship in jeopardy to be with and Paul didn't have to rock my jaw on the premise that I was a lying snake! None of it was called for and none of it was justified-how does that make you feel? How do you swallow that one?"

I heard her breathing hitch violently and for a moment she said nothing at all, there was only static silence on the other for several breaths before her voice came with a gentleness that was dazed and confused, "You didn't say those things? Didn't send Bella to her house that night?" "No!" I nearly screamed, before my anger dissipated rapidly and me head fell again, the whole fiasco leaving me more emotional drained then I already was and when I spoke again there was barely any elevation and my words were soaked with desperation, "And yet I'm still the one she can't stand to be around- the one she can't trust herself with." "Oh Jake I'm so sorry-" she started in a broken whine, clear pain relevant in her words that shook with a broken heartedness before I cut in weakly, "None of it matters- I'm not really mad at you guys- I think it's more that I'm jealous of how close you've all been to her lately when I couldn't be."

She spoke quickly, her words convicted, "The past is done Jake, move forward and be the one who is close to her now-when we can't be. Fix it, do whatever you have to tell her the truth and if she won't listen you have to make her! She's pulling away because she's scared to accept she needs you just as badly as she did before, because that means that all the junk she's told herself about being okay without you is a lie-make her a liar Jake because she won't be right until you do! She's lost, scared and alone right now and she's just done something that shows weakness- she's let herself be close to you and God knows she's thinking that once this is over she'll lose you again and then the heartbreak starts all over. Show her she's wrong, get a plane to write it in the God damn sky if you have to-spare no means or cost because she needs to hear it and she wants to! I don't know how many nights she cried to me, like literally bawled, that all she wants is you to come rushing in and save her and tell her you're sorry and you want to make it work-you can do her one better Jake by rushing in to save her and tell her you never wanted this that you chose her then and you choose her now. Save her Jake please because she needs it!"

"She said that?" I said with a bit of dumbfounded weakness, hope finding it's way into my soft tone as I stopped and picked my head up very slowly. "Yes Jacob she said that. Go find her now, find her and make a scene of it, scream it at the top of your lungs if you have to-just end this whole cluster fuck right now and get to making it up to her!" she said with determination in her tone, making it sound like a motivational speech and giving me a wave of hope with her words. I swept my eyes quickly around my surroundings, as though maybe she'd be somewhere very close if I looked hard enough while a smile spread across my lips because I knew now what had to be done-no matter how she fought against me I would keep my promise to Bridget and I would make her listen. "Thank you Emily," I said with a intense rapture in my voice as I started back the way I had come, my footfall quick and unfaltering- I had to get to her now had to find her and tell her everything I had wanted to say every minute of the last month, no matter how I had to do it. "Jesus Jake it's the least I can do after being such a closed minded wench, I owe it to you and I promise I'm going to fix everything here with the rest of us losers. I'm gonna call every single one of them and tell them the great news-that we've got out friend back and that we're a bunch of assholes. And God knows how much Paul loves to hear that," she said with a small laugh in her voice towards the end. "Break it to him lightly Em," I said letting my self get a little laugh as well as I started to jog lightly, needing to get there as soon as possible, even though it was rather likely that she wouldn't be back yet. "I think a slap upside his thick head is light enough don't you?" she said giddily with a slight sadistic twinge to her voice that was something amazing to hear-I had gotten my sister back, the cold war had ended and she'd crossed the lines drawn to embrace me, it was an awesome feeling. "Sounds about right," I said laughing as I gripped the railing of the stairs in my hand and swung myself around so I was in position to sprint up them, paying no mind to the shoes I'd left at the bottom.

I heard her laugh with a good-humored demeanor before she spoke between giggles, "God I've missed you Jake, it feels awful nice to not have to dislike you anymore-it took a lot out of me." "I've missed you too Em, it's just as nice to have you back," I said smiling as I ripped through the gate and ran towards the doors without pause. "I love you Jake-good luck and sorry I'm an asshole again, promise it won't happen ever again," she said a smile clear in her voice, which made me smile in response. "I love you too Em and I'm gonna hold you to that," I said as my hand finally gripped the handle and I threw the door wide so my stride wouldn't be broken. "Gladly-now go!" she said softly at first and finished with vigor, her voice still showing a sign of a wide smile. "Gone," I said quickly before flipping the phone closed and shoving it in my pocket as I threw the door closed me behind me, the bang it created echoing through the house as I continued full fledge through it and called her name.

I hit every room, hanging on the doorframe of each and calling her name as I scanned it quickly but as I sprinted away from Casey's office I was left with only the knowledge that she was no where on the first floor. I took to the stairs, taking three steps in a single stride as I moved up them, pulling my self along with the railing before sprinting towards her bedroom. The door was open and the lights off but I charged into it anyhow, yelling her name with excitement as I broke through the doorway and headed to the bathroom. I hung from the frame of this doorway as well, a smile burning across my lips as I did a quick scan. She wasn't here either but I didn't mind waiting. I paced with an excited anxiety, inhaling deeply to control my breathing as I worked my way around the room, not wanting to stand still too long.

I passed the window at the far end of her room once more as I peered quickly though it because it looked out onto the driveway-hoping to see her returning from her walk as I crossed my arms at my chest and smiled wildly. I released my grip on my chest and fidgeted with the curtains, checking to make sure she wasn't standing just beyond the fabric and when my scan proves she was not I let them fall lightly back into place. As my eyes swept once more across the remainder of the view, I caught the glimpse of someone approaching from the left side of the drive way. I felt my heart skip frantically as I realized the moment I had waited for was nearly upon us. I got an instant wave of adrenaline, the course of it making my stomach lurch sickeningly and my muscles tense in anticipation and just when I thought I might get sick from the intensity I realized it was Paige, but she was not alone.

My heart pounded rapidly, a sort of fear spreading through me as my mouth fell lax and I leaned towards the window to see who her company was- my breathing staggering viciously. He was taller then her, his build defined but not eccentric and his light hair was tousled softly by the breeze. She turned towards him momentarily and he pulled her hand from it's place it her pocket and took it in his own so he could pull it to his lips and in doing so, he turned just a tad towards me and his features were highlighted by the sun-Donovan. I felt a wave of jealous anger, something that was nearly uncontrollable after such an intense wave of adrenaline. Why was he here? Why was she with him and why was she letting him put his mouth on her-even if it was just her hand? I leaned closer to the window as my jaw went rigid, the tension radiating through my body as my muscles locked and pumped, preparing for action if it was needed as my breathing went more rigid.

I saw his lips move slowly as he held her eyes before he drew her hand back to them again and my thoughts came out verbally in a growl, "Don't let him do that Paige, he's snake he's weaseling his way in- don't fall for that shit." But she didn't hear me and she looked up at him adoringly, her face scrunching softly in the way it did when she was trying not to cry before she pulled her hand free and threw her arms around his neck. "No!" I nearly yelled as my fists clenched in hostility, the force I used making my knuckles go white as anger blurred my vision around the edges. He didn't pull away-of course he didn't this was a cheap thrill to him-rather he drew her harder against him and pressed his face into her hair as his fingers began trailing through the length of it that hung over her shoulders.

This had every neuron in my body firing at once, the sheer volatility of my response making my adrenaline course again as my muscle shook from the tension that locked more viciously on them. I felt the urge to break something, to slam my fist into the wall and put a whole clean through it- this wasn't how it was supposed to happen, it wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to let me hold her like that, I was supposed to have my arms around her in that way-not that pathetic weasel of a man who pined after her relentlessly. She knew better, what was she doing? Why was she letting him press his lips to her cheek and twirl the ends of her hair as he held her close to him? I released a fierce growl then, the intensity of it making my lips quiver-I'd be damned if I pushed them together.

I couldn't watch him hold her any longer, my fierce protectiveness and jealousy causing me to turn away from it as I started in a heavy footed manner away from the window. I had the mind to go out there and rip him off her my the back of his skinny little neck, I would yoke him right up off his feet and make him regret the sheer thought of capitalizing on my weakness. I refused to let him slip in in the gap I'd left between us, I'd learned that lesson quite sincerely once already and I wouldn't make the mistake again. And she'd be pissed, hell she'd probably even hit me out of anger and that was fine, I'd take it and then I'd grab her and show her just how hot her anger was to me- how sexy she was when she was fired up. And there wouldn't be a need for words then, she'd feel my intensity in the way I handled her, in the sheer power of my touch and the complete hunger in my kiss.

Yes that's how it would happen just as soon as I was done making weasel dick regret comforting her, being the broken hearted lovelorn loser I was for Bella every time Edward made her upset. Fuck him for being her friend. The thought stopped me dead in my track as I descended the stairs-my footwork ceasing and my muscles going lax as my jaw feel open at the word-friend. Donovan was being her friend and I was going to go out there and rip his throat open for being supportive-for being what he always was. I slammed my hands into my face as s defeated groan broke through my lips before I drug my fingers harshly down- I couldn't do that, that wasn't fair. He was her friend, and yes he was a snake and trying to weave his way in when she was weak but he was still her friend. She'd gone to him because she needed comforting, something I hadn't given her and even if he thought it was more, Paige wouldn't let it go that far because a platonic future was all she saw for them. I had to walk away, had to go cool off somewhere and get a hold of myself or I'd be the big meat headed oaf who stormed out of the house and choked out her comforting friend-I'd drive her closer to him.

I reluctantly turned around as a fierce growl broke from my lips again- I fucking hated being the sensible one sometimes, it really fucking sucked! I wanted just for once to be the passionate one, the brute one who dealt with the consequences of his actions afterwards-I needed that release, just one hit in his mouth-but I also wanted to be the one with her and that was not the way to go about it. I stomped up back up the stairs and to the guest bedroom, the adrenaline dying down some in my chest and making me violently nauseous. There was no way I could tell her now, not without risking being the asshole so it was best I went and slept it off- I would save her tomorrow. The idea of it was infuriating but I stalked into the room anyhow, slamming the door behind me angrily and flopping onto the bed on my back as I drug my hands over me face and growled once more, not even bothering with the lights. "Fuck!" I screamed with fury as I slammed my heavy fist once into the mattress beside me, making the bed shake beneath the blow.

I ran my hands once more over my face as I rose to a sitting position, burying my face within them as I brought my elbows to my knees and inhaled deeply to calm myself and alleviate the nausea that the adrenaline surge left when it was not used. I stayed like this for several deep breaths before I felt confident enough to rise to my feel without hurling so I could strip for bed and crash until I was time to rectify everything. I threw the clothes a bit more forcefully then was really needed, but I wasn't sure how else to release some of my anger and once I was left in only my boxers I flopped back on the bed on my back and brought my hands to my face again. This was all wrong, but it was the only way to keep from fucking it up further. Emily and Bridget were right, I had to tell her but I would jeopardized everything by being violent. I crossed my arms at my chest and my legs at the ankle, shaking my foot viciously for several moments as I stewed with my eyes pressed harshly closed.

Somewhere in the deep stewing I heard the light sound of Paige ascending the stairs, her steps soft and unhurried and the sound of it snapped my tension instantly. I froze, ceased all motion and laid completely still as I listened to her footfall and waited for an answer as to what she did. The floor boards creaked under her weight and the sound of them traveled away from me before coming back towards me. I didn't move, my muscles tensing in the way they would if the seeker was close to your hiding spot, not a single one even twitching. A light squeak echoed through my room as the light from the hallway flooding into the darkness created by the full drawn heavy curtains before disappearing again as the door clicked softly closed. I didn't open my eyes, unsure of exactly what I should do, but rather remained completely still and waited for sounds that would explain what she was doing.

I heard the distinct sound of a zipper being pulled down before denim fell softly to the floor followed closely by more discarded fabric. My heart was racing, I didn't know what to do-should I speak, should I move? Because I couldn't get a coherent thought I remained motionless and listened to her steps come closer to me, the sound of them light and clearly tiptoed. She moved around the end of the bed and came to the open side next to me, crawling slowly onto the mattress and the springs gave of a metallic creak softly under her weight. Each move she made towards me was slow and drawn out, as she tried to close the space between us without jarring me, hoping to slip into bed without waking me-not knowing that I was very much awake and holding my breath in anticipation. She pulled my arms slowly from my chest, the movement tedious as her breathing came in a nervous manner and I let it feel heavy and life less to keep from revealing the truth. She worked her way steadily into the nook of my arm, letting her head fall softly on my chest as she wiggled into the appropriate spot, threw her leg over mine and released a gentle sigh of relief.

I groaned softly, the way a sleeping man would and drew my arm around her to pulled her closer into me so I could press my face into her hair. I inhaled deeply, released another soft groan and then settled into the bed, finally finding comfort. I could feel her smile against my chest as she placed a soft kiss against it before settling more deeply into me as well with another gentle sigh. I refused to ruin this, to give away that I'd been privy to her actions so I let myself be still, enjoying the sensation of holding her and let her presence calm me so that I might rest. Sleep came quiet easily, the lull of it drifting into my now peaceful mind as I let myself be lost in her scent, in the way body felt on mine and how right it felt to be like this with her. She spoke in a hazy whisper, her own relaxing evident in the tone as she wiggle just a tad closer and placed her hand over her ring that hung in the center of my chest before sighing gently, "Because I'm safe here too."

If I hadn't been so close to sleep I would have tensed at the words but as sleep creep through my mind wildly I just rivaled in them and thought quite simply with much adoration and a bit of lustfulness, "Yes my love you are."


	37. A Taste of Normalcy

I awoke expecting Paige to have slipped out while I was asleep because that sort of scenario seemed fitting of how my life was going these days but much to both my surprise and delight she was exactly where she belonged, sprawled comfortably at my side. She was no longer in my arms rather laying half on her stomach within reach but even in her sleep, she'd kept contact between us by having her one leg thrown over mine. I studied her in the darkness, running my eyes fluidly along the lines of her, following the beautiful angles of her face and the sensual curves of her body. She wore only a tiny tank top which had rode up to expose her stomach and little lace panties that left the full bottoms of her cheeks deliciously revealed. Her hair was loose around her, falling sporadically against the light pillow while other strands cascaded beautifully down over the breast that was off the mattress, leaving part of the top visible as it's fullness caused it to nearly escape the thin fabric. And even though it wasn't completely on display, I knew perfectly what the clothing kept concealed.

In fact, I knew every inch of her and though she was partially dressed, I saw the entirety of her impeccably in my mind. She was flawless, the curves of her all exactly right, all fitting me perfectly and the unimpeded remembrance made it hard to not disturb her so I could run my hands over them. I gave in partially, letting my fingers dance softly over her cheek, brushing the loose strands of her dark curls from it so I could more perfectly take in the beauty of her. She made a gentle sound, the soft pleasure of it coming delicately from her full lips made a smile dance on my own as I situated myself more precisely next to her so I could more easily take in her serenity.

My fingers lingered in the strands of her hair while I twirled the ends of it softly, rolling it through them as I looked onto her with no haste to do anything other then this for the remainder of the day. I could be quite happy never moving from this spot, never achieving another task just as long as I could spend every second of it with her. And that was what I did, spent what seemed like an eternity though it could never be long enough, laying next to her while I enjoyed the sight of her, breathed in her addicting scent and played delicately with the soft curls of her hair while I let myself think only the happy thoughts of how deeply I loved every single bit of her.

I couldn't tell you how long we were like this, and I wouldn't waste the time trying to figure it out because it seem much too fleeting, before she stirred, her calm face scrunching some in distaste as her muscles tensed and a gentle groan passed her lips. I let my fingers give her hair one last twirl before I let them fall between us and smiled pleasantly at her, never making any moves to conceal the fact that I watched her quite happily while her eyelashes fluttered delicately against the alluring olive of her skin before drifting open enough to let the magnificent blue of her eyes shimmer against all the other hues and stifle them instantly with their intensity. "Good Morning Beautiful," I said with an ease as my hand moved without thought, rising slowly to brush a curl that had fallen back over her face back so I could more perfectly see her breathtaking gaze that was holding mine without a flicker of dissatisfaction or embarrassment to know I was watching her.

Her response came with a delicate sleepiness, the words mollified and breathy as she let a smile creep onto her lips and leaned minutely into my fingers so they trailed smoothly on her skin, "Mmm yes it is." My smile intensified slightly at her words as I got an insane amount of pleasure at how much we both got out of a simple act of waking up together, a thing that had had been taken for granted when we shared a bed every night. We were silent for sometime, just enjoying the sight of each other as we laid mere inches apart while she let sleep dissipate gradually from her, removing it's heavy cloak from her at a listless pace that neither felt the need to rush before she spoke in a tender and affectionate tone, "I've missed this."

I gave her an effortless smile and because I felt the moment would allow it I left the backs of my fingers run softly against her cheek with no other intention then to feel her for the first time as I spoke in a genuinely breathless voice, "You have no idea." She returned my smile and turned her face slowly as to prolong the contact as she sighed gently in pure satisfaction before she let her eyes flutter softly closed in response to my skin still on hers and spoke in a faint whisper, "Oh, I do." I gave into her and swept my fingers delicately over her cheek once more, working back inwards and lightened the touch more as I graced only my finger tips sensually over her lips as they quivered softly beneath my touch.

Her breath came slightly ragged, the chill of it against my fingers making my own spike softly as I yearned to replace my fingers with my mouth, my body instinctually leaning minutely towards hers my movements interrupted by the lyrical nature of her voice, the words spoken against my fingers, "Spend the day with me." "Where else would I spend it," I said without thought, my words falling from my lips effortlessly not even catching themselves as my eyes followed my fingers and her breathing shook softly in response before she let her eyes fluttered back open and her words came again. "Can we spend it like this, with this old effortless without all the bullshit?" she said gently and she stopped the movement of my fingers by gripping my hand in her own and drawing it between us, causing my eyes to drift up to her own, my mind hazy and my control fraying. I should have said no, because I had so much I had to say to her but as I held her eyes I found myself unable to deny her, my heart screaming to give her everything she needed so I could prolong my time with her that was comfortable and easy and before I knew what to say the words had already escaped, "Of course."

There was a twinge of regret somewhere deep within me, but it was so buried beneath not the rapture I got from seeing the pleasure dance in her eyes that I didn't even pay it any mind, rather it's existence seemed almost imaginary. I was so malleable in her hands that I would never be able to give her anything other then what she asked for, which meant my confession would be pushed off another day. But, it would be so perfectly placed after spending a day with her that consisted only of us being together, existing in effortlessness and spending every second at each other's sides. She would be more willing tomorrow, more relaxed with being near me and more open to hearing all the things that I needed so desperately to say.

She gave me another affectionate smile as she squeezed my hand gently in her own before drawing herself closer to me with it, forcing me gently onto my back so she could drape herself over me and situate herself in her old spot, the one she was in so she could find sleep last night. I ran my free hand over her head, brushing her hair flat so I could press my lips to the crown of her head as she nestled herself perfectly onto my chest and her leg tangled in mine, a soft sigh of satisfaction came from us both in unison. I couldn't say how much time passed before she spoke, time seemed so infinite when she was with me no longer dragging by painfully, but when she did I welcomed the sound of her voice within my mind, the nature of it soothing, "What should we spend the day doing?" I gave her hair another soft kiss before responding while I drew her closer to me, "Anything is perfect if we do it together."

I felt a smile spread sweetly on her lips against my chest followed by the delicate chill of her words creeping across it, "The bluffs then-they are magnificent in the moonlight, you haven't seen it yet but they really are." "They have an awful lot to measure up against," I said in a whisper, my words coming before I could censor them as I spoke openly about her own majesty and though I expected a shaken response in light of how the passed day had gone she didn't deliver, rather she took our pledge of effortlessness quite seriously and spoke with a gentle ease, "Well then it's a good thing I'll be with you huh? That should help their endeavor."

I smiled kissing her head once more at how perfectly placed her response was and spoke in a gentle way, "Yes it should." I wanted to say that they would have a better shot without her there because she'd stifle them out without any effort, but I kept that bit of information within me, knowing both that that might kill our comfort and that saying that might ruin my shot to witness her in the moonlight at the bluffs-and I was looking forward to that rather immensely.

* * *

The morning I had arrived in Aptos to bring her home had messed up our sleep schedule quite profusely, we slept now during the day and normally spent the late evenings and night time with Bridget at the hospital. But she'd told Paige last time we'd gone that she thought we needed a night off, said that since her condition was improving quite rapidly she felt we were warranted a "day" to do something. Now I knew this came from the knowledge that I would be confessing my sins and she wanted us to have time to enjoy our renewed togetherness, but Paige had been quite hard to convince. In fact, it had taken diligent work from both me and her mother to convince her that it would be okay but watching now, you wouldn't have known the difference, she was easily more comfortable with being away from her mother then either of us could have imagined. Actually to be quite frank, she seemed almost ecstatic to take a night off with me, which gave me a bit of an ego boost.

It was just about four thirty when we finally made it to the bluffs and the giddiness that reverberated from her as we finally made it to the top was rather hypnotizing. She gripped her hand tightly in mine and pulled me to the edge as she smiled profusely and held my eyes, "I used to come here all the time with a group of my friends, the sunsets are amazing-we'd build a fire and wait for the sun to go down and then we'd have a few and spend all night up here watching the waves and having a blast, it's got to one of the best feeling in the world." That was quite beautiful up here, it was much like the cliffs where we'd met but the scenery was a hundred times better; rather then mountains before us, there was a vast ocean of waves stretching as far as the eye could see and crashing onto the stretch of white sand between us and them just below the bluffs, the drop much less drastic then the one at the driving cliffs back home. "Then we best start the fire huh?" I said smiling at her delight as she scanned the area before us before bringing her eyes back to me to nod excitedly as her smile intensified.

She spun around and scanned the area quickly as her words came without haste, "If we go like two hundred yards along the bluff there used to be a pit we made with rocks-God it was like a century ago but we might get lucky and it'll still be there. Come on!" She drug me behind her, the initial jerk almost making me lose my grip on the cooler we'd brought with 'refreshments' or beverages as she and Emily referred to them but I went happily, laughing softly to myself at her enthusiasm. As we cleared a small rise in the bluffs, we came to a wide stretch of flat stone, the size and levelness of the area made it perfect for a party and I heard a small shriek of pleasure that I knew meant that luck was on our side-how could it not be, it was us?

She stopped suddenly, causing me to crash into her back as she let out an excited laugh. I used our linked hand to draw her against me to keep us both steady and she turned her eyes towards over her shoulder, a smile from ear to ear as she looked up at me, "Sorry." "No complaints here," I said smiling back down at her as I held our bodies against one another and marveled in the way it felt before kissing her forehead softly. She held my eyes for a moment longer before she turned them back in front of us and spoke with a giddiness dancing in her tone, "It's still here, kinda beat up but we can save it right?" I followed her gaze to a partially crumbed circular ring of stones that used to be a well used fire pit. It was half falling apart from some time when it was neglected and thus fell to the elements of the outdoors but most of the needed rocks were scattered around it and it's repair was definitely possible. "Oh yea we'll have her up and running in no time with a little T.L.C," I said kissing her forehead once more before putting the cooler down beside me and releasing her so I could get to work as she squealed in excitement.

We worked perfectly together, uttering instructions between each other and taking each task together every step of the way, pausing only let our hands linger on one another with a smile while holding each other's eyes as we worked. In no time the pit was reconstructed, it's walls sturdy and begging for a flame. We ventured down the bluffs, hand in hand, steadying one another to necessary materials and within an hour the only task left was igniting them so we could share the type of evening she remember with fondness, creating a new chapter of it that was bound to be much better because it involved us as a unit.

"Hurry Jake," she said with anticipation evident in her words as she crotched next to me again and racked her teeth softly over her bottom lip. "Just about ready," I said smiling up at her as I positioned the natural tinder precisely. She held my eyes for several breaths, her smile effortless and deeply enthralled before she nodded back to the pit, forcing my attention from her and back to the matter at hand, though I could have simply watched her for an entire evening and been just fine with that. I lit the tinder with the lighter she'd given me, letting the flame engulf the small ball of dried grass and sticks that I'd made before I steadily started to add the kindling, blowing softly on the flames to feed them as the sticks became gradually larger. There was a clap of triumph from Paige, her excitement escaping in a giggle before she pressed her lips with intensity to my cheek, causing a smile to produce it's self instantly on my lips. "I guess it pays to have my own little Indian!" she said in sheer excitement, her comment meant in good hearted fun and I laughed quite boisterous at it and found a surge of pleasure from the would 'my'-I was indeed all hers.

"Me like fire, fire good," I said in mockery, smiling at her as I continued to fuel the fire. She hit my arm and rolled her eyes her words drawn out in bits of laughter, "I said Indian not cave man you ass." "Oh yes excuse me- how white devil," I said as I gave her the stereotypical Indian salute with a smile. This gained me another hit, this time she smacked my hand down and scoffed before responding with a smile, "Shut and build my fire bitch." "So sorry, no boom-boom stick," I said turning my eyes quickly to the decent fire I had going by now, trying hard to seem scared before I turned my eyes slowly towards her and let a smile slip back into my expression. "Oh I'll boom-boom you," she said with a roll of her eyes as she gave me smile. I turned quickly back towards her, making direct eye contact and spoke without haste, "Yes please." She laughed, the sort of laugh that made her eyes dance, the laugh I'd missed every single day since I'd last heard it-it was musical and made me grin almost unbearably.

"You would," she said without pausing between giggles before she gave me another eye roll and threw her shoulder into me. "Yes I would," I said smiling up at her again, taking my attention away from the fire because I was satisfied with it's size. She held my eyes for a moment, sharing a smile before she rose slowly and turned away from me and spoke with a shimmer of laughter in her words, "Come on Jake-you're gonna miss the best part." I rose as well, following her to the edge of the bluff and took her hand in mine once I was at her side standing before the vast sky full of amazing colors ranging from a deep read to a pastel orange as the sun sank into the water. I'd seen a million sunsets, witnesses them in all sorts of situations some even including Paige, but as I stood with her here, our fingers linked perfectly between us and the light throwing colors on her profile, highlight the structure of her face and sparkling in her smile, you'd have thought I'd never saw this before. There was something different about this particular night, in the way things seemed to be leading effortlessly to the moment I could tell her everything. I found myself unimpressed by the sunset and more so infatuated by how she looked in it's light and how it felt to share it with her, to be able to stand with my hand in hers and not have her pull away; to be able to be fun and flirty with her and not make her weepy. Yes tonight was a beautiful thing not because it was visually appealing but because I was an incredibly amazing moment with her-a moment that would surely lead to a lifetime of moments such as these.


	38. A Matter of the Heart

My mind was blurred around the edges, the alcohol having hazed the lines between reality and desire and Paige and I existed quite perfectly in this obscure place. The moonlight was bouncing beautifully off her face, sitting perfectly in it's lines and making her look almost angelic despite the darkness that danced around her . She smiled as a laugh echoed over the soothing symphony of sounds around us, the gentle crash of the waves and the crackle of our nearly dead fire. "Oh God Jake you're ridiculous, amazingly amusing yet perfectly ridiculous," she said with a slight slur in between a fit of laughter. Our conversation had been easy, just a gentle flow of words between two people who knew each other quite perfectly and the tension of yesterday seemed like a distant memory, or perhaps something that had never happened at all.

I responded with a soft laugh, saluting to her with my drink as I watched her with dancing eyes, infatuated with how beautiful she was and wondering how I was ever supposed to get used to that. She released a deep sigh, followed closely by another escape of laughter before she fanned her self lightly and fought to compose herself, although I couldn't imagine anything more beautiful then her with a smile and I found myself hoping she couldn't get a hold of herself. She managed to keep from laughing for long enough to sip her drink, but the contents came seeping from her lips when her eyes met mine again and the laughs returned. I joined her, finding amusement in her lack of control and the adorable way she looked when she was not so worried with being composed. I reached up slowly and brushed the dribble of booze from her full lips, letting my fingers linger there a tad longer then they probably should have but she didn't pull away rather she smiled against them and thanked me.

I pulled my hand back reluctantly, wiping the drink on my jeans and spoke softly with a smile before another sip, "Any time." She returned my smile, took a successful drink and forced control over the last bits of her giggles before sighing deeply and speaking in a pleased tone, "God I needed this." "Me too," I said genuinely as I smiled up at her once more before taking another sip while holding her eyes affectingly with my own. "I've been so sick of being lonely lately- I was never really alone, but it sure felt that way most of the time- but this is nice, it's a comfortable familiarity with us, I never feel alone with you," she said honestly and I wasn't sure if she really meant to tell me the depth of her feelings but she didn't let the utterance of them make her tense, because she needed this just as badly as I did.

I knew what I should say, but I couldn't so I said settled with a heartfelt truth, "I can't be lonely with you either… I've missed having someone to talk to." She had a bit of a broken smile as she held my eyes and spoke meekly, "Everyone has been awful hard on you haven't they?" I shrugged taking a sip from my drink to occupy myself while I thought of my response and once the glass left my lips I found words falling easily, "I deserved it." She pulled her lips hard, her eyes seeming hurt by my words but she quickly shook her head and spoke with haste before downing the remainder of her drink, "Nope. We're not doing that no heavy shit today-we are going to do something crazy instead because I don't want to think about anything but you and me and tonight, that's all that matters."

"Okay," I said although my chest was tugging at the fact that I wanted the heavy, because I had so much to say. I spoke with excitement in my tone, keeping it genuine as I fixated my mind on the idea of doing something fun for us, for tonight, "Crazy sound amazing, lay the crazy on me-what's next?" She bit her lip, chewing on it slightly as she tried to think of something to do and let her gaze drift around them before her eyes snapped back to mine and a sinister smile spread on her lips, "Put out the fire and come with me to the beach." I raised an eyebrow in intrigue and studied her in excitement, "Do I get a hint?" She shook her head and smiled dangerously before leaning in and whispering her words sensually against my ear, "I like surprises much better." She pulled away and winked before jumping to her feet, her stance wobbling at first and when I sat up and extended my hand for assistance she merely grabbed it and bent to press it to her lips before letting our fingers slip apart as she moved slowly away from me and held my eyes with a smoldering gaze, "The fire love."

I got to my feet quickly, the sudden movement jarring my head slightly and causing a sickening nausea to ripple through me but I forced that back and moved quickly to the pit to put out what was left of our fire so I could get on to my surprise. Just passed the stone slab that made the floor there was another slopping hill but this one was made of a sandy dirt mixture rather then rock and I'd recalled noticing that the composure of it would be perfect to smother the flames. I stopped at the pit on my way to the hill, using the poker stick to break apart the structure of our fire, spreading the smoldering logs flat along the stone bottom, making sure that none of the logs overlapped so as to give me the most surface area and speed the process up a bit. I moved with a bit of haste towards the hill then, digging into it with my hands and scooping out as much of the sandy mixture as I could hold before carrying it to the pit and throwing it on the almost dead fire. I had to make several trips, because I kept losing some of the volume in my drunken stumbles but it wasn't long before the pit was coated in sand and the fire was smothered almost completely. As I ran my hands over the stones to check for the temperature Paige kneeled behind me and pressed her body securely to mine. The act grabbed my attention, pulling it quickly to how her breast felt pressed to my back and the way her hot mouth lingered on my earlobe as her words came thickly, "Are you ready for your surprise yet?"

I turned my face towards hers, lining our lips up perfectly and letting them grace over each other softly as I spoke in a whisper, "Yes." Our lips stayed in contact, though neither of us let them move together to create a kiss that was desired by both rather just let them sit perfectly on each other as smiles arched in unison. She placed the gentlest kiss on my bottom lip that I'd ever experienced, the faintness of it making it almost none existent before she rose slowly and extended her hand between us for me to take as she held my eyes passionately and whispered, "Come on."

I rose without thought, wiping my hands on my jeans quickly as I held her eyes before I took her hand securely in mine and let her lead me off the bluffs. She gazed over her shoulder occasionally on the way down but just for long enough to keep me anticipating, to keep my mind reeling with a million different thoughts at once, every single one consisting of only her. It was an arduous trip down, our pace slow and measured as we both tried adamantly to keep from stumbling and it wasn't until we were at the bottom that she let her pace quicken enough to produce a stagger hard enough to jerk me into her. I wrapped my arms around her, stumbling another step with her forward before I steadied us finally and kept a tumble out of the equation.

My arms were locked around her, my body molded perfectly to hers and cheek pressed hers as I spoke in gentle whisper that had a bit of tickled laughter dancing in the slightly erotic nature of it, "Gotcha love." She reached around, bring her hand to my face and holding it close to her as she overlapped my arms with her other and pressed it more securely around her so we were closer then one would think was possible while her words came in a satisfied sigh that made me release my own, "Mmm yes you do." She let us exist this way together for several moments, each one making my heart beat just a little faster in response to holding her while all my senses were filled with her.

I was so infected with her that when she finally pulled away from me, leaving my arms completely it actually hurt, my muscles screamed for her, my chest felt hollow and breathing absent of her scent was painful. She smiled at me, the nature of it making my heart pound as she extended her arms out towards my outstretched ones and wiggled her fingers as she paced sultrily backwards and spoke in a whisper, "Coming?" I nodded as I let my hands fall, a smile of pure unaltered mischief arching on my lips as my tongue slipped slowly between them and my words came out husky and low the air of them hungry, "Oh yea." She wrinkled her nose is in an adorable way as her own smile intensified and her hands came to her own body as she continued backwards at a slow pace, her eyes locked on mine.

I matched her pace, not going any faster because I was enjoying the show from several strides away as her hands ran smoothly along her curves, taking there time to enjoy the arch and dips of her before her fingers danced along her zipper. She worked it slowly down, causing my eyebrow to arch in an intrigued manner and hers followed suit. She stripped the jacket from her slowly, working it off erotically as my eyes held hers in a smoldering manner, yet I watched her movements in my peripheral never missing a single one. When she finally removed it she held it out between us for a single moment, letting it break our connection minutely before releasing her soft hold on it so it could fall to the sand.

I locked her eyes again, my control trying to snap and demands coursing through me to rip the rest off for her, but I forced myself to be reserved knowing that there was something deliciously alluring about how she undressed herself. She kicked her flats off one by one on each next step before running her fingers slowly inward along the brim of her jeans until they ran delicately over the button and her words broke my focus on her movements, "You ought to join me in this." I didn't need another request I started quickly stripping away my own layers of clothing. The hoodie was the first to go, my movements much less drawn out then hers as I pulled it quickly over my head and threw it behind me, leaving my chest covered by only the thin black cotton of my beater. Her jeans were nearly off by the time I'd discarded the first layer and by the time I pulled my first shoe and shock pair off she had them shimmed off her in the most visually pleasant manner and laying between us in the sand as well. I removed my second pair, stumbling a little as my balance nearly broke but I managed to remain steady until they were thrown over my shoulder carelessly as well.

She stopped and bit her lower lip in an anticipation as I removed my jeans, running her eyes over me as they blazed with a bit of hunger, the sight of it making my heart pound viciously. She didn't move once my jeans were discarded, rather she arched her brow and licked her lips deliciously as she watched me close the space between us with a sinister smile. When I was within arms reach, she extended hers outwards, holding me away from her with her palm planted firmly in the center of my chest. I didn't make another advance because I wasn't sure exactly what was warranted and although my mind screamed several next moves I wanted her to make hers first.

Her other had came to my chest as well, position next to the other and they moved in unison outward as her eyes followed them on their exploration of my body. She ran them over my muscles, let her fingers dance in the lines that defined them and licked her lips at the sensation of her hands on me. My breath was staggered, I never would get over how it felt to be touched by her, it was sensual, electric and utterly perfect. She ran her hands down my sides, over my lats and down over the curve of my waist before following the arch of my v-muscles inward over my stomach as her breathing hitched in ecstasy. She followed the muscles onto my pelvis, coming dangerously close to gracing a part of me that once she touched there would be no return from and just when my mouth started to fall open in anticipation she gripped the bottom of my beater in her fingers and ripped it from me hungrily. She drew the shirt over her own head, lowering it behind her and releasing it behind her as her eyes held mine.

I couldn't comprehend what was right and wrong anymore, I wanted her so badly that I didn't give a second thought to my actions. I gripped her hips tightly in my hands and pulled her into me, slamming her body against mine with brute force. Her breathing hitched in a pleased sort of surprise as her lips fell open against mine. I dug my fingers into her hips, holding them more rough then was normally deemed acceptable as I pulled her hips even harder against mine so she could feel how excited the slightest exchange between us made me. Her mouth fell opened wider against mine, her head falling back slightly as her breath escaped in a gentle sigh and her eyebrow arched in a pleased manner. Before she could draw her arms around my neck, my hands left her hips and caught the end of her tank top as I curled my fingers harshly into the stretchy fabric and began to pull it from her torso. I had enough control to make the process slower then I wanted it to be, holding her eyes as I drew it upward and parting our lips only so I could pull it over her head as she extended her arms above her to help in the task. I dropped the shirt behind her head as she had with mine, letting it fall smoothly down the length of her before it hit the sand and ran hands down her in unison with it, starting with the tips of her fingers, moving down her still raised arms and running along the sides of her until I came to her hips again-our eyes locked the entire time.

She leaned her lips closer and spoke in a steamy whisper into my mouth, her breath hot and moist as it danced over my tongue, "Follow me into the water and do me right one last time…" "What?" I said as she pulled slowly away from me. I couldn't comprehend what she was saying, didn't like the way 'one last time' sounded although doing her right sounded phenomenal. She responded in a sultry tone as she backed slowly away from me towards the water and let her fingers trail lightly down my outstretched arms that were reluctant to release her and hung between us hungrily wanting to pull her back against me, "I need to feel you in me one more time before I can say 'goodbye' and it may not be enough but I have to tell myself it will be." The voice she used was perfectly fitting for the blaze I had within me, for the way my heart raced but the words were all wrong, the notion that this would be our last night together unacceptable.

"No," was all I could manage as I studied her in disbelief and when it passed my lips in a whisper her expression flashed confusion and heartbreak as she took it as a mere rejection. There was silence between us for several arduous breaths that stung before she managed to break it before my mind was able to form a response of it's own, to find the right words to express all the shit that was coursing through it. "Why not?" she asked with a brokenness that stabbed at my chest. "I should go," I managed in a whisper as I held her eyes though it wasn't what I really wanted to do, I knew only that I refused to give her 'one last time' not when there should be millions more to follow and knowing that tomorrow would be the distant and lonely sort of day that followed our last sexual encounter- I couldn't stand that it would be too much.

"No, stay! Don't leave me please!" she pleaded quickly as she closed the space between rapidly, her hands outstretched between us as I retrieved my jeans from the sand with all intentions of putting them back on so I could stop us from making the mistake of letting it end like this. She gripped my shoulder and pulled me towards her as she continued to plead, "Jake I'm sorry, please." There was a shimmer of tears in her eyes that was gut wrenching and I spoke with a shake in my voice as I fought to keep from snapping, "I should go, this isn't right." Her hand fell from me as her voice came in a sob, tears falling freely now, the sight excruciating, "But why?" "Because I can't pretend I don't want you Paige and it scares me to know perfectly all the places I shouldn't touch, all the places I shouldn't taste or how all those places feel when they are held on me- so I should go before my will gets any weaker and my composure snaps because I want you more then I could ever want anyone else. I have to-" I started trying hard to be noble thing because I refused to end us here tonight although I wanted desperately to break but anger flickered across her face, her temper flaring in her desperation and she cut me off with a hostile spat intertwined with her tears, "Why aren't we right? Don't we fit perfectly, aren't we flawless together? You remember me because you're supposed to, because I am yours-because we were supposed to spend forever together! Because you were supposed to love me forever! But you didn't, life didn't go the way it was supposed to-so why can't we have tonight?"

I could have said a million other things but the only thing that came out was meek and broken as I pulled pants on and held her glistening eyes, "Because this is wrong Paige, this whole thing is wrong and you'll regret us again in the morning." Her eyes flared, before dimming drastically as she wrapped her arms around herself tightly and sobbed her response in a broken tone, "I don't regret us Jacob-I regret the lack of us. And I feel awful because I turn you into someone you're not when you're with me." "What are you talking about?" I said as I studied her in confusion, completely side swiped by the fact that she didn't regret the night we spent together. She brought her hand to her shaking lips for a moment before she spoke, the tears coursing down her face as she did, "I feel guilty because I'm selfish and I've broken your integrity-I've made you one of those guys and I can't stop doing it to you. And here you are trying to help me not do it again and all I can think is how I want you to stop fighting me and let me be weak. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"Integrity? One of those guys?" I said in confusion, trying to grasp where it was she was going with this. Her eyelashes fluttered as her lips quivered again, before her word came with pure agony, "I'm a fucking adulterer Jake, I've used all the things I know about you against you for my own pleasure- I'm awful and I'm sorry." My mouth fell open at her words, my expression going nearly dumbfounded as I searched her face, I was getting more unsure by the moment and with everything she said. I managed a response as I watched her tears slip freely down her face, my hand begging to reach up and wipe them away but I fought it back and spoke softly, my tone tender and my eyes pained as I realized that my inability to explain everything was hurting her more then I understood, that Bridget was more right then I could have known, "You aren't adulterer Paige, not even close."

"Stop protecting me Jake, why are you always trying to so hard to protect me?" she nearly screamed as the tears came more profusely and despite that she didn't make a move to wipe them away, rather she threw her arms wide in question. My voice was weak though I didn't mean for it to be, seeing her like this just took too much from me, "Because that what I am supposed to do." She scoffed which was followed by a sob as she turned away from me for a moment and drew her arms tighter around her, the sobs coming harder now and making her shoulders heave. I took several steps towards her, my face scrunched at her pain and extended my hand outwards so I could comfort her because all of this was unnecessary and she needed it, as her name seeped from my lips in a broken and pitiful manner.

Before I reached her she spun back towards me, the tears uncontrollable now as they glistened in the moonlight against the beautiful olive of her skin, her words shaking and crackled as she pushed my hand down, "Well stop, just stop it! Because I don't deserve it, I know better but here I am still wanting you to shut up and kiss me! How could I want that when I know what that makes you-how can I be that selfish? I ask but I already know: I'm still living in the memories of us Jake, I never moved on. I can't pretend I never knew you or felt the way it is to love you even though it would make all of this so much easier- but no all I can think about is you! The promises we made each other, the way it feels when you hold me and how amazing it was when you used to love me! I can't walk away from us, I can't get over it and I don't think I will ever be able to! I can't go back and make it all go away or forget how it feels to belong to you and honestly I don't think I want to! I need you Jake, I need you more every single day and it's killing me! So to make it hurt just a little less I've been using you against yourself, making you want me and letting you in so I can get a taste of the things I've lost-you're like heroin, you are a poison and I keep telling myself that all I need one more fix and I'll make it through. But one time is one too many and that one more is still never enough! I'm strung out on you and I don't want to stop and I can't walk away and I will never be the same after loving you! Why can't she be wrong and this be right? Why?"

Her words were heavy even without the volume behind them and I knew I had no choice but to end this all right now, she was asking for it and I was going to give it to her and put a stop to this insanity, "It will all stop if you just let me fix you-" I started as I moved another step towards her, fully intent on confessing every sin and falling at her feet in sacrifice so I could feed her addiction but she cut in with vinegar that was drowning in despair as she backed away from me put her hands up between us, "No! You can't fix me this time Jake, I won't allow it! I know where your heart is and just because I can't handle that it isn't with me anymore doesn't mean I am going to let you come to me out of pity because I'll never really have you and I won't let you live a lie even if it's one that benefits me. I wish you would have stayed but I can't feel like I'm losing you day after day because your heart isn't it-I need to fix me, I need to accept life and you need to be happy even if that means it's her."

"It's my heart Paige, let me decide who it's with," I said in desperation as yearned to close the space between us but refused to because she'd shunned it twice. "You already did!" she screamed as she heaved and wiped the tears away as her hands dug up her face an into her hair in a menacing manner, the sight of it more painful then anything I'd seen in my life, "Stop lying! What do you want from me? Why can't you just be honest with me? This hurts more then the truth did! I can still hear her words Jake, the words that changed everything! I hear them over and over and no matter how much I beg God to make me forget them I can't! I hear them now, screaming through my head and making my temples pound: that you love me, that you love me enough to know it isn't fair for you keep holding onto me even though you knew you could never love me the way I deserved to be loved because you'd always have a part of you that was hers! That you'd thought you were over her, that that part of you was closed off completely but it wasn't and that you had to let me go and that I deserved better then you, that I deserved someone who could give themselves to me totally and without a shadow of doubt in his mind. And that you knew I'd find him, that he was out there somewhere and that me spending all my energies on you was holding me back from finding him. That you would never be able to live with yourself if I missed him because I had convinced myself that you loved me completely when you never could. That you'd sent her to tell me because you were scared that you would lose your nerve when you saw it hurting me and that you'd lead me on further and that that would be the most horrible thing you could do. That you'd always be there for me if I could ever forgive you for doing this and-" Her sentences were said between gasps, her hands trailing from their grip on her hair slowly down her face as grief broke through her anger completely and her tear poured down behind her hands while her legs went out from under her and she sunk into the sand on her knees.

I dropped to me knees in front of her and wrapped my arms around her in a protective shield as I buried her face against my chest and cut her off, having heard enough of the lies Bella had spewed off as my words, they made my stomach turn-made bile rise so high in my throat that I almost couldn't find the words to speak but I knew this could go no further or she would completely break, "How could you believe that Paige? How could you believe if nothing else out of that slew of craziness that I wouldn't come to you myself and tell you what I was feeling?"

She didn't pull away from me both because she didn't want to and because she didn't have the strength, rather she just spoke against my skin, her lips shaking and her tears soaking me as I held her tighter, begging for her pain to leave her and come to me, "Because Jake you've always tried to protect me-you've always been more worried about me then yourself. So why wouldn't you be miserable just so I didn't have to hurt?" She locked her arms around my waist and drew herself closer to me as she shook. I saw her reasoning, I would gladly hurt for her, I'd always tried to hold her burdens on myself so she could breath, even though sometimes it sucked the air from my lungs to do it-but that was because I loved her more then myself.

I loosened my grip on her and she refused to move even an inch from me, but this was something I needed her to believe by seeing it in my eyes, this was not something to be disregarded; so, I gripped her chin softly between my fingers and angled her face perfectly with mine, as I used my other hand to stroke away her tears before drawing it back around her, my words coming with a softness that somehow managed to hold a passionate conviction, "Yes I would hurt for you-I would do anything I had to protect you Paige, because I love you. I love you so much it's unacceptable for me to let you hurt-I would never let anything hurt you without coming through me first. And I do love Bella, she was the first person I let myself love-so naturally I will never forget her- but you are my forever love Paige. The love I have for you exceeds space, time and every single tangible limit that exists-I've loved you before and in every life after this one I will find you, no matter how long I have to wander, and when I find you I will know instantly that I am meant to love you. We are made for each other, our spirits were created from the same stone, made perfectly to exist together and there are no other options for us-if we let this go then there will never be anything else for us, we will forever torment for each other. You are it Paige, not only the woman I want to marry, make babies with and spend every second of my existence loving but the only woman I could. I choose you then and I chose you now, I want you, I need you and I will love you every single day of eternity."

Her breath caught viciously in her chest as she realized that I meant every word of that, that it was not said with the intention to protect her but said because it came from my heart. Her tears came profusely again, but the blue of her eyes seemed to sparkle against them, not lost behind them-these were different tears then any of the ones I'd seen since I got here. She let out a shaking breath that rattled against my chest as her eyes searched mine and her voice crackled, "You mean you didn't-?" "No," I said softly as I held her eyes and stroked her cheek with my thumb, I didn't need her to finish that sentence out loud to know the answer. "And you don't want-" she started faintly before I cut her off again not wanting her to say it, "No, never." Her breaths were scattered as she continued to search my eyes to be sure that she was hearing me correctly and she pulled her shaking hand to mine holding it to her skin as she spoke in a gentle whisper, "And you always wanted me, always loved _me_- and you love me still now, not her?" I released her, feeling confident that she could support herself now so I could cup her face in my hands and rest my forehead on hers as I spoke softly against her trembling lips, "I am yours and only yours for as long as you will have me." She brushed her lips softly against mine, wrapped her arms more tightly around me and pressed her shaking body harder to mine as she spoke tenderly, "Forever then."

We smiled at each other, our eyes dancing over one another's as I pulled one hand from her face to wrap my arm around her waist again and drag her body harder against mine while my response drifted out in a faint voice, "Forever and for always, love." She kissed me passionately, tangling her tongue with mine as she arched her body harder into mine and sent my mind buzzing with an infinite amount of sensations. This kiss was a kiss I would remember for the rest of my life, the kiss I would tell the world about and the kiss that meant she was mine-just as she was meant to be. I would never let go of this kiss or this moment, they would be a new beginning of a journey that was going to be quite magnificent, one that wouldn't end until I took my last breath- our journey.


	39. Foreshadowed

_To follow is the brief bio of the sequel I have been recently working on "Baptism By Fire": tell me what you think of the concept, let me know if your excited to see more of their story and leave your 'hopefuls' in the comments and I'll post a preview of one of the later chapters so you get a glimpse at what is in store for them! _

_xoxox _

_N. Paris_

**Baptism By Fire**:

It's been six months since Jake and Paige reconciled their differences on the beach that night in California- the truth beginning to mend the rifts they created between themselves. And when it seems that life has completely solidified and returned to normal around them, something hits La Push that no one saw coming and which unearths a hidden world that changes life as all those involved know it. They are thrust into this new world that is both complicated and ritualistic- the very fiber and traditions of which threaten to force a wedge so deep between them that despite how much they care for one another they may never be able to survive it together.

Does fate wish to steer them down a different path then they had planned on taking or does it simply intend on forking their paths momentarily so they can achieve separately certain things that will bring them back together? Does good always beat evil? And more importantly, can love really conquer all?


	40. A Bit of the Future

_To follow is a large chunk of a chapter later in Baptism By Fire, the sequel to Rising Phoenix. Give me some feedback, show me some lovin' and let me know how ready you are to see the story roll out. _

_xoxo N. Paris _

********************************Preview********************************

I submerged the washcloth in the steel basin that was now stationed next to our bed, the ice cubes ricocheting off my hand, the chill no longer effecting me since the repeated dipping into the frigid water seemed to have deadened the nerve endings here. I pulled the cloth out, wringing out the excess water before bringing it back to Jake's forehead for dabbing. He whimpered beneath my touch, the heat of his fever so intense that the cloth warmed rapidly against his skin as I continued dabbing while speaking a soft 'shh' in an attempt to comfort him.

"It's okay love," I whispered softly as he released another incoherent sound from his shaking lips. I felt a knot forming in my throat as the tears escaped uncontrollably from my tired eyes and rolled down over my cheeks, an emotional snap threatening to consume me as I re-dipped and continued attempting to help him. I felt useless, it was becoming very clear that I was unable to take away his discomfort and powerless to break the fever that was going on it's fifth straight day of torment-no amount of Motrin or iced compresses even weakened the heat, it raged regardless.

My actions, though seemingly pointless, were automatic at this point-I sat at his side, dipping the cloth and dabbing his head on repeat until this transferred his warmth to the water and I left him to replenish it with cubes. Every six hours like clock work I gave him 800 milligrams of ibuprofen so an hour later Billy could check his temperature, though it never seemed to get any better, and every hour fluids were administered. Each morning I changed the bedding, got him into a cold shower, redressed him and loaded the washer for tomorrow-I followed every guideline, took every step exactly and saw no results. What more could I possibly do to help him?

"Hey," I heard almost inaudibly behind me, the voice so soft and my mind so fatigued that though it sounded vaguely familiar, I couldn't place it. I turned towards the voice, my eyes still stinging with tears and the exhaustion suppressing my pride so greatly that I didn't make a move to hide them-who could judge me at this point for them and more importantly why the hell would I even remotely care? Emily smiled brokenly at me from the doorframe, her eyes sad and her stance awkward-something I was not used to with her. She looked as though she was insanely uncomfortable and yet remorseful as well, and I couldn't even begin to try and comprehend why in this moment- and I wouldn't in any of those to follow if I didn't get some rest here shortly. "Hi," I said in a horrible little croak, my voice dry and crackling from both my dehydration and my sadness.

"How are you?" she said softly as she made her way to my side while I continued my repetitious tasks nearly mindlessly while he released something between a whimper and a groan in his unconscious inferno. "Billy says his fever is almost there, though I don't really know what that means. He still feels like he's on fire to me and he's still making those awful painful noises. I need to change his water soon because it's almost luke-fucking-warm again, because he's so hot and I can't do anything about it Em- I can't help him, I can't make it stop! I just sit here and do the same thing over and over and over and he doesn't get any better! Why can't I just take him to the hospit-" I ranted my words running together, my voice coarse and my tone manic before she cut in, wrapped her arms around me and drew me into a near cradle on her lap, "Shhhh it's okay, he's going to be okay-I promise you. He is doing great, it won't be much longer now, he's almost done and this is all almost over."

Had I been in my right mind, I might have found her wording odd, most likely would have questioned her on her choice of placement but as sleep taunted my famished mind I neither had the focus nor the strength to really process and comprehend what was being said to me. Rather in this moment I just collapsed against her, my washcloth falling from my numb fingers as I sobbed into her chest, unable to do anything else while she stroked my hair, rocked me gently and spoke to me very softly. "I know it's hard, I know it's scary but it's almost over-you've both done so well-and after this you'll never know this sort of fear again. It's complicated but it's all for the best, trust me. You have to leave now though, you can't do anything else for him."

I heard her words, but didn't understand them, couldn't really find their meaning because they all seemed to melt together, nothing holding any significance but rather existing as comments to fill the space and comfort a friend. It wasn't until she repeated her final sentence once more while she made motions to move me that my mind kicked into gear to put together what she was saying and in that very moment something inside of me did snap. "Why would you say that? I'm not going anywhere!" I nearly screamed as I ripped out of her arms and scowled at her, my mind uncertain of why she was saying such a thing but knowing that I would not heed her word.

"Shh Paige, I know you're upset and tired but you must listen to me," she said softly as she reached for me again, her eyes motherly and loving but her intensions were only being perceived as deceptive and vindictive in my eyes. "Like hell I do! I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you Emily but I don't have the energy to try and understand it right now! He is sick, he needs me and even if there is nothing I can do for him I'll be damned if anyone, even you, convinces me to leave him!" I yelled, my whole body shaking as I slapped her extended hand away from me and rose to my feet at Jake's bedside, my voice much stronger then I knew it could be in this moment.

"Paige you're being irrational," Emily said trying to sound strong, but her body language deceived her as she too rose to her feet, her hands between us with her palms exposed to me to show no aggression. "And you're being delusional if you think I would willingly leave him when he's still so sick! What if it was Sam in this bed, burning from the inside out and I told you that you had to leave now, that you couldn't do anything more for him, would you be calm and compliant? Of course not! So how dare you presume that it is okay to say it's irrational that I won't leave his side?" I spat hotly, causing her face to scrunch beneath my words in regret as she slinked back slightly.

I should have felt remorseful in light of her body language, should have seen her as my very best friend who was clearly struggling internally during this exchange but instead all I saw was someone who thought Jake should endure this without me and that made my word turn a shade of red that was borderline brutal. "Paige you don't understand-" she began as her eyes glistened lightly and she fought to keep her tone even. "No Emily you are the one who doesn't understand, the only one who is leaving right now is you," I said nastily as I held her eyes unfalteringly, even when they showed clear pain in response to my words.

"Paige I know how you feel but-" she started before I cut in yet again my tone low and callous, "How could you have the faintest idea how I feel and expect that anything would make me leave him?" "You have to understand-" she said desperately, a tear slipping down her face as she reached for me again before I spoke over her evenly, "The only thing I have to do is stay right where I have been for the past five days, right here." "I need you to trust me," she said desperately, her eyes searching me as she gripped the front of her shirt over her heart with a look of sheer pain soaking her face. "It's not about trust Emily. Please leave us," I said brokenly, feeling a pull in the pit of my stomach as I watched her deep brown eyes shimmer brokenly; I loved Emily like my blood and I normally would not have questioned her, but normally she would not suggest such a foolish and pigheaded idea.

"Paige-" she started before I turned from her, not saying another thing because I couldn't be sure exactly what would be said in this state of mind if she remained persistent and because I loved and respected her I knew it was the best thing that I could do. I returned to my spot beside him with my back turned towards her after retrieving the washcloth to from the floor and dipped it to start the repetitive task of caring for him yet again as tears began to flow down my cheek silently as a result of all the emotions that were whirling inside my knotted stomach. I felt her stand behind me for several breaths, her presence neither getting closer nor moving away for a bit of time as the sound of Jacob's labored breaths and soft wounded noises became the only sound within the room. I imagine she probably reached for me at least once, her mouth hanging slightly open as she attempted to speak but realized quickly she was speechless before she made her silent retreat, the only evidence that we were alone again being the soft click of door shutting behind her.

When I was sure the only person who would hear my reaction was Jake I broke slightly, letting a shaking breath rattle from my chest as a result of all the questions that were swirling around my fragile mind. Why would Emily of all people try and make me leave? How could she even think that was an option? It made no sense, she knew what it was like to love someone more then yourself and she had to know what it was like to be scared for that person, to watch them suffer and know that there wasn't anything you could do to take that pain from them and place it on yourself. And with knowing this she had to understand that there wasn't a thing in the world that could pry you from their side in these sort of moments. Had Emily lost her mind in a little less then a week since he had fallen ill?

"Don't worry Jake, I'm not going anywhere ever," I said in a shaking whisper against his sweat soaked brow as my lips graced his skin tenderly and my tears fell upon his face. Emily telling me I couldn't do anything else for him rang through my head like a wrecking ball, bouncing from one side to the other, smashing through anything coherent as it ricocheted off the ruins of debris left in it's wake. My own breath caught in my throat nastily, the act of inhaling physically painful as I felt complete helplessness wash over me.

I sank against him, pressing my face close to his neck as I collapsed at his side and let my tears fall freely, feeling no need to do anything besides melt into him. He had lost consciousness this morning, the fever finally pushing him so deep into his silent hell that I couldn't reach him but even in the absence of his true presences it was somehow comforting to wrap myself around him. I wiggled my way into the crook of his arm, finding easily the place where I would always belong, the place where I fit perfectly. I placed my head on his bare chest which rose fell in a shaky manner and threw from it such heat that it was nearly unbearable to press his skin to mine. Anywhere my body touched his felt like it had flames dancing over the surface, scorching it nastily and threatening to engulf me entirely but I neither cared nor wished to be without him pressed to me-if being consumed by his blaze was the cost from being near him then I would gladly burn without protest.

"Paige," I heard from behind me, the low rumble of Billy's voice startling me but as desolate as I felt in this moment I didn't even move, just kept my eyes pressed closed and my frame wrapped neatly around his as my tears continued to fall silently though I no longer gasped for air when I was this close to him. He pulled close to the bed beside us, his hand coming softly to rest on my shoulder which was turned towards him and the feel of it was ice cold causing a shiver to run down my spine slightly. "Paige Dear," he said softly and I made a gentle throaty noise in response, not wanting to speak for fear of breaking the serenity I had next to him. "I've brought you some herbal tea that will help you relax enough to maybe rest with him- I heard Emily worked you up a little more then she planned on," he said in a whisper as he stroked my shoulder softly.

Herbs make to make me rest? Right now I am sure it would take nothing short of a tranquilizer would knock me out. I made no move towards him, didn't speak and seemingly ignored him completely as lay there motionless. "Paige, please if not for me- for Jake, he wouldn't want you to be like this, he'd want you to rest," he said in a broken way, his voice soft and desperate as he stroked my shoulder once more. God damn it, why did he have to play that card? Because he knew it would work, knew I would bend to that sort of plead and he wasn't above it- I must be worse off then I imagined. I rubbed my face against the blaze of his skin softly, keeping my eyes closed still as I placed a small kiss against it before turning away so I could push myself up enough to receive the drink without leaving his side.

Billy's words said 'thank you' but something about his eyes wasn't satisfied as he watched me take the small tea cup in my hands and draw it to my lips slowly. The scents that wafted off the perfectly temped tea were nearly intoxicating-a mix of several familiar scents such as chamomile and scents I'd never experienced before. The smell itself was relaxing in an unexpected way but as I sipped it lightly the blend of different tastes that slipped smoothly across my palate was heavenly. I could disguise milk, honey, chamomile and jasmine but there was delicious complexity that couldn't completely describe. He released a small breath of what I assumed was relief when I took my second deep sip.

After he asked me if it was good and he received a soft nod he watched me, paying close attention to each time I brought the cup back to my lips. His eyes were hard to read, they had layers of so many different emotions that I couldn't even begin to comprehend in the state I was in. In fact the more I watched him the less I could comprehend anything, my mind was actually doing as he said it would-relaxing. I sank back against the headboard, my mind feeling fuzzy and my body feeling almost alien and rather heavy-in fact perhaps this 'relaxed' was just a tad too relaxed.

I narrowed my eyes slightly at Billy in a questioning manner as went to ask him what herbs exactly were in that tea but realized very quickly that my tongue was heavy and tingling as it moved very slowly in a non-productive manner within my mouth creating only sounds with it's efforts. He approached me slowly as I surveyed myself, realizing that no a single part of me felt right, I felt almost paralyzed, my entire body warm and tingling slightly and the response to my commands extremely delayed. I started to panic slightly, my heart screaming to pound but remaining steady and slow as I tried viciously to fight against whatever he had given to me but with no avail.

He studied me slowly, his eyes broken and glistening slightly while his took the empty tea cup from my weakening hands and spoke in a very gentle whisper that was shattered, "I am so sorry Paige." I drew my brow tight, or would have if I could do anything but stare back at him as the world started going black around me, my vision tunneling drastically as I fought to focus as best I could while my lids slowly sunk no matter how hard I fought to keep them open. The blackness moved in quickly before taking hold me completely, the outside world swallowed up in a thick blanket of obscurity that weighed heavily over my entire body, pressing me deeply against the bed, my mind and body encased in an airtight casket of numbness despite how brokenly my body hung.

I fought at first to regain some control of myself, to lift my dangling arm, to pull my chin from my chest and to open my mouth and scream but there was absolutely no way to make my body follow my instructions- the link between the two severed by whatever it was I ingested on good faith. There was no hope, this is how I would be until my body had purged the sedative or damn near tranquilizer that was seeping through my system on a rampage, paralyzing every thing it came into contact on it's way.

Somewhere passed all the darkness and entrapment I heard the barely audible voice of Jacob's father, floating aimlessly and being held to some unknown place, it's rumble making it more like a vibration rather then words, "It's done-she is ready, take her now and leave him to me."


End file.
